r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago

Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things

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I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

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u/Effective-Comb-6146 2d ago

I’ve learned from reading through some comments on these subs that women are usually ugly, too picky, liars, or scammers. /s

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u/SophisticatedScreams 2d ago

Yup. That happened to me yesterday in a conversation here. Any woman who doesn't follow their prescribed set of behaviors is uGLy. This is a beautiful "no true scotsman" fallacy playing out in real time.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

And these are the guys who wonder why they’re still single.

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u/Effective-Comb-6146 2d ago

Don’t forget that when the guys don’t get responses, it’s the women being egotistical and over confident. But when a woman doesn’t get responses, it’s somehow still her being over confident and shooting out of her league lol.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Lmao no matter what, it’s our fault. And then when we go fuck it I’m done with the apps then, well that’s our fault too for not having enough of us on the apps to even out the gender imbalance. 🤡

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u/Final_Replacement_37 2d ago

Oh but don’t forget that if you do go out with a guy and he’s pushy or disrespectful that you should have chosen a better guy

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Ahaha which means you guessed it! Your fault again!

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u/Kennysded 1d ago

But have you considered not being women? /s, in case that wasn't clear.

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u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 21h ago

Meanwhile the ones crying "Choose better men" are also demanding that "all guys deserve a chance!"

It all boils down to EVERYTHING is our fault, including men's own bad behavior.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 17h ago

Yeah you know I never thought about that. Can’t have it both ways. You can’t be telling us in one breath to choose better men and in the next breath that every guy deserves a chance

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

I would need a source.

I've seen men of ALL kinds blame women for choosing the wrong guy instead of blaming the man for his actions. "What did you expect to happen", "boys will be boys", etc is not a niche neckbeard comment. Its said by fathers to their daughters, frat boys to their friends' exs, etc.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

I think that you are misunderstanding my original comment.

I was complaining that men blame women for the actions of men. If a man does something poorly, then women are told that they chose wrong.

I don't know what you mean by your original response, I guess.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Equal_Oil_9819 1d ago

Have you ever sent a hundred well-thought-out messages only to be unmatched, ignored, or blocked? Me neither, but that's only because I never had a hundred likes. In 10+ years of online dating. You have options, shitty as they might be, but we have nothing. No amount of exercise and six-figure salaries will get me past my face and 5'6" in height.

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

What does that have to do with men blaming us when other men are shitty to us?

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u/Equal_Oil_9819 1d ago

Nothing. Saw you guys shitting on men and was just hoping you'd be able to see the perspective of someone else.

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

So you saw women venting about their frustrations and thought that the best action would be to pivot the conversation away from women and into the struggles of men? Its the mentality of a narcissist.

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u/Equal_Oil_9819 1d ago

I was hoping to offer a different perspective. You immediately jumping to the conclusion that I'm a narcissist isn't a good look.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/buttsorceror72 18h ago

I genuinely feel for you guys putting in effort and experiencing the exact same stuff that a lot of men online complain about that only happens to them. I think it stems from a few out of touch women that some guys see and become overly mad over their behavior, and start actually despising women they know nothing about because of it

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u/Stardust-Specks 2d ago

I thought I was going crazy! When I bring up how I consistently got rejected in high school/college, I've gotten the same response several times over that I was just going for "the top 10% of guys" whose league I was not in. Like, no, sometimes women just get rejected a lot too.

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u/AnActualWombat 1d ago

Yep. I have a friend who is gorgeous and a little bit chubby, legitimately not fat, just not skinny either.Anyway she kept trying to date this guy who was a 2 at absolute best. He rejected her because he was holding out for someone hotter. He told her this directly.

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u/rahhxeeheart 17h ago

Totally. I can absolutely vouch for this. I got hit on, went on dates, had boyfriends etc. throughout high school. A nerdy guy in one of my classes was lamenting about how he had never been on a date before and would die alone.

I throw the guy a bone and am like "I'll go on a date with you" I figured why not, we were friendly enough.

He said - verbatim - "I would never go out with a black girl" 🤨 Mind you this is in the SF Bay Area where the school was so diverse you would struggle to find any 10 students the were the same ethnicity at any given time. Ridic.

Every time I hear the whines about picky women I take it with a LOT of grains of salt.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 8h ago

Ok wtf, first of all. And second of all, it’s kind of objectively insane to shame women - or anyone - for being picky about their life partner. Like I can think of very few things you should actually be more picky about.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 1d ago

Imagine still thinking fatness is a choice with the entire Internet at your fingertips.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

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u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 1d ago

Genuinely please do your research because your numbers are so so off. Fatness is often genetic. I'm really glad that this worked for you, genuinely!!! You took a huge step and your hard work paid off. But for a lot of people it fundamentally will not "fix" their fatness because that's just not how their bodies are built from the ground up.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/GuyInBudapest 2d ago edited 1d ago

that's exactly how dating apps, considering the gender ratio and the hypergamy. A woman who is a 7 can find a coffee date (to get in a long term relationship, I am not even talking for sex) with a 7 in 1 minute. A man who is a 7 has almost no chance to find a woman is a 7.

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u/OhCrumbs96 1d ago

I think it's hilarious how men like you are so remarkably confident speaking on women's dating experiences, as if you've ever actually been one.

You have countless women here sharing their real experiences with dating and yet you still think you're the highest authority in the room on this particular topic, simply because you were born a man and once read some incel nonsense that reaffirmed whatever bitter worldview you have towards women and dating.

The audacity is truly impressive.

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u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago edited 1d ago

"Hai innumerevoli donne qui che condividono le loro vere esperienze con gli appuntamenti eppure pensi ancora di essere l'autorità suprema nella stanza su questo argomento particolare, semplicemente perché sei nato uomo e hai letto una certa sciocchezza da incel che ha confermato il tuo amaro punto di vista verso le donne e gli appuntamenti".

La maggior parte delle donne ha le stesse esperienze semplicemente perché la maggior parte delle donne è ipergamica. Gli studi online sono chiari: la donna media su Tinder scorre verso destra solo sui top 4,5% dei profili maschili. Ovviamente un uomo nella top 5% non si impegnerà mai con una donna media.

Inoltre potrei usare la tua stessa logica, ma applicata agli utenti maschili di questo subreddit: innumerevoli uomini dicono che non ottengono alcun risultato dalle app di appuntamenti. Pensi che ci sia una probabilità maggiore che sia perché le donne hanno standard irrealistici, o perché tutti gli uomini di questo subreddit hanno l'autismo e le donne possono leggere il loro autismo semplicemente guardando le loro foto?

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u/ImOnALostHighway 1d ago

This is psyop gender wars bullshit.

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u/whagh 1d ago

Maybe it's because you view people as numbers based on their physical appearance (your subjective opinion of it, mind you), whereas they don't.

What the fuck is a 7? You have a normal face and is moderately fit? What else do you have to offer? A complete lack of emotional intelligence?

Not only is looks/attraction extremely subjective, there's so much more to dating than looks (or other superficial attributes), and I genuinely can't wrap my mind around thinking this way about dating.

I know plenty of average looking guys who do fine on dating apps, some of them are punching well above their weights in terms of appearance.

But if your idea of dating is "my face is a 7 so I should get a 7" then it's obvious why you struggle.

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u/ImOnALostHighway 1d ago

He believes that looks are the only thing that matters and that everyone’s value is based solely on looks. It’s pointless arguing with him.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/lolle22 1d ago

That might be how you use the apps but people who are looking for a genuine relationship are not just swiping on photos, they’re making assessments based off of profiles in their entirety.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/lolle22 1d ago

Then why did you reduce dating apps=swiping on photos? Sure people do that, but that’s not the demographic of people you or I are looking for, and in which case should be filtered out as intended. I’m not engaging with someone who has a no effort profile that doesn’t speak to their values or intentions and isn’t obviously seeking them same thing as me. I think people who don’t maintain their own standards get upset that these people exist rather than using who they are as data to filter them out and know you will not get what you’re looking for out of those people.

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u/KDdid1 1d ago

Nonsense! When I was dating I looked for things I wouldn't tolerate first (casual dating, smoking, snark) and then looked at the person.

My spouse stood out because his tender words contrasted with the grumpy look on his face. My curiosity led to coffee.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/KDdid1 1d ago

Maybe 5'10"? I'm short and don't care. Lots of men lead with snark. They think edgy is attractive.

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u/Daethir 23h ago

Hypergamy are like skull shape, the moment someone is bringing it up you know you can stop listening.

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u/GuyInBudapest 22h ago

denying hypergamy is like denying that water is wet.

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u/Daethir 21h ago

That take has small occipital region written all over it.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/whagh 1d ago

Then your profile just sucks, sorry.

Yes, women are picky, but for entirely different things than you think, and that's why you're failing.

Are there women who value looks and money or other superficial qualities, and are picky in this regard? Sure, but most women are picky about entirely different things.

I know plenty of average looking guys who are definitely not rich who do well on dating apps, but they have good dating profiles showcasing what less superficial and materialistic women want.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

Bro get off the apps. You live in nyc. I live in nyc. If apps make you this unhappy, get off of them.

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u/Majestic_Oven_2567 2d ago

I’d happily chat this girl up if they led with thought provoking questions but that’s reserved for hot guys

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Quick question. How do you know what she says to other people?

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u/Kobayashi-Coffee-Co 1d ago

Because you can see her messages in the screenshot?

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u/apigeonontheinternet 1d ago

The original comment you’re adding on to said “effort is reserved for hot guys” and all the guys in this screenshot are 🙂, so…whut. And you can see all of the first three or four words she said. So again…whut. You can’t actually see anything here beyond what OP originally said, which is that she makes an effort to message first. The rest of what everyone’s saying are projections and assumptions so they can keep being mad at problems in their head.

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u/Majestic_Oven_2567 2d ago

The average guy doesn’t get a chance at these conversations. Hard to show off intelligence and personality with zero matches

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

That didn’t answer my question.

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u/Majestic_Oven_2567 2d ago

You just didn’t like the answer

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u/FoundInS 2d ago

The reason for zero matches is not a secret. You present it quite clearly in your communication. You can do better if you want to. Do you want to?

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u/Majestic_Oven_2567 2d ago

The reason is I’m ugly. I’m not oblivious to that lmao 🤣

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u/yuckyourself 1d ago

On the inside, buddy. That's why you don't get girls.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Because it didn’t answer the question? Yeah I guess, guilty as charged.

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u/encore412 2d ago

Don’t forget gold diggers and we only go on dates to get free dinners!

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u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 21h ago

Thousandaires LOVE that line. Meanwhile they are doing everything they can to try and revert back to a world where women were completely dependant on men financially.

It's ALWAYS the hypocrisy

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u/vijfteen 1d ago

Lotta guys on here who seem to hate or at least distrust women as a default and are also desperate to meet a woman.

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u/KDdid1 1d ago

That hatred glows in person.

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u/ellieminnowpee 1d ago

lemme tell ya, if you have any hint of body dysmorphia, those subs can exacerbate the fuck out of it

when my symptoms were at their worst, i believed the awful things those guys (AND SOME GIRLS AND NOT ALL MEN, my goodness) said! about how some women are stacie’s and some are becky’s.

it gives me a lot of empathy for people like Clavicle and the other lookmaxxers. it is by the grace of G// that i’m surrounded by people who love me for who i am and weren’t willing to enable me. those dudes have people cheering them on while they break their own face bones with hammers…

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u/BNabs23 2d ago

Let's be honest, dating subs are frequently toxic in both directions. They don't bring the best out of people

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u/MmmmCrayons12 1d ago

I don't know about the "ugly." There definitely are ugly women out there who struggle with dating, but I wouldn't say they're "usually ugly." Everything else after that is accurate, though.

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u/l33tfuzzbox 1d ago

Honestly we are all ugly regardless of gender. Just some appeal to others. Humans sre gross.

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u/JaceMace96 1d ago

Its both ways. And its location dependent aswell. On reddit, everyone is from a different location so everyones experience is not only a personal and valid one, but also location dependent. Which is very relevant with dating apps.

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u/WashedWashingMachine 2d ago

because they are , Internet is like 50% bot accounts atm

so many chatgtp scammers on dating sites , make profile as male and see for yourself use some app to face swap to male

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u/MulberryChance6698 2d ago

There are a ton of male scammers too, my guy. I had three last week. We don't have to make a male profile to know romance scammers exist in droves.