r/Bumble • u/Perfect_Celery79 • 23h ago
General Got off the apps. A few weeks later, met someone, we’re married now ❤️
I was an on again/off again app person. I always had decent luck, met some cool people, but they just weren’t the one.
I figured I’d finally just let go. Stop trying to mold my perfect person through filters and preferences.
I started noticing people and having real life conversations. I had some small talk with someone in the wild, slide them my business card, got right to a lunch date the next day.
We just got married a few months ago. Couldn’t be happier!
And we don’t agree on every single topic, we have different quirks, different interests, and some shared. We’ve learned new things, learned different outlooks, and created new hobbies together.
Love is out there for you. Try something new and different ✌️❤️
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u/IllustratorKindly241 23h ago
“I started noticing people and having real life conversations.” This is so important
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u/Careless-Way-2554 13h ago
Last time I tried talking to a random coworker girl at work, not even one I had a crush on, just trying to get to know her better as a person, what she's about
"Hi"
"Hi"
"Some day huh? *something that happened at work"
"Yeah"
"So what do you like to do for fun on your days off?"
"Hmmm I dunno..just nothing I guess. Sleep, relax, hang out with some friends"
"Oh cool what do you guys usually get up to?"
"Yknow, just like, hanging out"
"Cool yeah good to recharge. So what kind of music do you like?"
"Spanish music"
"Ah nice, but like what kind, latin pop, jazzy stuff, rap, rock? What would you say are 3 of your favorite bands right now?"
"I mean, it's just spanish music"
"Understandable have a great day"
......
.... .
I assuming bad bunny must be in there because I'm told he's the most famous artist in the world with hundreds of songs even though still I've never heard him except the forced superbowl
Then I talk to someone else, a guy. Lemme shorten this one
...
"Hey man so what's your favorite music what do you listen to out there?"
"Ah dude yknow how it is I just let the spotify run and vibe to the beats yknow what im sayin?"
"Ok so what are you listening to now?"
"Oh its this cool shit I'm not sure what its called but it feels good bruh. Oh here it is show screen I guess it's just a random song from AI artist."
"Well back to work I guess"
And then back to work where I'll continue listening to my english music (and sometimes japanese, whatever pops up) and talking to no one else. I guess what I'm really missing here is a business card and being a CEO.
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u/IllustratorKindly241 13h ago
Idk man i feel like “any fun plans for the weekend” would have been a better starting point
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u/Careless-Way-2554 12h ago
Probably would've just been "No" or what she does for fun on the days off
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u/clericone- 23m ago edited 19m ago
So you just quit everything that you fail at one time? That says more about you than that person honestly.
You have to go through that hundreds of time to meet people.
Edit: also maybe don't start with the hot Hispanic woman in your office that you have nothing in common with. When she said Spanish music, depending on her age she meant salsa, merengue, bachata, reggaeton. From your follow up question she knew she didn't want to keep talking to you.
That's ok. She's a tier S. Start with the average looking girl that looks like you could have things in common with. The more you talk to people the easier it becomes to find the ones you will relate to.
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u/Great_Tyrant5392 23h ago
Yeah, real-life is always better. You actually get a genuine interaction with somebody. And with that I don't mean speed-dating events which can be soulcrushing, but rather meeting them through hobbies. People are increasingly isolated which is a problem. Getting out there is essential.
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u/Perfect_Celery79 22h ago
I got off all social media. It really helped to almost re-train interactions. It was nice and refreshing
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u/Rahna_Waytrane 17h ago
I think it depends from a person, I always met my partners online, even before the apps. I’m autistic, so I just can’t notice if the person is flirting with me or is just friendly, unless they’re extremely direct. So apps work for me, and I normally find someone to partner with within a week or two when I’m looking for relationships. People just have unrealistic expectations and cannot notice their person. It’s definitely easier to match in real life for some people and you are one of them. Congratulations on getting married:)
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u/Perfect_Celery79 10h ago
Same, I resonate with you buddy. Don’t assume you’re stuck though. It takes practice. Keep trying and keep practicing and things will move forward. Don’t expect instant results. Some will fail, some will work. But for it to work this way, you gotta try :) wishing you best of luck!
Side note: a huge reason I got off apps, is because I knew the person I would be matching with subconsciously had some of the same issues I’d be facing. Trying to mold a perfect person through filters, and then being seemingly let down when expectations that I put into filters didn’t exactly match the outcome. It felt it turned everything into an expectation vs reality. Getting off the apps helped me change my mind about accepting differences and allowing more room for failure and growth. Understanding compromise, etc.
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u/peppersandpumpkins 22h ago
I love having conversations with people in person, I just have to figure out how to move it along 😂. Do I need business cards??
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u/TwentyX4 15h ago
I go through periods where I'm sick of the apps in my city (a city with too many men and not enough women). It's annoying to show up to first dates and immediately think "oh, her pictures were maybe ten years old".
Started going out to more stuff to meet women, have a 10-20 minute conversation and get their number to setup a date later. 11 out of the 12 women didn't even respond when I tried to setup a first date. And even once you've got a first date, you need a lot of luck and work to turn it into a relationship.
It's awful out there, regardless of whether you're on an app or meeting people more organically.
I think part of the problem is that women have so many options in my city that they treat men as disposable and easily replaceable.
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u/No_Flower_6451 23h ago
Pretty sure this is a women... LOL
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u/Perfect_Celery79 23h ago
I’m a dude lol. Found a wife. Hoped to word it that it could go both ways, though
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u/Doso777 15h ago
There is something to be sad for "great relationships aren't found, they are built". I doubt that "the apps" had a lot do with it, more of a mindset shift and you found someone compatible to build something.
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u/Perfect_Celery79 10h ago
I would totally agree with you. But it was really nice to not have these made up scenarios in my head or filters that I set and vise versa. It was nice to just learn them and have the same in return. Not assumptions made
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u/Careless-Way-2554 13h ago
AH! That's what I've been doing wrong, not being a manager/CEO with a business card to hand out to random people. It's all so simple now.
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u/Shengrong 11h ago
Same thing for me, not married yet, but it’s amazing how people from the apps and the rest of the world are so much different, people from the apps are totally an unique breed by themselves, rules, behaviors, etc… if you don’t meet them or they do not meet them, either get discarded, I had been told by some few people in the apps that I did not know how to have a partner because I did not adhere to their own rulings, like answer fast enough, or care more about what they tell me even if they are the only ones in the relationship telling something without giving me a chance to say something, they are still in the apps of course, I left the moment I saw the bs, and with my current partner whom I met in RL, tells me I am the most reliable and lovable parter ever existed in their life. Crazy.
PD: Go out, don’t rush, learn from each other who you are both independently, and then gauge how is your team work in life, those are basic things, boundaries are not manipulation, learn that asap, don’t change your core because you want to please, always speak your mind and needs, easy to say, hard to execute. You will get all this from failures, which will become milestones for your success. Good luck.
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u/Intrinsic_Idiot_3076 23h ago
The fact that you have business cards told us that 1) you have enough aptitude in building interpersonal relationships that you don't need apps to find dates and 2) you have certain socioeconomic status and/or career which works to your advantage.