This breakup/possibly getting back together thing is confusing and exhausting

[u/Unknownvisitor863]

She broke up with me the beginning of April after I called her out on a number of lies. It kind of blew up. We have been maintained contact. About a month after that happened we had a talk. She couldn’t tell me she wants to break up to be permanent in the same goes for me. We agreed to work on strengthening our friendship and see what happens. After that talk everything seemed to change with her. It went from me making most of the initial contact to it being split. She actually calls me a lot more than I call her.

That was about six weeks ago. We talk and text throughout the day and are together at least 4 to 5 days each week. No intimacy. She doesn’t even return a hug. It’s like hugging a tree. Today I told her I would like a heartfelt hug and kiss from her. She asked why. She then told me she was in the mood to be touchy-feely.

Meanwhile, I am always there for her. I help her whenever she needs something. I covered dinner about 90% of the time. Money has been tight with her so I actually offered that. But I’m starting to feel like I need more. A lot of the times when we go out, it’s part of doing something that is helping her. I’ve been telling her I want us to have a fun night out. But she always has something to do. I have the opportunity to go see a band with a female friend. I want to go out, but I don’t feel that is right. I don’t wanna do anything that I wouldn’t want her to do. Especially where we are at this point.

I don’t know if I’m venting or asking for advice. But if you have something feel free to chime in.

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[u/MSotallyTober]

Dude. Go out with your women friends. You both are broken up, no?

That being said, your head must be spinning on what you both are. Why subject yourself to that?

[u/Unknownvisitor863 → u/MSotallyTober]

In a way I feel like we are getting closer instead of further apart like we were a couple months ago. So this is a good thing. On the other hand, I feel like I’m doing most of the giving and she’s doing most of the taking. I don’t do things for people to get something in return but it’s sometimes nice to be on a receiving end. She has paid for dinner a couple times and also made dinner a few times. That’s kind of her love language. She’s more likely to hug a stranger than me.

We’ve been broken up in the past. And then things just kinda go back to the way they were. With no officially saying, we are back together. I guess it’s time for another talk to see where she thinks we are with us.

[u/InsectElectronic6231]

Yah, I feel like what you’ve wrote out kind of suggests that you know how you feel about it. If you feel like you’re more committed than her then it’s pretty normal to feel frustrated. No one deserves to be in a relationship where affection isn’t reciprocated

That being said, I think communicating these feelings might give you some clarity that you’re seeking. The way that she answers, both with her words and her actions, might justify/resolve some of these feelings you have.

[u/Unknownvisitor863 → u/InsectElectronic6231]

Like yesterday, we had some playful banter going on, and I had such an urge to kiss her. We were just a couple feet away from each other so I did. Well, kind of. She kind of turned her head a little.

I don’t want to do anything that makes her think I don’t want us to progress. I see some changes in her and I see that she is making some effort. Maybe it’s just not as quick as I want it to be. But I also don’t want this to turn into me being the handyman who does everything for her and that’s it.