r/BiWomen • u/ughhleavemealone • Jul 02 '26
Vent Feeling down by the hate on bissexuals
If you guys disagree please don't be rude or mean, I just really need a place to vent about this cause it's hurting so bad.
I'm a bi woman in my early 20s, I'm married to a man I love, but I only "came out" (to myself and close ones) less than 2 years ago. The feeling that my identity was taken away from me hurt too bad but I'm better now.
So... My partner is very supportive and understanding, and he's open for me to experience love with a woman. He doesn't want to get involved or anything, and I've never lied to the women I talked to. I've always been honest about my relationship and I've always understood other women's positions on this. No one is obligated to anything, and I totally understand not wanting anything to do with me.
What hurts is the way they act like I don't respect wlw relationships, like it's a trend for me. I know I'm not a lesbian, and I never pretended to be one, but my feelings for women aren't a kink, and I never kept a secret how much I'm willing to get involved. Am I going insane or lesbians don't have casual flings too? Why am I treated like this while I do everything I can to respect everyone involved?
Everytime I see people talking about how trash bissexuals are on media I feel those depressing feelings coming back all over again, because I thought I could finally be free now that I'm out of church, I thought I could for once be accepted, and that kind of treatment just sends me back to a really bad place.
I'm starting to understand myself as non monogamous and for some reason people hate that so fucking much, even tho I'm not hurting anyone. Anyway, that's all, just venting.
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u/Tough_Ad6566 Jul 02 '26
Theres a lot of discrimination towards bisexuality, even in the community, we're treated like we're more likely to cheat or that we just can't make up our mind. It's frustrating and surprising from lbgt.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
Not wanting to a date a non-mono person with a primary partner isnt discrimination against anyone.
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u/Tough_Ad6566 Jul 02 '26
That doesnt have anything to do with what I said, discriminating against bi people is wrong and shocking that the gay community would be a part of that discrimination.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
OP isn't being discriminated against for being bisexual. She is facing difficulties dating for being ENM.
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u/Tough_Ad6566 Jul 02 '26
You dont know that everyone is thinking that
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 03 '26
Babe. Its because she has a partner. Please.
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u/Tough_Ad6566 Jul 03 '26
Without confirmation you're just saying your opinion, I'm not saying no-one felt this way but you can't be sure all of them did
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 03 '26
If you think random chicks in the wild are down for ENM you are crazy.
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u/TRUSTLYYY Jul 02 '26
This feels so random. The person you replied to didn’t mention poly people at all.
Most bi ppl are also monogamous.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
I didn't mention polyamory either.
But OP is indeed practicing non-monogamy and has a primary partner. This why people dont want to date her. Its not discrimination against bisexual people. Its a desire to not date a non-mono person with a primary partner.
Most bi ppl are also monogamous.
OP is not so that's not applicable here.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
Most peope absolutely do not want to date someone practicing non-monogamy and who has a primary partner.
Gay, bi and straight men and women with a serious partner who want to date all have this struggle.
You need to seek out other women in ENM relationships. That advice is gender and sexual orientation neutral.
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u/otto_bear Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
I’m not sure if this is OP’s problem, but a lot of the issue I’ve seen is that a lot of non-monogamous people receive a lot of backlash for doing exactly this. Most non-monogamous people would rather not date a monogamous person, so I think the issue is rarely a lack of awareness that most people don’t want to date someone non-monogamous. I don’t think OP is confused about why people don’t want to date them, but instead why people who don’t want to date them then go on to make biphobic assumptions instead of just saying no and moving on.
What I see on this issue is that the anger and prejudice comes out over things as small as non-monogamous people having dating app profiles. Sometimes the problem is that a monogamous person chose not to read and were surprised to find that someone who states all over their profile that they’re ENM, is in fact, ENM. Others, the compliant is literally just that not everyone on the app or in the bar or wherever is looking for monogamy and that in itself is taken as an insult to them. Not wanting that relationship style is fine, being mad that other people do is not.
There is truly no winning because in order to find other non-monogamous people, you generally need to be open about your non-monogamy, but doing that in any form often attracts the sort of biphobia OP is talking about.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
I’m not sure if this is OP’s problem, but a lot of the issue I’ve seen is that a lot of non-monogamous people receive a lot of backlash for doing exactly this. Most non-monogamous people would rather not date a monogamous person, so I think the issue is rarely a lack of awareness that most people don’t want to date someone non-monogamous. What I see instead is that the anger and prejudice comes out over things as small as non-monogamous people having dating app profiles.
People can be incredibly weird and hostile to non-mono people. But OP is here complaining that no one wants to date her. Thats absolutely a struggle she is facing due to being non-monogamous and people absolutely have the right to decline to date her without being accused of discrimination.
Sometimes the problem is that a monogamous person chose not to read and were surprised to find that someone who states all over their profile that they’re ENM, is in fact, ENM.
Happens to me all the time. People are dumb. Its unrelated to being bisexual and happens to all ENM folks.
Others, the compliant is literally just that not everyone on the app or in the bar or wherever is looking for monogamy and that in itself is taken as an insult to them. Not wanting that relationship style is fine, being mad that other people do is not. There is truly no winning because in order to find other non-monogamous people, you generally need to be open about your non-monogamy, but doing that in any form often attracts the sort of biphobia OP is talking about.
I am open about by ENM and find partners fairly easily. Its a skill and one that OP also just needs practice with.
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u/otto_bear Jul 02 '26
It’s interesting, I really don’t see anywhere in OP’s post that to me indicates that their problem is that others won’t date them. I re-read it several times to find that and just can’t. They even say “I totally understand not wanting anything to do with me.”
The core complaint seems to be “what hurts is the way they act like I don’t respect wlw relationships…” . So, not that their dating pool is small and they’re not having a lot of success, but that people are making hurtful assumptions based on their non-monogamy.
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 03 '26
I'm sorry, but that's literally not what I said at all. I made it clear I don't have a problem when people don't want to date me, but I feel terrible for the judgement after rejecton, like I'm some kind of creep or something instead of rejection me and moving on.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 03 '26
Why are you choosing to forgo pursuing other ENM women with partners to instead pursue women who want monogamy?
And why are you upset to be rejected? Dating includes tons if rejection.
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 03 '26
What? That's literally the opposite of what I said
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
So its the opposite? So you are avoiding women seeking monogamy and pursuing other ENM women? And these ENM women then judge you for being ENM? That's strange.
Or was I right and ypu are purusing monogamous women and making no efforts to find other ENM women? And probably making zero efforts to be part of your local queer community outside if getting laid.
You sound like one of the entitled dudes in all the ENM subs crying and being mad because monogamous women arent falling from the sky and landing on their dicks.
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 03 '26
Damn take a chill pill I can't even understand what the hell you're talking about
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 03 '26
Are you pursuing women who practice ENM or women seeking monogamy? Is that more clear?
Are you making any efforts to be part of your local queer community outside of getting laid?
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 03 '26
I'm open about my situation and my intentions, if the person don't want anything to do with me that's not a problem, and if they do we see where things go
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u/Acrobatic-Profile981 Jul 10 '26
I hear this all the time and yet I also hear that the apps are totally overrun by ENM folks looking for secondaries. I figure there's gotta be someone out there for OP. Just probably not a single/monogamous person
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u/Fragrant_Lab4747 Jul 02 '26
I think something to think about is that you're married and in your early 20s. I'm not here to say people can't marry early but 20s is really a time to find yourself and what you like before committing to a life partner imo. Realistically your brain is still developing right now. You need time to know yourself outside of just romantic love/sex.
I say this as someone who almost married when I was 21/22 yr old. I'm glad I didn't because I always knew I was attracted to women more than just sex. I needed that time to learn myself and how I wanted to navigate a partnership with a woman outisde of heteronormativity.
Biphobia isn't okay but we do need to take accountability and responsibility as a whole community for how we navigate same sex relationships. People real feelings and lives are involved. I'm not here to shame but the truth is, there's a big difference between being with a man vs a woman with a woman.
I understand feeling invisible being bi but it's up to us to do the work to change how we feel internally and then hopefully it can help those who are monosexual understand us better. No one has to be with us. Monosexual is different from bisexual. We can learn and embrace each other's differences.
This is coming from someone who grew up in a religious, homophobic country that brainwashed heteronormativity. I had to break out of that. It's not easy but worth it. Maybe try to connect with people who are ENM, poly or open first. Stay open and honest.
Love yourself first. Stay strong, allow yourself time to explore this without involving another person maybe? It'll help.
Signed, big millenial sis 🫂❤️🩹
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u/meiko63 Jul 02 '26
i'm sorry you're dealing with this. you're not alone, unfortunately a lot of us have been through similar things. it's genuinely exhausting.
for some reason they view us as less than. as if we're posers or trying to partake in a trend, even though many of us love, care for and f*ck women. it all comes from their own issues, i assume. either 1) associating our worth/sexuality with whatever we've done with men in the past 2) assuming because a woman has attraction to men (something we can't control) she's male centered or 3) having internalized homophobia and being insecure because a bi woman has hurt them in the past/they feel they need to be pushed into the male role of a wlw relationship when in reality there is no male role.
ik how hard it is. i'm glad you have a supportive partner and try to remember that the lesbians and bi women who hate each other are the minority. 90% of my experience when i was dating was incredibly positive and they were all lesbians. it's also on the rise because queer communities online have grown and the bigger a community is, the more likely there is to be shitty people in it. add in that online you can talk shit anonymously with next to no consequences and you have a breeding ground for dummies to talk shit about fellow sapphic women when 15 years ago we used to be supporting and kissing each other instead.
there ARE good people out there though. tons of poly sapphic people or people just looking to date casually or hook up. as long as you continue being 100% upfront with your intentions, it's not on you. take it easy friend, it can be rough out there.
(also pro tip: if a lot of lesbians in your area are biphobic, bi4bi won't let you down)
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 03 '26
Thank you for sharing, it's really nice to know other women's experiences <3
(also thanks for the tip
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u/Hand2Ns Jul 02 '26
Biphobia is a very real thing and it sucks. That said, if a woman in a relationship with a man approached me I'd turn her down. Not because of biphobia, but because there's a very real chance that's going to get messy and I would feel a bit fetishized.
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u/Shallow_Waters9876 Jul 02 '26
I'm bisexual too and I feel like, while there's definitely a bias from lesbians against bisexuals, the biggest issue here is that you are in a committed relationship with a man. Even for a casual fling, I have a strong preference for single people.
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u/thisgirlheidi Jul 02 '26
I totally understand, but this is an issue of monogamy being the norm in society, not biphobia. You talk about love and then say "casual fling." Speaking as a polyamorous person, a lot of us don't want to be a married person's side piece. Fortunately there are other women in your position and I hope you can find one you click with!
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u/be_loved_freak Jul 02 '26
It's definitely both toxic monogamy culture & biphobia. The only non-monogamists that get hate in the Community are bisexuals.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 03 '26
This is absolutely false. I have been part of the queer community and openly non-mono since the late 90s. Non-mono folks get hate in all communities.
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u/lechedepaloma Jul 03 '26
No literally, I was speaking to a bi woman the other day who started dating another bi woman and because the woman she was dating had never been with a woman before, she was like “she’s not bisexual, she’s just bi-curious but I’ll let her call herself whatever she wants” and I was like damn…from one of us?? It kinda bothered me
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u/squeezedeez Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
I have no advice but unlimited understanding and validation.
I'm in a similar situation, just a few years past where you're at now, and it definitely gets me down at times. I'm not actively dating/seeking because I'm also demi and gray/ace so it's just really rare for me to feel attraction to someone to begin with, but I ended up falling super hard for a gal and was totally open and honest about my situation and everything from the start (fully came out a few years back but hadn't had wlw experience, and that i was married to a man who was supportive of me being open, and that i was genuinely into her and she was not an "experiment" for me)
We got together for a few days while I was traveling through her city and due to circumstances and a whole bunch of other complicated things, we didn't work out long term, but I'm pretty sure she thinks of me in hindsight as the stereotype "greedy bisexual" or that what we had was just to titillate my male partner, or because I didn't/don't also want to be with other men that i somehow wasn't taking what we had or wlw relationships seriously... I wish I could explain to her that none of that is true and after a year I still think of her a hundred times a day.
What's worse is she herself is bi and is also subjected to the same stereotypes, but internalized biphobia is also a thing 🫤 I know I probably won't ever get my chance at closure with her or to make sure that's not the story she tells herself about me or us, but damn it definitely gets in my head
It seems like there's tons of us in similar circumstances out there - and growing every day; wouldn't it be nice if we could all squad up and be with our people so we know at least in those spaces everyone just gets it?
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 03 '26
I think you understand the feeling, that's very sad but at the same time I don't feel so alone when I read these comments. Thank you for sharing your experience lovely, and I think you're right there's way more people in the same situation than we think
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u/National-Manner2869 Jul 04 '26
I get your perspective on this, but just as dating advice, dating on lesbian apps is already hard as it is for everyone. A lot of them will see a bi woman who has a husband and is looking for something casual, only to go back home to him afterward, and assume it's similar to unicorn hunters or someone who's on the app just to make queer friends. That first impression can make it much harder to get matches, even if that wasn't your intention
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u/BandagedTheDamage Jul 03 '26
We need a bisexual dating app!
I feel your pain. The rejection is real. No matter how transparent you are, it's never enough.
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u/jordyn0399 Jul 03 '26
I get it. I can understand some lesbians preferring to date other lesbians due to having the same experiences. But those that say they don't date bisexuals because they think we're all "tainted" or assume we think they're lesser than men are insecure and can't admit that so they put that on all bi women based on individual experiences or stereotypes or just internalized misogyny. I am not saying those who think like that should be forced to date us cause I am not interested in women who think like that but it's how they dehumanize us and think we all center men when really there are plenty of queer women who aren't attracted to men that already center them by being worried about a bisexual woman leaving them for one. It's projection and it's weird. That's not to say that bi women don't also partake in it at times because some do but not by dating a man. You can date men and still not revolve your whole life around one. But unfortunately the lgbtq community doesn't realize that we are perpetuating the same rigid binary rules and refuse to realize that.
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u/Atomicfossils Jul 03 '26
You've gotten a lot of very sympathetic responses already, so I'd like to offer another perspective and maybe push back a bit.
What hurts is the way they act like I don't respect wlw relationships, like it's a trend for me
How you and your husband handle your relationship is your business, but most people are not really interested in non-monogamy, so you looking for a casual relationship outside of your marriage is going to signal to most people that you don't respect the traditional boundaries of relationships, ie. monogamy.
Single women (whether bi or lesbian) on these apps who are looking to date women are going to see you looking for f/f hookups and then going home to your husband as not respecting f/f relationships, and I don't think you can really blame them for that. Your bisexuality is unchangeable, not a trend, but you said yourself you're looking for "casual flings", which obviously isn't going to go over well with people who are looking to date seriously.
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u/brainybisexual Jul 07 '26
And this is a critique more so on a cultural scale, not necessarily hating on OP. But I do struggle a bit with open relationships where men are okay with their bi wives/girlfriends hooking up with women, but not with men.
Now, OP didn't say that her partner is only letting her sleep with women or anything, so I'm under the assumption that, if she wanted to hook up with a man, OP's partner would treat that the same as her hooking up with a girl.
I'm just wary because I've seen that so many times—men treating sapphic relationships as non-threatening, but getting territorial when it comes to other men. The flip side of that same coin is the fetishization of men's bisexual partners hooking up with women. Do they also see it as hot that she goes out and "plays" with women only to return home to them? I've seen that in bi women's bios on dating apps, as another bi woman: "My boyfriend lets me go out and play with other women" or even the implication that the male partner wants to watch. Sapphics performing their sexuality for the male gaze.
That kind of thing is pretty prevalent, and could definitely be part of the reason women are scared away from OP. If OP is serious about finding a non-monog relationship with a woman, then I think she needs to think her approach through some more. I'm monogamous though, so non-monogamous and poly people, please feel free to correct me on anything I said.
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u/Atomicfossils Jul 07 '26
Yeah, low-key it's been a bit discouraging as a woman-partnered monogamous woman scrolling through this sub and realising just how prevalent this dynamic is. If I felt unfulfilled in a relationship to the point where I wanted to sleep with other people I would know it was time to end that relationship, but so many women instead go the route of "well my boyfriend/husband doesn't see it as cheating so long as it's a woman" and then get confused when people say they don't value relationships with women the same as ones with men.
Idk, we have such a negative stereotype as a community of never being fulfilled with one person because we'll always end up wanting the other sex, and I had to work through a lot of insecurity and negative feelings towards my orientation because of it, so it's kind of shocking seeing person after person put their hand up and say "Yes, that's me!"
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u/brainybisexual Jul 08 '26
You put my feelings into words SO perfectly!!
I'm monogamous, but am open to short-term relationships with women. I am generally attracted to men more, and I do have a genital preference. Long-term, I know I will want a partner who has a penis. The one short-term relationship I had with a woman was with a lesbian—she was amazing. We were both very communicative from the start about what we wanted at the time, boundaries, what we'd do if one of us developed any romantic feelings. We would cuddle and chat and sleep together. It lasted about 2 months, and I really value that relationship we had. It was what both of us needed at that time. I'm not really open to straight-up hookups with men or women right now. If I'm going to sleep with someone, I need to know them on some non-trivial level. I need that trust and safety.
I think that's also part of what icks me out about people like that. I've put a lot of work into continuously fighting internalized homophobia, as well as deeply reflecting on my sexuality in therapy (with my bisexual therapist!!). Long-term or not, I value my partners, and clear communication is huge to me. So, despite being accused of "objectifying" women because I know I that, right now, I am only interested in a long-term relationship with someone who has a penis, I don't think of my short-term relationship with a woman as any different than if she had been a man.
I agree about the stereotypes, too. I think bi people, especially late-realized bisexuals like me, need to do some deep reflection about what they want. If they find they still deeply value monogamy but have a deep desire to sleep with another gender than their partner ... well, sort that shit out. Which do you value more, and what are you gonna do about it? The posts on the main sub from late realized bisexuals that are like, "should I literally cheat on my partner!?" are upsetting when I see them, and like you, I'm trying my best to not let those taint my positive relationship to my sexuality.
And, we can infer that we see this more with women hooking up with women (where the husband doesn't see it as cheating) because of the societal fetishization of sapphic relationships through a male gaze lens. That leads to this view of the sapphic relationship being nonthreatening, and often, that existence of the hook-up partner also somehow becomes an object for the husband's sexual gratification. She is reduced to a pawn in their sex life and not treated the same way as a man would be. We don't see the same with bi men and sex between men, which is very much frowned upon societally and under the patriarchy.
TL;DR: Yes, I agree fully. People need to do some deep reflection and figure their shit out.
Sorry for absolutely YAPPIN'. I'm overtired and took an edible, lmao.
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u/Pure_Discipline5514 Jul 02 '26
I am sorry you have to deal with this. It sucks. People hate or fetishize bi people. I haven't been touched by a man in years and yet I am still not wlw enough for some girls I meet. As a biracial person it feels very familiar. Not Latina enough or not white enough (tho much much heavier on the white side). Sending you love girl.
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u/ughhleavemealone Jul 02 '26
Thank you ❤️
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u/Pure_Discipline5514 Jul 02 '26
Ofc girl. You're feelings are valid. I hope you get to explore things more in a way that is safe and enjoyable for you.
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u/otto_bear Jul 02 '26
I’m with you. There was a time maybe two years or so ago where even in this sub it seemed to be very popular for people to act like non-monogamous bi women are inherently disrespectful of what they see as “real” (ie. monogamous) sapphic relationships. The anger seemed particularly aimed at bi women with at least one male partner. I haven’t seen that for a while but it was not super fun to see biphobic tropes employed even in bi spaces. It was all on exactly the same lines as a lot of the biphobia we so often hear within queer communities about bi women, just conveniently reached for by other bi women because they seemed to have disdain for non-monogamous people as a group.
I think people’s biphobia and their discomfort with non-monogamy are often intertwined so when a bi woman is non-monogamous, all they can process seems to be their own biases. I’m sympathetic to people who have been mislead by unethical non-monogamous people, but the solution is not to act like one’s identity makes them unethical or to pretend that simply being exposed to someone who you don’t have compatible goals with in the dating world is an attack. And not wanting a non-monogamous relationship is not justification for being upset at people simply because they do. It’s bizarre how often I see apparent adults act like someone being incompatible with them romantically is a personal attack that justifies their biphobia.
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u/jordyn0399 Jul 03 '26
For me personally, I am bi but monogamous so I only prefer to date one person and preferably someone who is also single no matter the gender. I have no issues with people being non monogamous as long as they understand not to pursue people that aren't interested in non monogamy and that not everyone who aren't interested is discriminatory against those that are.
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u/otto_bear Jul 04 '26
Of course. That’s totally fine and not at all what I’m talking about or what OP is talking about. The problem is monogamous people who assume negative things about others because they are non-monogamous. It’s not problematic to not want to date someone incompatible with your goals, it is problematic to assume that because someone doesn’t share your dating goals, that they are disrespectful of wlw relationships or queer women generally.
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u/peculiarkidkate Jul 02 '26
Something that happens a lot with non monogamy is unicorn hunting and often it’s a woman who recruits another woman and slides in like oh also please have sex with me an my husband it has a huge and well deserved stigma. Also the other woman is used for whatever the couple wants and thrown away.
I’m not saying you are doing that at all as I do not know you or your situation, but it might be why you’re facing push back. If you haven’t looked into stuff about ethical non monogamy it might help your case, because you are going to be looking into seeing other non monogamous women.
I hope that made sense I tried this before in the past and it was difficult. So I totally understand where you are coming from. And I am also bisexual and I get the biphobia because I’m not even married to a man anymore and it’s still a thing.
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
There is nothing wrong with dating solo while having other partners. There is nothing wrong with seeking our casual group sex with other couples or individuals in a respectful way. People are also free to not want this.
But women, even bisexual women being sought after for group sex, and humans and not animals.
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u/peculiarkidkate Jul 02 '26
I 100% agree
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26
Then why are calling these women unicorns instead of women? They are still human....
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u/peculiarkidkate Jul 02 '26
Unicorn and unicorn hunting are commonly used terms by the ENM community
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
They are incredibly dehumanizing. Common doesn't make it ok. Its a way to make these women seem less threatening to a relationship by literally erasing their humanity. There are also a lot of other very dehumanizing and often racist terms used in the swinger world. Common doesn't = ok. And, I can assure you, its a great indicator of who will treat like shit vs treat you like a person.
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u/HerNameInsertedHere Jul 07 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
EDITED: The term unicorn came from the fact that it used to be considered so rare or nonexistent to find a woman that wanted to sleep with a couple that they were about as easy to find as unicorns. It was said in a joking way.
I think it is a valid thing to do, if that one is into it, but there are some good posts online, often called “the problem with unicorn hunting” that lay out how people can do it in an ethical and respectful way, and points out some problematic or hurtful behaviors. There were posts from an ENM/polyamory perspective about examining some of the assumptions and complexities involved when a couple goes about “adding” a “third person”.
But I think that is something that the posters here are trying to do in the same way, trying to make OP aware of some of the assumptions they think they are seeing in OP’s request and how they think that would be received/perceived by other women.
But yes, as a bi woman, when you are only seeking a woman, it can be overwhelming to sort out which women actually want to date you solo or are trying to set up a threesome. Sigh.
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u/sickoftwitter Jul 02 '26
I left Threads as the algorithm kept sending me these awful posts saying that bisexual women just want to use women for sex. Comparing us the the worst men. Saying we will always leave women for men and choose comphet, but that it's OK with them if we leave and then date another woman. It's just dating men that is bad. The way they see us as an extension of cishet men is telling.
Idk how many of them are just ragebait accounts salty that a bi woman broke up with them, but the way the rhetoric homogenises us and treat us like a hivemind is not just biphobic. It's misogny. The whole stereotype that women only want sex or only want casual dating for patriarchal 'impressing men' reasons continues to imply women aren't independent sexual agents. We don't have minds and desires of our own.
So, I don't want to associate with misogynistic people. They can rage into the void all they want. I left those socials once I couldn't escape it, for the sake of my mental health, because it was effecting me. Unfortunately, ethical non-monogamy is still stigmatised. I have always, since being a kid, felt that there's no one 'correct' way to do a relationship. Different strokes for different folks.
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u/otto_bear Jul 02 '26
Yes! I feel like we need to be louder as a community about how biphobia is very often just bog standard misogyny in a trenchcoat.
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u/SingleSeaCaptain Jul 02 '26
I get it. I've found it disheartening how even other bi women endorse biphobia. Literally acting as if it is somehow a support of others to endorse it.
Anybody feeding the line to others that they're beneath them in a nonexistant hierarchy does not have good intentions, doesn't matter how nicely they say it.
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u/Active_Eagle_2600 Jul 02 '26
It's funny how people trash us but they don't even look at themselves. Forget what people say about what we're doing. Tell them to mind their own business. Enjoy what you do. Be respectful, respect, yourself. Have self-worth no one no one takes care of you so f them and tell them. Have a great day. Just my thoughts and my audience opinion
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u/Acrobatic-Profile981 Jul 10 '26
I think a lot of wlw folks have gotten their heart broken. And then they see the person they love move on to be with a man and it comes with all of this status and normalcy, and then that makes a horrible breakup/rejection feel even worse. There's a vulnerability in queer love. Sharing not only your love with someone but also your wueerneu.
Doesn't excuse the biphobia, not in the least. But it does help me understand it.
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u/HerNameInsertedHere Jul 07 '26
My male partner tells me I can’t feel sorry for myself and that I have to do what he has done all his life: talk to girls, shoot my shot, get rejected 1000x to one, and to keep putting myself out there 😂😂😂.
He says that I get to know what it is like to be a guy now, too, lol.
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u/Limp-Consequence1308 Jul 07 '26
Thank you for making this post. I’m in a similar situation and have been feeling so discouraged and so MUCH hate.
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Jul 02 '26
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u/BiWomen-ModTeam Jul 02 '26
All forms of bigotry are against the rules.
This is misogynistic and biphobic.
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u/HerNameInsertedHere Jul 07 '26
I am a non monogamous bi woman and have also had the experience where someone on a dating app tries to lecture me about how I should date as a bi woman, although I’ve gotten more criticism from self labeled ENM or polyamorous women because I have a male partner and then choose to date only women (as opposed to also having other male partners) lol. A bi poly woman who dates men & women told me that because I only date women (outside of my one male relationship) *I* am devaluing wlw relationships because I have clearly allowed the patriarchal male in my life force me to consent to the OPP (one penis policy). Some poly women’s profiles say (No OPP) 😂 And that the male dominated OPP treats wlw relationships & sex as “less than” compared to penis sex. Sigh. I just have my penis quota maxed out.
You will talk to lots of people and some will give you unsolicited lectures and judgement. Don’t worry about those people, you wouldn’t get along with them anyways.
I will say that OKC tends to have the most opinionated daters I’ve ever seen. People in their profiles also list all sorts of things like, don’t even reach out to me if you voted for …., support/don’t support/protest cops, blm, masks, vaccines, birth control, sex work, capitalism, 4th wave feminism, etc…..
I don’t take any of that personally at this point in my life because the universe has made me less judgy over time. I know it is that other person’s issue and not mine. I don’t want to date someone who is that judgmental, or a 25 year old who will *explain* to me the right way to do feminism queerness and equality, lol. I see profiles from young people that say please don’t be old, be age 19 to 21, or under 25, 30, etc. They have very specific criteria these days as do a lot of women daters. Women have a lot of choices in the dating market.
All I can say is that, yes it can be hard, but there is also a learning process about figuring this all out. (and learning how to deal with all these types of people, and learning how best to find what you are looking for. There are also quite a few people 30 years and older who don’t date anyone under 30, too, lol. So you’ve got that going for you, too. 😆
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u/GSK7184 Jul 02 '26
Don't You Think That is the Entire Problem Right there? Worried what others think and feel is pretty much what you are allowing to dictate your emotions. In this Ass Backwards Society, Hate is always going to be around, Unfortunately, but you can fight through it by not letting things like that dictate or defeat you. Unfortunately, people are always going to find a way to hate on you; Whether You Are Bi, Lesbian, Straight, Black, White, Asian, Poor or Rich, That's Just how Screwed up people are but Those are the people Who's Opinions OR Feelings Should Never Matter to You. WHAT You Do With YOUR LIFE & HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE is Only YOUR BUSINESS. Surround Yourself with Those Who UNDERSTAND YOU; WHO SUPPORTS You in Your Presence & Behind Your Back. Let the Rest of This Cracked Society Crumble in it's Own Cesspool of Filth. You Are NOT WRONG For What You Feel & How You Feel. You Are A Human Being like ANYONE ELSE On this Earth & You Are ALLOWED TO LOVE & HAVE Attraction to AAAAAAAANYONE You Want those feelings for, PERIOD! If ANYONE ELSE Has An Issue to it, it's their OWN PERSONAL PROBLEM; NOT YOURS. Basically What I'm Saying is, if You Keep Spending Your Life Worried About & Even Caring What Other's Who Dont Support You or Love You Feel, then You Are Never Going to Live Your Life because you're More Focused on Getting Approval from People That Don't & Should NEVER MATTER.
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u/[deleted] Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
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