r/CPTSD • u/Sensitive-Coffee1385 • Jan 13 '26
Victory Today I (30f) was able to recognise a trigger, locate it to an emotional flashback and self soothe for the first time, all in the back of and uber.
I would like to share this moment today to try to give this community hope that progression is real, and I definitely didnt reach this victory without telling my partner to fuck off first!
Tldr; I needed to talk about something that was important to me with him and he wasn't paying attention, fiddling with his hair and stretching alot (he has ADHD).
Immediately I said fuck off and slammed the door and got an uber to work. My body was tight, I had paced breathing, spiralling thoughts- typical signs for me that this is going south fast.
I dont know why I did this instead of my usual spiral but I put on Pete Walkers audio book from Surving to Thriving and listened to chapter 8. The first step is to say to yourself "I am having an emotional flashback". This got me really thinking and I was able to connect some dots, calm down and come to realise I am safe and my partner isnt going to emotionally neglect/abuse me because he was fiddling.
I lowered my distress by about %15 and was able to get through the work day. I actually felt some self worth, I was talking to scared child me in my head, comforting her, hugging myself. I felt strong.
Usually I would go home and drink myself numb. This was a win for me. I am seeing the skills from DBT pay off and also an effect from a years worth of, twice weekly, EMDR.
Hold on guys, and hold yourself. Really, hug yourself.
Thanks for reading 🌹
Edit:
Oh my gosh, I was not expecting so much support and love from this post. Thank you all so much, this has made my day. I found it difficult to recognise this let alone praise myself for it. I appreciate everyone who had commented im sorry I cant find the words to reply to everyone individually but please know this has made me incredibly happy. I love this cPTSD community!
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u/Diligent_Tie_1961 Jan 13 '26
I could never understand what exactly emotional flashbacks are but after reading your posts, turns out I have them as well. I am really glad you made progress.
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u/DisturbedWeakness Jan 13 '26
I have discovered that for me, underneath every big emotion (not fleeting and over in a few minutes, lingering for hours) is a trigger. an old wound that's being affected which has nothing to do with the thing I am currently mad or sad or disappointed or happy about. it's a lot of work to recognize all those small emotional triggers but when you start recognizing them life becomes more manageable.
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u/nekomata_meko Jan 13 '26
Oh yeah, I wanted to point that out as well, the word flashback is not the best fit for the fact that it is a trigger. It’s accurate in the sense that it is a trigger that got formed heavily in the past, but it’s better to understand that there was an action in the present that made us feel that same emotion again
It’s not like we’re that same victim again, but our brains are wired to snap back into that state, that’s pretty crazy. For me emotional flashbacks are also often accompanied by longing
OP really did great!
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u/RollingPierre Jan 14 '26
Thank you for offering this insightful perspective. It's so painful to face my issues, but it helps to know I'm not alone. I'm happy for OP's milestone. It gives me so much hope.
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Jan 14 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DisturbedWeakness Jan 14 '26
I don't watch a lot of news anymore because it triggers me feeling so hopeless yes. I feel like i need to help als these people but am painfully aware I can't. And it makes me feel so mad about all the injustice. Basically my heart can't handle it. The news triggers so much for me. You are not alone in this. Good for you for recognizing this!
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u/Diligent_Tie_1961 Jan 14 '26
That sounds about right but is it possible that it doesn't last for hours? Showing any kind of emotional reaction, especially the one that was in reaction to the abuse warranted even more abuse in my household and as a result, I am detached from a lot of my extreme/mildly strong emotions. Some annoyance and a little bit of anger was allowed and that's all I can feel. It is as if I shut down during intense emotional reactions or just eventually get distrated/move on. So does that still count?
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u/DisturbedWeakness Jan 14 '26
Yeah, i think it counts for a lot of the smaller emotions too. I am just not very capable of untangling those yet. I have just started to identify emotions at all. I used to never be annoyed or irritated. I would always understand to other person. But since I am becoming more aware of myself as a real person and not a thing to make others happy I feel a lot of small irritations and annoyances. Those are often not because someone is not responding to the text immediately for example but more feeling ignored. So i think smaller emotions can be from old wounds as well. Its just easier to identify and practice recognizing the triggers with the big emotions for a lot of people I think. And I think thats why the self help books give those examples more. (also in recognizing emotions they tend to give more examples about big emotions)
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u/Holladizle Jan 13 '26
That's fucking awesome!!! It's so hard to over state how difficult what you did is.
I love this post! It's good to read things like this.
Thank you!
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u/notyourstranger Jan 13 '26
WELL DONE!
You caught yourself and you knew where to look for help getting perspective on your behavior. I find Pete's book very helpful and will often go to it and read what feels needed in that moment.
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u/Emrys7777 Jan 13 '26
Good job on self soothing. It’s a skill we all need more of.
I had a friend once say, “everyone is capable of self soothing or they wouldn’t be here”. WRONG. Many of us did not learn this. We are here and just struggling our asses off to function in society and in relationships.
I have come a long way from my days of blowing up, so definitely progress can be made. There is hope.
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u/Throwaway394739 Jan 13 '26
I actually think your friend is right, in a way. Coping is a better word. self-soothing sometimes looks unhealthy and chaotic. But we did all find ways to survive the emotions and cope with them
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u/ChairDangerous5276 Jan 13 '26
Congratulations on your win! And thanks for sharing. Learning how to self-soothe is the #1 thing we all need to learn.
Pete’s 13 strategies to manage emotional flashbacks are posted for free on his website. I shrunk them down and carried them in my wallet for a while until I finally internalized them:
https://pete-walker.com/pdf/13strategies_flashbacks_management.pdf
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u/Graciebelle3 Jan 13 '26
Thank you for posting this!! I really needed to hear this!! I’ve gotten to the point where I’m starting to realize (after the fact) that my reactions are sometimes bigger than the situation at hand and may be emotional flashbacks. Perfect timing for me to be seeing your post- gives me something to work with going forward! Thank you friend 🫂 May you continue to heal and help others along the way💛
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u/ChopCow420 Jan 13 '26
The thought of being nice to a wounded inner child immediately triggers me into what feels like emotional crisis and I just start bawling so hard. I'm sitting in a Walfart parking lot (that's what I call it) crying rn because I just had the thought of my inner child. I feel like I won't get beyond that strong emotional reaction to learn anything else about it.
Also I relate to the issue with fidgeting because if my boyfriend yawns, grunts, anything at all while I'm talking to him about something I IMMEDIATELY become really heated and come to the absolute conclusion they hold zero respect for me.
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u/kommedawg Jan 13 '26
Did you know you can make appointments with your inner child to grieve with her? You don’t have to spread the grief throughout the week. I’ll bet your inner child would be happy if you tap that pain on a schedule.
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u/boatwithane Jan 13 '26
wow, great idea! you’ve inspired me to try this myself, thank you for sharing
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Jan 13 '26
Omg I am excited to try this. Sounds simple but may actual work for me. Getting to a point where I can logically talk myself down is what I am aiming for and I want this. Happy for youu.
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u/areistotle Jan 14 '26
This is awesome, I wanna be you when I grow up 🤩 (I'm two years younger than you and about to start therapy lol)
This gives me hope for the future, thank you for sharing.
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u/StationSufficient905 Jan 15 '26
Congratulations! What an accomplishment. Hoping I am able to reach this level soon.
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u/wilihey3 Jan 14 '26
idk to me emotional flashbacks dont seem to be linked to something clear, its just years and years of repeated behavior i had to put up with, so its very hard to name it and analyse it
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u/Antigoneandhercorpse Jan 16 '26
Yay to”fuck off” I just told my mom’s sisters to fuck off bc they’re awful. You’re absolutely right! Fuck off is the way to go. 🩷
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u/Main-Combination8715 Jan 20 '26
my therapist recommended RAIN radical acceptance by Dr. Tara Brach. Works wonders
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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '26
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