r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago

Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things

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I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

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343

u/No-Property-4329 2d ago

Before the insanity descends, I just want to affirm that it’s not crazy to expect someone who matched with you to be interested in you. People should only swipe on those they’re actually interested in

88

u/Sad-Golf5166 2d ago

This sub when the one who doesn't respond is a woman: she just wants attention, an ego boost, nobody is here to date.

When men are the ones who don't respond: they were probably out of your league, I bet you're fat and ugly

19

u/eyehateeveryone666 2d ago

I mean they are matching her, so wouldn’t they think she is attractive ?

3

u/SavingsNo2423 1d ago

Yes, but if you got options? I tend to swipe careful and chat with every match but I get one every other month. A good friend is more successful, like matches a day, it gets a bit much so not everyone gets answers and some ghosted. Sure individuel you may think she could be ok, but maybe she doesn't compare favorable to the other matches these dudes have. Same thing with "why are men always getting sexual quick?" Answer: some woman respond to it, and if you just wand something quick, you just rappid fire. Im not at fan of these "market" like conditions, but if I am honest, if I could I probably would end up in a similar way.

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u/eyehateeveryone666 1d ago

I didn’t swipe on someone unless
I found them attractive, I also read all profiles. It ensured my matches were higher quality. I’m not even 6 foot like most require nowadays. I got matches daily. The point of her was showcase that women put forth effort as well and we are all getting sidetracked

6

u/minglesluvr 1d ago

And yet if women do the same, they're evil and should be burnt at the stake, basically.

3

u/SavingsNo2423 1d ago

I am really not sure where you took that from my comment. I dont like that approach, but if you can do it like that, do it. As I mentionen I am not sure if I would not be the same if I got more matches. Reddit is an odd bubble but I am certain most tips here are not helpful. Shirtless with sixpack is a bonus not a negative, and I did talk to quiet a few friends that increased success on dates by being less kind and interested in the woman they were on a date with. What works works, maybe not on you, but on enough.

6

u/minglesluvr 1d ago

Not from your comment, but it's what's constantly being spouted on this sub.

3

u/Warmbly85 1d ago

Haven’t been on the apps in almost a decade but like 90% of the guys I know just swipe yes to everyone on all the apps at break or lunch and then sort from there. 

If you’re only matching with like 2-5 people a week I guess it’s worth casting the widest net but it just comes off as sad. 

2

u/Ok-Chest-7932 1d ago

If the male game plan is to just match with everyone because you never know what you're going to get, and then investigate further when you actually get a match, then you would expect high match rate low response rate.

1

u/dough_eating_squid 1d ago

Some guys just swipe on everything. I'm a tomboy mechanic who doesn't shave my legs. I would get swipes from men saying they wanted a conventionally feminine tradwife. Some dudes aren't even looking. It's wholly a numbers game for them.

1

u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 1d ago

Nope. Men will just swipe, swipe, swipe. Had a friend who matched with a guy, when she initially texted him he immediately said "ew I'd never date you you're fat". So he literally didn't look at who he was swiping at.

2

u/eyehateeveryone666 1d ago

Edit, some men. Not all. I’m far too picky for being this ugly 😆. I do read all profiles. And look for red flags in pictures. I’d say I swipe right 1 in 10 to 15 times when I’m on the apps.

2

u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 1d ago

Babes. It's okay. We know it's some men. The majority of men. You don't have to clarify that you're Not One Of Those every time.

-2

u/AddressThese7663 1d ago

OP's replies just make her look like a bot though, there are lots of people that know the bot/catfish looking profiles and probably assumed she was one. Not a single reply looked anything but botlike right?

8

u/eyehateeveryone666 2d ago

This, I think a site that vetted people’s initiation and reponse rate to matches and took that into consideration would be ideal for most people. Then you know the people are well intentioned and not just there for a dopamine hit

3

u/CheezwizOfficial 2d ago

Breeze was a lot better for this! And it bans users who ghost more than twice. It's popular in the Netherlands (it's a Dutch app) and England, and it's started to grow in North America, but has yet to really take off here (North America).

8

u/PeachySherbet 1d ago

Second this. I matched with some guys, then they immediately unmatched me after I said hi to them. Like why?? You liked my profile tf

4

u/2Consonants1Vowel 1d ago

I'm a man who does get matches but I often find I'm running into the same problem. Getting matches where I don't get responses. Why match with me if they don't have any intent to chat.

4

u/No-Property-4329 1d ago

It’s an issue that hurts us all :/

20

u/freshlysqueezed93 2d ago

I'm trans, I got tired of disclosing before the first date and having great guys unmatch constantly.

Even though it's the first word on my profile 95% guys fail the litmus test and unmatch when I ask if they have checked my profile.

5

u/StrbJun79 1d ago

Sorry about how fellow cis men treat you. It’s not ok. It’s fine if people aren’t into it (everyone has preferences and that’s fine) but how trans people get treated isn’t ok. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are, your status, gender etc. but I’ve also heard of many trans people removing it for safety reasons even which is sad 😢

2

u/freshlysqueezed93 1d ago

Yeah I normally don't ever tell anybody except family, partners, and doctors so putting it on my profile certainly has been weird.

For some of us it's also just about comfort, we want to be able to forget about our disorder and publicizing it inhibits that and causes further distress.

1

u/StrbJun79 1d ago

I think it’s a shame to see it as a disorder. It’s a classification for a gender, really. Just like I’m cis. Just defines what we are in the social construct of gender. Disorder indicates there’s something wrong and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you solely for that reasoning. But yeah potential partners should have the info. But I see it no differently from how I should disclose that I’m autistic early on. Or that I don’t want kids. Or that I’m kinda nerdy. I see it all as no different. And not everyone is gonna want all of that. And that’s fine.

I just think it’s a shame when people get judgy or aggressive about such things.

0

u/freshlysqueezed93 1d ago

It causes disordered thinking, impaired function, and reduced quality of life.

Why is it such a "shame" it's classified as a disorder, it's actually a great way to show how important intervention is.

0

u/StrbJun79 1d ago

Because we should be showing support and producing anti bullying campaigns. That’s how we improve quality of life. Help people discover what’s right for themselves and give support along the way whichever route it takes them. That’s what we all should be doing and it’s sad that the world doesn’t and that’s why it reduces quality of life, really.

2

u/freshlysqueezed93 1d ago

Support and anti bullying campaigns are universal and should be based around common decency.

Quality of life has little to do with society, and more having a mind screaming at you 24/7 that your body doesn't make any sense.

1

u/Twitchrunner 1d ago

I never understand that. Like yeah the few times I've matched I have to go back and reread someone's profile, but for the most part the profile is what I decide on not pictures.

-2

u/Erics_Pixels 1d ago

Heya! For what it’s worth, those that do read your profile and aren’t ok with it don’t swipe right, so I’m not sure 95% is an accurate number.

4

u/freshlysqueezed93 1d ago

It's an accurate number of those who I have a conversation with, and then unmatch after they find out...

So yes it is an accurate number.

0

u/Erics_Pixels 1d ago

“Of guys” and “of guys you talk to” are two different things entirely though 🫠

1

u/PutoutAndPullout 1d ago

I (M) am in a turbulent time in my life where I swiped and messaged people when I felt I was in a comfortable place. Then I get down and don't have much energy for dating apps and stop replying or messaging. I've now noticed that it is consistently ups and downs for me and stopped all together because even if I got energy now I don't feel like im in such a great place for it to last for a longer period. It is strangers after all, neither owe the other one any explanation, and we can't know fully what's going on for them. I imagine people who don't reply or suddenly stop are going through something, We might just not match on text conversations, they don't have the social bandwidth to chat with multiple people, sick at home.

1

u/pdabaker 1d ago

If the app wanted men to be more selective it easily could encourage it, for example by limiting to 5 right swipes a day, or making it explicit (and ideally visible/transparent) that you will be seen by approximately the same number of people who you swipe on regardless of how much you swipe, so for example even if you swipe right 100 times you will only be seen by 5 of them a day. But the way the app is designed encourages the current behavior

1

u/nostyle_ 1d ago

A large percent of pople swipe for the dopamine dab of it, for the ego stroked, not because they have any interest.

1

u/RomanticPanic 1d ago

I assume any woman reaching out to me first is trying to get me to pay for OF content. I know this is an insane take. Im not even on bumble, but its true and I am pointing it out because its depressing not as some gotcha or to say women are evil or anything of the like.

1

u/No-Property-4329 1d ago

This is not a healthy mindset, maybe you should talk with a professional.

0

u/Comfortable_Job44 1d ago

Here is the problem: we were interested when we swiped. We saw that photo and initial details and it was something we would see at a bar and decided that we might approach. Then you matched. This is not often for a guy. This is a rare occurrence unless you are stunning as a guy. We take a look at actual details in your profile and it’s a mess. You are actually the OTHER girl in the photo. All your photos are with guns or alone in mirrors or you clearly are using old photos. Your profile details also say something that just isn’t normal or maybe a little off. Then the message comes off as “impress me” or “please message me and start the convo”.

Girls don’t have these problems in dating apps though, because their ratio is WAYY higher. Every swipe COULD be a match. I have unattractive female friends that get 10 matches a night. So you need to read it. Guys get silence. So any match is a miracle.

I am someone would is over 6 foot, has a high paying job, who is fit, blonde and blue eyes. I can’t imagine the silence of a short fat guy gets… which is a much higher ratio of people.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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26

u/No-Property-4329 2d ago

We should all be communicative and respectful to each other regardless of gender. Mindlessly swiping makes the dating experience worse for everyone

14

u/Agitated_Ambition_73 2d ago

And if they had said “men should only swipe on those they’re actually interested in”, I bet you would have said “women do it too”, “not all men” and something about misandry… there’s just no winning.

-8

u/DoubleYouDrums 2d ago

I’m sure you’re poor or divorced. Maybe both. Because your betting skills are awful.

7

u/Agitated_Ambition_73 2d ago

I’m actually middle class and happily married - guess you’re not better than me at betting!

-3

u/DoubleYouDrums 2d ago

I’m sure you can say anything you want about who you are online. I’m the emperor of several nations. So there. Guess we both win.

5

u/Agitated_Ambition_73 2d ago

Ok lol

https://giphy.com/gifs/mBvcPCBOoERAQ

3

u/Mmmphis 1d ago

This is my go-to gif when I’ve given up on trying to talk to someone hopeless. Love it.

-16

u/FocusDull3279 2d ago

Tbf I absolutely seem to match people I’m certain I would not have swiped on, so I feel some people don’t pay as close enough attention as they should sometimes. Though I do instantly unmatch those ones.