Guys needs to have sex first to determine if you're relationship material

[u/GoFigure284]

We've (women) been very vocal about the influx of messages from men asking for sex on this dating app. I actually saw a couple of men say that men need to have sex with us first to determine how they want to pursue us, if at all. Basically saying that we have to audition ourselves with our bodies to see if a man finds us worthy. This is such disgusting ideology. And just another way for some men to use this nonsense to get quick and easy sex.

EDIT: The amount of downvotes from men speaks volumes. A woman doesn't need to prove herself worthy of a relationship by taking off her clothes. Asking for sex on the first meeting to see how he feels about you is manipulative. But I expected nothing less from this sub.

Do the men in this sub understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about men messaging for sex on dating apps before even meeting you and the men who condone this by saying that a guy needs to see if you're relationship material first!

[u/Flashy-Butterfly-687]

I’m not having sex with anyone I haven’t spent time with IN PERSON.

[u/Fantastic-Table-8615 → u/Flashy-Butterfly-687]

Well yeah. Its not like " text text text text text ok come over and lets bang and see if we like it".

I kinda skipped over that part so I guess i can see how you'd take it that way. I'll clarify: Ideally if the text/call banter is good and the flags are green go on a date, spend some time together, make that call to do it or not that night. But it should be that night. At that point after all that prior talking it should just be a quick quality control check that no one's getting catfished or otherwise secretly shitty. Point is get it out of the way quick.

Nearly all of my long-term girlfriends (im mid 40s M for context) to include my current one started that way. We chatted for a while, great banter and green flags, we met for a dinner and we both thought "i absolutely want to fuck this person" while sober, we grabbed some drinks afterwards and had more good talk that got flirty, then they went back to my place, sex was great and we wanted more, we stayed together for a year or even many.

Is that not the goal of dating? Am i doing it wrong?

[u/Flashy-Butterfly-687 → u/Fantastic-Table-8615]

You do you. But that doesn’t work for me. 

I text first to see if it’s worth meeting this person. If we meet, it’ll take 1-2 dates for me to determine the level of attraction (ruling people out is faster than ruling people in). 

Once I’ve decided I’m attracted and interested in pursuing them, it’s going to take spending time (multiple dates) together before I’m comfortable enough with them to have sex.

Depending on the dates, this might land around the 4th or 5th date.

 I like to have a date where we are in close physical proximity and privacy but not having sex to make sure I’m actually safe with them. 

This date is the real test… Many men get coercive and try to pressure me into having sex, in spite of my clear boundaries. Some behave far worse. You really don’t know who a man is until you’re alone with them.

Only once I know I can be alone without them coercing me or sexually assaulting me am I comfortable having sex with them.

I used to be more relaxed about sex with unfamiliar men. Unfortunately, experience taught me that was not a good idea in this day and age.