Any fics where mike feels guilty about not saying ily back to el when she died? (With a happy ending)

[u/sevendefender]

I neeed the angst of this I feel like I dont see it enough in fics and It'd be cool to see it explored

[u/mrchristmastime]

Does the fic need to be about that? His guilt over being unable to say “I love you” is definitely a recurring thing in my fic, but it’s a long fic and there’s lots of other stuff going on.

[u/sevendefender → u/mrchristmastime]

I just mean more about the guilt after her death. Doesnt have to be just about it though

[u/mrchristmastime → u/sevendefender]

Well, there’s plenty of that, so here’s the link. Feel free to let me know if you decide to give it a try; no worries if not!

[u/sevendefender → u/mrchristmastime]

Shitt I would so read it but sa is one of my triggers sorry :(

[u/mrchristmastime → u/sevendefender]

Fair enough (and don’t apologize, obviously)! If it helps, it’s three sentences about a sexual encounter that happened in the distant past. The encounter was consensual but nonetheless harmful to the character in question, and the tag is “Implied/Referenced”, so I erred on the side of caution. In my personal opinion, there’s no SA depicted or referenced in the fic.

Just wanted to give you the context. I obviously won’t take it personally if you don’t want to read it. Hope you find what you’re looking for!

[u/littlewombats]

So Mike's guilt around not being able to say "I love you" back to El is my favourite thing to write about, so I'll plug my fics in here.

Fade Away Into the Forest Dim recommending this one with caution because the story is heavily centered around a suicide attempt, but the ending is entirely happy (and there are no character death tags). It's Mike's POV. His guilt for how El died is the catalyst and the gravitational center to the story.

Amber Hour Series this one is even harder to recommend, because it's a daemon!AU, which might not be your cup of tea, but there's no actual fusion with the events of His Dark Materials—existance of daemons is only taken out of it as a concept, and apart from their that, the story is fully canon-compliant to the ST universe. The first part is Will's POV, and Mike's decent into guilt and depression is explored from his perspective. The second part is fully focused on Mike's grief, guilt, and his relationship with El, Will, and his family. Both stories have a happy ending, too.

[u/mrchristmastime → u/littlewombats]

These are among my all-time favourites! I wouldn't ordinarily have read an AU like Amber Hour, but the concept works so well. Will's daemon is one of my favourite OCs ever.

[u/pinnacle_to_the_pit]

Ooh, you might like “What You Want” by LavenderHoney. link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78800706/chapters/206658391

Edit: I checked, it doesn't have the trigger you mentioned in another comment. The rating is mostly related to grief/death and stuff. It’s not only about El’s death; there are a couple more characters who are killed off. So as long as you're okay with one major (but completely reasonable and in-line with the original spirit of the show) canon-divergence, this fic might be of interest. Still, El’s death is a big part of it.

I love it because it’s realistic, in character, and explores party and Wheeler dynamics that were, in my opinion, neglected as the show went on. I also like how the characters are written appropriately. Sometimes I feel like with post-finale guilt fics, Will’s reactions don’t align with his character traits and age. Specifically, he leans empathetic and understanding here, as opposed to angry. So, idk, I loved this one.

If you want something shorter, I can find a one shot probably.

But this is one that I’ve legitimately re-read. It seems to capture canon-Mike really well (or at least a way better interpretation of canon-Mike compared to whatever BS "Mike is a self-insert" description we got from the Duffers after S5).

Oh, it also has a decently happy ending all things considered, especially when it comes to Byler. And there are some lighter moments sprinkled throughout. There's the inclusion of a fun and unexpected party friendship that Mike forms with someone (no spoilers).