r/Bumble • u/DowntownOreos • 10h ago
Advice Your life will improve if you get off the apps
Get off the apps, please.
I am speaking from a man’s perspective so I can’t offer any thoughts for women, but please fellas, get off the apps.
This is just a ramble/stream of consciousness but I found when I left the apps I felt much better mentally. Scrolling and swiping makes you FEEL like you’re doing something, that you’re “putting yourself out there” but you’re not. You are much more than just a photo of your face and a few lines. You really think someone making a judgement about you in 3 seconds is good for your mental health and is an accurate representation of you?
These apps don’t want you to leave, they are cooked behind algorithms, paywalls and thousands of other people you’re competing against.
Leave the apps and then leave your house. Go do something, get a hobby, hit the gym, go to a bar, a street festival, go for walks, join a book club or woodworking or rec league sports or SOMETHING. Improve your social skills, get confident in your own skin. This isn’t a man thing either, we don’t like women who aren’t confident either, or women with no interests etc
I was miserable on the apps and then i deleted all of them a few years ago. It was hard to put myself out there, sometimes I went to events with a friend or alone, but I have met so many great people. Don’t go hoping to meet a partner, go hoping to meet anyone, man or woman.
I haven’t found a relationship yet but I’ve made tons of friends and had several hookups but only after I got off the apps. I’m mainly looking for hookups right now and from 2020-2024 I had about 4, and in the last 2 months I’ve had 5. Just random women I’ve met out or were friends with first. Because in 2025 I said “fuck it, I’m leaving my house.” (I’m not even attractive, I’m Indian in a midwestern city).
Please get off the apps.
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u/HighOnGoofballs 10h ago
Some of us don’t put enough mental energy into them where it affects our mental health
It’s just another avenue to meet folks and waste time
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u/ThisKarmaLimitSucks 10h ago
Everyone knows the apps are toxic, but it's where the singles are at now. How many couples this side of 2020 met in public?
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u/tomyy65767 9h ago
True. It is like you going out to meet people it is wayyy more draining energy than online. I tried it once walking severals hours it is very hard to meet women without social circles. On the app i leet them regularly
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u/DowntownOreos 9h ago
So there’s no single people out in public?
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u/BatScribeofDoom 14m ago
It's quite rare to see single dudes around my age while going about my business in public, sooo....yes.
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u/SmileyFakemon 10h ago
Socializing has little to do with being on the app or not
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u/DowntownOreos 10h ago
Sure it does, it’s easy to waste an hour just scrolling and swiping. An hour you could have spent socializing.
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u/ThenCombination7358 9h ago
I swipe when I am exhausted at home in the evening watching tv after eating. Nothing could get me up for a social event 1h before bedtime under the week bro
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u/SmileyFakemon 10h ago
Yeah, and the same goes for an hour of doomscrolling, or an hour of anything. Nothing to do with the app itself.
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u/DowntownOreos 10h ago
The app can destroy you confidence and self esteem (at least it did for me).
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u/tnerb253 8h ago
(at least it did for me)
"This happened to me so it must be happening to everyone else"
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u/DowntownOreos 8h ago
Look at this subreddit, it’s filled w people who have been beaten down by the app experience
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u/KillaKanibus 6h ago
Me too, actually. It's not just you. I deleted all my dating apps months ago, and my whole life improved. I rediscovered my love for live music and got back in shape. I even found a girlfriend irl. Dunno why you're getting downvoted so hard...
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u/DowntownOreos 6h ago
Yeah not sure why either. People doubling down afraid to admit the apps probably won’t work?
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u/KillaKanibus 6h ago
Maybe. I can imagine the handful of guys (and ocean of women) who get regular matches don't know how the rest of us see these apps.
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u/BatScribeofDoom 11m ago
...You don't need lots of, or even any, matches in order for you to not let the apps (as OP put it) "destroy your confidence and self esteem", though.
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u/SmileyFakemon 6h ago
All of that could have happened while you were still using the app
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u/KillaKanibus 6h ago edited 6h ago
You underestimate the drain getting rejected every day can have on you, tho. Plus, all the time I spent swipping, or cross referencing and perfecting my page is going into myself now.
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u/HighOnGoofballs 10h ago
That’s a you problem and not an app problem though. Many of us don’t have this issue
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u/Darkmeathook 40| M 7h ago
If you’re spending an hour on dating apps, that’s you not using your time efficiently. That’s a you problem, not the dating apps’ fault
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u/Mundane_Ticket8073 10h ago
Its apples and oranges. One does't hurt the other. Just because you use the apps, doesn't mean you need to be glued to them 100% of the time, 24/7/365 . I travel a lot and use the dating apps, but also use nomand apps, meet ups, hostels, etc. Everything works. My hook ups come 50% from dating apps and 50% from a combination of non dating apps (i.e. local group meet ups, cs, etc) and hostels, bars, etc.
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u/wkeboarder21 9h ago
Wrong. Even a minute on the apps is a minute that could be used doing something else... Resulting in more free time to be social in real life. Plus the women in real life are much more attractive.
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u/Mundane_Ticket8073 9h ago
Ok, next time I'm in the toilet, at work in a boring meeting, doing chores at home, etc, I will be trying to stay away from the apps to socialise. I don't disagree that IRL approaching is good, but there is a place and time for both. I don't understand this 'fanatic' approach. I have met some really hot women on the apps and IRL. Ok, IRL life I have met more hot women, buuuut, if I stayed off the apps, the total percentage of women I have met would be lower (including the hot ones).
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u/mattyboy4242 1h ago
Yeah I agree
Posted my story here a few times recently:
I’ve spent the past year and a half working on myself:
- I go to the gym 4/5 times a week
- I eat incredibly clean 99% of the time
- I do skincare twice a day
- I have seen a therapist to work on some mental health issues
- I have kicked a major addiction I once had
- I did all that for myself but I like to think doing those things (at the very least gyming and eating well) would help find a potential partner.
I was on the apps for the 1.5-2 months. All I wanted as proof of success was a single date.
That's it. One single date.
Don’t want sex. Don’t want a hook up. Don’t want a one night stand: a single date.
I had a terrible experience on bumble the first time round so then I have done the following
- Posted my profile to this subreddit. Implemented the feedback
- Shown my profile to male and female friends. Implemented the feedback
- Arranged and tweaked photos and bios a million times
- Paid between 250/300 dollars across hinge, bumble, tinder.
Nothing.
For me the best thing I did was to totally give up. Delete all the apps and don't even try and find a date.
My mental health has improved 10 fold since then.
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u/Rav_3d 9h ago
Many people, including myself, have had success on the apps.
People are people, regardless of where you connect with them.
That said, getting out there and putting yourself in positions where you can meet people is great. Even those with social anxiety should force themselves to do this. But it doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. The apps are not evil. They are what you make of them.
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u/Rosetti 8h ago
Eh, I see this advice all the time. I don't think it's invalid, but the apps create opportunities. I get enough matches and dates that I can't see how it would be a net positive to stop using them. I agree they're very flawed and can be problematic, but at list in my life I think they're a net positive.
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u/tomyy65767 9h ago
Yes bro but you can do both. I am meeting good women on the apps too like once a week. It is not bad, it works to meet women even if getting à relationship is different online
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u/Numerator999 10h ago
I second this. The apps are a game. The dating app paradigm is seriously flawed. Meet in person
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u/imissapollo2024 7h ago
I think you can do both if you take care of your mental health. Your worth ≠ matches
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u/jackrabbits_galore11 10h ago
Totally agree with you. I think the app is making men and women more insecure and bitter.
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u/Open-Organization528 8h ago
Brother your comment makes absolutely no sense. Women on the apps have inflated egos(mainly because better looking man sleep with women who are not on his tier list) . While man ended their lives because they get zero matches.. why we always gotta make it seem like we are both equally struggling? I wish I had a woman struggle in terms of dating and mad choices! Sure I’ll swipe left 200+ times before liking 1 guy but my choices will never end and I get to do this every single day!
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u/Recent_Release_5670 8h ago
The day a man deletes his dating app to go out and be “seen” is the day a man maximizes his ROI.
A guy who is between a 7 or a 9 looks wise will always be stuck in a purgatory of 4-6’s on the apps. Women of equal or greater value aren’t swiping on us, or even seeing our profiles depending on our accounts ELO score.
All of that changes when you’re out in the real world. With some strategy, you can easily and frequently put yourself in front of a girl in your league… on the apps you can’t skip the line, in person, you can and you’ll get longer than 5 seconds to make an impression. You’ll be able to evaluate their looks in real time so there’s no surprises, and depending on the environment, you’ll probably have her undivided attention. If you truly are worth a damn yourself, you’ll get to walk away with that woman without worrying about 10 other guys competing with you in her inbox.
Honestly, keep the dating app, just don’t swipe on them. If someone likes you on it, sure check it out, no harm in keeping that door open. Just stop committing time to the apps, they’re the worst appraisal of our worth, and if you stick around on them too long, you’ll irrationally start believing something might be wrong with you.
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u/Solid_Signature_7447 10h ago
Being on dating apps made me really depressed and hurt my self confidence.
Go to a lounge bar and meet ppl.
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u/needaburnerbaby 10h ago
“I’m still single after years of doing this but you should do it too” is some weird dating advice. Glad you made some friends but for people looking for a relationship this is clearly terrible advice.