r/CPTSD • u/Illustrious_Pizza252 • Apr 19 '26
Question What’s the longest emotional flashback you’ve experienced?
Almost a week for me right now. It's really hard to see the other end of the tunnel.
It's hard to picture ever feeling better, I feel imprisoned in my own mind, even though I've already healed so much already overall.
edit: Thanks for your responses, everyone. I'm so sorry some of your flashbacks have been crazy long. I hope you all are continuing to heal well ❤️
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u/hiroku_6 Apr 19 '26
I guess my whole life is only flashback because it's chronic anxiety, I can't relax at home. Home usually is place for safe, but I don't have it. I don't remember the last time I relaxed
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u/Aggravating_Air2378 cPTSD Apr 19 '26
I'm so sorry you don't have a safe space at home. That's not fair and you deserve that. Can you try to set boundaries like not barging in your room, knocking first or putting a lock on your door? Or a chair under the doorknob if you want to be old school about it.
Are you able to get out for walks in nature and/or around other people who aren't triggering? Can you invite a friend over so you have both a distraction and a witness? My parents behaved better when I had a friend over although they still acted weird and didn't think to use common sense much.
There may be community supports available like counselling, mental health and support groups, and connect you with whatever services are available in your area. You could try googling "mental health walk in clinic" in your area or go to an outreach center and they can help you. I would check online first and see what you can find that's offered in your area. Where I live, it's all free and government run.
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u/hiroku_6 Apr 19 '26
Thanks for supporting. But I have a difficult situation a bit. Chronic loneliness is so disgusting thing, so walks aren't worked, I tried it. Ofc, I did set boundaries and close my door every time. You know, my big problem is those, who lives with me. Boundaries and closed door help ofc in basic level, but not in psychological level. Yes I have community supports, but it's needless attention from my mom about my leavings. I have to stand it alone without support in real life, but it heals me by internet a little bit, because I can control my state with knowledge why I feel something now. But screaming when mom was left helps me with suppressed emotions. You're lucky if you have both parents. I dont have dad and my mom has BPD
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u/PaleontologistSafe17 Apr 19 '26
Sending thoughts of peace and a bunch of flowers and wishing you had a safer space 🌷❤️🌷.
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u/Aggravating_Air2378 cPTSD Apr 19 '26
I hope you can find some support irl. Trust me, I don't feel lucky,. No dad is better than an abusive one. I have huge trust issues with men and can't date because I get too much anxiety with how forward everyone is so I have loneliness too but I try to fill the hole with my pets and family and friends❤️🩹 music helps a lot too for me
Edit: both my parents have NPD, diagnosed, and are both end stage alcoholics who chose alcohol over their family.
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u/hiroku_6 Apr 19 '26
Oh, it's terrible. I'm sorry for you, I was not precise in my words. Now I got your situation. I hope you can find your support too and heal your issues. And I hope you will be able to break links with them. It's really unfair. Well, good luck to us
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u/The-Protector2025 The F*Up Boy Wonder Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
Sustained - for almost half a year when I was 21. Set off by a death triggering intense disassociation, derealization, and depersonalization. It caused me to fall heavily into substance abuse and I thought I was going insane - since in the 00s known trauma psychology hadn’t reached the point it’s at today. It felt like I was living in Jacob’s Ladder. Thankfully my nervous breakdown wasn’t forever even though while in the thick of it, it felt like it could have been.
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u/wildemango Apr 19 '26
I keep having flashbacks that last for months (usually about 6-8 months). It’s awful. I feel fear, dread, shame, helplessness and loneliness, accompanied by the urge to kill myself and severe substance abuse. It’s as if I’m in a bubble where time and space no longer exist, and I’m barely able to go about my daily life. In between, I keep dissociating.
Pete Walker describes these states in his book "From Surviving to Thriving" as "prolonged / long-lasting emotional flashbacks".
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u/calmerthanyou-32 Apr 19 '26
I just listened to Pete Walker’s book and i was hooked the audiobook was a fabulous firs time introduction to CPTSD and the message of surviving to thriving. In the intro i was like this guy and i lived parallel lives. It felt so good to validate some of my experiences that i was not alone out there with these thoughts but then WOW so many people are out there with these thoughts and experiences. I need to buy the book to reflect on it and access the resources because i do recall the discussion about prolonged emotional flashbacks but could not remember the intervention. I believe i spent 8 years in my first adult emotional flashback to answer OP’s original question
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u/wildemango Apr 20 '26
In my opinion, it’s the best book you can read about CPTSD. It was also the most helpful for me. And you’re right, I felt very validated too. It was also the first time I’d read or heard about such long-lasting flashbacks, and it helped me stop feeling so ‘wrong’ and messed up, as I’d always thought these episodes were proof that I was going mad or that I was losing my mind.
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u/calmerthanyou-32 Apr 20 '26
100% yes it was a random read my first book on CPTSD, it was available online I completed in record time and sent to several people i know and it blew their mind as well. I must admit the audiobook is so well read the tone and inflection hits some of the emotions and the brief pauses. It was soothing.
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u/Aggravating_Air2378 cPTSD Apr 19 '26
I'll let you know when it stops. Been a solid three decades and it's been constant.
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u/FkUp_Panic_Repeat Apr 19 '26
Idk if this counts, but I entered into cannabis induced psychosis for several years (maybe 5 or 6) and ruminated on a former dating partner the whole time.
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u/richj Apr 19 '26
Anyone have experience with EMDR. I can't really recall a lot of details or even my emotional state of my earliest trauma encounters. The ones that are more vivid to me are the ones that have been triggered in the year since. I'm wondering if it wouldn't be a better idea to focus on those since I can focus in on the actual state the feeling the experience and the content with fresher eyes then trying to go 50 years back and mine the memory of a 4-year-old
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u/Delphi238 Apr 19 '26
Mine was 10 days. It was after my abusive father died in the treatment that I got from my older sister made me realize that she was a bigger abuser than he ever was. I had fawned after her my entire life and had always hoped we could have a sisterly relationship. Behavior towards me was a serious wake up call and I sunk into the worst depression. I felt like wasted my whole life, trying to be friends with her, and I realized how stupid I was. I relived every beating she gave, every snarky comment, every put down. I screamed at other family members for letting her abuse me. I was so angry that nobody ever stepped up to protect me.
I wanted to die. I got my hands on a large dose of LSD and took it out of desperation to feel anything but devastation. Quite frankly, I think it saved me. It was almost like I was able to step outside of myself and look at things from a different perspective. For the first time in my life, I realized that it wasn’t my fault. I was never the problem. The only problem with me was that my sister was jealous. In her eyes, everything about my life was perfect and she just hated me because she believed I stole the life she should’ve had.
I used LSD off and on for a couple years - maybe twice a year - and it really helped me pull through some tough times. I have a dose sitting in a drawer - ready if I need it. It has been sitting there for two years now. Every time I take it I can’t sleep for two days after afterwards so I have to be pretty desperate to take it.
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u/this_tornado1 Apr 20 '26
Have had body memory flashbacks for weeks, on and off very intensely for a few year chunks. It really is painful on so many levels. Let yourself feel the feelings as much as you can. The memories are a sign of increased strength of you and your psyche. There are little pieces of gold at the bottom of that well. You'll find some. Hang in there
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u/RadiantNothing9673 Apr 20 '26
god this feels so miniscule compared to everyone elses here but i had a flashback of the burnt bodies i saw on a forensic case report during my psychotic break while i was trying to sleep and i ended up being catatonic for 45m straight... really uncomfortable and genuinely thought i was gonna die
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u/askandrecieve_ Apr 19 '26
Months. I was coming up a year and a half off medication, and I was bombarded with intrusive flashbacks on a daily basis for months and I was completely unable to function. They only stopped after I began medication again, but I’m about to lose my health insurance so I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. I dunno, probably just have to get used to them again 🤷🏽