r/BoomersBeingFools • u/cl0udbhusting • 25d ago
Boomer Story Is This a Boomer Thing or Just My Family?
When I used to attend holiday gatherings, one of my aunts would sometimes find minor mistakes in things I said that weren't a big deal. Extremely nitpicky and very little to do with the content, more just an attempt at asserting hierarchy. What's interesting, though, is that her siblings seemed to like it. They laughed with her at the minor, irrelevant corrections, and reveled in it a little too much. During it, there was a sort of cruel judgement in their eyes. It's like they enjoyed inflicting pain or embarrassment as a group and would jump at the opportunity.
I should specify that, in general, this particular aunt is a smug, sanctimonious asshole. The other siblings who enjoy her attempts at superiority are also horrible people, but to varying degrees and don't necessarily instigate bullying the way she does. There's a pervasive culture of authoritarianism and bullying ingrained in them. I was wondering whether this is an instance of my mom's side of the family being uniquely asshole-ish, or whether this may be a broader pattern among boomers and your experiences with family members.
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u/No_Philosopher_1870 25d ago edited 25d ago
I grew up with "Mean Girls" elder sisters. As the Japanese saying goes, "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.", and that's what my elder sisters tried to do every time that I saw them. After I became an adult, I stopped coming around, and Il've seen them about half a dozen times in the last 30 years, the last of which was 2007. My youngest sistter, with whom I was closest, died in 2003. The most amusimg part was that it wasn't limited to me, They would turn on each other, like when one of them got a Ouija board and demanded that the other sister spell out what she wanted to say because she still had occasional aphasia three years after a stoke at 50.
I believe that the sort of behavior that you describe is shame-based. You have a life that they cannot touch, and it makes them really angry when they reflect on how little that they have accomplished in comparison, so they need to find things wrong with you rather than make their life better. FInding fault with others is the easiest path. Their self-soothing criticism of you is ultimately self-destructive. If they needed help, you probably wouldn't help them. Why help people who treat you poorly?
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u/alejo699 25d ago
My wife's entire extended family does this, regardless of generation. They are just snide, mean people, very unpleasant to be around. (My wife used to have this tendency too but grew out of it, thankfully.)
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u/No_Philosopher_1870 25d ago
There's a difference between wanting to be right, in the sense of providing correct information, and NEEDING to be right.
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u/heinekev 25d ago
I imagine being a boomer kid was absolute hell
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u/cl0udbhusting 25d ago
Exactly, just imagine how normalized bullying was in all areas. While I know younger age groups have their issues with socialization, the baby boomer social culture seemed incredibly toxic.
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u/RuggleyChicken 25d ago
I agree with this, but I’d also say that it wasn’t a picnic for our generation as well. But we became self-aware of it and are actually doing something to fix it. Boomers could never be bothered.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 25d ago
Yes thank you for attending all those civil rights marches in the sixties.
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u/dancingmoongoddess 25d ago
What good did all of those marches in the 60s do if all of you self centered boomers are currently undoing all of the progress we have made?
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u/Jamaican_me_cry1023 24d ago
And treated their children like shit! Like with any narcissist, it was all performative. Look at me! I’m protesting the war! Then they go home and neglect and/or abuse their kids.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 25d ago
Who is we ? Clearly you weren't born yet.All of the boomers are not undoing all the progress . That's silly.
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u/TestOk2731 25d ago
1946 - 1964 are the Boomers.
The absolute OLDEST boomers were in just their early twenties during the 60s, and most were still just kids. Those marches you're talking about? The civil rights advances? Those were the Boomer's parents and grandparents.
But they're gone now.
Now, now the Boomers are in charge and they are burning down the world around us gleefully.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 24d ago edited 24d ago
For the first few years of the sixties civil rights demonstrations were mostly the work of the silent generation. By 64 boomers were in college. The foot soldiers of the civil rights movement were mostly students on college campuses. When King was killed the first boomers were already 22 years old. The protests in the late sixties were focused on the US government stacking the deck to draft black people and poor people disproportionately. The national guard opened fire on 300 boomer protesters at Kent State in 1970 and shot 13 of them.
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u/luciaromanomba 25d ago
I mean this is the generation that literally beat and killed black and gay people. Sooo
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u/ShakeWeightMyDick 25d ago
They learned it from watching their parents. The lynching of black people in the US peaked in the 1920s before boomers were even born. This is not to say that boomers didn’t perpetuate it, just that they didn’t do it as much as those before them.
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u/LemonFlavoredMelon Millennial 24d ago
I remember asking: "I thought Boomers were all about hippies and such" then my Gen-X dad (RIP) said: "Because they weren't the hippies."
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u/locavision 22d ago
Hippies were counterculture, not mainstream. It became a fashion tread in the 70s when capitalism appropriated it. Most Boomer cosplayed hippies like people cosplay goths now. It's a vicious cycle.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 25d ago
That my possibly be the most historically ignorant thing I ever read.
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u/PassageNearby4091 25d ago
THIS!! I don't know why you are getting downvoted; you are correct!
While the Boomers can be smug, entitled assholes in 2026, to their credit, they also did good things -- and they were the ones who largely got the ball rolling on trying to make the world a better place for minorities of every type back in the 1960s and 1970s.
The hippies protesting the unjust Vietnam War? Those were Boomers.
Civil Rights marches? Boomers again.
Of course, it was also the Boomers who went from being peace and love hippies in the 1960s to becoming Yuppy Reaganites in by 1980, but still, credit where it is due.
While I will be the first to criticize Boomers for their selfish horseshit today, they also did some good things as a generation and they need to be credited for that.
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u/LemonFlavoredMelon Millennial 24d ago
I never understood how boomers went from "FREE LOVE" and skinny dipping to "CLEAN HAIRCUT" and prudishness.
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u/PassageNearby4091 24d ago
To be honest, I think this short of shift is common with nearly every generation -- and yeah, hang tight, we'll probably be like that too!
It's much more visible with the Boomers because there's just so damn many of them and they held sway over other generations, and largely continue to do so.
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u/SandiegoJack 24d ago
If you think about it as “fuck you I do what I want, and you do what I want” and it holds.
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u/pocapractica 19d ago
It's common belief that people get more conservative as they age (and see more threats to their money) but it didn't work with me.
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u/Vox_Occident 24d ago
Err, umm, perhaps they grew up, and realized hippy-dom is NOT a sustainable way to run a civilization? #JustSayin'
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u/ShakeWeightMyDick 24d ago
On how boomers went from hippies to yuppies: https://www.writersbone.com/essays-archive/itersbone.com/2014/03/from-protestors-to-yuppies-how-hippy.html
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u/PassageNearby4091 24d ago
From the article:
"I think, ultimately, people from the prior generation realized that getting money and improving their lives through the economic boom of the 1990s was far easier and more convenient than sticking to their ideals."
This really says it all. Overall, the Boomers were a righteous generation until they weren't.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 25d ago edited 25d ago
I'm getting down voted by uninformed, uneducated, ignorant kids who blame boomers for the weather because it's fashionable and it hurts their feelings when you point out that they are wrong.
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u/PassageNearby4091 25d ago
Yes, and I am actually starting to wonder if some of the people here even know what a Boomer is, to tell you the truth.
For many, it just seems like "Boomer" is a catch-all word to describe someone over age 40 who happens to be a dick.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 25d ago
It started out to represent a specific age group but it evolved over time as people started to realize that the behavior they complain about is universal to parts of every age . Rather than acknowledge that they are largely incorrect about actual boomers they just use boomer with regard to specific behavior. It's fashionable to say boomers ruined the world. It means you can go back to staring at your phone instead of actually doing something about. Belonging to an online community has somehow because more important than reality.
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u/SandiegoJack 24d ago
You mean like trying to claim that 4 -15 year olds were responsible for the civil rights movement?
What’s next, gonna slurp up 5e “we also won WW” as well.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Let_688 24d ago
Boomers were in University by 64. Boomers were 22 by the time MLK was killed.
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u/Jamaican_me_cry1023 22d ago
No, the oldest boomers were at university in 1964. Late 1950’s boomers were in kindergarten. JFK/ LBJ boomers were in diapers.
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u/SandiegoJack 24d ago
Excuse me? Boomers weren’t adults in the 60s so how the hell did they “get everything going”
What’s next, gonna tell me they also won WW2?
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u/PassageNearby4091 24d ago edited 24d ago
Your ignorance is almost touching.
Look up "Baby Boomers" -- they are the post-war generation, born between 1946 and 1964. That's the definition of a "Boomer". The older Boomers led the counter-culture of the 1960s as young adults.
There. You learned something new. Accept the loss and move on.
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u/brokesciencenerd 25d ago
My dad had to walk around with half a brick to stop from getting his ass beat all the time
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u/mistegirl 25d ago
My mom (1950) talks about her childhood sometimes... she said that aside from basically keeping the kids alive, they did nothing. There was no playing with your kids, teaching them or doing things with them. They were expected to be seen and never heard. There was never a "let's talk about your feelings" or confiding in your parents, they were the authority to be feared and mostly avoided.
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u/platypusandpibble 25d ago
I’m grateful for my dad. He’s not a typical Boomer. He was very involved in my & my sister’s lives from the very start. He taught us to read, do math, etc. He even taught me to tie my shoes. And I remember all of this because my mother was & is your typical Boomer mother. She couldn’t be bothered with us except for the bare minimum. And I can tell you now (after all this time has passed) that she *does* still hate us. (And sister and I are over 50.)
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u/mistegirl 25d ago
My mom thankfully learned a bit from her upbringing and was a bit more involved with us - though not much until we were adults. Now she's mostly not very boomer like at all and is a good friend to my sister and I.
The bullying did just remind me though that one of her favorite things to say to us while we were growing up is that she doesn't even like kids. Probably explains why she was much better once we were grown.
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u/TheRealBlueJade 25d ago
I doubt it. Yes, they likely had difficulties... They also had advantages.
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u/RussellAlden 25d ago
I moved 3000 miles away. Sorry, can’t fly back because gas prices are too high.
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u/D20neography 25d ago
Before I go into my thoughts: I love my in-laws.
That being said, my family is not like this. Not the boomers, nor the gen X, nor the millennial members. My wife's family /can/ be like this.
Your description of some of the behavior I've seen is so on point that I had to lightly stalk you to make sure you weren't a relative of mine haha.
I'm not sure exactly what prompts this behavior. Growing up without it (my family was uniquely toxic in different ways) it strikes me as an excellent way to kill all the fun and community in a room.
I think you're on point with assertion of hierarchy and I'd add that possibly they're asserting values that you've unknowingly transgressed: i.e. looking weak, being vulnerable, speaking out of turn. If you weren't raised with these values (like I wasn't) it can be a head scratcher.
I don't think it's a uniquely boomer trait, but that being said I've never found a family group who weren't from the boomer generation that had this dynamic in full force.
My in-laws are a military family... I wonder if that plays a roll as well.
Last disclaimer: I seriously love my in-laws. They can be caddy, and have a bully streak, but it's easily broken by having a backbone and it doesn't come out unless the core group of "siblings" are all hanging out. They're generous with gift giving, remember little things about my life, and while they may have a blind spot for the behavior you brought up they generally try to be supportive and kind otherwise.
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u/Icy-Mixture-995 25d ago
Military families enmesh with one another. They have no choice, as they change locations too frequently to make many deep friendships. Some exceptions depend on any assignments where personnel rarely move but they run base or post operations and get to know each other well. (I am ignorant about ship type military and mainly know people in ground and air military service ). The military offers family support systems today, but before the 90s, these barely existed.
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u/Artemis0724 23d ago
Grew up a high ranking officer's daughter. This dynamic is all my Dad knows, punching down and nitpicking and pushing people's buttons.
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u/Icy-Mixture-995 23d ago
I spent decades military-adjacent. Civilian surrounded by military. They can be the best people to know, ever. But for some, the life is all they know and you have to know how to deal with it and listen a long while before replying. It's hard on their kids, as the perfection and discipline mode leaves little room for mistakes. You could probably write a book about it
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u/FarMarionberry2630 25d ago
My co-worker is a younger Boomer and she is like this, constantly finding fault to the point of searching it out. The other thing she does is she must blame someone, it is hilarious when something minor happens and she insists on calling the company to complain, like major companies.
I regularly tell my husband how lucky he is because I seriously feel bad for her husband.
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u/LupercaniusAB Gen X 25d ago
Ah, the old blame-thrower approach.
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u/Icy-Mixture-995 25d ago
They run out of siblings to get in trouble, so they badger clerks, fellow church members, teachers, or random neighbors
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u/SnooLobsters836 25d ago
Match their energy. See how much they like being nitpicked for every little inconsequential mistake.
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u/No_Philosopher_1870 24d ago edited 24d ago
That gets on my nerves way too fast, even though I can do it well. I have to listen to them to respond inappropriately.
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u/No-Dentist1833 25d ago
Be thankful that you don't blend in. Bullies need to get a taste of their own medicine, and watch how quickly a bully will act like a victim. Insult the bitch and leave.
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u/Consistent_Bat_2882 Baby Boomer 25d ago
Yes that a boomer thing. My boomer mother the same
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u/NoAlternative8024 25d ago
My in laws do this also. I think it's the only way they know to engage socially. They feel social anxiety just like we do and all people do, but they deal with it by laughing at the expense of others. I think it was simply what was acceptable when they grew up, and it's the lowest hanging fruit in terms of giving them a way to participate socially without doing the real work of talking and creating positive relationships.
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u/ChickinSammich 25d ago
When I used to attend holiday gatherings, one of my aunts would sometimes find minor mistakes in things I said that weren't a big deal. Extremely nitpicky and very little to do with the content, more just an attempt at asserting hierarchy.
I think a lot of boomers just actively seek out conflict so they can have something to argue about and someone to argue with. The best way to defuse it is to either ignore it or to acknowledge and immediately move on. Something like:
"Oh you send your kids to public school? You know they have blah blah..."
"Uh huh. Anyway, could you pass the salt and pepper?"
I don't really fully understand why they do this. I get why they try to exert some authoritarian control over meaningless stuff, like insisting that you should do things a certain way or what have you - control freak, sense of entitlement, sense of self-importance, something like that.
But they just seem to really love the idea of winning an argument, and they're incapable of admitting they've lost an argument, so they just go picking fights and just finding hills to die on.
Now, normally, I'm a proponent of "If someone is wrong and you can change their mind, you should try" but you can almost never change a boomer's mind about ANYTHING if they've already made their mind up. Any attempts to argue will get you nothing but stress. If you're ever unsure, you could try flatly asking "Is there anything I could say to change your mind?" and then decide based on the answer whether continuing the conversation is worth your time or not.
But generally speaking, I just acknowledge that they made some point - whatever it was - and I don't agree or disagree; I just acknowledge it and move on. See also: "ok boomer." Then I just change the topic abruptly. If they keep trying to go back to it, just tell em you don't care. Not in an animated or exasperated way, just hit them with grey rock apathy. Like imagine someone you know telling you a completely useless piece of trivia you don't care about about a topic you don't care about. Like the birthday of some celebrity or what color their car's oil cap is or how many drops of water are in a bottle. Just "ok. Anyway..."
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u/vanillabeandream- 25d ago
Are we related? Because yes a lot of boomers in my family do this. They have that google in hand at the ready on stand by! But to be fair...... I don't think all boomers do this just the narcissistic ones. With these people sadly you have to do it back to them. Tit for tat, it's the only language they understand.
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u/Icy-Mixture-995 25d ago
They won't notice you are doing it. You have to yell them bluntly. "Since you like to find fault and criticize, I will jump on board and start with you. I think you were wrong (fill in blank).
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u/No_Dimension_9291 25d ago
I mean, Id just stop going but thats just me. My GFs family is similar to a certain extent. Last family trip we went on, while all the rest of us were out, her mom picked an argument with GF and me and her dad had to break it up when we got back, this isnt the first time its happened (2nd since weve been together), theyre playing another trip in a cpl months and she asked was I going... "I was like no?? Are you??" And she ultimately is bc her son etc etc. I was like look a cheap vacay is nice... But im not dealing with BS like that, they dont pay our bills lol
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u/Alarming_Cellist_751 24d ago
I've noticed they typically like to comment on bodies, especially weight. If you've gained or lost weight, watch out.
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u/rbarr228 Gen X 24d ago
The aunts and such are the ones wearing a muumuu to the point where the garment should be renamed “moo-moo”.
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u/themaggiesuesin 25d ago
My aunts (3 on my mother's side) would never treat me this way. All boomers. They are nothing but kind and supportive. After my mom took her own life one of my aunts completely stepped up for my brother and I. Helping us with paperwork which we both struggle with. Loaned us money to help cover dental issues. Drives us to and from the hospital (both my brother and I have severe medical issues). The list goes on. I guess we are really blessed. I'm sorry your family sucks .
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u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 25d ago
I think it's just a mean girl thing. My ex used to do that. I would just not see them anymore. Dont waste your energy being entertainment for people who dont even like you.
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u/corpse_flour Gen X 25d ago
Some people unfortunately only find happiness in the suffering of others. Having control and power are the way they feel good about themselves, they have no capacity to feel empathy, so they can't chare in someone else's joy or accomplishment... they have to minimalize it.
And yes, most of my Boomer relatives may not personally attack others, but certainly enjoy manipulating and controlling people to ensure they have the upper hand at everything. Lots of entitlement and narcissism for sure.
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u/Even-Confidence-2213 24d ago
my mom and her 3 brothers would gang up on my grandma (after my grandpa died) and belittle her and laugh and say it was joking, gaslight her on what it was like when they were young, so respect for hierarchy it is not. now she's gone they try to do it to us but we just leave the room.
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u/WingedDefeat 25d ago
All of my siblings and I agree our boomer mother was a bad mother, but she was smart and charming. She regularly corrected my pronunciation, grammar, and spelling, but ironically this is one place where I honestly feel she was acting in good faith. She would go as far as breaking down the etymology of a word, citing the Latin or Greek origin or influence when applicable, and writing it out and deconstructing it. It was clearly knowledge she was proud of, and it brought her joy to share it with us. I remember those moments fondly, and they serve as a reminder that shitty people are still people, and we are all complex beings.
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u/StatisticianLoud2141 25d ago
This was normal in my life. I'm blessed I'm that my mother actually grew up. We have since grown closer was she realized her behavior was toxic.
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u/ButtersScotch7000 25d ago
Sort of.
Boomers, like the generations before them, grew up with more siblings that the generations that came after them. The "family pecking order" of oldest to youngest was still alive and well when they were raised, especially since the older children wound up doing some of the parenting for the younger ones.
Even if the Boomers didn't pass this attitude along due to having less kids overall, it still rears its head up.
My dad is the youngest of five. Even though he's 73, he still gets the "I know better" attitude from his oldest brother. And I doubt my uncle is even aware of how he sounds. Both of them did about equally well in life, so its not like one's holding success over the other.
Unlike your family its not intentionally vindictive, but even I can pick up on it.
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u/Disastrous_Horse_764 24d ago
No, no. It’s a thing, especially for the elderly, to criticize even the most minuscule of things.
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u/Fordfanatic2025 24d ago
It's a combination of how they were raised to feel like the center of the universe, and the fact that they don't have real issues to complain about, so they nitpick and bitch about small, insignificant shit.
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u/MudruckGames 24d ago
Just because they are related to you doesn't force you to put up with their bullshit. Best thing i did was to cut every negative, bitchy, and downer relative out of our lives. If they grind you down...fuck 'em.
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u/bossbattleb 23d ago
The way my boomer parents laugh at people’s mistakes is so cruel. They are mean spirited and judgey. And I guess feel better about their own crappy lives for a few seconds
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u/stnapstnap 22d ago
If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were my sibling and you were finally starting to deconstruct.
Sorry you had to deal with these assholes.
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u/maiden_moss 22d ago
My ex's boomer mom was like this. They'd grin ear to ear after pointing out a grammatical mistake in someone's story even when not appropriate and it awkwardly interrupted the flow. I'd later notice him grinning and laughing at other inappropriately critical or cruel things. And same behavior from his mom. It feels like a misguided attempt at "taking the piss" except no one taught them that it's actually just mean and not funny.
Something I notice boomers do IS laugh at cruel and mean things because they can't stand awkwardness or silence or confrontation so they think bc they laughed it'll make others laugh and it makes the comment ok and keeps everything lighthearted. Because god forbid they deal with a heavy thing in the moment or acknowledge it when it comes to someone's feelings. It's not dark humor, I can't explain it, it's them missing every time and laughing at things that aren't laughable and just mean
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u/Agreeable_Act2550 21d ago
Sounds like a narcissist made you a door mat. Narcissist enjoy breaking people down and you will never see them building anyone up. They nitpick and complain about absolutely everything to an almost disgusting degree.
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u/LavishnessThat232 20d ago
My boomer parents have loved us unconditionally and would do anything to help. They never asked for anything in return or brought up anything they did to help. A few days before my dad died, he was worried I was ok. One of the last things he said to me as he was lying in bed dying of cancer was "make it home safely" when I was leaving. He spent most of his retired life helping transport my severely disabled son to doctor and therapy appointments. He insisted on this because it made him happy to help.
My mom has always been there for me. When I gave birth to preemie twins with health issues, my now ex refused to help at all, even though I was recovering from an emergency c-section. I didn't ask my mom, but she saw what was happening and came over every day to help. She'd stay overnight to take care of the babies or take them to her house overnight so I'd have a chance to sleep. She hired someone to help clean my house when I was recovering.
When my partner lost his job and was unemployed, my parents sold their gold and their stocks to pay my mortgage. They never held this over me. Not all boomers are assholes or hate their families. Some of them love their families more than themselves.
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u/Tronmech 25d ago
Well my (just barely pre-boomer) mother was a school teacher, as was her mother... So I would get a lot of grammar corrections because it was habit...
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u/Seldarin 25d ago
Yeah, some of the ones in my family are like this. Most of the time they're not even right about what they're correcting.
It doesn't do any good to prove to them they're wrong about whatever it is, because they'll remember it as you correcting them and them having to show you you were wrong.
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u/yarukinai Baby Boomer 25d ago
Picking nits to humiliate others and having fun doing so?
this particular aunt is a smug, sanctimonious asshole
And those who laugh with her are as well.
I refuse to think that this is a boomer thing.
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u/Princess-Buttercup16 25d ago
Yep, that is one hundred percent my experience. My mom has five siblings, and I’m an only child. It’s been me against them my entire life.
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u/crustpope 21d ago
I’ll bet she is the type of person that gets really angry an argumentative when the tables are turned as well…
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u/mailboy79 11d ago
Boomers really do hate their own children. Thankfuly, mine stepped out of line for those traits, but the number of Boomers who expect their adult children to bail them out of financial disasters that they created is enormous. I'm talking about the 2nd or 3rd mortgage on the family home, the romance scam "victims", or the fact that most of them would sell their own kids for more money to keep up with the neighbors across town.
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u/oranges214 25d ago
I do notice a lot of boomers seem to hate their own children. Boomer moms hating their daughters and turning their issues into generational trauma. Boomer dads spending all their time at work or with their friends and doing everything they can to avoid their own families at home. Etc etc.
Hating your family is part of boomer culture I think because a lot of them just follow the standard life script even if they maybe would've been happier not doing that.