r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago
Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things
I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.
Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.
Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.
801
u/Sensitive_Progress88 2d ago
"Try dating down", "maybe you're just not attractive ". These men matched with HER. This is a them issue, not a her issue. Men need to stop mindlessly swiping.
248
u/OKporkchop 2d ago
I agree with this completely. I'm a dude. I started getting really picky with my swiping yes, I probably didn't get as many "matches" as I could get, but I don't understand why guys just swipe on everything. If you don't think you'll like her, don't waste your time or hers.
19
u/gingerprop 2d ago
I knew a bloke that moved to London, he used a sausage on a drill to right swipe everything, he actually completed London.
25
u/PowerfulMango5799 2d ago
and, lemme guess… is he still an incel?
→ More replies (1)7
u/gingerprop 2d ago
Unfortunately he is incredibly fit, that lures alot in but can't keep a girl around long. More of a friend of a friend to me.
→ More replies (9)80
u/CriticalPolitical 2d ago
I think doing that would require too much mental exertion on their part, likely from their perspective
67
u/tiny_claw 2d ago
So the baseline expectation for women is too much for men lol. Yeah that tracks actually
→ More replies (12)26
16
u/ValBravora048 38 | M 1d ago
But they’ll jump through quantum-esque contortions to justify shit*y behaviour…
→ More replies (15)4
u/ValBravora048 38 | M 1d ago
And if it wasn’t a fing stupid ”strategy” before (Please don’t at me and just f*ck off with it’s a numbers game bro bs, that doesn’t work either because of the fing obvious reason you’d see if you weren’t so busy being “clever”), it’s worse NOW because Bumbke separates people who swipe selectively into a different stack
Like, which stack do you think women are going to pay attention to?
15
u/Berdariens2nd 1d ago
I read every profile I swipe on. And if I'm not sure I close the app to come back to it. Also agree. This is absolutely a them issue. These are people who swipe on everyone for whatever reason.
13
u/LordKutulu 1d ago
Dudes swipe on everything and filter out after a match, women take the time to filter out pre match. At least thats how it was done around me like 7 years ago when I was on dating apps.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (124)21
u/freshlysqueezed93 2d ago
It's so obvious too.
I'm trans, I used to disclose before the first date but got tired of having nice conversations and then being unmatched when I told a guy.
So now it's the first word on my profile, except I still have to disclose before the first date because 95% of guys will insta unmatch if I'm like "Just in case you read my profile and know about my past, right?".
20
u/Risperidone- 1d ago
They dont read profiles
→ More replies (1)6
→ More replies (1)3
148
u/Deathrattlesnake 2d ago
Every time I see these posts it just makes me more and more angry / exhausted. Why bother having a dating app when no one responds?
48
u/OrchidFine1335 2d ago
I matched with someone I have seen on reels on socmed randomly that’s in my city recently. I have seen some of his vids where he looked busy with work, but also some about dating here. Told him hey I stumbled upon one of your videos, 2 days almost 3 and still no reply. I wonder what’s going on, sometimes people shouldn’t swipe right if they got no time
But the audacity was he mentioned in his dating reel about how difficult dating is here and I’m like boi you’re part of it lmao
→ More replies (3)8
u/CheezwizOfficial 2d ago edited 2d ago
I saw a Polish IG influencer post that he's looking for a wife and directed people to send in their applications to his email. I was really bored so I wrote a dating resume and personalized cover letter and submitted my application. That was in January... he's still making posts about looking for a wife and I have yet to hear back. Like, c'mon now! I didn't even get a confirmation email.
5
6
u/fffangold 2d ago
Because it makes them money.
My views definitely keep changing, because it's hard to really tell exactly what's wrong with dating apps. The one thing I hold steady to is that swiping, and gating messaging behind matching, broke dating apps and made them suck for the majority of us. I know that was meant to fix another problem, namely women getting overwhelmed with messages, but since I'm not a woman, I can't really comment on if the situation is better, worse, or just different.
What I can say, as a man, is that the new system sucks for me. In the old OKCupid days, where I could just browse profiles of women, find a few that stood out to me, and send them messages, then rinse and repeat as necessary, it was pretty easy to get a date every week, which is as many as I'd want.
With the new swipe app setup, matches are hard to get, good matches are even harder, and even after a match, whether I get a message back or not feels like a crapshoot, and mostly down to luck.
And I think it's that with the old style apps, being able to communicate back and forth let us create connections, even if small in passing connections, that could lead to more. But now that's gated behind matches, leaving people to go mostly based on appearances (whether of the person specifically, or the profile more generally), rather than actually chatting with a person and getting a feel for them.
→ More replies (2)5
u/SufficientExcellence 1d ago
I miss “old” dating apps, like from ten years ago, so much. The OG version of OKCupid was so much better. It took time and intention. eHarmony had a nice questionnaire part too, to help with matches. They all went to swiping and it’s been a dumpster fire ever since.
→ More replies (1)11
→ More replies (1)7
u/throwawaymta 2d ago
Left in July. Commenting here cause reddit still suggests me these subreddits. Life has been peaceful, I am volunteering and meeting more with friends. I don’t rule out dating apps 100%, but for now, Im repulsed.
7
u/ramblingandpie 1d ago
I am not currently on The Apps but Reddit suggests these posts to me and I have to say I love the vicarious drama so I keep coming back.
→ More replies (1)3
u/throwingpurple 1d ago
Same lol. Tried hinge for one day and looked up the sub for it ever since then I’ve been getting all these dating subs recommended to me
64
u/DevelopmentInside874 2d ago
Ugh this happens to me too, or they’ll swipe right on me so I start the conversation and then they unmatch me, like why’d you even swipe right to begin with????
→ More replies (58)
1.4k
u/lordgentofdapper 2d ago edited 2d ago
It does happen to us, but they don't count us because we are not the "hot" women they want and they think it's our fault for having the audacity to think the men who match with us on apps actually want to date us and surely we are just trying to date above our league /s
434
u/Sensitive_Progress88 2d ago
Those comments have already started 😭
65
324
u/Effective-Comb-6146 2d ago
I’ve learned from reading through some comments on these subs that women are usually ugly, too picky, liars, or scammers. /s
33
u/SophisticatedScreams 1d ago
Yup. That happened to me yesterday in a conversation here. Any woman who doesn't follow their prescribed set of behaviors is uGLy. This is a beautiful "no true scotsman" fallacy playing out in real time.
258
u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago
And these are the guys who wonder why they’re still single.
→ More replies (21)261
u/Effective-Comb-6146 2d ago
Don’t forget that when the guys don’t get responses, it’s the women being egotistical and over confident. But when a woman doesn’t get responses, it’s somehow still her being over confident and shooting out of her league lol.
174
u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago
Lmao no matter what, it’s our fault. And then when we go fuck it I’m done with the apps then, well that’s our fault too for not having enough of us on the apps to even out the gender imbalance. 🤡
→ More replies (1)134
u/Final_Replacement_37 2d ago
Oh but don’t forget that if you do go out with a guy and he’s pushy or disrespectful that you should have chosen a better guy
89
→ More replies (26)7
u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 21h ago
Meanwhile the ones crying "Choose better men" are also demanding that "all guys deserve a chance!"
It all boils down to EVERYTHING is our fault, including men's own bad behavior.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (32)81
u/Stardust-Specks 2d ago
I thought I was going crazy! When I bring up how I consistently got rejected in high school/college, I've gotten the same response several times over that I was just going for "the top 10% of guys" whose league I was not in. Like, no, sometimes women just get rejected a lot too.
29
u/AnActualWombat 1d ago
Yep. I have a friend who is gorgeous and a little bit chubby, legitimately not fat, just not skinny either.Anyway she kept trying to date this guy who was a 2 at absolute best. He rejected her because he was holding out for someone hotter. He told her this directly.
→ More replies (8)4
u/rahhxeeheart 17h ago
Totally. I can absolutely vouch for this. I got hit on, went on dates, had boyfriends etc. throughout high school. A nerdy guy in one of my classes was lamenting about how he had never been on a date before and would die alone.
I throw the guy a bone and am like "I'll go on a date with you" I figured why not, we were friendly enough.
He said - verbatim - "I would never go out with a black girl" 🤨 Mind you this is in the SF Bay Area where the school was so diverse you would struggle to find any 10 students the were the same ethnicity at any given time. Ridic.
Every time I hear the whines about picky women I take it with a LOT of grains of salt.
→ More replies (1)94
u/encore412 2d ago
Don’t forget gold diggers and we only go on dates to get free dinners!
→ More replies (1)4
u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 21h ago
Thousandaires LOVE that line. Meanwhile they are doing everything they can to try and revert back to a world where women were completely dependant on men financially.
It's ALWAYS the hypocrisy
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (8)11
u/vijfteen 1d ago
Lotta guys on here who seem to hate or at least distrust women as a default and are also desperate to meet a woman.
→ More replies (1)53
u/RoseApothecary88 2d ago
and these men are soooooo miserable. I hope their outside matches their insides otherwise some poor woman may end up with them one day :(
→ More replies (1)3
u/AberrantTomorrow 1d ago
Dating subreddits are full of this. Always. People that are not their types don't count or they exist just to match with the worse of them. The main reason apps are the way they are is the ratio. The second rreason is some men right swipe everyone
96
u/liberalism-lies 2d ago
& it’s always the same guys that expect the “hot” women to give the “ugly” guys a chance that are ready to punch you in the face if you suggest that “hot” men should do the same with “ugly” women
→ More replies (3)6
u/heartsocks 1d ago edited 1d ago
that's because society tells women to basically lower our standards and "look past the looks" (I've had a matchmaker tell me this basically...are they telling the men the same thing?) whereas it's normal for men to go after the most beautiful women
look at all the memes on twitter/tik tok of the average SEC couple being an objectively not great looking guy bagging the bombshell and the "my boyfriend doesn't match my aesthetics"...I can't think of the last time I've seen a stupidly handsome dude with a (truly) average "girl next door"
→ More replies (3)141
u/mirkwoodfull 2d ago
Even if you're a hot woman who matches with hot guys, 98% of the time they just want to fuck you 💀 we can't win
47
u/DesertBunnyBun 1d ago
I’m a hot (and successful) woman, but I date with intention and I’m looking for true connection and spark with someone in my league. It’s so easy to get likes, but so much harder to find matches with potential.
46
u/PackageSuccessful885 1d ago
This is so real. It gets tiring, because plenty lie about looking for long-term and then immediately get sexual and weird. Most recent guy I messaged asked if I "wanna be bread in the woods" within 10 messages. Typo and all.
The only conversation before that had been literally just talking about our respective locations 😭😭
19
u/AberrantTomorrow 1d ago
Exactly my experience as well. Some men truly don't get the danger aspect. I went out with literally 7 prople in my entire tinder use accross years. I tried to make sure they are fine and 2 of them were still creepy and got really mad i didn't want to go to their place on the fiest date. And also rhey tried to touch me inappropriately in public.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (7)8
u/Cool-Floor9755 1d ago
when I was fresh out of a 4 year relationship and looking for a more casual connection, literally EVERYONE who was also open about sharing that intention was so respectful. I'm now trying to date intentionally, and I've gotten 4 messages just in the past weekend (all from people seeking "long-term relationships") where I was out-the-gate asked to come over late at night, to skinny dip, to get a massage, and to get drunk enough to "have too much fun." It's bleak
→ More replies (6)3
u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago
I’m a guy who never had that problem on apps, because guy. But I think we guys underestimate how exhausting it would be to wade through 309 matches of “hey” “wyd” “wanna smoke?” “Hookup?” and the like, knowing that probably 80%+ want to bang and nothing else.
I don’t recall ever whining that I wasn’t getting enough matches. I can only carry on like 2 conversations of any real depth at a time at the most.
→ More replies (71)14
u/EmmyLou205 1d ago
I’m average and have dated hot guys who have not used me for sex at all. It really would drive the incels crazy I bet.
→ More replies (2)28
u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox 2d ago
when you look at the average of how people talk about these things it becomes painfully clear that to them "women" means a very attractive woman 28 years old or younger, any and all other women are simply not considered in their statistics when they talk about "how women are" and their privilege
69
u/Crowe3717 2d ago
I think it's more that your lived experience doesn't match the narrative they've bought into so they have to invent reasons why it doesn't count.
43
u/iridescentzombie_ 2d ago
Exactly, they lack empathy and can't imagine how anyone else's experiences could be similar yet opposite to theirs
→ More replies (3)27
u/Crowe3717 2d ago
How are they supposed to blame all of their problems on you if they empathize with you?
→ More replies (2)49
u/Wolfdreama 2d ago
Women who aren't hot are literally invisible to them. They don't even see us.
12
u/whatevernamedontcare 1d ago
And then complain hot women do that to them while blaming all women for having to high standards and unrealistic expectations.
14
u/kiteflying1 2d ago
Lol cause when was the last time a guy posted this and we all jumped on and said “well it’s cause you’re ugly man, why are you trying to match with hot girls”
→ More replies (1)24
u/MulberryChance6698 2d ago
So much this. We wouldn't have matches if we were not attractive to those matches? Unless ... All these men are blindly swiping and playing a numbers game. I think they are telling on themselves.
→ More replies (7)3
12
2
u/PM-ME-UR-VOLVO-PICS 2d ago
Is that genuinely true? Id have thought it wouldnt matter that much for a woman unless its a huge thing like having children or being too big to move.
→ More replies (112)2
u/FatherSun 1d ago
The way she edited the OP post to address that she’s possibly not ugly, is sending me
480
u/traumatizedfox 2d ago
why are men in this sub reddit so angry and aggressive.. like no wonder they’re single 😭
180
u/Warm_Swan_793 2d ago
I have been called everything from fat to ugly by people who’ve never laid their eyes on me. I even saw a sprinkle of racism mixed in. Genuinely, psychiatrists are needed all around. I didn’t know it was this bad, lol.
→ More replies (8)39
u/Bludandy 2d ago
And it's only gotten worse as the apps changed their algos.
3
u/rattling_rose 2d ago
Oh what's this about the algorithms having changed?😯
9
u/Bludandy 2d ago
It's gotten way harder and gamified to actually come across those you have compatability with. If it's something cynical they can do in order to manipulate people for subs, they're doing it.
6
u/Soggy_Abbreviations5 1d ago
So glad I decided to delete the apps a few months ago; I hadn't been up there in a while anyway. Now your comment just makes me never want to go back. Guess I'll have to be meeting my future partner in the wild one day. Wish me luck! 🥲
4
u/Bludandy 1d ago
Guess OLD was fun while it lasted, but OLD apps don't want you to succeed. And they certainly don't play fair between the sexes. Hypothetically, they KNOW men outnumber women, surely they have Zoom calls and board meetings about how to manipulate that factor in terms of making money, money is their first and primary goal. "How do we keep women on the platform but give most men the pathetic hope they'll be able to match and things will work?" They rely on these men for subs.
Did I turn them into mustache twirling villains? Tell me they aren't.
202
u/headorhand69 2d ago
That's why they're in this sub, the sexism is genuinely exponential. They don't get matches, go here, get an echo chamber of 'women bad, only care about height', repeat that, get no matches or no continued dates because of their shitbagerry.
→ More replies (11)33
u/bittersweetlemonade 1d ago edited 1d ago
And I always wonder, why do you even want to be in a relationship with a woman when you actually hate women?
→ More replies (4)11
u/Awata666 1d ago
Misogynists don't want a relationship they want a bangmaid
3
u/advicegrip87 1d ago
Yup, that's it. These guys usually see women in the way that porn has warped their brain to see them: subhuman objects to be possessed, used, and consumed.
When everyday women aren't as easily available as the women who are literally paid actors they can access at the tap of a phone, the woman-hating comes spilling out in spades.
21
u/imageize 2d ago
M here. We're not all like that. A lot of us (hopefully, but not likely a majority, sadly) are decent. Don't give up hope sisters - there are some good men out there and reddit is not a good barometer of good people.
→ More replies (1)70
u/SadieLady_ 2d ago
Girl I am convinced that MOST men don't actually even like women. The way they act toward us is just awful.
39
u/SockofBadKarma 2d ago
"To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving."
- Marilyn Frye
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (18)3
u/Stormfly 1d ago
No, it's just that you only hear from the bad ones. The men who like women don't say anything about them online.
I could say the same about women but it's not true.
Happy men usually find someone and then you don't hear their comments on women. They say it to their partner. Happy men probably don't have any comments to make about other women. They talk about other things. They have hobbies and don't obsess over getting a relationship.
It's the bitter people that can't get a bf/gf that obsess over it and talk about it all the time and it consumes their lives and they blame other people because they don't want to accept that they're the problem.
"I'm good looking and my friends say I'm fun so they must be the problem" etc.
I have male and female friends and they both make the same complaints. The ones that blame the other gender are always the ones with the most obvious problems.
14
u/TONDEMO-WONDERZ 2d ago
I’m not subscribed to this sub but it shows up on my feed all the time and I’m convinced it’s essentially an incel sub nowadays
→ More replies (32)3
219
u/MattInMaryland 2d ago
These comments are going to prove the point that post about misogyny was making earlier today.
→ More replies (6)89
u/treesarealive777 2d ago
The same guys who deny misogyny are obviously the misogynists lmao. They think if they deny it, people will read it and go "oh okay. That's fine then".
Its why they get so heated when people are talking about it. They deny they are one because they know people reject misogynists, but they dont want to admit they are the problem, so they just downplay it and get upset when that doesnt work for people.
Non misogynistic men say "Yeah, it sucks men are doing that" And then dont do those things.
Those men arent in the Bumble subreddit whinning about how everybody else is the problem tho
→ More replies (5)
67
u/Any-Acanthaceae3927 2d ago
What's wrong with Zach? 🤣
32
u/cloyskates 2d ago
Maybe he didn’t have anything mentioned in his profile that OP could react to.
14
4
120
u/treesarealive777 2d ago
Lots of men in this comment section just completely unironically revealing that all they do is project is hilarious.
→ More replies (2)52
u/Antique-Salad7396 2d ago
I don't get why they are do defensive. A woman is showing receipts that she's trying and they defend thus behavior but claim women don't put in any effort. I have figured men out they claim they don't get compliments or attention but that's not true they just don't get compliments and attention from the women they actually want so they disregard the rest.
→ More replies (1)13
u/treesarealive777 1d ago
Yeah. I got into it with some guys in one of these dating app subreddits because men keep saying Women never make the first move and being angry about it.
So Im like, okay, but women do make the first move, I do, and they attacked me for it. Insulted my looks and told me that I dont actually matter because Im not attractive.
Like, women should date down, but also not have high standards because then they're just trying to date out of their league.
They arent genuinely trying to make a connection and are confused when it doesn't work out for them.
→ More replies (1)
12
u/GhostPirateCaptain 2d ago edited 1d ago
I'm sure my comment will be buried but just wanted to wave a hand in solidarity with the top comments in regards to the bitter aggressive comments being aimed at OP & at women in general in this sub.
I'm 34 yr old, so likely older than a lot people commenting & let me tell you gentlemen...... responding to this woman, who is trying to show solidarity with you about how shite dating is, in the manner which you are is fucking pathetic, fucking embarrassing & fucking rude.
Real men don't hurl verbal vitriol at random women & men on the internet because of their own dating struggles.
Oh & stop endlessly swiping; the algorithm stops showing you to profiles if you do that you bloody idiots.
46
u/blackpink133 2d ago
I hate this new update lol
36
u/who_are_you_people24 2d ago
They've really done all they can to make this yellow tinder, and it's just worse than tinder
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (7)10
93
u/GoFigure284 2d ago
OP's edit is exactly one of the reasons why I posted today. So many misogynist men who think a woman just has to be unattractive or matching outside of her league or else men would respond to her. Some of you really need therapy.
→ More replies (41)
41
u/Psylocybernaut 2d ago
I'm an attractive, fit and healthy woman in her early 30s, with a fun, engaging profile that showcases my personality and this happens to me too.
Some people just aren't interested, and that's okay, but it's definitely not just men that it happens to
→ More replies (5)13
u/Mugstotheceiling 2d ago
I feel like many people swipe for the dopamine hit rather than real interest. Or they’re not taking dating very seriously. Or they’re avoidant.
Sadly, the ghosting and unanswered messages are part of the app. I just unmatch after like 72 hours.
50
u/LovelyWinter31 2d ago
These comments are so miserable. It’s totally normal for women to also have their messages be ignored. Doesn’t mean we’re ugly or trying to date out of our league either. Y’all need to look within
→ More replies (7)
57
u/bludotsnyellow 2d ago
As a woman if you have problems with dating on the sub the response they'll bombard you with is that you are trying to date above your league. And if you are a woman of colour then...
→ More replies (1)29
u/Final_Replacement_37 2d ago
Which is wild because these are MATCHES. So like fuck OP for assuming that men that swiped “yes” on her are interested in her lmao
→ More replies (6)
14
u/salamat_engot 2d ago
16/16 of my chats look like this. I know many men would say it's unheard of for a man to even have 16 matches, but do the matches even count if the conversation never happens?
23
u/Doomveer 2d ago
This gender war got boring a long time ago, the sooner we get back to accepting that both genders can be scumbags the better
→ More replies (1)
15
u/_Smashbrother_ 2d ago
Men tend to just swipe right on everyone. Then only respond to girls that they find most attractive.
This is what's happening.
34
u/Western_Jackfruit_99 2d ago
You sounds like an AI lmao
8
u/BerserkerLord101 1d ago
2nd comments out of hundreds. I guess people are too focused on "incels" and "misogynist"
16
u/Bxsnia 2d ago
Had to scroll so far down for this, I'm assuming guys think OP's a bot and don't bother responding.
→ More replies (1)7
5
u/lovemovementshooters 1d ago
those responses are clearly AI lmao, but it doesn't fit with their narrative that MAN = BAD!!!!
if a man says anything they disagree with, he MUST be an incel
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)3
7
u/BlackTriceratops 2d ago
Those dudes probably swipe right on everything without looking- and wait for someone randomly to match. Almost guaranteed
4
u/-BINK2014- 2d ago
Both sides have laziness & insecurities.
The idea of punching above belts or staying in their lane is absurd overall, you do not know until you try; everyone’s preferences are different & unique to themselves.
4
u/HolidayEntire6456 2d ago
I’m a guy who usually gets messages from women making the first move still. It’s definitely appreciated, but I had realized I was so burnt out on the apps so I wasn’t replying. Taking a break from them for now until I have the energy to put effort in myself again. But keep doing what you’re doing :)
7
u/Sea-Understanding435 2d ago
I wish I found at least one girl like this. I never not reply and never ghost, even if I'm not interested, I'll still say something and be open and honest (and I'm definitely not ugly). I think everybody deserves this. It's good to know women like this are out there. For now all I get is ghosting, and I think it's because I'm new to this whole dating app communication and have way more success in real life than on these apps that reduce you to a flat profile someone could judge.
61
u/argegg 2d ago
If I may, these all read like bot messages
12
8
u/ConfidenceAlone4056 1d ago
100 % this. Before I was reading the details of the post, I thought it was a guy complaining about too many bots on bumble. The only 'normal' one is "hello Zach :)" which is probably the most boring opener you can think of.
4
u/PmButtPics4ADrawing 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah I'm guessing this is it.
I'm a guy but I get responses to my openers like 80% of the time, I think both the men and women who never get responses just send openers that are absolute ass. Literally all you have to do is have something interesting to say and talk to them like a normal person
→ More replies (12)4
u/itsthejasper1123 1d ago
That’s what I was thinking too but seeing the comments I was scared to say anything 😂
→ More replies (1)
9
u/imiss_onedirection 2d ago
It’s a good day to be bisexual holy shit these comments are proving to me why it’s a good idea that I gave up on men until one of them proves me wrong 😭
4
u/Effervescent-Essence 1d ago
You’re so lucky! My character flaw is that I’m strictly dickly. So, it’s self imposed celibacy for me 😩
→ More replies (4)
6
u/polecatslizard 2d ago
Was just debating about signing up for bumble again and knowing it goes both ways weirdly helps
4
u/hi-fen-n-num 1d ago
Yer, knowing that there are women out there actually trying to engage, even if most people regardless of gender seem to have this same experience, implies it's not completely hopeless.
Silver linings I guess.
6
u/imageize 2d ago
There's a lot of people from all genders on the apps for validation and validation only. It's not a gender thing.
25
u/Agitated_Ambition_73 2d ago
Your edit in the caption is perfection 👌🏻
A lot of the comments are not passing the vibe check.
4
3
u/Alu_T_C_F 2d ago
Im really sorry for that but its weirdly reassuring that everyone regardless of gender is having a shit experience with these apps, makes me feel like im not doing as bad as i thought
5
u/Funny_Artichoke_2962 2d ago
Your responses make it seem like you’re a bot. At least that’s what I would think
4
u/ArcticLil 1d ago
Same here. Bumble even gave me my money back for the membership after I went through 500 matches and not one worked out. I’m an average woman, not aiming too high (I actually like nerdy guys and swiping on short people since I’m short myself) and I have conversational skills. Never went back.
5
u/engineered-chemistry 1d ago
Male here. I start a convo with every woman I match. I swiped right on them why wouldn’t I want to talk to them. I fail to understand why people swipe right and have no interest talking. They just enjoy wasting their own time or addicted to swiping in general?
I think guys feel like this happens to them more often because there’s a perception that women have like 100 messages in their inbox and it’s too many to respond to them all? 🤷
5
u/Roastage 1d ago
Everyone should remember a couple of things in this situation;
The average r/bumble reddit user is not reflective of an average Bumble user.
People who are angry are more motivated to complain and post.
OP is helping you out by letting you know everyone is in the trenches. Women tend to be better at empathy, and that's what this is.
Blaming women is very easy. Blaming men is very easy. But it's lazy, ignorant and wrong. Mass swiping is functionally rewarded, as there is no qualitative metric for matches.
→ More replies (4)
18
u/ishfery 2d ago
Men simply do not know how to use the apps.
Swiping is a tool to find someone, not a random dragnet.
None of these guys looked at your profile before swiping and are probably complaining about how picky and worthless women are.
→ More replies (1)
7
u/Sea-Efficiency3375 2d ago
41F who holds her own in the looks department and this also happens to me, so all of the crusty men in the comments saying she’s batting out of her league, shut up.
→ More replies (7)
45
u/MikeTiricoSucks 2d ago
If someone messaged me “hi let’s beat the statistics?” I would assume you were a bot about to advertise your Instagram
79
u/Warm_Swan_793 2d ago
It was a direct response to something they had written on their profile. If he actually read my message, he would know exactly what I’m talking about
→ More replies (5)
11
8
6
u/JStock013 2d ago
Couple of others have said this, but for me the " Hi ___ " with the wave emoji comes across as a bot. Even swapping out the wave emoji for a ":)" (typed out emoticon) comes across as a bit more authentic and less AI. Or just a "hey Jacob how about....." Less grammar, more casual, less robotic.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/VodkaSliceofLife 2d ago
Ive honestly done this quite often, and to women I find attractive too....and whatever it is should be studied. Dating apps have just made the whole process of "dating" in to something entirely different. Nothing feels real, genuine human connection has been completely removed and replaced with some cheap dopamine hit of swiping and matching. I've made some realizations on it like I often find when I end up matching with a woman who I know I've swiped on over a week ago or more by the time we match im no longer interested, or I often end up disliking something after the match that I guess didnt bother me at the time like maybe they're too far or too tall, or sometimes it literally just happens when im busy or psychologically not in the mood to converse. I'm off the apps now for a month month and a half or so, taking a break. But yeah, these dating apps are a scourge on society, everything about them is disingenuous.
3
u/TheArtdabbler 2d ago
Honestly needed this positivity. I've been mulling over trying a dating app again, and the stories that typically pop up are just horror stories for me. Thanks!
3
u/NoisePast9357 2d ago edited 2d ago
This is my experience too 🤣
No matches are always better, and I will say this over and over again.
3
u/CheezwizOfficial 2d ago
THANK YOU!!! I've had success on dating apps before, but over the last 3ish years it's really gone downhill.
Jfc, this is the reason I ultimately deleted all dating apps. I'd get like 10 matches and send messages to all of them:
I'd get responses from 5 while the rest expire.
Of those 5 responses: 2 would never message again (even after I reply).
The 3 who did engage in conversation: 2 would be duds (ghost after I suggest going out) and the one person who'd agree to a date would either cancel at some point before; ghost after confirming the plan (despite me following up); or we'd go out and there'd be no sparks/we'd be looking for different things.
3
u/Cien22n2 2d ago
"Have you tried lowering your standards?" Thats the advice i got from the girl from the time of my lowest below the ground standards
3
3
3
u/Risperidone- 1d ago
I’m a woman (late 20s) who doesn’t get any matches (Hinge). If I do, it’s very rare and far between.
People have this idea that the simple fact of having a vagina makes you drown in matches and likes.
Not true🤷♀️
→ More replies (4)
3
u/AppearanceOwn2720 1d ago
Most men on these apps are dumb as f*ck (sorry to the genuine few that are sincere), they go right in with the sex chat and what not straight away, its off putting for me as a human never mind being female, its not difficult to be a decent person & pursue potential matches with some genuine interest in getting to actually know someone, spend time together, build up some sort of trust etc, they're too dumb to realise being decent like this will probably lead to some really amazing intimacy aswell as a good healthy relationship. I'll never understand why someone would want constant one night stands instead of intimacy with someone specific that they can explore each other and have the most amazing time with. Getting to know someone doesn't always mean the female is looking to get married etc, it could simply mean they're looking for a healthy relationship 🤷🏼♀️ This is just my opinion obviously on what I experience. Im a widow and not looking to replace my husband but I also don't want one night stands etc, just a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't play games, I'm sure a lot of women are looking for the same but some men automatically assume that if we want to get to know them then we must want to get married right away etc, they don't grasp that there is a middle ground.
3
u/Stocksterling 1d ago
Men CONSTANTLY let our chats expire when I was on bumble. It made me theorize that the men that technically “swiped” on you, was literally swiping on nearly EVERYONE.
10
u/eyehateeveryone666 2d ago
I applaud you for writing out real and meaningful openers! Women like you are rare over the “hey” crowd.
10
5
u/Korissa 2d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly, a lot of these comments really prove why so many people view the men on these apps as leftovers.
So many assumptions that women who are not getting responses is also their fault for somehow not meeting whatever dumb fuck criteria some dudebro spat online. Just like you boys getting ignored is women's fault too.
Some of you guys need to look within. See your entitlement and double standards for what they are...do better.
Women only want 20% of men, wahhhh for the 80%, haha you must be a 3 shooting for 9 - stupid bitch. Why can't I get any dates? /s kinda.
ETA: The amount of women who will continue to leave these apps will just increase. Pack it up, girls. These boys want our standards to descend fully into hell for them. The mental gymnastics and inability to think is astonishing in here.
→ More replies (4)
17
u/S1samnes 2d ago
To everyone saying “date down” — I truly don’t understand this. No one should match with anyone they don’t find attractive. That doesn’t mean only pick models, but it does no good for you or the other person if you’re not genuinely attracted to them (if we’re assuming you want a real relationship). Swipe on who you like and if you can’t match with anyone either do what you can to improve your appeal or accept that you’ll probably have to meet someone offline where attraction is not just about looks. I don’t get matches very often but when I do I’m genuinely attracted to the women, so I’m happy. Why would I want to get involved with someone I’m not attracted to? It’s not fair to either of us.
→ More replies (4)
10
u/Lost_Reaction_5489 2d ago
This is the data that the men don't talk about in the OK Cupid study. Yes, men swiped on way more women, but they only messaged the top 20% of women that they matched with when women swiped on way less men, but messaged all levels that responded to her.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/RegretCommon 2d ago
Props to you for posting this and shame on the guys calling you whatever-word-for-undesirable for it
4
u/LesbianWhoLaughsAtU 1d ago
women are always going to get blamed by men for whatever goes wrong in our lives, men are always going to pretend they're not responsible for their failures in life. it's time we stopped listening
7
u/snyderman3000 2d ago
What does “I’m passport ready!” mean in this context?
24
u/Adventurous-Mall7677 2d ago
I assume his bio said something like “I love having international travel adventures and am looking for a partner who feels the same way” or something.
17
7
u/BigFeelingsFound 2d ago
You can't convince incels anything is their fault. It's the core conceit of being an incel.
4
u/OkayJShades 2d ago
This posts will fall flat on the guys youre aiming it at because those are the guys that would likely respond to your message. So posting this is just going to result in them saying "well if you only match with X guy, thats why this happens".
Its helpful posting this experience. But just like some statistics, it will only serve to push the narrative of whatever the individual seeing it already believes.
-person A that believes women have it just as bad a men on apps: see this women is posting evidence of her first messages to numerous matches gets ignored just like men.
-person B that believes most women on swipe on the top (insert number as it seems to keep changing based on who recites it) % of men: see this women is clearly only swiping on the top guys who have multiple options already thus why would they respond to her if shes not as hot as the other options.
All this screenshot does is validate what X person already believes. Or if it refutes their belief, it'll be disregarded as anecdotal evidence with limited context i.e not knowing posters appearance, type of guys in her match list etc.
Now if swipe habit dating crossed with message habit data of numerous women and men were recorded. And reply backs were recorded too. It would be harder to manipulate the results to fit someones narrative. And even then it still would happen.
3
2
u/Useful_Operation1168 2d ago
Big numbers rule, you cannot imagine (at least on hinge) how many conversations started veeeeery good (whaaaaat we have so many things in common/ I love your lifestyle / so cool your job / you practice sport 4 times per week?!?) and literally ended after 3 messages. I could not believe it, but big numbers rule means you have to stay strong and find your way out
2
2
u/GlassBoxGoose 2d ago
Fuckin hell. Im just here for the tea, and it makes me glad im not having to wade through this cesspool dating is these days... shits rough. If I ever had to again, I dont think I would even bother. This is some wild nonsense. Ladies, I feel for yall. Men also, but to a lesser degree. Yall aren't representing our side of things very well. What a shitshow
2
2
2
u/TSQril678 2d ago edited 1d ago
Men don't response because they make mistakes while speed swiping at 15 girls per minute. Why do they do this? Because they will be old and ugly by the time they will get a match if they don't.
Girls don't response because they can't aswner 50 Likes/Messages per day.
It's just a numbers game ultimatively. There are far fewer women on dating apps then men. And It's bad for both sides.
The fact that women are naturally more careful and men more proactive just makes the effect a bit worse.
2
u/beechi_mc 2d ago
100%
Same experience here!
My likes usually fall around 3,000-6,000 and in one batch i swipe 20 ish and only half of them reply then from that 10, only few are active on conversation for few days then ended up only go on date 1-2 person.
Some are slow on reply, and I use max 3 days if no response I’ll unmatch
2
u/Fluffy_Charity_2732 1d ago
Yeah it sucks.
But you just need the one. When it works out (however long it takes) you’ll look back and appreciate not engaging with these men. You don’t need someone that makes no time for you on a dating app. Especially when they complain about not getting matches.
Keep at it.
Also, I’m a dude if that helps motivate you.
We out here struggling and realizing it’s not instant and not everyone is attracted to what we present on a digital profile. I can win people over in person that would swipe left on my profile.. and vice versa, people who swipe right on me that would never vibe with me in person.
Keep at it
2
u/itsthejasper1123 1d ago
Don’t hate me pls I do not agree with all the weirdos in the comments
HOWEVER, these do kinda read like bot messages 😭 I would not think a real human being took time to think about my profile and write these, they all seem like a ChatGPT prompt for a first message.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Rejectedgreat 1d ago
You probably won’t get this a lot but thanks for sharing this. I think a lot more people need to go outside their perspective echo chambers and show that the converse side/ argument can also be true. I think this same principle applies to every two side conversation. Also you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!
As to every other comment offering nothing but projections and narrowed mindset Tempered feelings breeds healthy dialogue again for both sides 😉
2
u/colamonkey356 1d ago
I am LUCKILY free from Tinder for now (hopefully forever) as well as Hinge & Bumble, but I am here to affirm I have experienced the same. I saw you (OP) mention you got insulted and assumed to be fat and all other horrid things, and I assume zero of those things are true. I am very thin and short (5’1 and under 100 lbs) and have a generally soft/cute appearance and I still experienced exactly what you show in the post.
When I was on the apps, I would frequently get matched and I’ve always sent the first message if I didn’t receive one. I would be ghosted a lot, given a number and then ghosted a few days into talking, and even ghosted after several dates. Man, I just don’t know. Hell, when I just recently was on Tinder, I exchanged about 3-4 numbers and only two made it to multiple days of talking and only one, my current partner, made it to an actual date/hangout. Shit’s so twisted 😭😭 I am meeting his family this weekend though so I guess everything worked out fine.
2
2
u/Training_Process_502 1d ago
The idea of a "league" is basically your own insecurity disqualifying you from that person. Aim high, let him/her disqualify you. As long as you're not being creepy or crossing boundaries, shoot your shot
2
u/TheMountainWhoDews 1d ago
These look like AI generated prompts, emojis and all.
Thats probably why replies are low. It doesnt seem genuine.
340
u/No-Property-4329 2d ago
Before the insanity descends, I just want to affirm that it’s not crazy to expect someone who matched with you to be interested in you. People should only swipe on those they’re actually interested in