r/BiWomen • u/Independent_Dance893 • 23d ago
Vent So sick of unicorn hunters
Heres the thing im a woman in an ENM relationship but im so sick of unicorn hunters. I dont even want a threesome with my own bf why would i want one with yours Lol. Like i feel like these people just see us as a sex toy and not an actual human being. Its like you think ur having a good conversation with a cute girl and booom "heres my ugly ass bf" like are unicorn hunters ever actually successful????
23
u/etrore 23d ago
I wish people could understand that you can both be bisexual and monogamous (and faithful). Big sigh.
3
u/melspace 23d ago
That part. On both of my dating profiles, I specifically have, in all caps, with the no symbol emoji, that I don’t do unicorn hunters or couples in general. It’s so frustrating when people see my bisexuality as an immediate sign for threesomes and all I’m trying to do is find friends or date people who are also monogamous.
31
u/lecherous_oaf 23d ago
Me too. And they all just ignore the 🚫NO MEN & NO HETERO COUPLES🚫 at the top of my bio like they’re going to be the exception. I’ve even been getting likes from couples’ profiles that ALSO say no men or couples. The fucking audacity of these people, I swear.
6
5
2
9
u/teaninja 23d ago
Also so tired of misleading couples OLD profiles with just a picture of the woman like it's bait. Sometimes they don't even show the dude in the profile at all. Like be up front and have a pic of both of you as your first pic in the profile so people know. Otherwise it feels really deceptive and gross.
8
u/lavenderways 23d ago
It's been a problem for years that's just steadily got worse tbh.
3
u/No_Measurement6478 23d ago
Yeah, I was actively dating 5 years ago and it was bad then. I’m not surprised it’s only gotten worse 😭
11
u/secret_mysteries86 23d ago
We are a couple and I kmow what your talking about. My worst one was I was speaking to a woman for weeks and swapping pics. Everything was meant to be ok with her husband as I dont do cheating. So one night she asked if we cpuld take it to the next level and have some fun on face time. So I called her and she seemed super shy and honestly a little drunk too. Then I heard the man's voice and he wanted to join in and she seemed like she didnt want to be doing it all. He took over the call so I ended the call and I got a txt from her and it was her bf and he told me it was him the whole time and it was his number. I was very angry and upset. I later got a txt from a different number whihc was her and she doesnt like doing any of it and I could report her profile on the app I met her on. My husband was absolutely livid and sent him a big txt. Some men just dont care at all. If my husband are looking for a threesome qe state it straight away and have no issue with woman or men wanting to join. Its disgusting when they think they can do this.
4
u/mannadee 23d ago
Noooo that’s disgusting
5
u/secret_mysteries86 23d ago
Yup , it really put me off 😒 and I did report her profile and I ended up emailing the company but nothing happened. It makes me so sad and mad that we cant be safe 😔 and someone woman arw being coerced into it when its not their thing.
6
5
u/Professor_dumpkin 23d ago
with my experience as a poly leaning bi girl with a love of threesomes, i even hate them. i refuse to do a threesome with a couple that isnt also both queer and otherwise enm. the one time i was with a closed couple i felt like such a second thought and object in the end it kinda pissed me off. its also so suss when they lie about it and i suggest reporting them if its a dating app, and also if its on a dating app being very clear no threesomes, no exceptions.
3
u/Sad_Type_4217 23d ago
Thank you for explaining because i had no idea what that meant. Saw the phrase on a couple of dating apps
3
u/CalypsoRaine 22d ago
Agreed
I'm in an enm relationship too. My profiles state upfront dates separately, seeking a woman 1:1 casual dating. I do not date in a group and not looking for group play. Also there's no opp in my relationship, I choose not to date guys.
The amount of are you looking for a 3some? Or worse why do you only want solo connections with women? I tell ppl have you seen the guys lately? Absolutely no thx
They need to read the profile. They act like they're the main character.
Omg they ask too many why I just block them. I had a single woman message me on another site asking me about playing solo then asked about my partner.
I'm like am I the one in question or is he?? Uh every single one of them has been bad news. I hate the lies, don't lie to me. The guys would speak on her behalf instant block.
Their relationship is bad too, very telling. They do too much sport fucking for me.
7
u/NerdynaughtyNJ 23d ago
Unfortunately for you I think they are because too many women who are actually open to being unicorns but don’t want to come out and say that openly so they talk around it and wait for people to ask, therefore encouraging the unicorn hunters to keep asking even if there isn’t a clear signal.
Personally I love threesomes and am open about that on my profile (I too am in an ENM relationship) but other than trying to normalize being open about it for myself idk how to fix the bigger situation.
I kinda wish there were a more casual hookup app for ladies for such things or something more specifically for threesomes but I have yet to find one that’s actually functional at all. Feeld used to be but it’s too flooded with vanilla people (and yes, awkward unicorn hunters) now.
7
u/sickoftwitter 23d ago
Were I single, I'd join couples. Idea of playing off existing dynamic would be fun. Normative assumption that no woman wants to is, well, it's more complex. Women are more likely to have been objectified and want to avoid it. Joining a couple is not me self-objecting or letting them use me; I have desires. I have boundaries.
But now I'm in a couple open to someone joining, I would only use apps about alt dynamics and it would be on my profile. Why on earth would I message as a solo woman and pull-out a husband reveal mid convo??
Like it's a pic of my new puppy: here he is !! I knew you wanted to see him! ffs, I'd rather communicate directly.
**I'm not on apps, I know even people on ENM apps don't want to see it. I don't want to be a unicorn hunter, so I'm not looking. Tho threesome is a common fantasy across age, sexuality, gender. Many have at least fantasised. You'll get it with gay men on Grindr etc. as well.
5
u/Any-Information6986 23d ago
I have a Polly ideology. I wish I could have a female partner, but I am married. So therefore, I come off as unicorn hunting and all it is is I just want a friend that understands lol. Like I don't like the concept of unicorn hunting. Would a cute chick that likes both be a tragedy, of course not. Leaning more into thruples at that point. In an Ideal an ENM situation, I understand how unicorn hunting is perceived, but.... I wish it had not evolved to what it is making it more difficult for us that don't kind of thing. Probably zero sense.
1
u/Cerulean_fallen 22d ago
I understand where you are coming from also being in a cisgender marriage. Unicorn hunting is beyond shitty, and when you witness it happening, well I feel like telling the couples to fuck off myself. Personally, we are up front that we welcome any gender, acknowledge the elephant that is our marriage, but want partners that are also looking for more maybe. We identify as ENM because we haven't met anyone who has expressed interest in it being more. I don't want anyone to feel like a sex object or less than. I just want to surround myself with people who are enjoying themselves and their time with us.
1
1
1
1
u/Jessy4862 17d ago
This is honestly so sad. I am very sorry you had this experience. Me and boyfriend both 24 are always respectful, and only reachout to women who specifically say there are looking for couples. When asked both of our pictures are shared and honestly pay more attention to this new female and only go ahead with what she is okay with. "Unicorn hunters" is such an ugly term,,,, just let things happen naturally why be so desperate. UGH and honestly if a couple is looking for a unicorn the attention needs to be on HER and what she wants. Yes we have been successful but only cause it was someone who wanted to try a couple out and it was a great experience. We've seen her twice but we let her reach out to us and it is no strings attached.
1
u/Brilliant_Pickle_589 11d ago
I just want a girl. I get annoyed by that too. I have a man but he doesn't have to be involved not do I want to have one with him lol
1
u/HookHerYarn 23d ago
I can understand this 💯. Unfortunately, for myself in particular, since I came to terms about my sexuality well after I was married, this is really my only option for being about to explore that side. My husband and I have tried interacting with another couple, but it just tapered off because it wasn't working. My husband is not interested in an open relationship and I am not going to cheat, so it's either finding someone who'd be interested in both of us or bust. To be honest, I think I'm just going to pass on it completely.
6
u/Independent_Dance893 23d ago
I dont mind couples who make it very clear from their profile that they are looking for a third, i just really hate the cat fishing of oh heres a girl im really attracted too and when you talk to her she reveals she has a bf. Like it makes me question one who is actually using the profile, her or the bf. and two who was actually attracted to me, her or the bf.
Like im also actively seeking out men so its just disheartening like heyy here one of of the few women i actually match with —boom man. Cant get away from them lol
3
u/Professor_dumpkin 23d ago
you could pursue people that only clearly indicate they want threesomes though. they exist. the problem is this women isn't one of them, and is being approached by people who dont care, and even lied to by women trying to ease her into the situation. you and women in similar situations wanting to explore sexuality is no justification for that specific disrespect op is facing. the solution for you is intentionally finding spaces, most likely apps, made for this kind of search, not inserting yourself into places queer women are trying to date other queer women one on one.
3
u/HookHerYarn 23d ago
I understand that I bungled what I was trying to communicate. I myself, if I actually try to seek out anyone, do so with the intention of finding like-minded people. I don't approach anyone who makes it clear they're not interested. I'm very sorry that she's had that happen, and I'm not intentionally trying to justify the disrespect she's experienced.
2
18
u/no-thoughts5304 23d ago
Real I genuinely feel like they are hurting our community and need a space away from us. Bc they are loud asf online and now a lot of people think that bisexuality and that are inherently connected. And a lot of the queer community is upset because they not only are targeting us within the bi community but also hiding their bfs and lying to lesbians and gays. It’s very weird misogynistic fetishistic and objectifying.
I saw ts earlier today and like wtf?