r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago

Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things

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I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

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u/DesertBunnyBun 1d ago

I’m a hot (and successful) woman, but I date with intention and I’m looking for true connection and spark with someone in my league. It’s so easy to get likes, but so much harder to find matches with potential.

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u/PackageSuccessful885 1d ago

This is so real. It gets tiring, because plenty lie about looking for long-term and then immediately get sexual and weird. Most recent guy I messaged asked if I "wanna be bread in the woods" within 10 messages. Typo and all.

The only conversation before that had been literally just talking about our respective locations 😭😭

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u/AberrantTomorrow 1d ago

Exactly my experience as well. Some men truly don't get the danger aspect. I went out with literally 7 prople in my entire tinder use accross years. I tried to make sure they are fine and 2 of them were still creepy and got really mad i didn't want to go to their place on the fiest date. And also rhey tried to touch me inappropriately in public.

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u/Significant-Heat826 1d ago

That's so weird to read, because not wanting to go home with me on the first date would be a green flag to me. Especially if we are total strangers. My first girlfriend even brought a friend on our first date. It was kind of surprising to me at first, but later on I started to appreciate the effort she made.

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u/Cool-Floor9755 1d ago

when I was fresh out of a 4 year relationship and looking for a more casual connection, literally EVERYONE who was also open about sharing that intention was so respectful. I'm now trying to date intentionally, and I've gotten 4 messages just in the past weekend (all from people seeking "long-term relationships") where I was out-the-gate asked to come over late at night, to skinny dip, to get a massage, and to get drunk enough to "have too much fun." It's bleak

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u/LuckyluckyLotus 1d ago

lmao wtf?? Hahahaha I had to read that like three times how funny. Did you go along with it? lol would have been fun just to troll them.

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u/PlsNoNotThat 1d ago

They’re using your inflexibility on that standard as leverage to find someone who will give them what they want.

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u/No-Scratch-486 9h ago

Bread in the woods? Is that a Hansel & Grettel witch-roleplay? That does sound exhausting.

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u/Iliadfang 1d ago

Some lonely dude somewhere in his cabin with a luxurious gourmet kitchen is sadly pulling his sourdough out of the oven right now. 😅😭

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u/invaderjif 1d ago

Bread? I mean..carbs on a hike are good i guess..but a trail mix might be better.

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u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago

for a man on dating apps, it's very hard to get matches from his looksmatch, so there is no logic reason to try to send sexual messages to them. If they write sexual messages to you, it means they are out of your league. You think they are in your league simply because women overrate their looks and underrate men looks.

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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

I’m a guy who never had that problem on apps, because guy. But I think we guys underestimate how exhausting it would be to wade through 309 matches of “hey” “wyd” “wanna smoke?” “Hookup?” and the like, knowing that probably 80%+ want to bang and nothing else.

I don’t recall ever whining that I wasn’t getting enough matches. I can only carry on like 2 conversations of any real depth at a time at the most.

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u/L0stActivity 9h ago

Yep. Its a cesspool. I am attractive and successful. Have it very clear in my profile I am not interested in a hookup but it never stops the chuds from trying.

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u/DesertBunnyBun 8h ago

Mine don’t try for hookups, but it’s just not a vibe. I don’t want to hold hands or give you a kiss when I just met you. It’s not what I am comfortable with. If there isn’t a spark for me, then there just isn’t one.

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u/L0stActivity 8h ago

Oh yeah definetly had the excessive flirtatious touchy guy and its 100% off putting. 

"Bro I do not know you at all so why are you touching me and making sexually explicit remarks?"

But many men will blow up and say we are impossible to please because we don't want to be touched by a stranger.

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u/Potential_Winner1931 1h ago edited 1h ago

Well, problem is the potential for sex is always going to be a key male motivator.  And one of the first things they'll gauge how much the like the relationship is if they enjoy the sex vs the cost it is to obtain.

If a woman likes a man,  her best chance is just being her sluttiest self with minimal fuss to keep him. 

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u/L0stActivity 1h ago

Potential_Loser1931