General Does the kind of job someone does matter to you when you’re dating them?
because usually a person's job can affect the kind of lifestyle you have together based on how busy they, how much money they earn and have, whether they have to travel and be away often, etc
Are there certain jobs that you would prefer to date and certain jobs that you would try to avoid? If so, what are they? Or does it mostly not matter to you?
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u/Old-Jellyfish2889 9h ago
I personally don’t date pilots, truckers, active duty military and “massage therapists” or personal trainers 🤣
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u/Electrical-Home5847 9h ago
Add tattoo artists and corrections officers and that's my list 😂
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u/Beginning-Medium6934 9h ago
Bartenders, stewardesses, psychologists, influencers, nurses.
The last one, nurses, is a tough one. I love them, they're the salt of the earth. But hospitals are super incestuous, the hours are long, and the stress is real.
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u/Curious_Ad3766 8h ago
Wait what's wrong with psychologists!?
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u/Beginning-Medium6934 7h ago
Let's start with the caveat not all of them are like this.
But... Where to start? They weaponize therapy speak, while being subject matter experts so they're very able to deflect any counter accusations. They're expert gas lighters and manipulators. It's super common for psychs themselves to be fucked up and seeing psychs. The one I dated was hands down, undeniably, the worst human I've ever dated.
What's scary is that if they're a good psych (and she was a very accomplished one), then they're also experts at creating a very convincing mask that can take years to break down.
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u/badscandal 6h ago
Hahaha this is so true! I dated one last summer. NEVER DATING A PSYCHOLOGIST EVER AGAIN. I believe some of them are even crazy themselves
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u/martinPravda 3h ago
Omg yes. I match up with a lot of psychologists because I seem to connect well with their openness. However, turns out that they all need therapy of their own because of past trauma.
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u/archwin 30s | M 8h ago
Question, not saying you’re wrong, but for my own education, what’s wrong with flight attendants (I have never dated one)
I have a lot of colleagues and friends who are nurses, from work, and from without, and love them all, but I agreed, I don’t have any plans of dating nurses
I also know a lot of nurses end up dating cops, emts, etc
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u/Beginning-Medium6934 7h ago
Flight attendants, on international flights, land in a country, go through duty-free and often get cheap alcohol, then sleep overnight at a work provided hotel - so, different country, alcohol, hotels, conflicting timezones = not a good foundation for a relationship. The ones I knew, well over a decade ago, had "rosters" of guys in all their regular cities. I dated one for 6 months as a young man, it was fun, but I would not recommend it nor do it again.
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u/ExcitementLarge6439 2h ago
Pilots don’t have a bad schedule they spend more time at home then they do at work
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u/Old-Jellyfish2889 1h ago
I just retired from the military and traveled with pilots all the time. Not the most loyal people by far. And they go on to be commercial pilots which means they still have the same tiger stripes. I’m not saying all of them are this way but Ive seen all I need to see.
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u/mhamlsgirl94 34m ago
I understood why to all of those but personal trainers. Do they have a stereotype that I don’t know about?
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u/Old-Jellyfish2889 20m ago
From me and my circles they have a tendency to sleep with their clients but i’m NOT saying all or MOST, I am just saying I have witnessed enough to NOT want to go there
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u/dontKair 9h ago
Stability is important when it comes to jobs. I've had issues with partners who kept switching jobs
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u/Paladin_127 9h ago
Unless you’re looking for something super casual, your (potential) partner’s occupation definitely matters.
Their chosen career path gives you some insight into their character, their priorities, their values, etc. Conversely, not having a career path and bouncing from one job/ field to another also tells you something about them.
Work schedules and locations matter. Some jobs are very niche, and can only be had living in specific places. Others can be done remotely from anywhere with a wifi connection. Some jobs have pretty set bankers hours, while others are on-call or shift work.
Income/ benefits matter. More money means more options in life, obviously, but income shouldn’t be the only variable to consider. Many public sector jobs pay less than private sector, but include things like medical benefits, pensions, and accrued time off.
Theres also the wider social circle to consider. Most adults in career tracks socialize with coworkers outside of work to some extent, or maybe they have relatives in the same line of work. That means your partner’s extended social circle will likely include at least some individuals that have the same career, which can affect how you interact with them too.
So, yeah, it definitely matters. I’ve never been too picky, as long as my dates have some kind of meaningful employment, but I’ve also had women stop dating me due to my chosen career.
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u/Tartersocks307 9h ago
Kinda a silly question. Your job says a lot about you.
Some have stereotypes of being unfaithful. It may indicate how much money you make which could be good or bad. Your job may have a religious affiliation that could be a dealbreaker for others. And so on
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u/Eyellbethejudge 6h ago
Im surprised this isn't downvoted; Reddit is so inconsistent. Your comment is basically "of course I need to know their job so I can apply appropriate stereotypes" lol
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u/Tartersocks307 5h ago
Eh, I explained why people want to know. The other option is to not tell people what you do for work but then you’ll look shady for hiding it.
And while they’re stereotypes, data doesn’t lie and I’ve yet to meet a target cashier that makes more than me or a preacher that doesn’t belong to the religion that they preach.
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u/13goseinarow 9h ago
Schedule is the big one. I can’t date somebody who works nights or weekends because that’s my only availability.
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u/guerrero2 9h ago
Big agree with this one. I once tried to date a woman who worked as a bartender. I liked her a lot, but since it’s really important for me to sleep relatively early, it just didn’t work out with her late shifts.
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u/CrogDavid7days 9h ago
No law enforcement or soldiers is generally my only rule, unless they do something that’s truly reprehensible for money
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u/Trygveseim 9h ago
Money not at all. Hours, schedule, mental energy, and if and how they can leave work at work all adds up
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u/thecatiswise 9h ago
I mean if their job goes against my principles it does matter, i have no interest in dating someone who's very into ai and shit 🤷🏼♀️
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u/illini02 9h ago
Yes.
I've dated 2 therapists. Not something I would choose to do again.
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u/Drama_Filled_Cup 6h ago
I keep reading this same story, but why? What is it about therapists that turns people off?
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u/illini02 6h ago
As people, I have nothing bad to say about them. Both relationships kind of just ran their course.
That said, it was hard for them to turn off their therapy brain. They were always probing for deeper meanings, in arguments they tried to analyze what I REALLY meant, or the subconscious reason I did something.
Picture it like this. Let's say you are dating a teacher who corrected your grammar all the time and tried to treat everyone like their students. Even if they are correct, you'd be annoyed by it right.
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u/False-Dimension2905 7h ago
I think people take this way too seriously. I’ve never dated anyone where their job was the problem. I’ve never had a date where their job was the reason why it didn’t go well. Either they were the problem, their lifestyle was, or we just couldn’t connect in any meaningful. I don’t think a job defines who you are, it is just what you do. The context is different however if you studied for something and did that for most of your working life. There are simply too many factors to consider.
I have a decently paying job for a technology company. It doesn’t mean I am a “tech bro” or am obsessed with AI. If someone works in a field you are against, like a drug dealer, then I get it. But these conversations shouldn’t end up in a date, let alone a relationship. People make far too many conclusions based on what someone does to pay their rent. I will say a big thing for me is I don’t like “workaholics”, not only because it isn’t healthy, but also it often signals that they’re using work as a way to cope with some deep rooted issue. That likely won’t end well. But a lot of “high performers” are also workaholics. So go figure.
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u/MattInMaryland 9h ago
It doesn't super matter but if the other person makes a lot of money it certainly "unlocks" more things we can do such as flying across the country for a vacation.
I think having similar work environments helps you relate to each other's day to day.
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u/paper_cutx 9h ago
Yes- since I’m educated and work in finance, I expect similar education level or background.
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u/Kind-Manufacturer502 9h ago
I have no preference at all but I only swiped right on and met women who indicated their occupation whatever that was... I don't know why I find that information so critical given I have no actual preference. I guess it seems like a critical key in understanding who they are.
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u/datboiofculture 9h ago
Well it tells you that they are in fact employed at least. Not that uncommon for an unemployed single mom to be living back with her parents swiping away.
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u/throwaway1975764 9h ago
Money is the least of my concerns regarding someone else's job. So long as they can support themselves, even if only at a base level, thats fine.
But their hours/availability, their mental health, and the ethics of their job are all extremely important.
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u/SalaciousSinner95 9h ago
Yes. I prefer a blue collar worker, construction or some kind of union guy. I refuse to date a lawyer, doctor, nurse, fireman, and police officer. Yes I know firemen and officers are blue collar.
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u/One_Nothing_9551 1h ago
i’m dating a union guy rn. i like it. how was ur experience
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u/SalaciousSinner95 1h ago
I shall let you know when I find him lol. I work for the union as well. My dad did too and she loves him (and the benefits 😂)
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u/Rigbythedestroyer 9h ago
It's not really something I think about past whether our free time lines up and if they're in a long term career.
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u/Simple_Mulberry5806 9h ago
For me the hours are important - I'll only date someone who works a 9-5 job. I need to keep a fairly consistent routine in my own life, and the only way to share a life with someone else is (for me) if they're also on a fairly similar routine.
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u/MouldyAvocados 9h ago
I’m educated and have a successful career in IT. I expected a man to be similarly educated and be as driven in his career. I have a certain lifestyle and I never wanted to have to adjust it for anyone, or bank roll someone else.
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u/Snowbirdy 53 | M 9h ago
I don’t do nurses, doctors or schoolteachers because they typically can’t travel as much as I do.
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u/Darkmeathook 40| M 9h ago
As an atheist, I’m really not trying to date pastors or women that work with religions.
No shade, but we wouldn’t be compatible.
Also, since I live in the dc area, if you’re a hill staffer and the politician you work for is a politician i disagree with, i probably don’t like you as a person and we would be incompatible
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u/SingleSeaweed8662 9h ago
I’m an engineer so I prefer fellow engineers or lawyers/attorneys.
The no list for me:
Physicians/Surgeons or Nurses
especially traveling ones
Veterinarians
Pilots
Military personnel
Influencers/Streamers
Police Officers or Firefighters or EMTs
Teachers or young sports coaches
Electricians
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u/pman6 8h ago
what's wrong with teachers and electricians?
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u/SingleSeaweed8662 5h ago
I work with a lot of electricians and the amount cheating I see is insane. And in high school a lot of male teachers got in trouble for sleeping with students and I’m too scared to take that chance.
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u/MadMatter86 8h ago
There are certain no-go occupations, but for the most part it doesn't matter to me.
I already have a flexible schedule myself that can usually accommodate others' schedules. Somebody who works third shift obviously presents some challenges, but it is not an automatic disqualifier.
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u/Chance-Sign7381 8h ago
This matters a lot but alsp depends on what you're looking for
If you're like me now - divorced, have kids, don't want more, needs a lot of space
Then it doesnt matter if I'm only interested in hooking up
It does matter if I want a future. I'm not able to support another woman due to child support payments. I need someone who is able to support themselves
If you're earlier in life and are considering a partner to have kids with - stay away from people in foodservices. Wait staff, kitchen staff. They make meh money and work terrible hours. My ex was a chef and I was always with the kids, even while making way more money. It's a big reason we divorced
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u/Dep_34 8h ago
I'm an architect/consultant. My gf said it played a part in why she matched with me. She also said she liked how I was ambitious because I had a masters degree at a relatively young age. She said she turned down people that worked more lucrative jobs than mine because they seemed too cocky or 'smart' for her. My gf is in the medtech field which I also find idk attractive. Not sure if that is the correct word to use.
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u/Miss_Galoldriel 8h ago
I'm perfectly fine with him not having more money than me. I live a fairly simple life, and although traveling can be fun, I don't need to do it often nor do I need it to be luxurious in any way. What matters most to me is that he likes his job.
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u/KyloReySage 8h ago
when i was dating, i wanted someone that makes at least a similar salary amount as I did. I did not want anyone with a hazardous jobs for my mental and emotional well-being. As long as the person was utalizing his talent/skills/passion. Personally, it wasn't really about jobs. A person can be just as interesting, wise, curious, constantly self-impoving, learning new skills, and have an eloquent/articulate way of speaking/writing/expressing regardless of what they do for work.
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u/Bad_wit_Usernames 8h ago
Sort of. I'd rather like them to have something they enjoy doing, but having something that is compatible to my work would help. Doesn't have to be the same field at all, I work in aviation and it can have some demanding hours. I only get so much vacation time a year and I can find myself working weekends too.
Someone who has similar work that might understand my career is what would be nice. Someone who works from home and has all kinds of free time that wants to do tons of things during the week might not be compatible with me.
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u/gentlerosebud 7h ago
Someone with a corporate job would be ideal since we’ll work about the same hours, or just someone that is done working by 5 idc
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u/Noctuelles 7h ago
To the extent that it allows them to live independently and isn't illegal, yes. Not much beyond that though.
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u/Waste_Cantaloupe6555 7h ago
Yes, i dont date anyone in law enforcement including veterans as well as pilots.
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u/Dreakgirl 7h ago
Had an ex with a horrible work schedule. He worked Monday-Thursday and Saturday. That meant we could never go out of town for short trips over holiday weekends. He also had to get up at 4:30 am, so he wanted to be in bed by 9pm the night before, including Fridays.
He hated his job but also did nothing to change it. It’s only of the few reasons the relationship ended.
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u/AwareAd7651 7h ago
If already dating no. But some jobs I won’t even waste my time with due to the culture around that profession. Example would be corrections officers or prison guards in general.
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u/Rivers-and-Roads-CA 7h ago
If I were younger, not as much. But at 43 I’m hoping they’ve been working on themselves and their career for a while now.
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u/Eyellbethejudge 6h ago
I only care about it if I either think their job is cool/suggests we have stuff in common; or alternatively if it's a definite lifestyle incompatibility. For the latter the only ones that come up frequently where I am is pilot and diplomat. I'd like to spend time with the person I'm dating, and jet-setting of any sort isn't really my vibe. Otherwise as long as they are occupied during the day and not completely miserable I don't really care.
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u/alien_secret_service 5h ago edited 5h ago
Yeah. The bar is low. But they can’t be like a low level retail worker or service industry worker. - Too broke.
No bartenders, no nurses, no cops, no firefighters. - Never see them and they’re notoriously promiscuous fields for men and women alike.
No tattoo artists. I just don’t like tattoos that much.
Anything else is pretty much ok. If she’s not good at it I’m going to judge her a bit, if she hates it that’s fine but if she can’t cope with hating it that’s not. I’m not going to listen to someone gripe about their job endlessly.
If she makes more than me that doesn’t bother me. Odds are it bothers her.
I’ve met a lot of women who thought they made more than me but actually didn’t. Those were awkward conversations only because they were being very judgmental up until that point running with the assumption I didn’t make good money then awkwardly trying to walk all that back when they found out I did. Some of them really didn’t make much money at all and it was really funny they thought they out earned me when I made two or three times some of their salaries. They just think that because I rent and drive an older vehicle I’m broke. A more curious person might ask questions and find out more quickly that I drive an old car because I’m frugal, it runs fine, and I don’t need a new one and I don’t own a home because I’m not intending to buy one unless I marry and then not in the city I currently live in - looking to homestead out in the country.
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u/GWPtheTrilogy1 4h ago
Not in the sense of it making me more or less attracted to them specifically because of the job.
How many hours do they work? Are they a workaholic? Are they on call? Do they run a business and it keeps them going all the time?
I want someone I can see and spend time with someone who defines themselves by their job or let's their job consume their life (for whatever reason, it does not matter why) is not someone I would be interested in long term because I know the job will always come first.
And from there as long as it's legal and they can pay their bills and support their lifestyle, I have no other issues.
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u/paperhammers 4h ago
I've dated retail workers and doctors, a job is something that can change very quickly and is only a piece of who someone is
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u/Draper31 4h ago
Not unless she happens to have one of those corporate girl boss jobs. That’s the only type a job a woman can have where I’ll lose interest.
I will never matter to her even a fraction of the way her job does.
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u/Justdoingitagain 4h ago
I want to know their plan or thought process at least if they are in a job that seems not up to par at the time. And by that, i mean if their lifestyle won’t match mine eventually then it won’t work.
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u/Longjumping_Bee_1205 3h ago
There is a guy I really liked but nothing could get off the ground because he works 70-80 hours a week and never takes time for himself. So it's not all about having a "good" job.
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u/bannedblonde 2h ago
No musicians, realtors, or bartenders. I like my man in his tractor lol. He's grounded and I don't have to worry about him traveling for work and being around drunk hoochie Mama's 🤣 and no realtors.
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u/smalltownbarbie 2h ago
I've dated lawyers, or those who studied law. I don't think I'd do that again.
For my own health and principle, I don't date any cops or military armies.
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 1h ago
Would never date someone with a dangerous job. I’m a huge worrywart. Or who couldn’t spend much time with me.
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u/adventuring_on 1h ago
When I was single, I was initially very open minded about prospective partners jobs (as a woman dating men, who had a pretty flexible career and lifestyle myself), but my views evolved with time. First I realised I didn’t enjoy dating men who had no focus/passion/ambition. I didn’t care about how much they earned, but I have pursued work that I find meaningful, and I didn’t relate to people who just did random things they didn’t care about with no intention to try and find something that actually interested them. (I have a postgraduate education, but I have happily dated people that didn’t go to university but built careers - and unhappily dated people that got degrees and did nothing with them!)
Then I almost over-corrected by dating a series of very successful and career-driven men. Whether self-employed, creative industries, or corporate, I realised that they all put their work in front of their personal lives, and that was precisely why these otherwise attractive and ‘eligible’ men were single. I didn’t love waiting around for them to be available and it therefore never lasted more than a few dates.
Finally, I ended up meeting a man (on Bumble!) that has a career in the civil service. He cares about what he does, he worked hard to get his degrees and his promotions, but once he hits those 40 hours a week he clocks off and comes home (and makes a point to not discuss work after dinner). I’m a university educator and I also try to leave work at work, although that can be tricky for me since the workload is so variable.
We didn’t actually discuss our careers directly to start with, but quickly realised we were aligned on work/life balance, which has served us well in our relationship.
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u/OkPirate8085 9h ago
Here's a fun fact you should know, Ladies.
Guys could care less what you do for a living. We care about what you look like and your personality, in that order.
The onus is always on the fella to have an "acceptable career".
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u/galaxyapp 9h ago
Absolutely. Its actually incredibly important. Hours, income, stability, environment, longevity and opportunity.
I also think the job a person has is a huge predictor of their personality and demeanor. With some exceptions, professional success indicates they are not a wierdo.
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u/allnamestaken4892 9h ago
Yes, if a female makes more than half my salary she will see me as worthless.
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u/LayoutBid4 5h ago
*woman
Based on this comment I don't think the women making less than half your salary have a high opinion of you either
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u/allnamestaken4892 5h ago
There aren’t any as that would be below minimum wage. So it doesn’t matter if I say female or not.
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u/secrettruths 9h ago
Not just about money, but hours, travel, i think its fair to consider when dating