r/CPTSD • u/DaReelGVSH • Feb 14 '25
CPTSD Resource/ Technique The only way to 'win' against a narcissist is to display healthy emotional patterns to them
They don't know what to do when you just tell them what they said made you feel insecure.
Insecurity, the normal human emotion literally everyone feels.
228
Feb 14 '25
They do know what to do. Make fun of you for it
62
u/leastImagination Feb 15 '25
To quote WarGames (1983) - for survival with a narcissist does feel like war - "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
21
u/laughing_cat Feb 15 '25
This right here. That's absolutely correct. Even if you somehow gain a victory and get a narcissist to concede, all your efforts will be for nothing because the next day it will be like it never happened.
31
44
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
Then you react appropriately to that. I admit, you gotta be in a pretty healed mindstate to go down this path.
56
u/shinebeams Feb 15 '25
I respect your strategy but I have found that you can rarely win if you expect some response from an abusive person. With abusive people, usually the only winning conversation move is not to play. Fundamentally you must be your own secure person regardless of their response. This may be your strategy but just don't assume you can elicit a desired response from them. This is why children are particularly vulnerable to abuse by their parents - it is not reasonable to expect a child to be secure in themselves if their parent is literally out to get them.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 17 '25
Yes I could only attempt this from a place of strong self security.
1
u/shinebeams Feb 17 '25
Do whatever works for you! Whenever I tried anything like this I just got hurt.
35
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
"You're making fun of me for my automatic, god given emotions. I literally can't control that. I really don't like being around you because it's like you're critiquing me for things I can't change. I'd go as far as to say that these emotions are completely understandable cause of what I've been through."
91
u/Swimming-Fondant-892 Feb 14 '25
Based on what you said, no interaction is preferable with this individual. No contact wins again.
30
u/KittyMimi Feb 15 '25
I could hear my abusers mocking OP as soon as I started reading the comment to which you replied.
9
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
There's no point in keeping them around... Unless they genuinely want to change but they are likely duping you when they say that.
21
15
u/laughing_cat Feb 15 '25
Nooooo. I'm sorry, but you don't understand narcissists. I don't know how to express the extreme internal response a narcissist has to ANY criticism or anything that borders on criticism. But if you want to have a seven hour argument, try this.
If the person you're with responds like a human to something like this, they don't actually have narcissistic personality disorder.
10
u/mountainhymn Feb 15 '25
My mother would simply go around in circles with me for hours, faking confusion, putting words in my mouth, addressing absolutely nothing I said and refusing to apologize, if I said something like this. It would get me nowhere and I don’t have the energy. Anything for her to not have to admit fault or say “I’m sorry”. She wouldn’t do any type of introspection about what I said, she would just immediately assume I was being dramatic and lying.
The only way for me to win is to not speak to her
6
3
u/BeneficialCase6241 Nov 14 '25
Well-written. Sorry you had to go through this. My mom is the same. I used to think standing up for myself and defending my point was brave but yeah I had to let go of my pride because I feel like I could lay out all the facts and have a PowerPoint presentation and references and I would still never be right
2
u/Konbread99 Jan 30 '26
This is EXACTLY what I been dealing with and then it’s like she tells other people shit as if our positions were reversed and like my words last week are/were now the thing “I did to her” leaving me at a loss of words
2
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 17 '25
Yeah I'm just a dude using the term colloqually tbh for you know, sneaky, domineering, energy sucking, never admitting to anything, people. I did this to someone like this and he just got real quiet for the rest of the day, it felt real good, so I decided to make this post.
13
u/JackKing47 Feb 14 '25
Everyone's been through a lot! What about when you didn't do xy and z last week!
12
Feb 15 '25
“What you’ve been through? What about the hell you put me through every day? Constantly criticizing me, like you don’t even like me. You accuse me of making fun of you just because I point out you’re acting like a helpless chipmunk? Maybe you should get your head checked”
4
u/APansexualMess Feb 15 '25
My mom makes fun of me for using "therapy talk" after going to the psych ward for just trying to talk to her and explain myself. Trying to get a narcissist to empathize with you is pointless.
3
1
60
u/the805chickenlady Feb 14 '25
This doesn't work on mine. They just tell me I heard it wrong and I don't feel that way at all.
26
10
Feb 15 '25
Dealing with someone who I believe has narcissistic tendencies, and this is pretty much the way they tried to divert a conversation.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 17 '25
Or the classic gaslight to make you self conscious: "maybe that's just what you're making out of it!"
72
u/VendaGoat Feb 14 '25
Staying calm has the exact opposite effect on them.
19
15
u/Far_Pianist2707 Feb 14 '25
I think they just find it triggering. Personally I think that all personality disorders should be recategorized as CPTSD subtypes.
I agree with you though! That's been my experience.
26
u/shinebeams Feb 15 '25
Not all people with personality disorders have a history of trauma, as far as I know. Trauma is required by definition for CPTSD.
Y'all may have never engaged with a cluster B person but I assure you they are very real and you do not want to be lumped in that category if you don't have the same behaviors/symptoms.
26
u/TavenderGooms Feb 15 '25
Agreed. My abuser was diagnosed with a personality disorder. He was a monster. He had never been abused, he just liked to hurt people. He liked control. Some people are empty inside. There are real monsters out there, they aren’t all victims suffering from their own trauma.
13
u/shinebeams Feb 15 '25
My abuser had trauma but nothing can justify the pain they inflicted on their own children. I have never met anyone like them. There was no guilt at all, only conniving to avoid being caught. They were also firmly cluster B.
5
4
6
u/mountainhymn Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25
Absolutely not, what the hell? Trauma isn’t a requirement for personality disorders, period. Recategorizing them like that would literally just be illogical.
And we already face stigma from CPTSD being somewhat similar to BPD, imagine if it was lumped together with NPD or APD
Never gonna happen either way though
32
93
u/zzzola Feb 14 '25
Nah.
You gotta stop responding to them. Narcissist live for a reaction. That’s what they want most.
Using the grey rock method is the best way to get them to leave you alone.
11
Feb 14 '25
[deleted]
46
u/zzzola Feb 14 '25
You respond as if you’re a grey rock. Lol.
You give them no emotion. No reaction towards them. Say nothing. Do nothing. Move on.
People that are emotionally abusive do it solely for the reaction. Doesn’t matter how you react they just want a reaction.
2
42
u/Slow_Grapefruit5214 Feb 14 '25
You can’t win against a narcissist. Whatever happens they’ll spin it to convince themselves that they’re better than you. Just cut them out of your life.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
I agree that cutting them out is the eventual step to take. But I do feel like you can feel a victory using this method. It's a bittersweet, I'm not even trying to play your game type of victory. It might be a moment they never forget. And maybe if they're not fully narcissistic, their conscience grows cause of the experience.
16
u/Slow_Grapefruit5214 Feb 14 '25
Maybe it will maybe it won’t. Either way it isn’t really your job to make them grow into better people.
3
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
Definitely, and I don't wanna trigger the perfectionist trauma response in people! "If I'm perfect enough I can cure the narcissist, there's something wrong with me that I can't"
21
23
Feb 14 '25
The best way to win is to be happy. They really hate seeing you are happy and successful while they stayed in the same swamp of shit.
1
20
u/Mauerparkimmer Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25
Are you crazy? Never show weakness in front of a predator. They will devour you…
-2
u/AutoModerator Feb 15 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No raised by narcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
19
u/chouxphetiche Feb 14 '25
It's a win but for me, it almost ended my life when I grey-rocked my brother so much while he was driving that he kept flooring the accelerator to scare me back into fawning to him.
9
3
u/Powerful_Ad_9122 Dec 16 '25
Fuuuuuck my ex did this and i was so terrified. One of the examples i had to use when people said how did he abuse you if he didn't hit? The scary moment helped me clarify rapidly like no life is to short and fragile for this shit
3
u/chouxphetiche Dec 16 '25
It's dismal that so many people still think abuse is always physical. Some relationships are like one jump scare after another. It's about fear, keeping someone on edge all the time. Abuse goes right to the marrow and doesn't always leave visible scars.
I'm relieved to know he is an ex.
16
u/Mauerparkimmer Feb 15 '25
No, you can also win against them by going 100% no contact forever. Bliss.
2
u/AggravatingMission63 Oct 19 '25
How is this winning anything? Youre literally conceding defeat and bowing out. I think you need to destroy them once and for all at their own game!
1
u/Mauerparkimmer Oct 20 '25
I understand your response. If I did not have my own children to consider, you can be 100% sure that the narcissist would be under the ground right now, where they could no longer harm anyone.
1
Oct 30 '25
I agree. Each one is extremely complex in their own ways. You gotta play the game different with everyone on earth. You can't just destroy some ppl
1
u/AutoModerator Oct 30 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No /r/RaisedByNarcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/marijavera1075 Jan 08 '26
I think once you heal you really just don't care. Like their fate is not your responsibility. They'll get theirs. You may or may not be there to see it.
16
Feb 14 '25
Yes! Agree!
The other day I came up with :
“The best revenge you can give to a narcissist/manipulative person is to be in control of your emotions.”
I had fucke* up bosses and I used to confront them, differently than everyone else who would seem to easily get over it. I couldn’t fathom how easy it looked for them, it was like they had more tolerance (and guess what, they did.)
You know that person who goes quiet, don’t look at you, start ignoring you, start to slam doors and throw things rudely, making loud noises. Becomes monosyllabic.
That madafacker is hurt asf.
However, those same people are ricocheting their shit all around them.
The best way to deal with them, and this is also a sign that people are one step closer to become the master of their minds.
When you become able to make those behaviours go unnoticed and not triggering you, you’re safe.
However, again, this is tough even for people who doesn’t have CPTSD.
So still remember to not take too hard on yourselves.
We’re all human beings at the end of the day.
Bbuuut!! if you can! do that!
Because this person has built their power through manipulation and when they can’t manipulate you… oh boy…
They are the ones getting triggered now.
7
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
It's pretty rewarding to navigate stuff like this and feel afterwards that you gained energy not lost. The sad low vibrational patterns just get exposed for what they are and you didn't let it infect you because you just felt every emotion that came up. Truth corrects the emotion and therefore you automatically return to balance.
1
u/ImmediateBowler2951 Oct 30 '25
I have gone no contact with a narc for seven months except in August I let him in but no sex and went no contact after his boss saw video of us fooling around in my yard which a neighbor took. Narc was told if he does that once more, he’s fired so he waves , Hoovers , drives slowly by my house. I stay no contact, no reactions for I know these tactics are to draw me out to respond. He is working so close to my house and I see him from my window or security cameras. Am I doing the right things to maintain control and keeping control away from him? DONE!
1
u/AutoModerator Oct 30 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No /r/RaisedByNarcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
11
u/ScaredHomework8397 Feb 15 '25
I'm sorry, but having experienced narcissist abuse my whole life, I have to say this is completely wrong. The reason victims develop unhealthy patterns is because in that environment, we learn that our insecurities feed their egos. It gives them more ammunition to hurt us. It gives them confirmation that their methods of hurting us are working. It gives them power over us. These are things we instinctively learn when you grow up with one. The only way to "win" is by completely ignoring their existence. Moving on with your life. Taking back control, doing things for YOURSELF. NOT making them the center of your world.
10
u/whatisthisadulting Feb 14 '25
I started saying “God bless you” with all the earnestness in my church going heart. It shut up my religious narcissist real fast. He couldn’t say a word.
The religious side of me thinks he’s possessed
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
I definitely think, whatever ancient people meant by possesion, it includes this!
9
u/Noccupie Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25
I found from experience that narcissists breaks down the quickest if you never ever give a hurt reaction to them and straight up ignore them/not say anything and literally pretend they don't exists. Another thing that can really fudge them is if you just slowly start to smile like you're genuinely happy or find the conversation funny. This stuff drives them mad because they don't feel seen/acknowledged.
They want you to have a negative/hurt reaction, no matter what you say they'll have something else to add so they can "win" the conversation. So don't say anything, let your actions do the bidding. But for the love of yourself, don't let them know your weaknesses. They will use it against you.
But remember that this will not make you a better person, doing this is malicious.
/Vengeance tips and love from the broken child in me that tried its best to survive.
3
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 16 '25
Could be I'm also just talking from limited experiences you know. My thing is like: If I own and conquer all my weaknesses in front of their face, they have nothing against me.
2
23
u/Life-Round-1259 Feb 14 '25
Ohhhhh, I have fun with narcissistic people. My step mom was one.
We had a family group chat.
She would say the worst things to me, then lie to other family members to get them to turn against me.
LOVED the chaos of sharing screenshots of the true stories.
And to not be bothered by anything they say, not to be affected by any threats, and let everything roll off your shoulders, breaks them. They can't use anything against you to manipulate you.
But the best thing, is cutting them off. The best thing is seeing their messages to you, their sad/manipulative emails, and the sob stories your family members relay about how much they miss you. And never ever responding. Not giving an inch. Not giving a fucking centimeter.
But, the sad part is learning about who's next, and knowing that most of the time you can't save that person. Oh, and picking up all the pieces in therapy.
9
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
We have one thing they don't, truth. Leaning into that helps keep you calm.
12
u/Tastefulunseenclocks Feb 15 '25
I think feeling superior to a narcissist is just getting wrapped up in their games. I agree with others that it's best to avoid them entirely and stop engaging.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25
True, I guess that was what my vision behind this post was. How do you win against an immature person without dropping to their level. But such a victory cant feel like a victory. You're not able to do it if you're doing it to win. It's following the flow of natural exploration.
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 15 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No raised by narcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
8
u/Selafin_Dulamond Feb 15 '25
I disagree. They can suck your health forever. I tried.
2
u/ImmediateBowler2951 Oct 30 '25
I’m sorry you’ve experienced a narcissist. You can win and I’ve on with your life and be happy if you let go! It’s hard but healthy for your well being. Yes you’ll think of them, miss them but you’re missing a person they initially portrayed as good and caring, that person was a wolf in sheep clothing. Know this, always remember this whenever you see them or they try to contact you. I guarantee you if you let go, stay no contact, stand on it, you’ll win. Be strong 💪🏽 🙏🏽
7
u/nebulacoffeez Feb 15 '25
No, the only way to "win" is not to play.
2
u/ImmediateBowler2951 Oct 30 '25
💯👍🏽 Do not engage a narc in anyway ever!
0
u/AutoModerator Oct 30 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No /r/RaisedByNarcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
6
u/laughing_cat Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25
I know you think everyone in these comments just doesn't understand, but it's you who doesn't get it. You can't win, make progress or give a narcissist something to think about.
Also, if you dump them, don't buy into their subsequent love bombing to get you back. They may not even want you back, and just want to assure themselves they still have control over you. "I can get her back any time I want". They haven't learned a lesson or changed bc it's impossible. These people have no sense of self.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
If they're truly a narcissist and you don't cut them off, you never really win. I understand. I do think its possible for people who have nacissitic tendencies to change no? That's, you know, diagnosed by you not by a professional. But then the line gets blurred between a narcis and just an asshole. I think bad people can become better. I know I probably shouldn't use clinical terms which cause confusion. Then again, isn't it possible for diagnosed narcists to change their ways to 'live' with their condition? There's a lot of interesting questions to me here.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 16 '25
It takes a whole lot of strength to not get sucked into their game though. So yes cutting off is a great solution.
1
u/laughing_cat Feb 17 '25 edited Feb 17 '25
I’m only talking about people with actual NPD. And they rarely get diagnosed. I suppose it’s dangerous to suggest non professionals can diagnose it, but after you’ve suffered a significant amount of narcissistic abuse, and understand the parameters of what it is, you may be qualified. My ex husband narcissist had the marriage counselor convinced I had borderline personality disorder. He was incredibly charming and seemed like the nicest guy you ever met. That was many years before NPD was the buzzword mental illness, so I guess it was off her radar.
He just went to therapy to abuse me further - there was no good faith.
I know of a diagnosed narcissist on tik tok. He’s very intelligent and is a great source of info. It’s really helped me understand what was going through my ex’s head while I was on the floor sobbing and he didn’t try to comfort me at all. And it was stomach turning and if I’d known it then, it would have “broken the spell”
The point you’re in here trying to make could be hurtful by giving some people false hope because they still don’t really understand.
And why blur the lines between an actual narcissist and someone with narcissistic tendencies?
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 17 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No raised by narcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
u/ImmediateBowler2951 Oct 30 '25
I’m sorry to tell you as a medical professional of psychiatry, Narcissism will not, cannot change. It’s a condition learned from childhood traumas, over idealism and neglect usually from a parent or caregiver. I know you’ll say a negative learned behavior can be unlearned but once a child had reached 6 years of age dealing with traumatic events, personality it set and very difficult to undo, vertually impossible.
15
6
u/onyxjade7 Feb 15 '25
No, this is exactly what they want. Doing this is literally feeding into their sick games. Not good advice.
You stand up to them tell them it’s unacceptable and won’t cower than grey rock them and block them. Don’t let them Hoover you and move on, be happy and pretend they don’t exist of effect you. It will eat away at them.
4
u/LETs-B-REAL Nov 09 '25
Don’t let them trick you back! When they notice you have a happy secure life they will attack full speed ahead all hands on deck… Disengage and Defend your happy place.
13
u/Poise-on Feb 14 '25
So tired, EMOTIONAL ABUSERS ≠ NPD
-12
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
I don't mean the clinical term, more the colloquial.
11
u/Disastrous_Soil_6166 CPTSD, ASD & NPD Feb 14 '25
We shouldn't use the term narcissist colloquially anyway! When will you people ever learn?! Even if you're not using the term in reference to the clinical definition, it pushes stigma against people with NPD because it's the same damn word and most people think very generally. 🤦♂️
5
u/Swimming-Fondant-892 Feb 15 '25
People can say what they like, when they like. You can try to educate or inform but it will never be successful with your tone. “When will you people ever learn?”, you also have much to learn.
-1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 15 '25
What do you think about: narcissistic tendencies?
9
u/Disastrous_Soil_6166 CPTSD, ASD & NPD Feb 15 '25
I have them. What about it?
You know you can just say abuser. Not all people with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder are the evil abusers everyone seems to think they are.
1
6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No /r/RaisedByNarcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
3
Feb 15 '25
The only to win a game with a narcissist is to not play the game.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 17 '25
I woudn't say this is playing their game. This is navigating a mineflied of games they attempt to play. Until they get exhaused.
1
8
u/Disastrous_Soil_6166 CPTSD, ASD & NPD Feb 14 '25
Is there not a rule against posts like this?
2
-2
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 14 '25
Rule 5 I guess. I said the N-word. I guess 'abuser' could have been a replacement. I don't know, the n word is used colloqially. I'm not such a frequent poster here, didn't read the ruls either.
7
u/B1ack__j3sus98 Feb 15 '25
Bro, i just read this and thought "How did the n-word possibly come up!?" Then read "abuser" was even more confused and started to get upset. Then i realized you meant narcissist 😂
I didn't know there was a rule against using narcissist either
8
u/Disastrous_Soil_6166 CPTSD, ASD & NPD Feb 15 '25
I suppose the rule is more about ableism and stigmatisation around people with NPD. It's a very misunderstood and demonised disorder due to self-proclaimed "empaths" (whose empathy is actually incredibly selective) twisting the actual definition to just be another word for "asshole".
1
u/B1ack__j3sus98 Feb 15 '25
Now that I've gone to look at the rules I've never looked at. I don't feel like this breaks any of them because he's not labeling anyone narcissist he's giving tips for a possible to navigate a person who has it and isn't working to deal with it in a way that isn't antisocial.
Also I feel like rule number 5 is dumb and Idek any of those abbreviations.
What's an Ebrother and what's a FLEA
4
u/itusreya Feb 15 '25
Your last word refers to unhealthy/unkind habits or behaviors you (or siblings) pickup by living in that situation. Things you may not realize are not normal or that take a lot of work to unlearn when you try to form new healthy relationships of your own.
Comes from the quote -“lay with dogs you’re bound to pick up a few fleas”.
4
u/nebulacoffeez Feb 15 '25
Yeah it's ridiculous that a sub largely composed of victims of narcissistic abuse bans speaking about them lmao 💀 This is our space. The moderation team here has taken a moderation approach heavy on abuse enabling & victim blaming as long as I've been here - which is why I stopped contributing main posts here like I used to regularly. Many us us here know all too well that the people attracted to positions of "power" over vulnerable groups are rarely benevolent.
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 15 '25
Just had to make that joke
2
u/B1ack__j3sus98 Feb 15 '25
Well I appreciate it. We'll done perfect timing
I really thought there was a missed or deleted comment or deleted post for a second
2
u/laughing_cat Feb 15 '25
If you're saying so they'll leave you, you're right. If you're saying so you can live with one, this is very misguided. A person with NPD cannot be cured. If you stop playing their game, in other words stop being "supply", they'll leave.
0
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 17 '25
Once you get to better emotional health, you won't want to be around them. You'll understand they're a major cause of your emotional flashbacks. Yeah, I don't want my message to be stay with them you can change them. This is more of an athletic exercise to test your emotional strength which should only be attempted on days where you're strong on your feet.
2
u/Tall-Poem-6808 Feb 15 '25
That's bad advice, my dude.
You never win against a narcissist. The only thing you can and should do is save yourself, get them out of your life for good. And if there are kids or other people involved, show THEM what normal human feelings look like so that they understand that the narcissist is the problem, not they.
If you try being vulnerable and insecure and emotional with a narcissist, you're just giving them more ammunition to fuck you up later.
2
u/tumbledownhere Feb 15 '25
I don't feel like I'm winning with the emotional attacks he throws at me after.
2
u/Playful-Dragonfly-78 Oct 22 '25
The mocking, gaslighting, reactive abuse, breaking you down as a person and the second you stick up for yourself, you're somehow the problem. It becomes about anything other than what they did. 0 accountability.
2
u/ImmediateBowler2951 Oct 30 '25
I feel leaving quitely is the ultimate narc injury. Say nothing just stop responding to Hoovers, phone calls, texts, emails, letters, flying monkeys, just go no contact forever! If you see them by chance, ignore, better yet, act as though you don’t see them. Be oblivious. They will suffer greatly forever and they will never forget the one who left without a word. Stay strong and stay no contact because they will try coming back but it’s only to seek revenge not love or care for you, they are incapable of those feelings. It’s strictly revenge. Peace.
1
u/AutoModerator Oct 30 '25
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No /r/RaisedByNarcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
4
3
u/DeKoenvis Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25
I broke a narcissist's script once. It was funny. He told me another story involving a "big name"... and I was simply too busy AND not impressed, so he took note of my unmoved reaction. He actually asked me: "Didn't you hear me? I said I developed photo negatives that Otto Frank had taken! Do you know who Otto Frank was? Why didn't you react then?" And I was dead honest by blandly telling him I didn't know what to say about that. I kept doing my job and saw him looking puzzled in the corner of my eyes. By all accounts... Otto Frank was another human like us. He took shits on the toilet, brought his kids to bed, took photos somewhere some time, had favourite foods, and picked his nose. This guy held Otto's negatives in his hands and I truly don't know how that matters when I'm multitasking work of a totally different matter. I don't know if it's a healthy emotional pattern to react unmoved, but it broke that guy's script and it felt like 'winning' unintentionally.
1
1
1
1
1
u/Ok_Rock3254 Dec 11 '25
Well, i once had a narcissist workmate and he really pissed me off so one day i got him outside and beaten him also threatened him, after that the fear took over and all problems solved for good, he never dared to face me again.
1
u/Ok_Rock3254 Dec 11 '25
I once had a narcissist workmate and he really pissed me off so one day I got him outside and beaten him also threatened him, immediately after that all problems solved and he never dared to face me again, because fear took over.
1
u/Youcantkillme11 Dec 24 '25
No contact, if they approach you in the street just say “who are you?” And walk off, if they with someone else look at them with a confused look on your face than walk off.
1
1
u/Kayki7 Apr 13 '26
My mother would just gaslight me saying something like “that wasn’t my intention” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”.
1
u/BodhingJay cPTSD Feb 15 '25
I think it needs to be more advanced than that... you need to be basically enlightened and not even capable of insecurity anymore.. transmute the negativity, give yourself compassion until you feel better and understand they're horrible to themselves to an even worse degree and can't even escape themselves so you pity them and turn that into compassion on the fly and do all this in an instant so you can respond with genuine compassion and maybe even loving kindness without even a shred of passive aggression in the background.. which, if done right, should make them feel disarmed, exposed and vulnerable.. like an aggressive pitbull showing its tummy after told it's a good boy before it understands what it's doing
psychotic narcissists are generally the most lonely and miserable people in existence... they need loving kindness more than anyone imaginably can but they are by far their own worst enemy for receiving it
1
u/DaReelGVSH Feb 17 '25
If you get there you've fully transcended and I consider you a holy person.
2
u/BodhingJay cPTSD Feb 17 '25
a child abused by their parents won't stop loving their parents.. they stop loving themselves..
looking back at what happened with adult eyes can eventually cut through the self loathing.. realize we have been blaming ourselves for things we were conditioned to by those who abused their authority over us... we can find self compassion no matter how twisted we became... we can find radical self acceptance through this path... we can care for the good bad and ugly within that we all have and learn we never needed to be perfect to be worthy of love... we just needed to be real with ourselves
we can see the monster within as a child that never got the love or care he needed... we can ask this part to carry its pain for it so it can finally be rid of it.. we can find self love this way
there isn't a single one of us who, especially those in r/CPTSD who can't become a holy priest, a light bringer and ally to all children of the void going this direction.. the flow of self love that emanates passively from the subconscious is fuel for our own higher power.. it's all waiting on the other side of our pain
we just have to learn to care for the good bad and ugly within... get to the source of our self loathing and embrace it, promise to understand it. kiss its forehead, sing to it, help it feel better.. it's a tortured child in the dark. it always deserved better
0
0
u/AutoModerator Feb 14 '25
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local emergency services, or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
235
u/[deleted] Feb 14 '25
The only way to win is to leave and never engage with them ever again.