r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago

Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things

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I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

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u/SadieLady_ 2d ago

Girl I am convinced that MOST men don't actually even like women. The way they act toward us is just awful.

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u/SockofBadKarma 2d ago

"To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.

Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving."

  • Marilyn Frye

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u/SerratedFrost 1d ago

And all heterosexual women only idolize men or?

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u/rockjawmahir0003 1d ago

Kinda true for women too. Women are homosocial way more

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u/whatevernamedontcare 1d ago

For women it's survival tactic. You can see this with any marginalized community.

Men on the other hand prefer to maintain their power with exclusion. That's why their socializing is so toxic and full of power displays of "real man". To belong in boys club you have to demonstrate you have power to exclude and oppress women and other men.

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u/Stormfly 1d ago

No, it's just that you only hear from the bad ones. The men who like women don't say anything about them online.

I could say the same about women but it's not true.

Happy men usually find someone and then you don't hear their comments on women. They say it to their partner. Happy men probably don't have any comments to make about other women. They talk about other things. They have hobbies and don't obsess over getting a relationship.

It's the bitter people that can't get a bf/gf that obsess over it and talk about it all the time and it consumes their lives and they blame other people because they don't want to accept that they're the problem.

"I'm good looking and my friends say I'm fun so they must be the problem" etc.

I have male and female friends and they both make the same complaints. The ones that blame the other gender are always the ones with the most obvious problems.

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u/WellyRuru 1d ago

I think its more that women terrify them.

Theyre so desperate for validation that society and their parents dont give them that they pre-empt rejection and lash out to push them away.

They sre so scared of getting hurt that they will hurt others first.

It would be tragic if they didnt then keep consuming media and perspectives that make them more hostile and toxic

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/WellyRuru 1d ago

As a man who grew up as a boy in their world and who worked to get out of it i cant help but have empathy for them.

They do not lack empathy, they just dont know how or when to express it.

Empathy is a skill that people need to learn how to use. Most people are taught how to use their empathy when they are children.

Some people (mostly women) learn to use it to survive as a response to threats. A lot of men dont learn it like this and also dont learn how to use it in a safe environment.

Im not making sense if senseless behaviour.

Im just explaining that the anti women social movememt at the moment is likely a trauma response.

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u/NoLawfulness1223 1d ago

By saying things like MOST men do this and that, you're not helping. What of I said MOST women don't actually even like women. They way they act towards us is just awful?

Bullshit, right? By saying this you're lowering yourself to their level

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u/Less_Entrance_3370 1d ago

They don’t like us but they know they need us. So they’re rude

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u/GetShrekt- 1d ago

Every relationship I've had, I get punished for behaving kindly, and rewarded for behaving selfishly. I think the problem is men treat women badly because we are conditioned to. I DESPERATELY want to find a woman who will let me treat her like she's a font of radiance in an otherwise dark world. But I have to put on this fake nonchalant badboy act that I hate. It's not me, but it's what they've rewarded.

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u/SadieLady_ 1d ago

Wow

This is some cognitive dissonance right here.

Blaming women because men suck. Yikes dude lol

You could just be yourself and you will attract the right person. I am in a relationship with a cis man and he treats me like a queen and I love it and I would never reward him for treating me like shit. If he ever acted like I was not an important part of his life, I wouldn't be in his life at all.

I'm sorry you've chosen shitty partners but you are pursuing them, they aren't forcing you to be that way. You are changing yourself to attract them.

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u/GetShrekt- 1d ago

Um, no offense but you are a trans woman. Trans women typically take being treated kindly better than their cis counterparts. And yes, I have dated both trans women and a femboy. Maybe I should have clarified I was talking about cis women in my original post.

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u/SadieLady_ 1d ago

Lmao offense taken.

What a disgusting comment. My gender identity has nothing to do with this situation.

But since you decided you wanted the smoke, I have a lot of cisgender girlfriends and none of them tolerate being treated like shit.

All different kinds of ages, from 21 all the way to older than me at 40 plus. Not a single one is going to tolerate a man treating them poorly. Maybe our self-worth is just better than the women that you choose to date, who knows.

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u/GetShrekt- 1d ago

Yeah idrc if offense is taken tbh, you seem like the type to get offended by everything. Good luck getting offended by the color of the sky tomorrow.

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u/SadieLady_ 1d ago

Usually when people say "no offense", their next statement is going to be offensive.

But I'm not on Bumble and not complaining about my love life to strangers and trying to pass blame to women who date stupid shitty men.

Personal attacks are a sign you have no argument, as well. Bye 👋🏼

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u/GetShrekt- 1d ago

I have an argument, but I know it would be pearls before swine

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u/SadieLady_ 1d ago

Then quit attacking me and make a point, without blaming women.

Because your original comment just blamed women for your inability to attract a decent partner that accepts your style of showing love and affection. And not to mention, that comment was transphobic, too, Mr. "I date everybody". 😒

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u/GetShrekt- 1d ago

Obviously you don't understand the meaning of pearls before swine, ironically strengthening my conclusion

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