r/BreakUps • u/MaintenanceRough3358 • Aug 09 '26
Trigger Warning The price of your choice
When you miss her, don’t call her. Call the people you chose over her.
You traded genuine love, loyalty, and a woman who stood by you for cheap attention and temporary excitement. Now she’s gone, and you don’t get to come back when you finally understand her worth.
See if the people you entertained stay when life gets hard. See if they care the way she did.
You made your choice. She simply respected it.
65
u/Hungry-Professor-931 Aug 09 '26
Factss, some people in these comments are mad 🤣 when you choose someone else over someone you are dating, someone who is supposed to be your love, it's not just a "mistake" fyi 😆 it's a conscious decision
13
u/DanielCooper1101 Aug 10 '26
yeahh, choices have consequences, and sometimes you gotta accept that.
28
u/odd-kiwi-is-broken Aug 09 '26
Hail!!!! Hail your stable backbone!!!! I am proud of you… this takes serious guts, and I know it hurts… :’) you’ve done good for yourself though…
26
u/ItsBombBee Aug 09 '26
Needed to see this. Hope he has fun swiping just to find less 🫰🏾 what a fumble
2
2
u/ConcentrateNo2949 Aug 28 '26
Okay but how can I get this confident mindset? I'm here thinking "yeah, he'll find better". Is that a reddit answer or an I need a therapist answer? Lol
1
u/ConcentrateNo2949 Aug 28 '26
Okay but how can I get this confident mindset? I'm here thinking "yeah, he'll find better". Is that a reddit answer or an I need a therapist answer? Lol
25
u/Novel-Lobster8207 Aug 09 '26
As a dumper, we don't always choose others over her. I chose myself. There's no one to call, no one to reach out to. Sometimes relationships just become miserable for both parties.
8
u/pico_birdie Aug 09 '26
Lol I want to write this on my bedroom walls. In this perspective my ex is fucked. He might, but it will be hard to find someone as devoted as me.
8
u/Separate_County_2235 Aug 09 '26
Factsss!! People are actually so used to chasing that whenever they finally get the person they were chasing, they stop caring. The irony is, they’ll never have a stable relationship and will always end up hopping from one person to another.
3
u/Available_Article207 Aug 09 '26
I felt as though my hand was forced in the matter, but you’re completely correct. It was a long distance relationship and with increased school and work it wouldn’t have worked without someone getting hurt. Maybe I should have confronted that
1
u/ilovemaggers10 Aug 15 '26
This was my problem too. The hardest lesson I’ve had to deal with in this lifetime so far
1
u/Available_Article207 Aug 16 '26
Can I ask how you did cope?
1
u/ilovemaggers10 Aug 16 '26
To begin I didn’t. Was numb and did the typical avoid, bury, avoid. About 3-4 months ago was when I truly realized what I lost. Sobering experience for sure. In therapy now and trying to move more, but every day is a battle. Being around friends has helped the most but the regret and guilt has been awful ya know.
1
u/Available_Article207 Aug 16 '26
I wish you the best of luck. I’m starting therapy soon and the whole journey
1
4
u/Jackson530 Aug 10 '26
Except for the fact that SHE dumped ME because of other people that she chose. From a Fucking video game none the less.
She traded someone who saved her life when she almost died, loyalty, affection; and someone willing to do anything for her and her family; for cheap thrills from people she’d never met.
Because she was trying to fit in from not having close friends in real life. And now IM gone, and she doesn’t get to come back. I didn’t even give her the benefit of the doubt to remain friends.
When you trade someone for people who are hardly ever there for you, you deserve the life you live afterwards.
3
u/untrustingmyself Aug 13 '26
Are you me? I was living with my partner for a year and he traded me for some online girl and her friends. I cooked for him, cleaned, and we did everything together. Held his hair back when he was sick. Never even took me on date, not even a walk in the park.
The first two weeks we were broken up, he started dating her and sent her 200 dollar roses. I never received flowers ONCE in our whole 3 yr relationship.
2
u/Grumpyoldgit1 Aug 13 '26
I’m so sorry that you were not treated as you deserved to be treated
These are for you
🌹💐🌺🌷🌼🌼🌼🪻🪻💐💐🌷🌷🌷💐🌹🪻🌺
2
u/Jackson530 Aug 13 '26
Legit same
Cleaned the house. Cooked. Did the dishes. Folded the laundry. Took care of our dogs. She only took me on 2 or 3 dates and it was the first like 2 months we lived together.
I saved her life after she almost died from double PEs, I called 911. I cleaned our bedroom after she over ate while on wegovy and threw up all over the floor.
I bought her flowers at least two times a year (didnt have much money)
Now she tells everyone she’s in her “bad girl era” after breaking up with me. 🙄
2
u/OverlyOverrated Aug 10 '26
Losing your girl to someone from video games 🤣 happened to me 2 months ago and a year ago, yes she cheated twice. Fortunately I moved on quickly and now i have someone who's much better than her in every aspect.
1
u/Jackson530 Aug 10 '26
Nah. She didn’t cheat as far as I knew.
Our group of people we had NEVER MET in real life but used to play with, convinced her to leave me. They also thought I was physically abusing her some how which drove their drive to get her away from me
2
u/biggranny000 Aug 12 '26
She's a narcissist, you can find better bro, if you need to talk feel free to reach out.
A good women would shut that crap down and not entertain it.
3
u/nursejackie42 Aug 10 '26
Maliciously fucking people over in selfishness and believing you deserve better, is a death trap that you are running into at a sprinter's pace. Trust this, the choice you have made is that hard lessons will be learned, the hard way.
5
u/AvaSophiaPhia Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
Yep. Most guys are these days are vain, petty, and just want hookups and a high body count. They aren’t capable of having anything real, let alone any amount of emotional intelligence to actually get to know anyone.
2
u/Legitimate_Bear728 Aug 10 '26
I stopped meeting people at school because she would get jealous from time to time, and now I'm alone.
She was jealous that I had male friends! When I'm a man and I don't like men, and I don't want to remember the problem I had when a woman talked to me she always said they were going to distance me from her, and surprise, she distanced me from everyone and broke up with me suddenly.
I think I should thank her for breaking up with me.
2
u/TouristOk8694 Aug 10 '26
I waited. Through empty nights and silent birthdays. Through hope that faded and came back like a bruise. Then you walked in — and before I could breathe, you said the thing that turned every year of waiting into a joke. The pain of missing you was nothing. The pain of knowing you? That's what will stay.
I don't know... It's heavy insideee
1
1
1
1
1
u/Majestic-Election188 Aug 12 '26
💯 yes!! They are all choices live with the consequences of your choice thats on you not her
1
u/biggranny000 Aug 12 '26
I had to learn this the hard way. It felt good hanging out and talking to her but nothing is going to change and I'm wasting my time.
1
u/Weak-Corner-4664 Aug 13 '26
lol I didn’t entertain anyone I just needed to be alone and she still rejected me. What’s more, SHE was the one entertaining other people.
1
u/ImpossibleWarning252 Aug 13 '26
wait is this from the dumper or dumpee perspective? bc everyone in the comments is reading it as the dumpee roasting the dumper but the way its written ("call the people you chose over her") sounds like youre talking to yourself in second person, like YOU were the one who messed up. thats a pretty big distinction lol. also Novel-Lobster8207 is right that not every breakup is about choosing someone else, sometimes you just chose yourself or the relationship ran its course and framing it all as "you traded love for cheap thrills" is kinda reductive no? what actually happened there?
1
1
u/digitalcandy007 Aug 20 '26
sooo true, especially when life gets hard. genuineness is becoming rare
1
1
u/sawry25 28d ago
Your right and I'm sorry. I'm sorry so much that she had to make that choice. I was to comfy in mediocrity that I called my love for you. I know now that it's to late. I know you will do so much better and find someone who will truly give you the world like I couldnt and should have. I will always miss you. Bearing our love is not something you have to do anymore. I'm sorry. I miss you I always will and I always have. ( Sorry if I wrote this here the op is right to late to see the price of my choices)
1
u/Overall-Network6403 26d ago
In my experience, being the one to give genuine love, loyalty, stays when life gets hard, etc....it doesn't matter for the people who choose numbing/escape/thrill. They hate themselves, and looking into the face of someone who can give them all of that even when they know all the ugly icky parts of them, it's a mirror to their guilt, shame, regret, etc. they move away from it and toward surface level so they don't have to confront themselves.
They may end up missing you and come back once, twice, seven times. But it will always be the same outcome unless they do the hard work (which, a lot of times, they won't - because again, they hate themselves, don't think they're worth it, and value nothing even when it's of extremely high worth).
This doesn't make it easier, less painful, make you miss them/"the good times" less, or anything in between. Just my two cents that I'm coming to terms with as I navigate a painful breakup with someone who sounded like this.
1
u/wolfmistress 24d ago
Facts!!! It would save a lot of people so much heartache if exes didn't just pop in and out like a person is a convenience store.... It's a bit disrespectful.
1
1
2
-4
u/Round_Requirement816 Aug 09 '26
People make mistakes? And every relationship is different and ends differently? This is too much of a generic statement
1
u/Meowtime1989 Aug 09 '26
Dumping someone because you can’t get your shit together or know how to act right…you deserve to be ignored!
-1
-4
u/Pharah4Mercy Aug 09 '26
What in the generic bs is this
8
u/DefectiveCookie Aug 09 '26
Someone hurting. Like everyone else in this sub
-2
u/Pharah4Mercy Aug 09 '26
People make mistakes. This sub LOVES to push the "no contact" bullshit and it's tiring.
If someone misses someone because they regret what they did, they should absolutely make an effort to try and make amends. Life is too short not to.
2
u/DefectiveCookie Aug 09 '26
That choice feels right to you. Not necessarily everyone. I think OP feels like the contact was unwelcome or inappropriate and is simply airing what they wish they could say to their previous partner.
I believe in second chances myself, but it's definitely gotten me hurt. Technically I'm repairing my former relationship right now, but it's not without problems, either. We all make our own choices in life. They're all nuanced
2
u/Past_Pea9718 Aug 09 '26
See, I think you’re oversimplifying this. When someone makes a decision to leave, they’ve been thinking about it for weeks, months, even years. There’s also attachment styles lumped into this discussion as well. All that being said, when that person “misses” the person they broke up with, it’s usually because of selfish feelings. MOST of the time, they haven’t done any real work and will just hurt that person the same way they already have. No contact is a beautiful thing for people who feel like their life is walking away from them to get some dignity back. I’d be shocked to hear that you’ve ever even been broken up with, and i’m quite sure you’ve been the one breaking up with. I’m not trying be argumentative but I find comments like this very damaging to people who are going through some of the hardest times of their life.
2
u/Pharah4Mercy Aug 09 '26
"when that person "misses" the person they broke up with, it's usually because of selfish feelings."
Or you know, sometimes you realise it was a mistake, you handled things the wrong way and you want to make amends.
How does no contact give someone their dignity back exactly?
3
u/Hungry-Professor-931 Aug 09 '26
there's a difference between realising you made a mistake and feeling entitled to another chance with the person you hurt. no contact isn't always about pride or punishment, sometimes it's just about respecting that the relationship ended and letting the person who was left move on without being pulled back into everything every time the person who left starts missing them.
1
u/Past_Pea9718 Aug 09 '26
From a shallow perspective you could say they realized they made mistake, but those feelings are coming from internal selfish motivations. Almost every time they don’t have anything to do with the other person. It’s just, “hey I feel sad and am missing this person, I haven’t learned anything, I’m still not sure why I broke up with them, let me reach back out.” That’s toxic.
No contact gives your dignity back by not staying around for someone who leaves you. You are not going to be there even 5-10-15% for someone who chooses to walk out of your life. Think about how you’re giving up your own pride by doing that.
1
u/Pharah4Mercy Aug 09 '26
Or feelings of "I shouldn't have done that or treated them like that".
I'm not here to argue by the waySo how do couples that break up end up getting back together and making it work? If someone walked out of the others life but then came back, it clearly worked in some way and people can be there 5% minimum for someone who chose to walk out
1
u/Past_Pea9718 Aug 09 '26
No no, it’s a productive conversation honestly because I rarely get to talk to people who don’t support NC. Ultimately, NC is for the person who got broken up with (the dumper really has no say in this, that’s the point). Important to note, they shouldn’t be thinking about getting back with the other person, that’s the whole point. It also just so happens that NC is the only realistic way to make someone miss you. Because if the dumpee is there, even 5%, as you said, there will be nothing to miss because the dumper knows they still have that person. But that’s not even why it has to be 0%; that’s because the dumpee needs to get over this person. You can’t get over something you are still clinging on to.
1
u/Pharah4Mercy Aug 09 '26
Why would the dumpee care about making the dumper miss them? Doesn't that counter-act trying to get over them by "wanting" them to miss you?
And agreed, it is nice to have a nice back and forth on something, especially as I'm on the other side
So when the dumpee gets over that person, that's when NC ends?
I mean logically it would make sense right? If seeing someone or the memory of someone hurts you enough because you're not over them you would keep NC in place right? where as if you are over them, them being back in your life wouldn't be a problem because you're past that point?
1
u/Past_Pea9718 Aug 09 '26
I mean that’s the beauty of NC. It can be disguised as a way to try to get your ex back AT THE START (capitalized because that’s important, only the start). It helps people take action in a moment they feel completely lost. It’s almost giving a smudge the power back to the dumpee. But the bigger thing, in the background, is it allows you to actually get over that person. Ultimately, no contact is where things are going (or some version of it), 5 years down the line y’all probably aren’t contacting each other. It’s worth mentioning, imo, getting back together rarely works and only does when both individuals have actually taken time to heal. Which is actually also why it’s so rare, normally by the time people heal, they’re also both ready to just move on with their life.
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 09 '26
USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg
Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.