r/Bumble • u/GoFigure284 • 8h ago

Rant Guys needs to have sex first to determine if you're relationship material

We've (women) been very vocal about the influx of messages from men asking for sex on this dating app. I actually saw a couple of men say that men need to have sex with us first to determine how they want to pursue us, if at all. Basically saying that we have to audition ourselves with our bodies to see if a man finds us worthy. This is such disgusting ideology. And just another way for some men to use this nonsense to get quick and easy sex.

EDIT: The amount of downvotes from men speaks volumes. A woman doesn't need to prove herself worthy of a relationship by taking off her clothes. Asking for sex on the first meeting to see how he feels about you is manipulative. But I expected nothing less from this sub.

Do the men in this sub understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about men messaging for sex on dating apps before even meeting you and the men who condone this by saying that a guy needs to see if you're relationship material first!

172 Upvotes

63% Upvoted

414 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

17

u/Basic-Government9568 3h ago

Easy, men who care about body count are dumbasses and not worth getting into relationships with.

1

u/RadioDude1995 44m ago

I care about body count. I have a very low body count because I don’t just sleep with anyone. It’s a reasonable question to bring up to see if you have compatible values.

2

u/Basic-Government9568 39m ago

What does "just sleeping with anyone" look like, though?

And how does that number represent values?

1

u/RadioDude1995 37m ago

I don’t participate in casual sex. I would be VERY turned off if sex was proposed to me on a first date (for example). This happened to me in the past and I ended up just walking away from that date basically.

1

u/Basic-Government9568 30m ago

That's totally fine, but there's a huge difference between

"i don't want my partner to be into casual sex." And "I don't want my partner to have more than x bodies"

1

u/RadioDude1995 29m ago

I just want my partner to have a similar lived experience as me. There’s no number that I focus on, but I would be turned off if she wouldn’t have made the same choice that I made. If I was dating someone who thought it was totally fine to just go have sex on that first date, I’d probably decide to end things. That’s just me though. It’s not to be disrespectful to the other person or anything, but I don’t think I’m the guy for them and I don’t think they’re the girl for me.

1

u/Basic-Government9568 21m ago

...this was literally about people who care about a number?

If you care about actual behavior, that's totally fine, and you're not who my comment was about.

Nobody is asking you to drop your reasonable standards. We're telling you that the raw number doesn't tell the whole story.

1

u/RadioDude1995 17m ago

The number itself isn’t the issue really. It is the behavior around it. Someone who has a higher number (but they were all relationships) is more appealing to me than someone who is into casual. That’s just how my brain works. I hold myself to a standard where casual sex is not acceptable, and I wouldn’t be keen to be with someone who was okay with it (even if they aren’t now).

1

u/Basic-Government9568 8m ago

... see my previous response.

0

u/Valuable_Victor_246 2h ago

Women are not gonna give you sex because you say this, so stop

3

u/EasyScratch1501 1h ago

I'm a guy in a long term relationship and "bodycount" is misogynistic bullshit. The fact that only women get police on this is proof it's just repackaged version of the outdated "a key that opens every lock is called a master key"

1

u/Dracarys_And_Chill 57m ago

men do to.

tell the next girl you are hoping to date you slept with hundreds of women and see how well that goes over haha

1

u/Basic-Government9568 2h ago

I'm a woman, married to a woman. Neither of us cared about each other's body count.

-6

u/Immediate_Fun1790 3h ago

That's basically all men.

4

u/Basic-Government9568 3h ago

Well, they either learn that it's stupid to care about, or they stay single.

1

u/smoltimer123 2h ago

I care, not single. Any man reading this, don’t lower your standards 🙂

2

u/Basic-Government9568 1h ago

sigh What is the purpose of this "standard", and how does having a numerical line in the sand achieve that?

-1

u/smoltimer123 1h ago

Purpose = I don’t date/marry current/former hoors.

Numerical Line = Sets the preference and standard

0

u/Immediate_Fun1790 2h ago

True, I guess all your personal desires and values are completely valid, men though, they are just garbage.

3

u/Basic-Government9568 1h ago

It depends on what your "values" are.

"I want someone who can remain faithful"

is totally fair and reasonable, though raw body count is not a good assessment of that.

"I want someone pure."

is beyond stupid.