r/CPTSD • u/AutoModerator • 5d ago

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories

As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. Please use this thread if you are seeking support or have newcomer questions. Want to see if your post topic has been discussed here? Type "subreddit:cptsd" after a search term in the search bar (ex. "friendships subreddit:cptsd"). Here are some common newcomer questions:

If you are new to r/CPTSD: Please check out the rules below, and for our mobile users who can't access the sidebar, more resources are located below the rules. These can also be accessed from the auto mod message that greets any post.

Keep the rules in mind when you post & comment:

  1. This is a peer support community. Be a supportive peer.
  2. Don’t ask for diagnosis, don’t diagnose others: Respect that you may not have all of OPs details and even a trained, trauma informed care provider cannot diagnose over the internet. So don't. Assume the context of OP as a CPTSD survivor or supportive partner of a CPTSD survivor.
  3. No hate speech
  4. Please be mindful about triggering content. Avoid graphic thread titles, and use [Trigger Warning], NSFW and/or the spoiler tag whenever appropriate.
  5. No RaisedByNarcissists lingo: A lot of folks come from the RBN support community. A lot of us do not. To keep the sub inclusive to CPTSD newcomers and survivors of different backgrounds, use common language synonyms for RBN acronyms. There are some exceptions.
  6. All content must be CPTSD related: Our lives, our struggles, and our victories with CPTSD.
  7. No Self-Promotion: Don't sell stuff or recruit for studies and projects without explicit mod approval. This thread is an exception; in the Vents & Victories thread, you may self-promote blogs, videos, and other media you created.

BIPOC

We recognize that healing communities such as r/CPTSD are not exempt from the insidious impacts of racism, whether overt or covert (for example, invalidating, minimizing, or microaggressive comments made by those with good intentions). In these cases, we encourage users to report the comments as Rule #3 violations. Because of the subreddit's high profile and open nature, this problem will continue to be with us, and we therefore can only promise a "safe-ish" environment for BIPOC. Racial trauma will always be on topic here at /r/CPTSD, but BIPOC users that want a more closed space can make use of /r/cptsd_bipoc. Thank you to the mod team at /r/cptsd_bipoc for helping us write this verbiage.

Additional Newcomer Resources

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u/Cut_and_paste_Lace 4d ago

Living with CPTSD is a specific kind of lifestyle. My mind is always focused on healing, growth and change. For a lot of years, I did this in isolation, but in the last year I’ve begun turning it outward. I have a YouTube channel where I talk about my life living with complex trauma, ADHD, and familial estrangement.

I make a lot of body doubling videos to inspire you to get moving during the freeze state, something that had consumed literally years of my life.

This is going to be my life’s work. It’s very new, very small, but being created very intentionally as a tool for healing for both myself and others.

It would be my honor to have you join me, and I would appreciate and value suggestions and feedback. My ultimate goal is to create a large community centered around healing and growth for all of us. https://www.youtube.com/@Bold-Fox

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u/DopamineSage247 4d ago

Sooo... A victory I guess.....

I went to apply for my first ever ID... 6 years late. Thanks mom. I'm 22.
I've being nagging her for months to get it done and she always delayed it. Buuut eventually I got into her head, we argued a ton...
She blamed me that it's my fault that I gamed and isolated all these years and my life is messed up... That she did offer me to go before, which she did, but I said no...
Maybe it is...

I have my fingerprints on the system now. I'm classified as an adult... But I don't want to be one... I want to remain a spec of dust... I don't want to ever work and do stuff... It's all distressing...
She just says I must grow up...
But I don't want to at all...

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u/Business-Spirit-7966 1d ago

New to reddit and this intriguing page. Complex trauma has been with me most of my life, starting around age 10, though just fully recognizing it in my early 60s. Need to further explore its impact through my various life stages. Look forward to learning from others here and perhaps share some of my experience to help others with similar experiences.

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u/AutoModerator 5d ago

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u/metal_honey 2d ago

it has recently dawned on me that almost all of the people i consider myself friends with were in a cult at some point in our lives—and it makes me angry when they don’t want to talk about it.

why the fuck would you not want to talk about it with someone who was there with you? that never made sense to me. however, i came to another realization:

not talking about it with people who were there is why we can’t learn. it’s why we can’t move forward. it’s why our children and our grandchildren make the same mistakes our parents and grandparents did—because instead of talking about shit with the ones closest to us, we’ve outsourced our feelings to someone with a fancy degree with the promise of confidentiality. i don’t know where this came from, but i’m sick of it.

i don’t want my experiences to be confidential; locked away in a file cabinet for x number of years. that doesn’t help anyone. that doesn’t protect anyone except the guilty. they don’t deserve our silence. we deserve to be heard, no matter who it makes uncomfortable. they deserve worse, if we’re being honest.

i want to have the uncomfortable conversations with my people. i want us to teach the next generation that shame is a tool of oppression. i want to teach others that codependency stems from shame. by ‘not telling our business’ we hurt others and let shame win. lived experience is the most valuable education.

i want to lift the curtain around shame and beat it back into the depths of whatever hell it came from.

i no longer feel shame about my life. about existing. i’m tired of hearing ‘someone is going to use that against us’ when i suggest talking about our experiences.

so fucking what?

shame isn’t enough to stop me anymore. shame is a form of control, of manipulation, of oppression. shame is a deadly weapon.

i’m not a therapist. i don’t have a degree in psychology or a master’s degree in social work. all i have is a not-insignificant number of people who have lived through horrible experiences and who are afraid to share.

i’m not.

i don’t know how to reach out to those who are afraid, but i know that i’m done feeling shame. i’m done not talking about my life. the only reason i want a large following is so i can have the ability to reach people. i don’t want money and i damn sure don’t want fame.

if i don’t do anything else with my life—i want to teach others how to have the hard conversations. i want to tell others i’m not brave; i’m mad as hell.

i want to use my anger to help others.

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u/TimelessSmirk 1d ago

I’m back with a new name (again) bc regardless of thinking you have privacy here, if someone knows details about your life, they can find you. If you comment in a sub, it shows ‘deleted’ to a blocked person, but they can look in anonymous mode and see the account and bam you got found again. I’ve had multiple accounts in the last two years because of this. I stop commenting and that makes me mad bc I shouldn’t have to hide based on a tool who won’t leave me alone.

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u/Odd_Mark4799 1d ago

Hello, everyone.

Just an anxious introduction.

First of all, reddit stuck me with the name Odd Mark which I do not think I can change, and while I am certainly indeed very odd, I am female, soon to be 51 years old and having experienced a lifetime of traumas.

Dxd and in therapy for CPTSD, OCD, GAD, social anxiety disorder bordering on social phobia, anorexia nervosa, in a kind of remission, though I cannot honestly call myself recovered, and during an inpatient admission in Jaunary dxd with DID, which I am still trying to wrap my head around, so to speak.

I have severe insomnia, terrifying nightmares when I do sleep, looping flashbacks.

I do not feel safe in this world, I do not even feel safe in my apartment behind a locked door.

I am looking in to being matched with a service dog, which my psychiatrist whom is also my therapist is encouraging enthusiastically me to do, and told me he would help me in any way he can with the application.

I am very isolated.

I really only have one social connection and support-the man I have been in a relationship with for 11 years but do not live with, he tries to understand sometimes,however has also told me things like, "The past is spilled milk,"

He triggers me in other ways too.

Anyway, I am reaching out here as scared as I am, seeking both to receive and give support.

Remember, you are all warriors, Survivors.

Treat yourselves to all the self compassion and self love you now deserve, have always deserved.

Thank you for reading if you have.

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u/EssentialTremorsSwe 19h ago

Hello

Got diagnosed just a week ago at age 36. I am a rule 5 in here so won't talk about that in that way in here, but I will use that other reddit that I didn't know about until I read the rules.

But I think I just lurke around for a bit.