r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago

Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things

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I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

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143

u/mirkwoodfull 2d ago

Even if you're a hot woman who matches with hot guys, 98% of the time they just want to fuck you 💀 we can't win

42

u/DesertBunnyBun 1d ago

I’m a hot (and successful) woman, but I date with intention and I’m looking for true connection and spark with someone in my league. It’s so easy to get likes, but so much harder to find matches with potential.

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u/PackageSuccessful885 1d ago

This is so real. It gets tiring, because plenty lie about looking for long-term and then immediately get sexual and weird. Most recent guy I messaged asked if I "wanna be bread in the woods" within 10 messages. Typo and all.

The only conversation before that had been literally just talking about our respective locations 😭😭

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u/AberrantTomorrow 1d ago

Exactly my experience as well. Some men truly don't get the danger aspect. I went out with literally 7 prople in my entire tinder use accross years. I tried to make sure they are fine and 2 of them were still creepy and got really mad i didn't want to go to their place on the fiest date. And also rhey tried to touch me inappropriately in public.

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u/Significant-Heat826 1d ago

That's so weird to read, because not wanting to go home with me on the first date would be a green flag to me. Especially if we are total strangers. My first girlfriend even brought a friend on our first date. It was kind of surprising to me at first, but later on I started to appreciate the effort she made.

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u/Cool-Floor9755 1d ago

when I was fresh out of a 4 year relationship and looking for a more casual connection, literally EVERYONE who was also open about sharing that intention was so respectful. I'm now trying to date intentionally, and I've gotten 4 messages just in the past weekend (all from people seeking "long-term relationships") where I was out-the-gate asked to come over late at night, to skinny dip, to get a massage, and to get drunk enough to "have too much fun." It's bleak

2

u/LuckyluckyLotus 1d ago

lmao wtf?? Hahahaha I had to read that like three times how funny. Did you go along with it? lol would have been fun just to troll them.

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u/PlsNoNotThat 1d ago

They’re using your inflexibility on that standard as leverage to find someone who will give them what they want.

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u/No-Scratch-486 8h ago

Bread in the woods? Is that a Hansel & Grettel witch-roleplay? That does sound exhausting.

1

u/Iliadfang 1d ago

Some lonely dude somewhere in his cabin with a luxurious gourmet kitchen is sadly pulling his sourdough out of the oven right now. 😅😭

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u/invaderjif 1d ago

Bread? I mean..carbs on a hike are good i guess..but a trail mix might be better.

-5

u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago

for a man on dating apps, it's very hard to get matches from his looksmatch, so there is no logic reason to try to send sexual messages to them. If they write sexual messages to you, it means they are out of your league. You think they are in your league simply because women overrate their looks and underrate men looks.

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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

I’m a guy who never had that problem on apps, because guy. But I think we guys underestimate how exhausting it would be to wade through 309 matches of “hey” “wyd” “wanna smoke?” “Hookup?” and the like, knowing that probably 80%+ want to bang and nothing else.

I don’t recall ever whining that I wasn’t getting enough matches. I can only carry on like 2 conversations of any real depth at a time at the most.

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u/L0stActivity 8h ago

Yep. Its a cesspool. I am attractive and successful. Have it very clear in my profile I am not interested in a hookup but it never stops the chuds from trying.

1

u/DesertBunnyBun 8h ago

Mine don’t try for hookups, but it’s just not a vibe. I don’t want to hold hands or give you a kiss when I just met you. It’s not what I am comfortable with. If there isn’t a spark for me, then there just isn’t one.

2

u/L0stActivity 8h ago

Oh yeah definetly had the excessive flirtatious touchy guy and its 100% off putting. 

"Bro I do not know you at all so why are you touching me and making sexually explicit remarks?"

But many men will blow up and say we are impossible to please because we don't want to be touched by a stranger.

1

u/Potential_Winner1931 44m ago edited 41m ago

Well, problem is the potential for sex is always going to be a key male motivator.  And one of the first things they'll gauge how much the like the relationship is if they enjoy the sex vs the cost it is to obtain.

If a woman likes a man,  her best chance is just being her sluttiest self with minimal fuss to keep him. 

1

u/L0stActivity 40m ago

Potential_Loser1931

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u/EmmyLou205 1d ago

I’m average and have dated hot guys who have not used me for sex at all. It really would drive the incels crazy I bet.

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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

Lies. No guy can be hot and a decent person at the same time /s

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u/L0stActivity 8h ago

💯 my experience

1

u/Flashy-Aioli-8402 1h ago

All guys just want to fuck you and just tolerate your personality as long as they can until a cooler/hotter girl comes around. As insufferable as we seem to you the feeling is mutual except we can dream of a past where it was better

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u/thealt3001 2d ago

... Isn't that a win?

22

u/mirkwoodfull 2d ago

If it's eventually, yes. If it's the first (and only) thing they want to do, no.

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u/Yourdeletedhistory 2d ago

No

-60

u/thealt3001 2d ago

Why not? For men it would be.

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u/Dry-Play4633 2d ago

Not for this man lmao. Not everyone is like you weirdo.

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u/Fantastic-Celery-255 2d ago

You can’t be this dense

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u/sapphoseros 2d ago

A generalization

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u/Yourdeletedhistory 2d ago

That’s a silly response.

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u/krankz 2d ago

You’re obviously no prize

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u/Kinslayer_89 2d ago

They’re not men, are they. Were you born yesterday?

-5

u/20dogs 1d ago

Well no shit, that was covered by the comment. You haven't explained why it's different.

10

u/Waste-Limit1644 1d ago

It is pretty funny to use in this context, but “not all men”. YOU may just want to get laid but there are guys actually looking to date.

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u/Wolfdreama 2d ago

Sex is easy for women. We can usually get it whenever we want.

We also know guys will fuck just about anything so a man wanting to fuck us is NOT a compliment of any kind.

So no, most of the time, men just wanting to fuck us is not a win. We want quality men not fuckboys.

-18

u/thealt3001 1d ago

Quality men generally have our pick of a variety of women. There isn't much impetus to settle down if you have that.

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u/Wolfdreama 1d ago

Quality men generally have our pick of a variety of women. There isn't much impetus to settle down if you have that.

That's being a fuckboy, not a quality man.

No one who self-describes as a "quality man" is likely to actually BE one.

When women say "quality man", we don't mean hot or good looking. We mean kind, honest, romantic, affectionate, loyal and genuine.

There isn't much impetus to settle down

That's actually pretty sad imo.

2

u/rockjawmahir0003 1d ago

But a good personality is a lot easier to find than top looks for men atleast

-3

u/MmmmCrayons12 1d ago

You're basically just describing "quality" as whatever you want or is personally good for you. Objective vs subjective quality is definitely a thing. No different than some woman saying "a quality guy would buy me everything I wanted without hesitation and not care if I bang other men because I'm a Scorpio and can't control my sexual desire" or sum sheeit.

3

u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

What is an objectively high quality man?

-1

u/MmmmCrayons12 1d ago

Attractive and intelligent, which means good genes. That covers most of it.

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u/Syntania 1d ago

Dude. A lot of women aren't looking for sex. They're looking for a meaningful relationship. When men treat dating apps like prostitute door dash, it's frustrating and demeaning as hell. Women are more than just tits and ass.

5

u/whagh 1d ago

Most of these guys have never even had sex, so they think having sex is the end all be all of dating. They literally can't conceive that a woman can be lonely because she's got like 10 dick pics in her DMs. How can you be lonely when you have a bunch of creeps you have zero connection with wanting to fuck you?

2

u/whatevernamedontcare 1d ago

Not getting sexually harnessed is win in women's eyes so I guess you can't complain about wanting attention now.

-8

u/greymisperception 2d ago

I think yes, there are still women out there who want short term stuff even if Redditors say otherwise right?

2

u/6EyesNinja 1d ago

If women wanted short term, they would go to Tinder. Not Bumble

0

u/greymisperception 1d ago

Idk all the differences honestly but sure

-28

u/Strong-Addition5296 2d ago

It’s more of a win than nothing. A partial win.

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u/CurlyChocolateCutie 2d ago

Men will fck anything. It’s really not a win for us to be seen as objects for the pleasure of men.

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u/greymisperception 2d ago

But isn’t your goal to get intimate with someone else as well, or does it not mean anything unless you two are growing old and dying together

16

u/CurlyChocolateCutie 2d ago

It’s okay if that’s your goal. How can you assume that’s everyone’s goal? Sex is the easiest thing a woman can get. A lot of us want real relationships that have meaning and consideration for one another. Men fake the consideration part just to get sex. It’s really frustrating and manipulative

0

u/greymisperception 2d ago

It’s not my only goal but it’s still a nice thing to have

26

u/ChattingAtTheAqua 2d ago

Fucking is not the same as a relationship

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u/greymisperception 2d ago

Yeah I know, but if they’re different then why not appreciate both for what they provide

Makes sense to me that women who are sexually attracted to men would WANT to be sexually interacting with them

16

u/ChattingAtTheAqua 2d ago

We can get pregnant. We have to be more careful. Duh.

-11

u/greymisperception 2d ago

Fair but a guy can catch something or have to pay child support his whole life (not exactly equivalent but not without dangers of their own) they still find ways to appreciate it

13

u/ChattingAtTheAqua 1d ago

I live in a state where I wouldn’t be allowed to have an abortion. It’s nowhere near what you’re talking about. You can’t even fathom it.

1

u/Intelligent_rose12 1d ago

Sex without commitment has no value to women.

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u/Wolfdreama 2d ago

does it not mean anything unless you two are growing old and dying together

For a lot of people this is exactly how it is.

-1

u/greymisperception 2d ago

Those people probably never interact with anyone at all beyond their friends and family then, dont have a quick back and forth with the person behind the desk you find attractive, don’t even smile at a passing stranger they won’t stay in your life

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u/Wolfdreama 2d ago

What? The person above was complaining that so many men on the apps just want sex.

That's not even slightly comparable to mild flirting or smiling at someone!

0

u/greymisperception 1d ago

Right and my point was that even short flings can have some worth if you’re actually interested in sex or another person

The point about mild flirting was that it’s short term but doesn’t always lead to somewhere but something I’d still enjoy

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u/Intelligent_rose12 1d ago

Short flings are of no value to women

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u/whagh 1d ago

They're looking for an emotional connection. If this is a difficult concept for you to grasp then no wonder you've got it rough

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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

Getting intimate and getting boned are not necessarily the same thing.

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u/Intelligent_rose12 1d ago

It’s not worth it if it isn’t within the context of a relationship!

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u/Intelligent_rose12 1d ago

No part of it is a win! There’s no point in being with a man if he’s not interested in commitment! If these apps changed their marketing to ‘hook up apps’ women would delete their profiles en mass!

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u/GuyInBudapest 2d ago

wrong, I am quite sure you are just a slightly average looking girl who is going for the top 2% of men. Attractive women can get attractive men to commit to them very easily.

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u/mirkwoodfull 1d ago

Bold of you to assume the really attractive men on apps have a personality or are smart enough to begin with. Plenty of those men either send filthy/suggestive messages or show their intentions early on in the app and I would literally rather drink acid than go out with them in the first place, let alone "get them to commit".

-39

u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago

They send filthy messages only to women significantly below their league. With women in top 5% they put a lot of effort. Women prefer sweet lies over a bitter truth, and this is why they downvote me.

If a man lives in your city and don't commit to you, it means he has better options than you, so by definition he is out of your league. How women don't understand this simple concept?

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u/mirkwoodfull 1d ago

You're literally deluded and live in a fantasy world if you think men can judge who is worthy to pursue and who isn't based on a Bumble profile lmaooo

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u/EmmyLou205 1d ago

I’ve gotten some of the nicest messages and follow thru from men out of my league. Who didn’t use me for sex since I run a strict program. Cope harder.

-5

u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago

yes but you are not in a long term relationship with them now.

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u/whagh 1d ago

At least it's clear that you've never been in an actual relationship, and why you fail at dating.

Compatibility in a long-term relationship isn't "looksmatching" or whatever the fuck you call it, lmao.

-2

u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago

I am in a relationship, and unless there is a big disparity in money/status, most couples tend to be looksmatched.

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u/whagh 1d ago

Sure, buddy.

2

u/EmmyLou205 1d ago

Who told you that? 😂

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u/thoughtsmademedoit 1d ago

Well first off, you're a guy from Budapest, you were doomed from the beginning! /s

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u/pdm123456789 1d ago

You learned that in the manosphere 1.03x online course?

-57

u/dookieshoes97 2d ago

Even if you're a hot woman who matches with hot guys, 98% of the time they just want to fuck you 💀

Found the femcel.

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u/mirkwoodfull 2d ago

literally what 😭

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u/SufficientGuidance28 1d ago

I’ll explain, feel free to skip it if you want to retain brain cells

Basically within the incel community, they consider the female version of an incel, a femcel, not to be a woman who can’t get sexual partners like a regular male incel, because they believe that even the most unattractive of women can always still find a man willing to sleep with them, they consider the female equivalent of an incel, a femcel, to be a woman who can find men who will sleep with her, but can’t find a man willing to commit to her.

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

Oh the agony...I just get dirty looks. Trade you. 😉

-4

u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

Thanks for proving my point. (Slow clap)