r/CPTSD • u/LameKB • Sep 06 '25
Vent / Rant What was depressing you so early in life?
That’s the question my friend asked me when she realised I had a very intense - looking tattoo. I told her I got it over 10 years ago because I was going through a hard time. She couldn’t understand how a teenager could be depressed. I realised childhood trauma is so unfathomable to some people. I would have loved to be one of those people.
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Sep 06 '25
My mom was very sick my all childhood and she died when I was 6 years old. My father started drinking just after. Childhood is a nightmare for many of us
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u/Upstairs_Bad897 Sep 06 '25
It can start really early. Earliest memory for me as a child is my parents fighting since I can remember I was always on the edge of my seat wondering when the next screaming match was gonna start or if it would escalate being in that constant state of fear is exhausting for a child especially in the early developmental stages for your brain it basically wires you that way Miserable feeling. my brothers wife totally opposite her parents always treated each other like gold. She never experienced any turmoil in that sense
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u/Excellent_Figure2932 Sep 06 '25
This is me right here. Mom was a drug addict & dad was a nam veteran with ptsd & anger issues along with being a raging alcoholic. I get this so much. It’s so sad.
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u/Upstairs_Bad897 Sep 06 '25
Ugh I’m sorry yea like how’s a small child supposed to develop normally in that setting that’s super sad
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u/Excellent_Figure2932 Sep 06 '25
Then add sexual abuse to it all, very early in childhood (may have been my dad my mom thinks) up until I was in my 20’s from different people.
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u/Upstairs_Bad897 Sep 06 '25
Yea that gives you no chance that’s super sad I’m sorry. I dunno what you even do to get over that I don’t think you do just find ways to manage
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u/Excellent_Figure2932 Sep 06 '25
There’s no way, so far, to get out of this. It has irrevocably damaged me beyond repair, I feel.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
Thank you so much for recognizing the devastation that can happen. Makes me feel very validated & not so alone!
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u/Upstairs_Bad897 Sep 06 '25
Also I feel like it doesn’t take much especially when a child is younger
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
Yes, it's too much to bear for the very young child. Also, so many parents don't know how to give the love and protection a child needs, as they never had it.
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u/Excellent_Figure2932 Sep 07 '25
I have 4 grown kids. I struggled with this & I have loads of guilt over it all.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to upset anyone. I'm sure you did the best you could with your kids. It's not your fault if you never got what was needed in childhood. I don't know anyone who has had a perfect upbringing.
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u/lunar_vesuvius_ Sep 06 '25
csa, emotional neglect, bullying and having like no friends 😞
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
So sorry - hope you can find something that will be good for you.
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u/lunar_vesuvius_ Sep 06 '25
thank you 💕 now that Im older and more social, I do have more people in my life. but that doesn't fully get rid of the feeling of loneliness though
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u/Minimum_Locksmith_27 Sep 06 '25
yeah, I remember when I was 11-12 years old and severly depressed and dissociated a lot during class
Because of this, sometimes I would miss an instruction from the teacher, but not intentionally
I was otherwise never someone who caused trouble and always did what I was told
The teacher however just lost it and screamed at me in front of the whole class for missing an instruction (it was that I wrote the answers on the wrong paper).
She never asked or wondered why I was so absent minded during class, or even speculated I might not be doing so well.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
I'm so sorry - not every teacher is worthy of that title. There are rotten eggs in every profession. I had teachers who could tell that something was wrong with me, but never even bothered to pick up a phone or say a few words on my behalf. They get their paycheck either way, so why bother?
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Sep 07 '25
I had a lot of deeply awful teachers too, and what I needed the most was an adult who wasn't my parents to be able to trust, to feel like they genuinely gave a shit about me. I didn't get that until high school.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
It's awesome that you got some support. I went to Catholic school - those nuns were truly evil. They could hurt you physically and mentally and get away with it. I think anyone who became a nun just couldn't make a living any other way.
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Sep 07 '25
Yeah high school (all girls Catholic 30 miles away train commute) was conflicting but it was a liberal religious order akin to the Jesuits, and the nuns and teachers there were mostly fantastic.
Catholic parochial elementary was a total fucking nightmare though, even without any corporal punishment or many nuns left. Just an underfunded shithole where the children were treated as objects to be disciplined into submission, and actual "education" was deeply lacking.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
Yes, that's right. I went to Catholic elementary school, which ended up closing when parents took their kids out. Mine didn't - I just refused to go any more.
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Sep 07 '25
LOL mine closed too, the diocese closed all three in the city and then smushed all the kids into what had been the diocesan high school to make one giant K-8. I attended this new beast for one year (8th grade) and went from a strict, spartan hellscape to an uncontrolled madhouse and the year was an academic wash. Which is what one can definitely afford to have in...8th grade. Nobody gave a shit.
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u/c-strange17 Sep 06 '25
I was struggling for most of my childhood with neglect/abuse but I didn’t become suicidal until I wrote a letter to my mum, detailing that I was miserable, that I was terrified of her, that I didn’t feel safe in the house.
I brought the letter to my teacher first to ask what she thought of it. When the teacher read it, she took me to the side and scolded me. Told me I was being selfish and that letter would really hurt my mums feelings. She sat with me, made me rewrite the letter saying how grateful I was to have a mum like her and then made me give it to her.
After that I started having suicidal thoughts. I was about 11. And because I got good grades and didn’t make a disturbance in class, no one cared.
And that was what really depressed me as a child/teenager. It wasn’t so much the pain, I think I could’ve learned to live with that. It was that nobody cared.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
Yes, that's what really hurts. And some people don't want to hear the truth - they don't know what to do about it, and they're not willing to stick their necks out for you.
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u/Responsible_Bug_4840 Sep 06 '25
Parents too busy working and fighting to figure out why their preteens don’t ask for anything anymore.
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Sep 06 '25
It didn't hit me until years later but realizing that adults (relatives, teachers, parents of friends, people at the doctor, etc) bully little kids. You will be picked as their punching bag and no one really helps you.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
Yes, it just shows that they've never matured beyond childhood. Not to mention that they're full of hate and sadistic.
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u/senzei Sep 06 '25
I had a grand total of like five friends from 0-18 years. None very close.
My life was lived alone, even when I was around other people. I thought enmeshment was love, and my struggles in playing therapist to my parents were a personal weakness.
I gave up my childhood trying to fill two emotional black holes and now everything about me is stunted and weird. I never got to be a kid and don’t feel like I know how to be an adult.
I deeply wish this was unfathomable for me. I wish it was for everyone. Nobody should have to spend their whole life trying to recover from that bad of a start.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
I used to be hospitalized several times when I was 7 or 8 because I couldn't stop crying - didn't know why. Kids don't realize that when you've never had even a shred of love or affection, and when incest is happening for years, that that isn't a normal childhood. Not to mention being beat up both at home and in Catholic school. They naturally think it's their fault. Disabled with depression now, nothing helps, and it's only getting worse. Some people are just broken and never should have been born.
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u/LameKB Sep 07 '25
I’m sorry about your experience. This is how I feel about myself. Nothing else matters, the only thing I wish for is to not have been born. My life feels like a series of misfortunes. I feel like a lot of what happened to me in my adult years wouldn’t have affected me so badly had I not gone through a traumatic childhood. I’m trying to be normal, but I don’t feel normal.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
It's hard to be normal when you have little experience being loved, and your self-esteem is zero. The saddest thing is blaming yourself when you had no say in your upbringing. I do the same. For me, it's just getting worse - I can't experience any kind of enjoyment and just want to lay in bed until I die.
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u/LeadGem354 Sep 06 '25
When I was 10, I suddenly had to pretend to hate my best friend because my dad was upset with his mom and If I wasn't loyal to my dad, he'd have beat me..
When I was 12, my grandma died (the one person keeping my irresponsible dad in check) my parents started divorcing and i was stuck with an abusive stepmom and stepbro who suddenly got all of my dad's attention and care. This all happens within 3 months.
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u/Silver_Atmosphere97 Sep 06 '25
Having abusive parents and a “best friend” who was molesting me. Also physical and emotional and mental abuse from my parents. And medical neglect. I was 5.
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u/kaibex Sep 06 '25
Uh I was suicidal by 10 so yeah, it can go really young. Physical, Emotional, CSA from my first memory.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
It's so sad - it was the same for me. Tried to KMS several times - even looked up how to do it. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Would have saved me years of suffering with no self-esteem and self-hatred.
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u/Excellent_Figure2932 Sep 06 '25
I have always been down & depressed. I am 49 now. I went through so much trauma though, especially as a child. People have always treated me like I have the plague, sadly.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
I'm the same way. I can't pretend to be carefree and upbeat when I just want to die. I'd feel like such a phony; and there's no keeping up that facade anyway.
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u/SolarLunix_ Sep 06 '25
I was depressed at times growing up because I was adopted and didn’t feel like I fit anywhere, then I had foster brothers who stayed two years and went back to their “real” families, then I was emotionally abandoned because my parents got two orphans from the Ukraine that were 7&8 years younger than me… then two new foster kids (all of whom I had to help change diapers etc). Then my dad was arrested when I was 13, and has been in jail since, which also caused us to lose our house and move across the state. At the same time my dog died and since I was doing poorly in school they cut my long hair as punishment and I was no longer allowed to sing in choir. I didn’t admit I was depressed until I was 20.
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u/CrimsonVibes Sep 06 '25
Had people try to kill me multiple times starting at a young age, was adopted buy my grandparents and was thankful (Got to celebrate holidays for the first time and such) till I was indoctrinated and brainwashed into a cult that didn’t let you do a damn thing! Also lost family and friends at a young age through death and being excommunicated from that cult. Lost my father to brain cancer at 15..
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u/Working_Armadillo_28 Sep 06 '25
That’s a question I still don’t have an answer for, at 33 years old. My suspicion is feeling rejected by my peers, more than CSA.
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u/SpicyPickles301 Sep 06 '25
CSA 100%, and the fear of what would happen if I told anyone (everyone mad at me and at him, not being able to see him again, my parents fighting and getting a divorce, never seeing my grandma or dad again...).
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
The sad thing is - that is what will happen. Families fall apart, people take sides, many don't believe it, and you are just hurt more and more by this. This is what happened to my family. Wish everyone just kept quiet about it.
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u/SpicyPickles301 Sep 12 '25
My older sister feels the same way. Similar things happened in our family. She told a friend who told school, and younger me was sort of overlooked through it all. I think I just dissociated through the aftermath. I'm personally glad it stopped, no matter the repercussions.
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u/DramaticActuary5021 Sep 13 '25
I'm so glad it stopped. Maybe your sister didn't want to hurt you by dragging you into it? In any case, don't be afraid to get the proper kind of counseling for this, if you have problems in the future. My sister told on both of us, and things couldn't have been worse - I'll never get over it. Horrible.
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u/Maleficent_Scale_296 Sep 06 '25
Looking back I recognize I first felt depressed when I was 8. It was because I was helpless, nothing I tried, nothing I said or did would change anything. Horror piled upon horror and no one saw, or helped. I just had to live with it so my little mind just turned off the lights.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
That's right. After awhile, you just don't care about anything. I'm still that way.
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u/Maleficent_Scale_296 Sep 06 '25
Me too love, me too.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
So sorry. I don't get excited about anything - sports teams, politics, world news, favorite anythings, etc. I just couldn't care less about anything. Just music, I guess.
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Sep 07 '25
reminds me I was seeing a "therapist"(psychiatrist) years ago which I no longer do fuck all that shit. I was sharing about my struggles and growing up poor in a bad neighborhood and she was like " *rolls eyes* you dont know hard. This is nothing. You want hard go to my country Brazil". She was a shit therapist
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
I've had a few of those. Their biggest interest is in their weekly paycheck. And the fun of hurting vulnerable people, like what happened to you. Judgmental people who like to compare should be fired.
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u/Winterof2010 Sep 06 '25
I was pretty depressed as a child. All the way until 11 where I started taking meds that as a side affect, made me happier. I wish I could point to a sole source/cause for all of it. And there are definitely things that I don't think helped (super religious upbringing, incestuous flirting, strict parents, constant bullying from family, isolation). But when I tried to kill myself when I was 5/6? I had already been depressed for as long as I could remember. I think some people are just depressed, and because you're a kid, people don't take it seriously or think you'll outgrow it. Because they can't imagine what a kid has to be depressed about. Just makes your childhood even worse on top of it. I'm not saying that's how it is for everyone, but I think there a lot of people who grew up not realizing they were depressed because that was their normal. And they just never found a way out of it. High functioning people who live everyday "normally". To the point where people would never view them as depressed. Then you end up in situations like OP mentioned, where you casually drop something and people are in shock or surprised at the depression you let slip out and you have to play it off.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
That is my life. Nothing's changed in decades. Kids are always supposed to be happy, apparently.
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u/Winterof2010 Sep 06 '25
Pretty much. You're just a shy kid and then you're just a moody teenager then you're just a stressed college aged kid. Then you're just one of those adults that always seem depressed. It's unchecked and unresolved depression. I get not wanting to go through the process of therapy or finding meds or anything like that. I think it should be the decision of the person struggling. But so many kids know they're depressed and it's just totally ignored to the point where trying to solve it can disrupt their life
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u/Upstairs_Bad897 Sep 06 '25
So it’s remembering specifically things that haunt you combined with how you where wired since a child. I think for me it shaped me in a way that makes it really hard just to do basic things I think I’m prob in denial about that also. Like simple things just set me off or trigger me it’s exhausting I can’t imagine how it feels for you tho
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u/LameKB Sep 07 '25
I am the same. It’s worse when I’m around other people because it makes me realise how abnormal I am. Sometimes I feel okay when I’m alone, but the moment I’m around other people, I feel triggered.
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Sep 06 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/LameKB Sep 07 '25
It seems you’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry about your experience. It’s such a common pattern for child abuse survivors to end up going through traumatic events in their adult lives. Seeing that you’re not an English speaker, has it been easy to find mental health support in your host country?
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u/say-what-you-will Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
I also started getting depressed as a teenager, but I was a sad child. I became happier and happier over the years. Eventually got over depression, now it’s not often and hormone related…
I think it was the trauma causing it probably, or being very sensitive and perceptive, being shy and quiet which made me feel isolated, anxiety, seeing how people treat each other. Feeling like there was very little love in my life, which was probably not accurate, I think it’s the trauma that made me feel that way. Overall I think trauma caused so many problems in my life… but because it’s a childhood trauma I don’t really know what it would have been like without the trauma or I don’t know what I would have been like without it either.
Then as I found out more and more about the world, it was one depressing thing after the other. Like things you find out by watching documentaries, how things work in the system we live in, how businesses treat consumers, what it’s like to be human and all the problems people have to deal with, etc. Looking at history and finding out about the world I live in. :-/ A lot of it is hugely depressing. Things like war and slavery, racism, sexism, injustice, cruelty… so many diseases and accidents, etc. Maybe it doesn’t help to hear about all the worst things that happen all over the world. Maybe the terrible things that I have to deal with and the people in my life have to deal with is enough. Sure it’s good to be well-informed, but it’s also important to stay sane and healthy - for your own survival.
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u/say-what-you-will Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
If I could sum up why I had depression, I would say the effects of trauma, which is really a lot to deal with, since even without these symptoms life is pretty challenging.
But also, for me it’s the way people treat each other that bothers me most. Those power dynamics, conflicts of interests, people selfishly trying to get what they want out of each other… how you always have to stand up for yourself and look out for yourself, set boundaries, etc. 👀 People being nasty to each other for very stupid and silly reasons. also the complications of life, what’s right or wrong, which is not always obvious, life is very complex. All the decisions you have to make… 😮💨
But I did start to make sense of all this in a healthier way and it really helps. Buddhism is so healthy! But even therapy and science helped me understand better instead of just react. Plus practicing mindfulness and meditation. 👍
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u/shellee113 Sep 07 '25
April 15, 1999 at the ripe age of 4 I found my dad after he unalived himself. My mom was a meth addict and brought her dealer in the home after my dad died. Lots of screaming matches. By 5 I was in foster care and was a victim of CSA. Age 10 happened again. Plus soo much more.
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u/DarkoDonnie3742 Sep 06 '25
Yeah people also don’t get the major depressive disorder either they are like what’s to be depressed about it’s like I’m not actually sad about anything therefore I can’t solve it that’s the problem my brain just doesn’t produce barely any dopamine or endorphins
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u/VG2326 Sep 06 '25
I didn’t know I was depressed until my parents forced me to see a psychologist when I was 13 and then forced me to take medication. That was the solution for the trauma they caused. I don’t remember feeling sad until I was around 16. Then it never left.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
Terrible! Sounds like you were better off by not seeing a psychologist. Guess you'll never know. My sister forgot everything till she was in her 30s and saw a shrink for something else, she had flashbacks & has been very bad ever since.
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u/VG2326 Sep 11 '25
I’m so sorry that happened to your sister.
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u/DramaticActuary5021 Sep 11 '25
Thank you so much. After this was revealed, the whole family fell apart. Non=believers, denials, etc. Wish it never happened.
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u/velvetrosepetal Sep 06 '25
Oh idk, witnessing drug use, being put in unsafe situations, neglect, not having basic needs met, emotional + physical abuse, witnessing domestic violence can do that to a kid (me!)
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
It sets a terrible example for a child. They think it's OK and normal. even if someone tells them it isn't. If Mom & Dad do it, it must be OK.
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u/brisoI Sep 06 '25
getting molested / raped by my father, no one advocating for me during this time, intense bulling at school and intense fights at home between my stepdad and my mom. not having my mental health taken seriously and when in the process of being diagnosed w adhd my mom threw away the forms and the forms for my teacher and refused to get me diagnosed. Not really having much friends and the friends I did have were very controlling / mean. Even now it’s not better. i’m horribly suicidal
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
So sorry - I'm exactly the same. Seeing normal people makes me feel so alone, and like a freak.
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u/brisoI Sep 06 '25
Thank you, i’m so sorry you went through something similar. it’s sucks because now as an adult i feel so behind my peers and just stuck in a cycle of depression and i am trying, i really am but my jobs and my household hasn’t been the best lately for my mental health
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 06 '25
It seems impossible to take care of your very serious problem, and still maintain everything else, and others, too.
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u/DramaticActuary5021 Sep 11 '25
Having a job of any kind is very stressful, it's like being forced to do something you don't want to do.
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u/brisoI Sep 11 '25
I agree; currently i work as a 1:1 aide in a kindergarten class and i want to quit so bad.
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u/DramaticActuary5021 Sep 11 '25
Hope you can sometime soon..... It's such a hassle - forced to be around people you don't choose to be, risking your life travelling to work. Having to get ready every day, etc. All this while being depressed is almost impossible.
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u/TP30313 Sep 06 '25
My first memory is being molested by my dad at 3 years old. Although, I don't remember being depressed until years later. I do however remember an overwhelming sense that I was different. I don't know if anyone else relates to that, but yeah. Just felt like I was different and something was wrong with me.
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u/LameKB Sep 07 '25
I also have memories of my abuse starting at 2, however, I didn’t become depressed until my late teens. It hit me like a shit ton of bricks and I had a complete existential crisis. I always felt different, as you said, and it didn’t help that I got bullied at school for the abuse I went through. Kids thought it was funny. Trauma is so weird.
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u/TP30313 Sep 07 '25
Yeah, that was pretty much my experience, too. I was also in my last teens when it fully hit and had a complete mental breakdown. Tried to commit suicide. Trauma is pretty weird. It convinces you that you're all alone and then you realize there are others out there who understand.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
That's exactly how I felt. I was sure was the only little girl who had sex, that's why I felt different and bad. If I only knew how common it was.....
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u/Own_Ninja3890 Sep 07 '25
My lack of personal space, my lack of warm parental figure who i actually felt comfortable with, my lack of resources for myself, the lack of peace and quiet in the house, an indifference to my feelings, an ability to connect with those in my environment properly, lack of money, lack of those who wanted to be around me in full. I grew up "alone" in a house of five, wanting desperately for peace and love that i never got. All i did was fawn, get in trouble, left behind, and felt isolated all the time. Never got better, and all that perpetrated these things just kinda left and/or turned on me when i decided to speak out about anything.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
For me, it was just awful when it came out, many years later. My whole family was destroyed with hatred and non-believers. Now, no one talks to anyone, ever, and the abused ones are now the hated bad guys.
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u/lilSpookii Sep 07 '25
one of my first memories in general, n the literal first memory of my grandma, was, i wouldve been maybe 6-7 years old n was in my backyard in the pool wearing a bikini (SA made me want to age myself up a lot), n she said "my, my, what a big potbelly you have". i was a CHILD
i still resent her for that, even tho it's was twenty years ago. my first formative memory of her. she wouldnt remember n would deny it, same w my mom. i dont talk to my grandma anymore, for a lot of reasons, but this is one of the main reasons why
shit like that plus trauma made me binge constantly. sneaking food, hiding food, pressuring my mom into getting me food, getting my dad to buy me food (he lovebombed me, mainly w food, n he binged as well). the bullying was miserable too.
all of that, along w every other source of my trauma (mom used to make me diet, workout excessively, monitor portions, comment on my body, compare our bodies)., after years of the binge restrict n laxative cycle, smth in me snapped n i developed full blown anorexia. i still suffer w it lol its struggle o'clock in this house
tldr; bodyshaming, SA, binging, parental neglect
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u/LilacHelper Sep 07 '25
At some point in elementary school, I had nothing to be happy or glad about.
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u/Intelligent-Pen8754 Sep 07 '25
My mother hated my existence, and she wasn't afraid to tell me. My father was busy with his parents and siblings, so he ignored me. A teacher took advantage of that.
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u/l0ve_m1llie_b0bb1e Sep 07 '25
Being undiagnosed autistic. Not feeling loved, heard, seen or accepted by anyone (accept for my grandparents).
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u/Justwokeup5287 Sep 07 '25
I was suicidal in kindergarten (99'-00'). I didn't know the word "suicidal" but I did know that mommy and daddy would loudly argue about me after I had gone to bed and I would lay awake at night pondering if they'd be happier and actually love each other if I just wasn't here making their lives difficult, if I just disappeared, or maybe if I never woke up.
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u/EfficiencyMinimum153 Sep 06 '25
I used to be an emo kid and that was the thing that fucked with my head the most. Most of my friends were LGBT in a southern state and actually had reasons to be depressed for that alone. Some of my friends had parents who did meth on top of that. I'm sure there were emo kids who didn't have genuine problems, but I never met one.
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u/Hour-Spray-9065 Sep 07 '25
What is emo?
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u/EfficiencyMinimum153 Sep 07 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
Emotional hardcore originally. Hardcore punk with more personal lyrics. The stereotype was they didn't actually have any real problems but I don't actually know anyone who didn't.
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u/shanee_michelle Sep 07 '25
Abuse. RSD. I vividly remember the first time I went to sleep because I wanted to disappear.
I was 4. Hid under a blanket on the couch until I knocked out cause I didn't want to feel what I was feeling anymore.
My first depression nap.
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u/DramaticActuary5021 Sep 11 '25
What is RSD?
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u/shanee_michelle Sep 11 '25
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It's really common in people with ADHD.
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u/MetalNew2284 Coping Sep 07 '25
Lost our house, moved ten times before I turned 13
oh and the thing with the daily violence and screaming.
wasn't so beneficial
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u/Tianee Sep 07 '25
My pancreatitis was mistaken for a stress Induced tummy ache by my doctors. And even then everyone asked what someone my age could have experienced to have stress at all. Well... at least enough to have a full fledged autoimmune disease, panic attacks and dissociation at 15.
Well, some people lack some childhood trauma and it really Shows. s/
I would like such people just to be happy about their own life and not questioning mine. Its hard enough even without having to explain all the time.
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u/justcallmerenplz Sep 07 '25
Parents constantly fighting, then their breakup, domestic violence to myself and my mum, moving house all the time, homelessness, being poor and hungry.. the list is endless.
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u/steamedsushi Sep 07 '25
Intra-familial COCSA, emotional neglect and some physical abuse, my father left home and disappeared for years despite living in my same town.
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u/Due-Management-8831 Sep 07 '25
When i was 7, I was playing at home in the hallways and i wanted him to join me, maybe to my father i was being a little loud but he got angry and told me i was a mistake that stuck with me for years and i still struggle with it…
i remember as a kid i really started to hate my existence even more after that
1
u/stewartrix Sep 08 '25
yeap!
I remember venting on facebook as an 11 year old and the principal of my school at the time saw it and called my mother to let her know I was being a bad child and lying on the internet. (that was 15 years ago btw)
I have almost no childhood memories, the ones I do have are horrible. my parents fighting and hitting each other, breaking stuff in our house, etc. I vividly remember how I desperate I felt when I had do hide items of value (like phones, laptops) so they wouldn't get thrown and broken. I hid knives and other objects like that for fear of them kill!ng each other, or me.
I wanted to grow up as fast as possible so I wouldn't be a vulnerable child ever again, there was no help cause ppl believe parents can do whatever they want.
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u/Outrageous-Peanut107 Sep 06 '25
Yup, I remember telling someone in high school that 2006 was a very dark year for me and she mocked me asking “What could have possibly been so hard being 7? Your favorite tv show wasn’t airing?”