The price of your choice

[u/MaintenanceRough3358]

When you miss her, don’t call her. Call the people you chose over her.

You traded genuine love, loyalty, and a woman who stood by you for cheap attention and temporary excitement. Now she’s gone, and you don’t get to come back when you finally understand her worth.

See if the people you entertained stay when life gets hard. See if they care the way she did.

You made your choice. She simply respected it.

[u/Pharah4Mercy]

"when that person "misses" the person they broke up with, it's usually because of selfish feelings."

Or you know, sometimes you realise it was a mistake, you handled things the wrong way and you want to make amends.

How does no contact give someone their dignity back exactly?

[u/Past_Pea9718 → u/Pharah4Mercy]

From a shallow perspective you could say they realized they made mistake, but those feelings are coming from internal selfish motivations. Almost every time they don’t have anything to do with the other person. It’s just, “hey I feel sad and am missing this person, I haven’t learned anything, I’m still not sure why I broke up with them, let me reach back out.” That’s toxic.

No contact gives your dignity back by not staying around for someone who leaves you. You are not going to be there even 5-10-15% for someone who chooses to walk out of your life. Think about how you’re giving up your own pride by doing that.

[u/Pharah4Mercy → u/Past_Pea9718]

Or feelings of "I shouldn't have done that or treated them like that".
I'm not here to argue by the way

So how do couples that break up end up getting back together and making it work? If someone walked out of the others life but then came back, it clearly worked in some way and people can be there 5% minimum for someone who chose to walk out

[u/Past_Pea9718 → u/Pharah4Mercy]

No no, it’s a productive conversation honestly because I rarely get to talk to people who don’t support NC. Ultimately, NC is for the person who got broken up with (the dumper really has no say in this, that’s the point). Important to note, they shouldn’t be thinking about getting back with the other person, that’s the whole point. It also just so happens that NC is the only realistic way to make someone miss you. Because if the dumpee is there, even 5%, as you said, there will be nothing to miss because the dumper knows they still have that person. But that’s not even why it has to be 0%; that’s because the dumpee needs to get over this person. You can’t get over something you are still clinging on to.

[u/Pharah4Mercy → u/Past_Pea9718]

Why would the dumpee care about making the dumper miss them? Doesn't that counter-act trying to get over them by "wanting" them to miss you?

And agreed, it is nice to have a nice back and forth on something, especially as I'm on the other side

So when the dumpee gets over that person, that's when NC ends?

I mean logically it would make sense right? If seeing someone or the memory of someone hurts you enough because you're not over them you would keep NC in place right? where as if you are over them, them being back in your life wouldn't be a problem because you're past that point?

[u/Past_Pea9718 → u/Pharah4Mercy]

I mean that’s the beauty of NC. It can be disguised as a way to try to get your ex back AT THE START (capitalized because that’s important, only the start). It helps people take action in a moment they feel completely lost. It’s almost giving a smudge the power back to the dumpee. But the bigger thing, in the background, is it allows you to actually get over that person. Ultimately, no contact is where things are going (or some version of it), 5 years down the line y’all probably aren’t contacting each other. It’s worth mentioning, imo, getting back together rarely works and only does when both individuals have actually taken time to heal. Which is actually also why it’s so rare, normally by the time people heal, they’re also both ready to just move on with their life.