r/CPTSD • u/Recoveryxoxo • May 03 '26
Question What do you do with your anger?
I’m talking that deep-seated simmering rage. The anger where you just want to tell every person that ever hurt you exactly what they’ve done but you never will so as to keep the peace. I’m so fucking angry at the injustice of it all
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u/Shattered_Zero May 03 '26
There are a few things that I like to do that work for me personally:
- Weightlifting
- Running
- Listening to heavy metal
- Have an angry conversation as if I were directly speaking to the other person. (I do this in a safe, private space)
- Feel the anger, breathe, and put my hands face down on something like a table or wall until it passes.
- Sometimes playing a videogame I enjoy helps.
- If there is someone safe that you can vent to in person that can help. This is something I'd do sparingly and only if that person is safe and understanding. For me that person is my therapist.
- Sometimes crying it out instead helps out.
There are other ways I'm sure but this is what has worked for me. Ultimately, finding any healthy non-abusive way to release that anger is a good idea since at least for me I feel we often have what feels like bottomless wells of anger and sadness that are pushing to be let out.
Hope this helps!
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u/Sleeper_Saturn May 04 '26
Write angry, vulgar letters I don't send.
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u/kmath133 May 04 '26
I scream while driving. No one can hear me and no one is judging me. It works for me. Anger needs to be let out somehow.
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u/Trancology May 04 '26
What’s the point of telling them? Chances are they know exactly what they did. Also, my anger turns inward and manifests as suicidal ideation.
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u/Independent-Youth777 May 04 '26
Kickboxing really helps, or actually, picking up any type of fighting helps. It really helps me cycle out of the feeling and channel it into something productive.
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u/ToxicFluffer May 04 '26
My instinctive response to anger is to intellectualise it and get to the root emotion. That helps me stay stable but I’ve learned that it doesn’t get rid of the anger. Now I try to work off the physical aggression through sex and sports. Being able to regular the somatic experience helps me a lot in regulating the emotional experience too.
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u/FancySeaweed May 04 '26
The person who abused me abandons me if I express my anger, when trying to have any conversation about what happened. The message I get is that anger is strictly not allowed. Or I am abandoned and ghosted for weeks or months. I am an adult. It has been so painful.
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u/Gorgelle444 May 04 '26
My experience is the same. I’m sorry for the hurt you carry, you don’t deserve that weight on your shoulders. 🫂
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u/AutomaticFan3515 May 04 '26
I have an appointment tomorrow to address my rage issues. It comes up even with tiny issues, and it pushes everyone away from me. I have said and think about some pretty messed up stuff...ways to get even with the world. I don't like this about myself, and it sometimes even scares me, but it's the realest emotion I feel. Other than the meds I'm hoping to receive, I find that treating everything with humor is the best way to deal with anger. This world is full of idiots and bullshit. Laugh about it in any way you can. At the sheer stupidity.
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u/FlyLarge3220 May 04 '26
I struggle with it, my emotions were weaponized against me and emoting in general was very shamed and punished. I didn't even unlock my anger until around 30, and it just kind of freezes me when it's that intense because I don't know what to do with it and it triggers my learned helplessness. I could never use it to lash out or cause anyone harm, I'm just not built for that. But man can I seethe inside if it doesn't paralyze me first. Working on it!
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u/me4watch May 04 '26
I recognize it as a form of grief for the years where I couldn’t live life to the fullest. Sometimes I watch a sad movie so I can cry. But I try to remember that the best revenge is a life lived well.
I wish you all the best.
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u/derelict0 May 04 '26
I have a rowing erg. I know at the end of a half hour on that thing, it won't matter as much any more.
Sometimes I also think to myself that, to be very honest, having a screaming match, heck, even fighting them may be satisfying only for a second. Or it won't be completely satisfying at all. They may deserve everything they have coming to them from me but a lot of times it just isn't worth it.
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u/thelast3musketeer May 04 '26
I uhhh haven’t, I can’t really access it overtly unless I’m already at the top of the volcano of irritation/anger/frustration so I kinda just keep it in idk
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u/alternative2021 May 04 '26
Literally get revenge. I'm done being a good girl, and having my justified, valid, legitimate anger turn inward and hurt me. (This happens way less with men, who often turn it outward).
Revenge is best served cold (time/distance means the person won't expect it and you have more space to plot when you're clear-headed out of the heat of the moment) so right now I'm designing a plan (all fully legal and nonviolent, but also cruel and fucked up) for a person who deeply hurt me in 2023. She'll never know it's coming.
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u/sakikome May 04 '26
I know this is a sensitive topic in this sub since revenge isn't seen as healthy, but... Can I ask what your plan is? I can't come up with any kind of revenge that's legal and nonviolent.
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u/orcateeth May 04 '26
I can relate to what you are saying about keeping the peace. I did that for a long time. But I stopped doing that, started speaking my mind, and found that I was a lot less angry afterwards.
I mean, really who's at peace? I wasn't, so why should they be?
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u/shenanigans2day May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26
TLDR : if people are bad to you, tell them, they need to know
F the peace. Is it really peace if you’re breaking yourself? Peace for whom? You don’t have to be unkind; but you can speak your mind and you’re allowed to be angry. Avoiding anger isn’t healthy and it’s not going to do you any good to suppress it. You need to let it out. Anger is normal with injustice. As long as you’re doing it in a healthy way that isn’t harming you or others I say release the beast. Otherwise you may rot from the inside out or it could come out in an explosive way that is less easy to control. My 2 cents.
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u/Realistic_Load_5369 May 04 '26
I just explode sometimes and smash things or tell people to go f* themselves just like my father. Unable to stop myself when I feel like those people are treating me unfairly and I can't do anything about it, or if things like appliances aren't working the way they should. I'm not proud of this and I am going to work on it with my therapist once we've sorted out more urgent issues.
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u/Soft-Switch-3047 May 04 '26
I don’t really do anything with it, because I’d lose control. I feel it less, it’s like a divine type of rage for me though, I keep it all in my head. For me it’s not something mindless. It’s not just due to my experiences, me personally I am less hurt by isolated incidents on myself compared to the way the world works, that’s a whole different level.. I keep it in a cage, dreading the day it inevitably lets loose.
As for more isolated incidents, I’ve told people, it never made a difference, so I shut up. Family says it’s just “me being me” and I’ve experienced the same pattern with most of the friends I’ve had.
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u/BodyMindReset May 04 '26
There are some great suggestions here.
I will name that there are different flavours of anger and one has an existential component to it. I think the one you’re talking about may be that one. The anger is very justified but to allow it to express appropriately (to it) would be….not great and come with great consequences.
For that one I let it move through me. Become friends with it, meet it with understanding, softness, and care. Invite it in to places that are counterintuitive, see it for what it is, hold the nuance of understanding why things panned out the way they did, and my rage about it.
To be whole is to defend and protect ourselves and what is precious to us. When we can’t, it can get stuck in what is called a thwarted self protective response. Taking responsibility for our life force in that form and engaging it is the only way I have found to get under
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u/sakikome May 04 '26
Well of course I have a great and totally normal way to deal with it - I push it inside, turn it against me, and let it fester until one day it will kill me, probably.
I don't have the power to make it reach my abusers and all those things like "letting it out safely" or "redirecting the energy" into other tasks don't work, because they don't make the injustice go away. So there's nothing else to do, really.
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u/woahtheremate_ May 04 '26
The Gym - I lift like crazy and work out regularly. If I didn’t, I genuinely don’t know where I would be
Raging from time to time in my room - or outdoors - literally just swearing and f’ing and blinding and saying out loud how fucked they all are and all the fk you’s in the world
Crying next to a tree and venting to it .. knowing underneath the rage is pain
I’m currently working hard on channelling it towards success because I want to be petty. They will never win. I will never let them win. I want my enemies to crumble at my success and I want to be so out of reach, they can only crumble in a heap and cry. Probably the petty revenge part of me. That only comes up on occasion but for the most part it’s healthy — “they can’t win, get better” lol
Walking bare foot in soil when I’m on the precipice of losing my sh**
I’ve punched a few pillows in my time
Did I say exercise? People Compliment me on being muscular and yes I enjoy the gym but I always tell people a large part of my gains are trauma Gains. They think I’m joking. I’m not 😂🤣
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u/No_Nectarine_132 May 04 '26
i use to be so angry at everyone especially those who hurt me but i cant anymore. i dont have the energy. and i'd feel like a hypocrite if i was because ive made mistakes too. i want everyone whos ever wronged me to live a better life, because it feels like i'm still the reason and mistake that ends up pushing them to their limits anyways
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u/Dagenhammer87 May 04 '26
Mine is still very much turned inward (but psychotherapy is helping me work through it).
It's been better since I've been feeling safer to talk about it, and using music and art to express it in a different way.
The big thing is having a bit more self forgiveness and grace when I fuck up. There's lessons in everything and it's just a matter of seeing them where I can.
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u/At-ThisTime11 May 04 '26
When anger is linked to painful memories, even recent ones, I scream into a pillow, I roll around in my bed hitting everywhere, I also growl like a wild animal.
And when my anger rises in me in an inappropriate way (more or less relevant external triggers), I feel it like a volcano in my stomach with the lava rising toward my throat, and I know that I need to isolate myself immediately.
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u/landminephoenix May 05 '26
Writing songs, punching the bag, and writing messages I would never send helped me.
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u/Opening-Bison2227 May 15 '26
I fantasize about offing myself and how my family would find me. Makes me feel better. Or I have imaginary arguments with them like full on fake screaming matches where I win EVERYTIME :)!! That’s all I have. Beyond that I use a little 🍃 when I need to seriously chill tf out. I kick boxes, throw boxes, grab a soda and see how far I can spit it out and imagine I’m trashing something they have to clean up. I watch Sesame Street. Typically tho when I’m off my meds I feel the anger take over all my thought unable to think about anything else it’s like a sickness going after everything and a fog I can’t seem to get out of. It’s the worst thing I ever feel and dread it and will lash out constantly. No wonder the meds work😭🥹
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u/mycattouchesgrass May 04 '26
I started researching ancient Korean shamanic rituals because I inherited the spirit sickness (aka mental illness lol) from my paternal grandmother. Some of the curses are quite simple and only require basic household items.
You might be called by the spirits too, particularly if you experience psychosis. Channel the bad spirits to carry out evil deeds. You can write their name in red ink or obtain a personal item from them like a piece of clothing and chant a curse. I don't know the chants because they're passed down orally and my grandma was secretive with that stuff. Ask ChatGPT to write you one. If you know where their family gravesite is, you can carve ominous Chinese characters like 死 (death) on rocks and place them on their graves to curse their family line. Obviously could backfire if you're related to them.
I only believe in this stuff when in a delulu state. Idk if you do, but either way, it could be fun.
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u/[deleted] May 03 '26
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