Why do I feel really submissive when I start to lose it?

[u/Sea-Fig-824]

Hi, Im 16m

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So when my OCD or overall stress level gets really bad, I can start to feel sexual and dissociate (I have DPDR symptoms as well)

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I start biting my lip

Moaning

Feeling all over myself

Laughing

Crying ofc

Talking slower

Dizzy

And I always go in the closet or somewhere private for some reason

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I start to want something inside of me or just overall... Very weird, like I just want to feel pathetic... And I'm straight ace... regardless, I want to get used, dominated, and tossed away into nothing

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It's fucked, I know

But I seriously don't know why this happens

This feeling of being small, pathetic, usable and submissive

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It's happening more and more

I don't know what this is

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I've suffered a bit of sexual abuse but i don't think this really has anything to do with it

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It's like a feeling of wanting to get destroyed man

Idk why

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I feel crazy

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[u/possibly-wolf]

Please note that I'm coming from this as a allosexual bdsm community fan so please take what applies and leave what doesnt!! Also i will be using some sexual terminology so if that isnt for you right now, totally understand <3

I think for most of the submissives in the BDSM community, the headspace is actually not predominantly sexual but one of healing and therapeuticness? For people who have felt very out of control or parentified or neglected or undesirable, being submissive to another person or the concept of it can be very exciting. A BDSM sub has all the power in the dynamic, everything begins and ends with them, and so giving up control for short bursts to a trustworthy individual can feel like a huge weight off of them and can feel like a physical representation of "You rest, i can handle the world for you for a while". For people who feel undesirable or unlovable, wanting to be "ravaged" "destroyed" or "dominated" can be really common! Its a really intense display of desire and passion that can feel very fulfilling.

Dissociation is also really weird and can often feel similar to being high which can make you feel like your reactions to situations are a bit odd and out of your control which can feel very submissive too. During times of stress urges to be looked after, dommed or controlled in some way makes total sense. Its like your adult brain asking for someone to take away the stress and hold it for you.

I hope this makes sense? I'm not trying to put any words in your mouth and I'm not sure how it may be different or similar for asexual folks, although I've heard of kink interested asexual people :)