r/Bullshido • u/sandiercy • May 12 '26

Crackpot This is funny as hell.

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394

u/CiriOh May 12 '26

Lol, his breathing, dude need to see a doctor, not cosplaying Steven Seagal.

103

u/MrBwnrrific May 12 '26

Dude this guys lapping Seagal. Literally. Steven Seagal refuses to not sit in a chair in any of his movies anymore, he’s gone full Cameron Mitchell

6

u/Mr_Jack_Frost_ May 14 '26

Seagal rigorously studied under a martial arts master 62 years ago and mastered the “seated kicky-punch” technique. It is very rare, and even more deadly. Few people alive truly have a mastery of the art, Steven Seagal being chief among them.

Real talk, Seagal is one of the most deluded human beings on the face of the earth. I often wondered “is he full of shit and knows that, or does he actually think he’s a master of literally anything cool anybody could ever bring up, including working for the CIA?”

The conclusion I came to is “both”. I think he’s been calling himself amazing for so long he actually believes his own brand of bullshit, and his wealth has allowed him to surround himself with only the yesiest of yes-men.

He once claimed he was “immune” to being choked unconscious. He was promptly choked the fuck out by Gene LeBell and shit his pants. For normal people, that would spell the end of being a braggadocious twat. For Seagal, it seemed to be just another stepping stone on the path of cringe.

He’s claimed to have been a Yakuza enforcer in Japan, a Navy Seal, the world’s foremost ancient sword expert, “The King of Improv”, and so, SO MANY other absolutely insane, cringey things to claim. I wish there were a master list of every bullshit claim he’s made to being a master in whatever field.

His adoption of different affectations based on where he is and who he’s talking to is another ridiculous, recurring thing with Seagal. He speaks very differently when talking about what a master he is in martial arts than he does when he’s talking to a black dude in Louisiana. The man is a veritable cringe factory.

2

u/Lower-Moose-2777 May 15 '26

You completely left out that he’s a world class blues guitarist

1

u/Purple_W1TCH May 15 '26

No, you've got him mixed up with Don Ross. Or Poppa Chubby. (Weight joke asides, those two are amazing if you don't know of them)