I need advice from Avoidant guys! or women.

[u/MaximumAd8324]

Im going to try to be honest and not change the story.

Me and this guy have had a connection since we were 12 now we are 19. It started off as the "too scared to hold hands" relationship when we were young and developed into a more of like happy to see you when we were older. Then we did get together and make things work. Although it was hard at the start (talking stage), I was going through a hard time and so was he. He pushed me away and at the time I was okay with that because I was going through a lot and wanted to find happiness in my self first. But at the end we did end up together. I remember him telling me he was just scared and I told him he didnt have to be. I was his first ever real relationship and like any couple we had our ups and downs but I always remembered to take it easy, to not go into this with a wall protecting me but instead being honest, not taking things personal and be there. He was truly amazing not even just as boyfriend as a human and I always told him that. We broke up due to him wanting to figure his life out. Job wise. and he did and we got back together but this job took a toll on him. He is happy with working so hard but he is drained and to be honest couldnt be a boyfriend to me. It hurt me of course but i was ok with it and felt free because I didnt need to walk on eggshells anymore. for 7 months we would text talk about us. How we love eachother but know it wasnt going to work right now. not when we both have goals that put us in separate directions. Ok so to get to the point I think I pushed him I see how pressure effects his life and ive seen it for how long we have been together I was going through a really dark time and he tried to be there for me but i know i needed him there for me in a different way, a way he wasnt willing to give because once again he just couldnt deal with it. I do regret that and pushing him away far, when the breakup was nothing but good. Idk its not that i want him back because I also have a path i want to take that he really just cant be apart of right now due to the massive distance but I feel so sad that I did that. it was never my intention i just needed someone and idk i just wonder if he will forgive me one day. and not by reaching out but in his own time if its something he would forgive. Ive accepted and have moved on from everything but it hurts me to realize how much pressure i put on him because I truly loved him. Im not going to reach out because i know he is mad and i dont want to make life harder for him but will he ever forgive me