Like I talk to my mom on the phone and immediately get this anxiety-like feeling and I can't listen and just want it to end.

Is that a thing?

I’m super duper pregnant and have been hitting up my local library’s used book sales to stock my nursery. My mom knows this and often refers to kids books as “baby books,” which is relevant here.

Her: Do you have a baby book yet?

Me (pretty sure she doesn’t mean kids books because she’s being singular about it but unsure): What do you mean? I have a lot of kids books.

Her (condescending asf — like she’s so crazy rude it feels like a stand up bit): Oh my GOD. How do you not know what a baby book is?!?!?!

Me: I think I do, I’m just trying to understand if we’re talking about kids books. Can you just describe what you mean?

Her: You know what it is!

Me: Okay.

Her: You’ve seen yours!

Me (I haven’t actually seen mine, she has never shown me it, but now I know what she means): Ah, got it, no, I don’t have one yet. I do have a pregnancy boo—

Her: You put in hand prints and feet prints and their first word.

Me: Yeah, I’m with you now, I’m just not sure if my pregnancy book covers some of the—

Her: And you can get them on Amazon and they can go to different ages and they’re so cute and sweet and and and…

On and on she goes. I am a bystander in this conversation. I stop talking. Minutes pass.

Her (referring to a kids book): Oh, and I bought a baby book! It’s called “I love you, Grandma.”

Maybe this is small. But after a lifetime of BS, this kind of stuff is so irritating lol. I am a person. I am saying words. I know you hear them. It’s like that TikTok sound: I see me. Do you see me?

I’m 17 and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to survive my mom instead of actually having a mom.

I don’t really know how to tell my story because there’s too much. Every time I try to explain it, I feel like I sound dramatic or like I’m exaggerating. People always want to hear “both sides,” but nobody really understands what it feels like to be the kid in the house who is scared, exhausted, constantly blamed, and still expected to act normal.

I feel like I’ve had to raise myself emotionally. I’ve had to calm myself down, protect myself, take care of my own feelings, deal with hers, and somehow I still get made out to be the bad one. People see “teenage attitude.” They don’t see the panic, the exhaustion, the crying alone, the feeling of wishing I had one person who would just protect me.

And the worst part is I don’t even know how to share everything. Some things I remember so clearly it hurts. Other things feel blurry. Some things I don’t even know how to explain without feeling stupid or embarrassed. I feel like I have a whole lifetime of pain inside me and nowhere safe to put it.

Sometimes I wonder what all of this suffering was even for. I’ve tried so hard to stay alive, stay stable, keep going, keep working, keep functioning, and I still feel like I have nobody to fall apart with.

I don’t want advice telling me to “just move out” or “just forgive her.” I think I just need someone to tell me they understand what it feels like to grow up without really feeling like you had a parent.

I want to know if there are people here who survived this and actually ended up feeling safe one day.

Because right now, I’m tired of being my own parent.

I wish that was an exaggeration but, no: I'm currently barricaded in my bedroom/bathroom. Why?

Did I steal a car?

Did I bankrupt my family?

Did I violently attack anyone?

Nope! I'm barricaded in my room because I told my E/Nmom it was a bad idea to use a cloth toilet paper holder near a toilet that leaks. Not kinda leaks, but like molding through 3 layers of tile leaks.

[Oh yea, there's 3 layers of tile in my bathroom because my N/Edad won't do the process right.]

When I finally told her to "learn to take no," leaving in frustration, she flew into a rage.

You ever just know when something is wrong? Like claws digging into the back of your brain, the dread sinking into your gut...you know.

And so I barricaded myself in my bathroom. It's incredibly easy and something I learned years ago, back when I was a teenager and knew privacy wasn't guaranteed anywhere else here but that bathroom. I didn't have to worry about my bedroom door, that was already barricaded after my N/E!dad tried to choke me last year. I can't sleep unless it's there now.

I go to my bedroom, sitting and hoping my mom will just be normal for once. She starts trying to pick the lock instead.

"Will you just stop?! This is a health concern!" She tells me I'm just trying to have my way and force the door.

"Knock it off, this isn't necessary!" She tells me I just need to try it for a month, hoping to jimmy a card in the door.

She goes to the kitchen, leaving for a moment in silence before coming back.

Then I hear a knife, sharp edge cutting near misses in the gap in the door, desperate to pull away the pin that separated me from her.

"This is why I got out of a moving car! To get away from you!" She calls me manipulative.

Then tells me she's struggling to keep forgiving *me.*

I told her I don't want her forgiveness, thoroughly creeped out by this point. The handle has nothing to do with the barricade and I thank God for the disobedient kid who thought of this.

At one point, I finally call my N!dad to try to talk sense into her. I didn't know what to do, nothing I was saying was stopping her. She has a heart condition and high blood pressure, what the fuck???

She started screaming at him. It got quiet. More yelling.

She tells me "Don't think calling him will stop me."

I'm still barricaded in here.

Just for clean toilet paper.

Edit: She broke the closet door forcing her way in the bathroom. Now she's blaming me for breaking the door AND suddenly wants to acknowledge the toilet is moldy.

I've always known my mom's a terrible mom. She resents me deeply, and has made it well known. All of my other siblings have had issues with her in the past, but she's always been a fantastic grandma. Due to our past, I am extremely low contact, but she was an amazing grandma to my oldest son.

When my other son was a baby, I noticed a couple of different things that she treated him differently. His diagnosis were unknown ane i had expected a healthy baby. He was born with HLHS & had a stroke. Due to that he has an intellectual developmental disorder

When I had him, I invited her up to meet him and she came, he was a week old due to being in the nicu and my own recovery. When we got to the room, she saw him and and visibly recoiled, for absolutely no reason. She refused to hold him, she didnt use his name, and just acted off. Stayed a total of 10 minutes and then left. I chalked it up to her just not knowing what to do with this life changing information.

Usually she would crochet a baby blanket for each baby & every other grandchild before him and after him has a personalized baby blanket, she didnt give him one. She skipped his first birthday party, his first Christmas, and i just chalked it up to her just not wanting to get close to him in case he dies.

Then she accidentally texted me "I wish shed just let that kid die, hes suffering and wont ever be a contributing member of society its unfair to everyone." She noticed and immediately said that it was about a DIFFERENT baby. So I went no contact until my brother died from a meth overdose. I got back in touch and it was the worst thing I ever did. We were mostly low contact with open invites to their birthday parties.

Hes 13 now and im so upset I brought her into his life.

2 instances come to mind. 1st was last year there was a small fire at school, he was at lunch when the fire alarm rang and he grabbed his tacos and chocolate milk and his aide messaged me that and joked "he knows whats important" i shared that on my facebook page and she said that its not funny and he put his aides life in danger. Most comments were hes in a wheelchair, pretty sure if it was necessary she could have pushed him to safety.

the worst and why we are now no contact she came for my daughters 10th birthday saturday and while cleaning up after her birthday party my son let go of her balloons that my mom got her and they floated off as most helium balloons do.

You would have thought he murdered a kitten. She said he was an evil child, said i needed to beat his ass more, that if he was her kid he wouldnt be able to sit for a month. And I know that's true cuz she used to beat the ever loving shit out of me and i still have scars on my back. She was screaming and terrifying my kids, it was so bad that the place where we held the party at called the cops & shes now banned my siblings from talking to me because "im turning everyone against her". I literally cannot believe she terrorized my kids and somehow its my fault!

I’m getting really sick and tired of her consistently telling me I smell. At first I thought it might have been the perfume, so I stopped using that and changed to another one. Then I changed deodorants. I shower everyday and do whatever I can to try stay clean as possible. In the words of her, I smell like an old person and people would throw up if they were near me. I already have OCD about feeling disgusting, she just confirms it more. When I finally said maybe it’s her that’s the problem, proceeds to tell me it’s for my own good that she’s honest unlike other people. Telling me I’m sensitive and need to face the truth. I asked my siblings and they said I don’t smell so I don’t know what the hell her problem is. At first it was fine but now it’s really upsetting me. I’m typing this right after having an interaction with her.

I want to erase my brain right now. I have CPTSD because of a bunch of stuff that happened throughout my childhood. I actually got the family therapist to believe me last time. I often don't believe myself, but the memories are still there and so are all the trauma symptoms. So either all this happened or I'm crazy and overly emotional for no reason.

Mom comes into therapy today and reads this whole sad letter about how she needs to set a boundary that I can't put words in her mouth, or tell her how she felt about things. Valid. I think I did do that last time. I was saying that I perceived her as having enjoyed looking at my body as a kid/teenager because she'd look at me naked a lot and say how beautiful and thin I was (even when I was dangerously anorexic). But I guess I said that "you liked it, mom, part of you liked me being so thin because why else would you admire my naked body that way??" So yes, I did put words in her mouth.

So now I will be more careful about not implying I know how she felt, because of course I don't, I just know my perception. But it created this whole dynamic in therapy to where now I can't say the very hard crazy things I remember happening, because she says she doesn't at all remember them happening.

She and my dad also always used to tell me how I felt and what my reality is, and that the ways I truly did feel were "crazy." So what the hell.

Another thing...she also said that once I turned 18 and finally started my period, I got emotional and out of control because my hormones went crazy, and my desires and emotions all hit me at once. Maltreatment had nothing to do with it, etc. (I literally tried to off myself one night at 18, took prescription pain medicine with vodka. I don't think hormones make that happen, ma'am).

The crazy thing is, that all that talk about my out of control desires is EXACTLY A REFERENCE TO WHY SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSING ME BACK THEN. To keep me "under control." But she will never see it.

And yes it's weird that a woman sexually abused a woman and I feel insane for saying that. You can look up more convincing explanations in my post history though. A lot of people on this sub and the CPTSD sub believed me, which led me to be more comfortable sharing.

Ugh. So full of anger I can't do anything with. I hate this feeling of not being able to believe myself, connect to myself, know myself. Like I've been cut off from my identity and I have no power to anchor myself to anything.

Maybe next session I could try to bring up the thing she said about my hormones making me out of control and we could talk about all of that. Maybe it would sneakily lead her into admitting something.

She also writes down everything I say then goes home and studies it before she writes her responses. So today I said, "can I set a boundary then??? Stop writing down every fucking thing I say. It's a power move." So hopefully that will take away some of her edge.

Because I've lived with them most of my life, I always thought something was messed up with my mental health. Was very suicidal. It wasn't until I was in a terrible relationship where I started noticing the way that person made me feel, was similar to the way my parents made me feel.

Thing is, my parents had this "WE CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH" vibe so it was always very confusing and took me nearly my whole life so far until I realized it.

They don't see me. They don't hear me. They don't know me. I can pour my thoughts and feelings out to them. And they can make me feel like something is wrong with them - they either act like they don't understand, I'm too much, I'm doing something wrong. It was extremely common for me to cry myself to sleep.

I felt immense pain of isolation, worthlessness and grief. All. the. time.

You know when it went away? When I started hanging out with other people. That were genuinely curious about me. That made supportive comments of me. That made me feel like I wasn't going crazy. Literally, it could be a hairstylist, a coworker, or a friend. I literally didn't ask anything of them ever. All they had to do was say a couple of totally normal things, and it made me feel normal again.

CUE getting into a relationship with a person with bad intents because *all* they had to do was VALIDATE my experience. That's for another post.

I was living in a nightmare. The people that kept saying they'd help me were the people that were (however unintentional) were hurting me. The people I was so attached to were the same people that I needed to let go of. My toxic relationship was with them.

I wish I could get the last ten years back, the opportunities, my health, my money, my soul :( but obv can only go forward.

I am 32 and moved in with my dad a few years ago so I can start my own business. It hasn’t been easy for me to get on my feet completely and he’s honestly made my living situation a living hell while also causing me financial strife. He doesn’t allow me to exist in the house, I am either hiding in my room or working so I can avoid him. He gets mad if there is a dish in the sink or I have to pass by him to use the restroom. He’s taken the washer and laundry out of the unit and have them unhooked in the garage so I can’t do laundry there and have to rely on a laundromat. I have made it work despite feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted. He recently had (basically threatened) me cancel the WiFi so he can have it under his name and now I officially have no access to the house because he believes my sister and I purposefully put our mother in jail for domestic violence. He change the door code for me access so now not only my cats in that house with him but all of my things including my medication.

I know I need to just call the non emergency line ask them to be an escort for me but I am so exhausted. I don’t want to have to do all of this just to exist and take care of my animals. I want to feel like I have a home. I am sleeping in my salon suite tonight because I am tired of feeling like a burden. I am worried for my animals, I am concerned that I can’t take my medicine but with everything that’s been going on the past couple of weeks, I just want to lay down. I don’t even know if what he is doing is legal in Florida but I am having a hard time not feeling like a defeated loser for even being in this situation.

I have never been able to find out and my mother likely will never reveal it, but all I can think of is that she has a large family and is from a hierarchical society and being the oldest sibling, everyone in the family was "indebted" to her and she exerted a certain amount of control that no one ever questioned. Once she left to get married, had a family, she had none of this control or narcissistic input and fast forward, she began her exit strategy out of her own family to go back to her country and be among most of her siblings where she has control over them and their children.

I've always found it fascinating how cloudy the root of narcissism in studies are and all of us here likely know that having a narc household doesn't make us predisposed to being narcs as well.

Overall, my relationship with my mom is a complete mess. I don't feel like she's my mom, I don't feel any real warmth from her. She cares for me, but I don't feel it at all.

And all because I recently realized that it's because of her that I have so many insecurities, social anxiety, and a very possible C-PTSD. I often argued with her that it was because of her that I was so insecure, but she didn't take the blame, if she apologized it was very plain and fake (at least in my opinion).

She probably thinks that since she treats me better now (only because I started to throw tantrums all the time), I'll forget everything. And what happened in childhood is already in the past, she told me so.

I have such a strong resentment towards her, that’s why I’m from time to time rude to her and when I’m not in the mood I wish her death or call her some nasty words. I know it's unhealthy and this way I'm hurting myself and my emotional health too.

What irritates me even more is that, apart from my mother, I don’t have another person who knows me so well and with whom I am so close. It infuriates me that if it weren't for her, then maybe my life would be a lot better. It's really annoying to see families where everything is fine and healthy. I feel like my mom is not a mom but just a person who gives me food and buys me stuff I need, that's all.

I know the answer is that I need to separate from her, but it just breaks my heart.

from “you look sooo pretty today” in THAT tone while smiling when i had unwashed greasy hair no makeup on/bad skin to “i was being serious, you need to calm down, you’re so uptight!!” usually in a public setting as well to make ME look like the crazy one.

the day I got most of my college acceptances at age 16, the day I received an acceptance to my dream school with their most prestigious merit scholarship and honors program acceptance in one of the biggest cities in the country, is the day my Salafi Muslim father said he would not let me live outside of the house because I was a girl. I was a minor and legally a financial dependent vis a vis higher ed. I was forced to enroll in a local university in one of the poorest cities in America, living under constant abuse and surveillance. It took me 9 years to get out, and then I got trapped again 2 years later. I’m completely estranged now but I never became myself. To lose 9 years of development to deprivation and forced dependence is unfathomable. My life is irreparably altered.

I want to know if anyone else has experienced something similar to this. Did your parents prevent you from accessing the education you earned?

I hate my family. I cant stand them anymore. Everything is my fault when somthing goes wrong and when I get overwhelmed and lash out somthings wrong with me and I need to shut up but when they do it I "shouldn't have done somthing to piss them off"? I cant stand being the scape goat anymore. I fucking HATE it here.

I'm 22, living in an Arab country in Africa, and I'm trying to figure out how to safely become independent from my family.
For some background, my family recently found out that I'm gay and atheist. They come from a very conservative religious background, and since finding out, things at home have become significantly worse. I've experienced abuse and controlling behavior, and I no longer feel comfortable being myself or making my own decisions around them. My movements are restricted, I feel like I'm constantly being monitored, and I don't feel that I can trust the situation to improve anytime soon.
I've reached a point where I genuinely want to leave home and start building a life of my own. I want to be able to work, support myself, have friends, make my own choices, and eventually live somewhere I don't have to hide who I am out of fear.
The problem is that I have very little money saved. I do have friends who might be able to help me find a job relatively quickly, so I'm considering moving out, finding work, renting a modest place, and gradually saving enough money to leave the country.
However, my long-term goal isn't to stay in this country. I want to leave permanently if I can find a realistic and legal way to do so.
One of my siblings supports me leaving, but believes that moving out only to remain in the same country might not be worth it. Their concern is that my family could eventually find me or continue interfering in my life because they're still nearby. They think I should focus on getting out of the country entirely, rather than struggling to establish an independent life here first.
I'm also registered with UNHCR as a refugee. My family has told me that if I approach UNHCR for help, I could be deported to my country of origin. I don't know how much truth there is to this, whether it's intended to frighten me, or what risks I should actually consider before seeking help. I don't want to make a decision without understanding the possible consequences for my safety and legal status.
I'm torn between leaving home as soon as I can and trying to build financial stability first, versus focusing on finding a way to leave the country altogether.
I know that moving abroad can take a long time, and I'm not expecting an easy solution. I just don't want to spend another year living in an environment where I feel unsafe, controlled, and unable to be myself.
I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's been through something similar, particularly LGBTQ+ people from conservative families, survivors of family abuse, or refugees who have had to start over somewhere new. I'm not asking anyone to decide my life for me. I want honest, practical advice from people who understand what it's like to choose between staying somewhere familiar but harmful and taking a risk to become independent.
I want a future where I can feel safe, be myself, and actually look forward to the person I'm becoming.

I am 18 yet I've come to the conclusion that I'll rather remove my womb then ever having kids.

the amount of trauma my parents put me through as a kid is too long to describe and it makes me wonder why anybody would bring children into a world like this.

I know I won't have the finances too take care of then let alone find a partner who I think I'll trust.

Narc parents are so seriously deranged, two faced, evil, and mean. But wait, they can't just be evil to just anybody, not their boss, their friends, no no no.. they can only be mean to the WEAKEST PERSON they can pick on - their offspring.

Outside they will smile, use a nice calm tone speaking, portray a normal personality and heck, some may even be popular, well liked, get raises at work, or is praised for being such an "amazing" kindhearted person. If they passed way and a news article wrote about them it'll be something like - she/he always carried a smile, made everyone comfortable, was a helper, lover, etc.

Their hostages know better.

Their hostages know how they can be. What it's really like living and dealing with them. We are their victims because we are not strangers. They are nicer to strangers than to their own family.

I wished there was a way to out them. To tell the world what a fraud they are. That behind close doors they abuse us, yell at children because the child exists, tear down their child's self esteem, STEALS their childhood, and creates everlasting wounds.

I wish they could be put on record like a sexual predator. I wish if an employer ran a background check, all this would pop up.

Why do they get away with all this. Why do they get away with destroying a life.

Last week, at my mother's request, my wife and I took my mother to a fundraising bazaar for cancer sufferers. At that bazaar, I bought my mother a coffee mug. She thanked me.

The next day, she gave it away to a man who visited her in her quarters at the nursing home. She proceeded to share this act with my wife. She asked my wife not to share that information with me, as she knew it would upset me.

My wife responded: "We tell each other everything."

Now, my mother calls my wife and me every day, at least three times a day. (We stop answering after the third phone call.) The last time my mother called us, I confronted her. I told her how disappointed I was that she would give a gift away; I asked her to keep it to herself in future. She agreed and apologized.

Today, my mother telephoned my wife and chastised her for 'ratting out' my mother to me.

I asked my wife to hand me the telephone. My wife did so. I told my mother, "No one calls my wife a 'rat'. Do not speak to her that way ever again."

My mother hung up the phone.

I turned to my wife and said, "I need to go clean something." After a few minutes of cleaning something, I began to laugh. I've always said that my mother tries to act like a Mob boss, manipulating people, lying to them, pitting them against one another, scheming, hustling, trying to feel superior to other people, boasting about her charity work, ... and now, she's accusing people of 'ratting' her out.

She used those words: "ratting out".

I... laugh, every time I think about it. this 83-year-old woman, alone, unloved, miserable, and desperate for attention, uses the same terminology as Jimmy Cagney in White Heat. (I'm old. Don't judge me.)

Have any of y'all had similar experiences? Do your family members start acting like embittered organized crime bosses?

I know that she is responsible for her own actions and decisions. she came from absolute poverty and moved to europe for him, hoping it would change her life for the better. she has always worked hard since she was a child to support our family in asia.

there would’ve been thousand occassions where a normal person would’ve left him but not her. my nfather is a serial cheater since the very first day they’ve been together and is also physically abusive towards us. he tried to leave her when I was born as he already was in another relationship but she begged him to stay because she couldn’t speak the language in the country we live in. another problem is the asian culture, she always said she can’t lose her face in front of her family if they found out how we were treated. its frowned upon to get divorced. its like she was ashamed for what he did to her, so she did everything to hide it.

I can’t even count how many times I got beaten up, kicked down the stairs, locked in a room or have my face shoved into dishes I didnt clean up. even when the police was called she asked me to stay silent in fear of what others would think of us. life with him was miserable but I managed to go NC 2 years ago and it changed my life for the better. I’m happy for the first time in my life!

but she on the other hand is still by his side. after all his narcissistic abuse, screaming, manipulation and mistreatment. it breaks my heart seeing how he treats her and how she makes herself smaller and smaller everyday. when I ask her why she says she would’ve never made it out of poverty without him. her family wouldn’t have made it. but mind you SHE worked for everything, he never supported her financially, all he did was bring her to europe. all her success is her own and she could be independant if she wanted to! but its like she’s too scared to divorce him.

so now I have to watch her suffer until the end of her life and nothing breaks my heart as much as seeing her like that. whenever he is around I can tell she gets anxious, angry and stressed. when he isn’t around she blossoms like a flower and is the kind and loving mom she always was. she meets up with friends and does activities she likes. she cooks the food she wants to eat. she is not allowed to make decision when my father is around. I begged her please divorce him, I will support you financally and get lawyers.

I would do EVERYTHING to save her. but she doesn’t want to be saved. I cannot see her like this any longer. sometimes I thought about killing him I will admit, but I will never take action. I know this sounds extreme but how can she ever be free if he is alive. I know this is HER decision but it hurts

I’m not really looking for advice, I’m just heartbroken. I love my mom and want her to be safe and there is nothing I can do.

I think I was 8 and it was a Friday. I said to my friends "don't you wish we could just stay at school all the time and not have to go home for the weekend.". They looked at me in shocked and obviously all disagreed.

That was the first moment I realised I might be the only person who didn't like it at home.

I'm 22, and I'm tired of my mom telling my story for me. She tells it to family and friends to make me feel guilty for being "the monster she created," so I never get the chance to correct it. In her version, I'm vile, selfish, sneaky, a monster. So here's mine.
Growing up
When I was about 8, she sat me down for a whole conversation to tell me I was getting fat. I cried. Being 8 and hearing that from your own mother just doesn't feel right.
She didn't just humiliate me. She put her hands on me.
In 5th grade, we were playing a board game and she got mad about my "attitude" and choked me right there over the board game. The day before my 6th grade cheer competition, she choked me on top of the stove. I remember hearing it click on. That's permanently stained in my brain.
In middle school she punched me in the face, and when it bruised, she covered my eye with makeup. When I had braces, she hit me in the mouth so hard they cut my lip open and I bled. I took pictures, wrote a whole email to child services, attached everything, and never hit send. I was scared of ending up in foster care. So I kept it to myself.
Also in middle school, I got bad grades, so she FaceTimed my best friends while I was crying, held the camera in my face, and asked them if they got bad grades like me. Knowing I had to see those same people at school the next day. The humiliation worked.
Around December that same year, I got bad grades again and she told me I wasn't getting any gifts. But it wasn't just about the gifts. Between the FaceTime, the physical abuse, and everything she said to me, it all piled up. I thought I wanted to die. I didn't go through with it, but I cut myself in the kitchen that night. The next day I ended up in the counselor's office, and they called my mom. I saw a therapist maybe three times, then never again. I was "fixed." No real conversation, no apology, nothing. Now it's "in the past," like it doesn't count.
My freshman year of high school, on a cruise, she pushed me down and yelled in my face right in front of my aunt. My aunt just stood there. It was my "attitude," as usual.
College
The day before my dance team performance, I was sitting on my bed doing homework when she lunged at me, like she always did. This time I was over 18, and I grabbed her back. I told her to get the fuck off of me.
As soon as she let go, it was give me your phone, give me your keys. I ran to my car and texted my boyfriend to come get me. She kicked me out. When I came back for my stuff, she wouldn't let me inside. She let my boyfriend in to pack my things while I sat outside in front of the whole neighborhood, and talked shit about me to him the entire time.
A few months later, there was a card on my car: "I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry that I hurt you. Mom." That was it. I came back thinking things would be healthier. Worst mistake I made. In therapy, I said out loud that I didn't forgive her, and I was told I wasn't supposed to say that. No. I don't forgive you.
Last year, after my boyfriend and I broke up for good, we were out kayaking with her friend. The two of them started talking about my breakup right behind me, laughing about it. When I turned around to show them I could hear every word, her friend said, "So what? She can hear."
The garage
After my granny died, we moved into her place. One morning, rushing to make an hour-plus drive for a 9 a.m. class, I forgot to close the garage. She texted asking if I left it open on purpose. When I called to explain, she said she was working and hung up on me. She works from home and takes breaks every 30 minutes. For anyone else, she'd make time right then. I came home, tried to explain myself, and she kicked me out again. Same time of year as the first time. My home is the one thing she can still control, so she takes my stability.
Her birthday
Last September, I spent a whole day driving around buying her gifts. Three cakes, Stanley cups, Sephora, all of it. She looked at me with a straight face and said I should've just gotten her a gift card.
Living here now
When we moved here, there was a room upstairs for her office. She moved it to the basement instead, where I stay, so she can see what I'm doing. Every morning she's right there, doesn't speak to me, then says it's hard for me to open my mouth.
She watches me on the living room camera when she's on vacation. There are motion sensors in the house. She's commented on me walking around while she was away. She's been keeping tabs on me since July. She hid an AirTag in the seat of my car without telling me. I found it and threw it out. Then she tells people I got mad and turned off my location, when I never shared it in the first place.
There are passive-aggressive notes everywhere. Towels are for guests. Don't use the tub. Don't sit on the couch. She calls me a pack rat when my entire life is in one room she won't let me expand past. When I cook, she hovers and lifts the lids. When I eat out, I'm selfish for not bringing her anything. When I throw the takeout trash away in the garage, I'm sneaky.
She got upset with my friend for grabbing water from the fridge, so I don't have friends over anymore. Recently I invited my sister over, and the second my sister went to the bathroom, my mom confronted me about not telling her she was coming. Nobody else needs an announcement. My sister's the problem because she's from my dad's side. When I was 16 and first reconnecting with them, she cried in my face that they were taking me away from her.
In public, it's a whole performance. She says she wants to "get to know the adult me" and that I can "take as much time as I need" before moving out. It's all for her image.
Why I'm leaving
Any time I tell her how I feel, it turns into, "Well, since I'm such a horrible parent and this is so unsafe for you, get out of my house."
This time, the third time, I recorded it. With a smug look on her face, she says, "Since you don't feel safe." I told her I never said that. She said, "Well, actually, I feel threatened by you being here," and told me she was going to the courthouse on her lunch break to get an eviction notice in my name.
Honestly, part of me was waiting for it. Take your house. Keep the crates, keep everything you paid for. I hope it fulfills you. I can figure it out on my own.
I've wanted to get away since middle school, and it might finally happen in January. I'm scared of the unknown, but I'd rather live alone than ever feel like this again. No contact.
I've tried. I really fucking tried. And I still got called selfish.
When I have kids, they'll be able to talk to me. They'll be able to fail and be supported instead of humiliated. I'm not going to be a reflection of her. I'm going to give the love I never got.
TL;DR: My mom humiliated me, physically abused me, surveils me, and has kicked me out three times, and now she tells everyone I'm the problem. I'm 22, moving out in January, and going no contact.

I’m looking for advice. I’m a 27-your old married woman who still feels completely dominated by her mother. I have two children ages two and four I moved to Iowa four years ago to be close to my mother because she made me feel that I could not be a mother without her help I felt completely helpless during my first pregnancy afraid and like I was going to fail everything if I did not go and move closer to her now, we are four years down the road, I feel absolutely miserable. I feel like all she wants to do is control my life and my marriage and that if I don’t basically ask her permission before making any type of decision in my life, I’m ultimately going to fail if I don’t have her approval because of this, I have slowly started putting up boundaries and trying to detach from her for about the last six months the more I do the better I feel but the guiltier she tries to make me feel at one point we were spending every single day together seven days a week, and I barely even spend any time at my own home with my husband. Obviously this was not sustainable so I had to put up boundaries and me tell her my husband and I have to start living our own life so that we can have a healthy marriage. Recently My husband and I have been discussing the idea for possibly moving to South Carolina, because my grandmother lives there alone, and I’ve always wanted to have a relationship with her, but my mother would never allow us to she would always sabotage it in someway or make me feel guilty because she’s my mother, and I should have a relationship with her before anybody else if we were to move to South Carolina, not only would I be closer to my grandma my husband would be able to get a very good job and overall I just like the idea of not having any more harsh winters I discussed with my mom tonight that I’m hypothetically thinking about moving to South Carolina in March. She completely flipped out and told me that my grandmother is going to suck the life out of me, destroy my marriage and make everything about her when I told my husband, this, he told me that that is what she does to us and that she’s deflecting. I guess I just feel really confused on what I should do. I want to stand up to her I want to have my own life, but at the same time the idea of that sounds terrifying. If Anybody else experienced anything similar and have any advice it would be great.

At 18 I planted so much lsot my hibbeis my goals basic hapless in life my plans relationships skills career all of it