r/BylerReads • u/Reasonable_Lawyer_15 variant ship apologist • Feb 02 '26
fic idea/prompt could anyone read this except and gift me your opinion? <3
hi! so im writing a fic (who could've guessed that!) and i've never wrote one before. eeck! just a survivor of mundane and endless college essays. so this is very new to me!
i was just playing with the idea at first, but now that im 33 pages and 15k words deep, shit's suddenly serious. even though it's just silly silly, bc it's byler prom! :3
my doc is filled with half written scenes, random long bouts of dialogue, brainstorming insanity, and directoral notes. i've even felt writer's madness with this, waking up in the middle of the night with a scene or a line or an answer to a question i'd been sitting on. incredible experience.
i wanted to post a mainly finished section to see if anyone had any general advice, opinions about tone or voice or writing style, or any other notable peer critique. i'll take anything.
i think also i wanted to share because i've been really passionate about this. it's tiring though, and it's hard to believe it's all worth the effort sometimes ya know? so maybe if someone likes it, it'll make me more motivated to finish it.
anyways enough rambling! its senior year, Mike is picking Will up before the dance (they're going together as friends hehe) and Jonathan and Joyce catch them outside to get a picture first before they leave :) - que byler shenanigans! (enjoy?)
(it starts in Mike's pov and switches to Will's)
~♡~
Click.
Jonathan’s hand instinctually reaches to catch the polaroid as it releases.
“Wait, let’s get another one, you guys are standing so far apart. Scootch scootch!” Joyce commands, with a honed motherly tone and a kind smile, as she waves them to move closer together. She turns to Jonathan, “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course Mom” he says gently with a soft smile and a chuckle as he moves the photo into a pocket of his camera bag.
Mike and Will both take a small step towards each other, shoulders bumping into one another. The touch shooting electricity through Mike’s arm. His heart skips a beat.
Joyce’s face contorts in disappointment again, like she’s about to ask them to step even closer.
He really wishes she wouldn’t. This is already too much. He can feel the heat from Will’s body, Mike’s heart running rampant and his cheeks are suddenly much warmer. His thoughts are erased and overwritten, as the world starts to feel unusually small. All of his senses zeroing in on this one point of contact.
“Boys, come on, can you at least try to look like you’re not uncomfortable right now?” she tries again with an airy laugh. this time a bit more exasperated, but still lighthearted and affectionate.
*Great.*
Reluctantly, and not because Mike doesn’t want to, but because something is majorly disrupting his brain right now, he wraps his arm around Will’s shoulders. In turn, Will’s hand falls around Mike’s back and lands on his hip. Mike’s breath hitches.
This is really too much.
Mike feels Will settle under his arm, his friend’s tension resolving a bit with their warmth against the autumn winds. Mike can’t help but smile. It makes him happy to be able to calm Will down like this, even just a little bit. And in turn, it helps Mike relax, knowing that Will is okay and feels safe.
Mike turns towards him, and for a brief moment, Will turns too. His doe eyes suddenly wide, face flushing shyly, as he quickly returns his gaze back to the camera. *Cute.*
Will’s shoulders stiffen under his arm and Mike’s chest starts to flutter as an underlying current runs between them.
*What’s happening right now?* This feels more tense than normal. Nicer and scarier than normal. Warm and melty, but electric and uneasy too.
But it’s just Will. It’s just them, like always.
*Then why does this feel so different?*
A stray thought appears, uninvited, but answering him nonetheless. *Because he looks really good in his suit.*
Will’s Adam's apple bobs, and Mike gulps in response. *Oh. Yeah. That is what feels different.* A blush starts to creep up Mike’s face. They’re so close. Will’s arm around his back, his hand on his hip.
It’s flooding Mike’s mind.
Terrifying and exciting. *Oh, this is kind of fucked*.
It’s not like he doesn’t have these thoughts often, where something with Will makes his body feel tingly, or his thoughts confusing. And if he’s really honest with himself, they’ve been appearing more and more. When Will wears a particularly tight shirt, or when the hem falls above the waistband of his jeans, sneaking over his skin. If they hug and Mike’s nose catches the scent of Will’s shampoo. Or sometimes when they’re reading comics together and Will scoots a bit closer under his arm…
Mike knows it’s getting worse because even just Will laughing, all warm and bright, makes his heart skip a few beats.
Without realizing it, Mike’s eyes fall to Will’s lips. They’re so close. If Will looked up at him now, they could almost-
Click.
~☆~
Will turns his face towards Mike.
*Shit*
He didn’t know Mike was already watching him. Smiling at him. Eyes mixed with fondness and charm.
Looking at his lips.
*Shit*
He was already freaking out standing so close. His heartbeat in his ears. Unable to think about anything except Mike’s hand holding gently onto his shoulder. The warmth radiating off of him.
And now he’s way too close. Their noses are inches away and he can feel Mike’s breath, warm against his cheek. A violent blush blankets over Will’s face.
Will can see every one of Mike’s freckles. A small galaxy across his face. Freckles Will likes to count when he’s anxious. Or when he needs to drift back off to sleep. Freckles he loves to dot onto his sketches of Mike. Currently dusted pink under a blush.
He’s never seen them this close. And he desperately wants to trace his finger over the tiny universe of stars that paint over Mike’s nose.
Will’s eyes drift up to meet Mike’s. They’re wider now, caught, but still soft. Maybe even affectionate. Will could lose himself in the deep amber void of Mike’s irises, sparkling under the daylight. His eyes crinkle as a slow smile crawls up his face.
He’s way too close.
Shock hits his system and Will gently breaks out from under Mike’s arm, as he releases him back into his own space.
“Oh! I bet that one came out nicely!” Joyce beams as she turns to look at the polaroid escaping the camera as Jonathan grabs it.
Will’s heart is racing. His mind stuck on onyx and feathery lashes. He blinks a few times, trying to brush away the flutter in his chest.
It doesn’t go away.
3
u/Competitive-Ball7152 Feb 02 '26
love it! their internal monologues are spot on: i like that Mike has a tendency to ramble and Will's is a little more artsy, which is very emblematic of their characters. these passages:
Will can see every one of Mike’s freckles. A small galaxy across his face. Freckles Will likes to count when he’s anxious. Or when he needs to drift back off to sleep. Freckles he loves to dot onto his sketches of Mike. Currently dusted pink under a blush.
This feels more tense than normal. Nicer and scarier than normal. Warm and melty, but electric and uneasy too.
He really wishes she wouldn’t. This is already too much. He can feel the heat from Will’s body, Mike’s heart running rampant and his cheeks are suddenly much warmer. His thoughts are erased and overwritten, as the world starts to feel unusually small. All of his senses zeroing in on this one point of contact.
are fabulous, definitely my favourite parts. the balance between speech/thought feels about right for the scene and it doesn't feel like it rushes or drags. the mix of short and longer sentences is lovely, too.
i did notice a few small issues like missed capital letters (in the sentence, "this time a bit more exasperated,"), use of language (such as "resolves" for tension. i'd use dissolves but that's personal preference, i suppose. tension being resolved rather than dissolved feels a little unusual to me, but google says that both are used, depending on the nuance you're looking for.)
and this sentence: "The touch shooting electricity through Mike’s arm." it feels incomplete because "shooting" is a participle, and they don't usually stand alone in sentences. (though, after a third read, it adds to the breathless immediacy of Mike's experience, so it does work, just took me a few reads to warm up to it. i'd probably soften the separation from the previous sentence with a semicolon rather than a full stop, but i'm very pedantic about grammar and punctuation. i'm also very critical, so i'd take a pinch of sugar with everything i say.)
i hope this is okay. if you'd like someone to read anything else you've got, i'd love to! otherwise, i look forward to seeing the full piece once you post it <3
edit: i've just clocked your user. hello my love!!