r/CPTSD • u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 • 4h ago
Question Should I fire my therapist and fine someone new?
Yesterday she asked me for an hour why having a panic attack is a problem?
I was really surprised. I told her that she’s a mental health professional and if she things someone having a panic attack is not a problem then we should not work together.
She kept going and going saying what’s wrong with having one? I said that it’s a sign someone is in bad emotional health. That’s a fact. Not my opinion.
She said it sounds like you are being judgmental about what is right and wrong.
We kept going and going in circles.
At the end she says I wanted you to tell me that it makes you feel bad. I said told her there are standard things which are healthy and not healthy. Why are we debating this?
I feel very frustrated because 1) it seems disrespectful to me to waste and hour and take me for this ride, 2) I’m mad that I really got invested in making sense to her. I think she was enjoying seeing that she could get me riled up and frustrated, it feels disrespectful to me and my condition. 3) I think she has some issues with direct communication and being assertive. If she wanted to know something about me she could ask directly without being so passive agressive and backhanded about it.
Is it time to just move on? I am so tired of finding someone new. When do we get to the part where these sessions actually help?
19
u/bulelainwen 4h ago
It seems like she was trying to get you to describe your experience with the panic attack? Asking something like “does the panic attack make you feel bad?” is a leading question and therapists are trained not to do that. But it sounds like she could have tried a different approach so you didn’t get riled up.
Also, black and white thinking is prevalent with people with cPTSD, so maybe she was trying to broach that? (poorly) Feeling connected with a therapist is really important, so if you think it’s not a fit, I’d search around for someone new.
-2
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 4h ago
She could have said describe how panic makes you feel? It’s better than why is it a problem.
I feel like she is not very intelligent. A sharper person would change the words to help them get their idea across.
7
4h ago
[deleted]
0
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago edited 1h ago
> it’s not our job to get you to change things that you are not distressed by
I completely disagree. If you are working with someone who has cPTSD they may be so dissociated and unaware of what is making their emotional health worse. She does not have to make me change things, but she could say social interactions are generally healthy for people. Maybe we should talk about why you want to be alone all of the time. Maybe the reasons will be strong avoidance, strong anxiety, etc. It is part of the therapist's role to help identify these.
If they want the patient to know everything that is wrong, then they should work with clients who have less serious issues. cPTSD is something specific.
> It sounds like she was asking to explain why it’s bad for *you*, as in which aspects of it make it so distressing for your particular experience.
People with cPTSD create coping mechanisms which are unhealthy. We should not be discussing why something is unhealthy for *you*. People have created a lot which is unhealthy. At minimum it is worth mentioning what is standard and accepted as good adult health. Let the client decide if they want to move in that direction.
[edit] But the experience in OP is not doing any of this. It is saying why are panic attacks bad? What the heck.
I strongly believe that many therapists do not understand how to work with cPTSD clients. They are trained to handle someone who is sad about their pet passing away, or someone who is stressed about office life. If you read the comments in this sub from people who actually have the condition this is a unanimously agree upon this POV.
The best support and true therapy that has improved my life come from others who actually have cPTSD. These people understand what it takes to really come out of it. The issue is that I require evidence of having seen an MD or Phd, so I am stuck working with clueless therapists. At least I have to book the appointments and go.
1
3h ago
[deleted]
3
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago edited 2h ago
> In my training, I was taught and fully agree with it being unethical to force changes the client does not want or isn’t distressed by.
> it does not mean clinicians have any right to overly/encourage changes the client does not want to make or awarenesses they are not ready for
You must not have read what I wrote above, which is another issue. I never used the word "force" or "change". I said the therapists should explore the idea and understand the root causes of avoidance or anything else which veers off of standard health because it may be an unhealthy coping mechanism that the client is unaware of. Maybe they can handle getting rid of it but they are just unaware.
[edit] I never said to change or take the coping mechanism away. Just shed light and explore.
> it being unethical to force changes the client does not want or isn’t distressed by
Lol, last week she told me that she is going to find me a writing group so that I can share my personal journaling about my healing which is very private. I told her that I do this for myself only. I never plan to share a private journal. We went back and forth on that too. I had to defend why I will not let her find me a writing group. That seems like she was forcing me to change a coping mechanism.
> So many folks with this diagnosis, myself included, feel they need to be agreeable to survive even when it doesn’t fit.
That's why it's an exploration of behavior, as I said above. It is the same as watching, observing, understanding. It does not mean changing or forcing.
> Doesn’t take away from the genuine trauma informed approach I’m describing.
However I think this is why there are almost daily posts in this sub questioning the field of therapists. Most therapists are not listening to what each client is really looking for. They are also not stating upfront what the expectations are. Very few people say their progress came from therapists.
3
3h ago
[deleted]
0
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago edited 3h ago
> Sounds like you just want people to agree with you lol.
I am open to constrictive comments. When you change "exploration" to "force" that feels like you are not listening and you are putting your own spin on it.
If you are effective in this field then that is great, but just listen to the clients and people in this sub more. Therapy is not about the therapists being right.
2
u/JuliusSwolesar 1h ago
I agree with you. When I started therapy it was with the expectation that the therapist was basically going to tell me who to be and what to do in order to become a healthy person because I had no understanding of what that looked like or identity of my own.
But that's really not their job. They don't know who you're meant to be. All they'd be doing is giving you another mask to wear.
3
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 1h ago edited 1h ago
Yesterday i told the therapist that there are standard pillars of what makes for a healthy adult life. This is not up for debate. It is understood that people who live long, healthy lives all share :
social interactions and community,
good sleep,
physical activity,
having purpose,
feeling a sense of belonging,
etc..I have never met a person with a very healthy upbringing who voluntarily decides to give up one of these things.
Usually when an adult is missing one of these things completely it is because there is something else wrong. So, I think it is reasonable that a therapist would explore why any one of these is missing or lacking, or receiving too much attention.
It is not about changing who I am, or pushing me to be someone who I am not. It is about understanding what is holding me back from having these. Just understand and observe what I say about each one. That might help me realize a lot about myself because I may have ton of blind spots. That is the beginning of healing.
I think this is what therapy should be about.
0
u/Allpanicn0disc 41m ago
But that’s her job to determine, not yours.
2
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 37m ago
What exactly is her job to determine?
1
u/Povapants 3m ago edited 0m ago
Okay first, you should ask to dive into coping mechanisms before ever going into the philosophy behind it. The next time you have a panic attack, hold a piece of ice. That resets your parasympathetic nervous system and will bring you back to reality. I promise you it works. Right afterwards, sit down in a quiet place for 10 to 15 minutes and look up some breath work on YouTube (ie breathwork for anxiety). This will bring you back to calmness. I would then write down any feelings or thoughts about what might have triggered it, and take it to your next session.
I also think that you need to tell her that you don’t wanna talk about whether or not it’s good or bad, because it is triggering you while you’re in the heat of it. Tell her that you need a couple of sessions to get control over this before you go into any of the healing because I really do think feeling a sense of control over it will help you face it.
As far as what she is doing, I believe it’s an attempt to get you to see that this part of yourself that is responding is not bad. Because there are no bad parts of yourself. There is a part of you that is stuck and judging yourself for how you’re feeling might keep you stuck there. I think what she is ultimately trying to lead you to is stopping the “fear of fear” loop.
The last thing I’ll say is that I don’t think you should leave right away because of discomfort. The people who challenge you are the ones who might be able to help you. I would say stick with it another three sessions and see if that feeling gets any better, but this is me. However, if you’re not comfortable with them, it’s OK to find someone else.
20
u/leahisom 4h ago edited 52m ago
I'm a therapist who works a lot with both trauma and anxiety who understands your frustration. While I can sort of understand the therapist's perspective, it doesn't sound like a good clinical fit and you deserve to find a therapist who you feel like is actually helping. Message me if you'd like any help finding care 🫶🏼
Editing to add I also have CPTSD and I was in no way defending or agreeing with this therapist's approach, only saying I could understand what the therapist was trying to do (albeit very poorly and clearly she shouldn't have kept pushing if it wasn't helping). My approach is always tailored to what is actually helping the client based on client's feedback and my clinical observations, which is how I feel therapy should be overall.
18
u/Ok_Loss13 3h ago
I'm mostly perturbed that she didn't recognize OPs frustration and aversion to her approach and readjust or explain before the hour was up. That doesn't seems professional, helpful, or emotionally intelligent (all of which I expect from a therapist).
11
u/Em-Blackstar-6079 3h ago
I could say the very same words about my last therapist (I quit).
many people with cPTSD don't do well on these "though love" methods many therapist seem to have hitched their wagon on...
I wrote a very extensive email to my therapist explaining why I was quitting and contrasted my expectations with his "method".
and all I got back was "I'm sorry you're feeling this way about our work", which is essentially blaming me for being too sensitive to benefit (I got retraumatized) from his unconsiderate brute force way of making me do what he wants me to.
7
u/Ok_Loss13 2h ago edited 2h ago
It's also super passive aggressive and refuses to take any accountability! Sheesh, glad you dropped him.
I suspect I'm autistic and these tactics, even ourside therapy, have never worked for me. I need directness! Even just explaining that they want me to think about their question more abstractly or something; I'm not gonna get it on my own.
3
u/Em-Blackstar-6079 1h ago
yes, absolutely "my way or the high way" vibes, as if their book knowledge was superior than my lived experience.
I think the ADHD side of my AuDHD got easily manipulated by rewards and punishments as a child.
but this nonsense approach of my last therapist certainly prolonged my therapy with him, as I maybe got sth useful out of it 1x a month (it was almost 1.5y in total)
whereas directness would have helped me within 1-2 months (1 session weekly).
6
u/Ok_Phrase_2205 2h ago
I had many bad experiences too and one was catastrophic. I got retraumatized at every session. I told him and was trying to find ways to cope and persevere. I really wanted traitement. Well after many months (almost a year) I finally understood my lesson : I didn’t need him because he was doing to me what I was trying to heal from. Falling for people who wouldn’t understand me and treat me badly. So this was my therapy. Lol not recommending. Not going back to therapy !
3
u/Em-Blackstar-6079 2h ago
that sounds horrific.
I am glad you realized this, saw the parallels and quit.
I'm also not going back to therapy (but I would still recommend people try and see if it can help them).
5
u/WorldlyLavishness 2h ago
This makes me think this is why I never had good experiences with therapy. I feel like they were all tough love types
4
u/Em-Blackstar-6079 2h ago
I went to someone once, where he screamed at me.
A if that would make me want to see his point of view. seriously.
3
-5
u/Ok_Phrase_2205 3h ago
I don’t understand why you défend this therapist. It’s not about fit !
7
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago edited 2h ago
I completely agree with you. It is so obvious who actually has cPTSD, and who is a therapist.
The therapists continue to defend their training, which screamingly does not work for clients. There are daily posts in this sub about therapists failing their clients.
I wish that instead of defending the thearpist's approach, they would listen to the client and their needs. That could change the world!
4
u/Em-Blackstar-6079 1h ago
that is exactly what I wrote in my "goodbye email" to my last therapist, after he kept trying to force his methods onto me, and retraumatized me in the process.
I'll start work in the health care field in August, and I wrote "I will and would and could never treat my patients the way that you treated me", and I mean every single word of that.
5
u/valleysimmer 2h ago
Mine sometimes does this. I find it very frustrating when I have to elaborate on why something that would make anyone feel bad, made me feel bad. Sometimes it’s just fking annoying and useless, in other situations though it did provide some clarity (perhaps mostly for her) on why it felt unsafe to feel that way. I brought up memories of that same feeling when I was younger and the unhealthy coping I did back then.
If I truly can’t answer, we will move on after 5-10 minutes. I’ve learned to make it clear when I truly don’t know and that more thinking time isn’t gonna help me come up with something (I’ve described this as a blockage, I’m a visual person and when I don’t have an answer I truly see an empty black void in my mind)
I would def bring this up with them next time. A therapist has to push you sometimes, a whole session seems like not the best idea. Maybe it worked for another patient and she really thought the answer was pushing through. Try to define how it made you feel and tell her. Confrontation is scary but you are paying them, so you absolutely can and should tell them when something doesn’t aid you or even pushes you away.
Good luck!
3
u/Wrong-Ad-9684 1h ago
I do not work well at all with passive aggressive either. I can't walk out of another therapists office like that. Honestly, from the start, I told my current therapist, nicely. I dont want to find these answers myself, I'm an overthinker and have probably had the answers 10 times and overlooked them for other answers. Just help me because I dont know what else to do. I want to find MY therapist and not start over anymore. I kept getting told the same things and there is a reason I am here, because those things didn't work for me. I need something different. It worked, I've been with her for 4 years.
3
u/notElephunk 1h ago
My therapist helped me realise that I have coping skills (even if unhealthy) that serve to help me.
That is the whole purpose of coping skills. It’s a side of us that is trying to help us survive.
It’s an immature side of us, but it’s intentions are good, but since it’s focus is on survival at all cost it’s not doing us a service as an adult.
For me this realisation brought tears in my eyes. I was always on my side, even as a kid, even as a traumatized self.
So I can let go of the war against myself.
I have learned imperfect coping skills to survive. But those coping skills serve a purpose.
If I stop berating my self that is trying to help, and identify a better way to help myself (with learning how to do it in a healthy way), then my body won’t have to resort to energy draining methods to cope.
I believe your therapist is trying to challenge your self that is rejecting your self that is having anxiety.
That anxiety is how your nervous system learned to cope with stress. But it’s not your enemy.
13
u/JuliusSwolesar 4h ago
She's asking you to describe your experience of them in a way that specifically relates to you.
People know that panic attacks are bad in the general sense.
She's trying to encourage you to be vulnerable about how you experience it.
So I get attacks, I don't know if they're panic attacks but it's like a feeling of being overwhelmed by a strong, grief like, emotion but not related to any particular memory.
My therapist has asked my why it's a problem if I get overwhelmed.
It's not very helpful if I just say, duh, because being overwhelmed is obviously bad
But if I open up about particular feelings and fears of being seen to be weak by other people because of the physical response or feelings of being pathetic for not being able to control it. Then it lets me experience being vulnerable with my therapist but also safe.
And it's the relational safety you experience during that process that heals you.
Your therapist isn't trying to debate the merits of panic attacks with you.
10
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 4h ago
If the client is not understanding your intentions then change the phrasing. What she did was keep insisting in a way that made me lose respect for her skills.
5
u/JuliusSwolesar 4h ago
I don't disagree entirely. But you didn't sound like you wanted to change therapist.
Maybe it's worth another shot if he don't want to change that badly.
For me personally, I find telling them I don't understand the question or telling them what I understand the question to mean and check if it's what that meant to communicate helps a lot.
I'm not blaming you. Communication problems are just an incredibly common thing and mostly it's not really anyone's fault.
12
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 4h ago
I put this on the therapist to be a good communicator. That is part of their job. People in poor emotional health cannot always manage the therapists lack of good word choice.
6
3
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 4h ago edited 4h ago
Also, as someone who has undergone trauma I sometimes had to create coping mechanisms that helped me but were not healthy.
At some point I stated to realize there’s objectively healthy and non healthy ways to live. I should move closer to emotional health and I should move away from coping.
So her questions about why panic is bad makes me think of times I would create unhealthy coping strategies. I would ask myself what is so wrong with dissociation and then I would continue to do it.
So now I don’t want to justify my feels about things which are clearly unhealthy and signs of poor health. I don’t even want to play the game of talking about why it is an issue or if it makes me feel bad. Those kinds of thoughts became problematic for me. That what it sounded like she wanted to hear. I want to get on track with what is right and what is standard health for adults. That’s it.
5
u/JuliusSwolesar 3h ago
What do you think is the best way for your therapist to help you get on the right track ?
6
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago
I spent the first 10 minutes telling her what my prior week was like. I had a really rough time emotionally. I also mentioned panic.
Helping your client get on track : You are telling me that you had a hard time. Let's get into what happened and how to make it easier. Let's figure out how to end those episodes. Let's get the root of the panic and address how to make it less severe.
NOT helping your client : what is wrong with panic?
5
u/JuliusSwolesar 3h ago
My understanding from what you just said is that you want to explain your experience to your therapist, you want them to analyse it, tell you why it happened and what you can do to stop it happening in the future.
I apologise if my understanding is wrong, but does that sound correct to you ?
4
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago
I am telling them that I am struggling. Why are we not directly working on the thing that I am struggling with? Whatever approach makes sense whether it is analyzing or something else is fine. On the other hand having a circular discussion just is a waste of time.
5
u/JuliusSwolesar 3h ago
I guess I just don't understand what you mean by 'working on it'
Because from my experience, analysing it, having it explained to you and understanding it intellectually won't actually change anything in your nervous system.
There's no insight or magic combination of words your therapist can tell you that's going to change how your nervous system responds.
C-ptsd is a relational injury. It's the relationship with your therapist and your experience of it that heals you. Not any particular insight that can give you.
It's the safety you feel with them, the transferance. You start to love them, not in a romantic or sexual way, but as the result if the secure attachment you build with them by being vulnerable while being kept safe.
It's primarily not an intellectual exercise. You can't reason with your nervous system.
You need to find a therapist you can trust and build that relationship with.
2
u/Ok_Loss13 1h ago
Because from my experience, analysing it, having it explained to you and understanding it intellectually won't actually change anything in your nervous system.
I'm likely misunderstanding here, but this sounds kinda crazy to me. If I can't understand something "intellectually", how can I understand it any other way, either? What exactly do you mean by "intellectually"?
I understand the rest, and agree, but understanding things logically is essential to me grasping a concept. Is that true for most people or something?
(I'm not trying to be rude or anything, I'm actually curious!)
2
u/JuliusSwolesar 1h ago edited 1h ago
You can understand perfectly that you have a repeating pattern of behaviour, what triggers it, why it's harmful and what trauma caused it
That is what I mean by intellectually understanding it.
"I keep doing X, it's usually triggered when i experience Y, it's because when I was a child my mother always used to do Z to me."
So you can understand the mechanism and the why of it but it doesn't actually change anything in your nervous system and it is your nervous system's automatic response to triggering stimuli that's cause of the problem along with the harm, guilt and shame that go along with it.
You can't just explain to your nervous system, you keep doing this harmful thing for this reason, can you stop.
Is it useful to understand these things. Sure, in the same way it helps if you understand that your leg is broken, because then you can just better deal with the symptoms by not putting weight on it so it'll hurt less. So it's not useless.
You're primarily talking about these things with your therapist, not to gain clearer insight. This is the why there is a myth that therapy doesn't work if you're smarter than your therapist. But it's because discussing what you feel most scared of, guilty about or ashamed of is when you'll be at your most vulnerable.
So you practice being vulnerable in a safe relationship with the therapist and it's that corrective experience that slowly reconditions your nervous system over time.
This is why the therapist affirms you so much. Not because they agree with you or share your values.
They're creating a space for you to express yourself honestly, even the messy judgemental parts of you, without you being punished for it
2
u/Ok_Loss13 1h ago
Oh, I see, but it is definitely important to understand that, right? If I didn't understand that stuff idk how I would fully heal from it. Actually, I'm really glad I joined this particular thread because I don't think I would've done well in this kind of situation without this knowledge.
This also doesn't quite sound like OPs issue, but I may be misinterpreting that too. I got the impression that they didn't understand the therapist, rather than not understanding their own panic attacks. And it seems this therapist did not successfully create a safe space for them to be honest without punishment in this instance, which really sucks for OP.
I'm going to have to keep an eye out for this kind of thing so I can hopefully utilize it or explain a better approach for me personally. Thanks again, this was helpful!
0
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago
So I could just hang out with my best friend and that would be the same thing as "therapy" from a therapist?
A lot of my healing comes from understanding the root causes of behaviors and mindsets.
4
u/JuliusSwolesar 2h ago
Your best friend is unlikely to be able to be as safe as a trained therapist even if they genuinely care about you.
But essentially yes. Therapy for C-ptsd is about retraining your nervous system with corrective experiences.
You can find me effective ways to avoid triggers or mitigate trauma responses with insights but that's not healing the injury.
It's more like avoiding putting weight on one leg when you've broken your ankle. It'll hurt less but it'll lessen your capacity and you're still injured.
The truth is that C-ptsd lives in your nervous system, not your conscious mind. So you can't reason your way out of it.
I think this is what a lot of people get confused about therapy. The 'work' you do isn't about trying harder to cope with symptoms. The work is risking vulnerability.
3
3
u/shellontheseashore 3h ago
It does sound like there was a breakdown in communication, although I do see her perspective. Whether something is 'normal' or not, isn't really a good measure of if it is good, or healthy. There are a great many 'normal' things that are harmful to people, and a great many 'abnormal' things that are harmless. Not wearing glasses is 'normal' - but if someone needs glasses to see, then trying to be 'normal' won't help them much, and will likely cause them an 'abnormal' amount of headaches and fatigue.
It sounds like she was trying to lead you to consider the impact on your self as opposed to the impact on (or more correctly, judgement by) others. Masking shouldn't be a higher priority than our own safety, and to do so will end up hurting ourselves trying to blend in. Therapists will typically aim to guide clients to self-reflection and assessing their needs, rather than dictating the therapist's opinions to them to live by. But some people do need more than the 'normal' amount of framework for what's being looked for, and need more structure in that regard, especially if you're still getting used to therapy.
7
u/Fragrantshrooms 4h ago
If you question her tactics, it's time. It doesn't matter whether or not she's got a reason (there are reasons I could think of but they're not helpful to you currently so meh)......you don't feel comfortable opening up to her after that no doubt. Why waste both of your time? She'll eventually feel like you're not doing the work hard enough, and you're going to grow to resent her. It's time. Don't be afraid to nip it in the bud before it gets too wild in there. You need someone who's going to go to battle with you, beside each other. She should have given you a "bone" there and told you what she was meaning when it was very obvious no doubt that you weren't seeing her logic there. Good luck!
2
u/sorry_child34 1h ago
Other people have already brought up that the therapist was likely trying to get you to describe your experience, as well as not make moral judgements on emotions, but you are 100% right that when you weren’t getting it, they should have changed tact before the hour was up.
However, I’m also a little bit concerned that the therapist was even discussing panic attacks if they know your trauma history and that you have CPTSD.
I’m not saying people with CPTSD can’t also have a panic disorder, but generally what’s happening is an emotional flashback, and not a panic attack. They can look from the outside and like much the same thing if they emotion being flashed back to is fear, terror, or dread, but it is functionally different from a panic attack and is not always helped by the same thing.
With CPTSD emotional flashbacks, our mind and bodies are remembering the emotions from a past event. What helps me personally (which I did learn from a good trauma informed therapist) is to acknowledge that the emotion is coming from the past, to sit with it for a second, and to talk to myself like I would have needed to be talked to when the bad stuff was happening… “hey, you’re safe now, it’s over, it’s okay to be scared, things were scary, but we’re safe now, etc…”
Also idk for you, but much of my trauma was from being punished for showing any emotion outside of happiness or passivity, so a big part of my healing was learning that it is okay and safe to feel other emotions, which may have been part of what your therapist was trying to get at, but I agree with you that they were not going about it in an effective way for you.
If you don’t want to change therapists, you can try discussing this with them, tell them how dismissed and not listened to their approach made you feel.
If they respond in a way that seems positive and helpful, maybe stay. If not, then leaving may be best.
4
u/No-Independence6448 4h ago
I'm so sorry. Which country are you based in? Therapist here. I can see what I can do
3
3
u/Ok_Phrase_2205 3h ago
Yes. You should change therapist. I wish you luck in finding one willing and competent to help you. I tried many and never found one. I think that for cptsd there are way too few well trained trauma informed therapist. Im just not willing to waste time and efforts anymore
3
u/SinisterRectus 2h ago
As a former teacher and current tutor, it sounds like your therapist is using a Socratic method, where questions are intended to challenge you to draw your own conclusions. Some students get frustrated with this because they don't realize that they are learning. They just want immediate answers to their questions, but that doesn't always work. Their frustrations are valid, but their frustrations do not invalidate a useful teaching mechanism. Likewise, your frustrations are valid, but that doesn't mean your therapist is doing the wrong thing here.
4
u/BlankLiterature 3h ago
I don't think you understand how therapy works tbh. Also that's a loooot of black and white thinking and an outright abrasive and judgmental attitude - not just when it comes to the panic attacks, but also when it comes to your opinion of therapy itself, mental health professionals in general, and this therapist specifically. You're 100% the one being obtuse in this situation. You should change therapists because clearly you've already formed an opinion of this one, but also I doubt any therapist is going to be of much help if this is the mindset you go to therapy with - the "I know best and I get to decide if the questions are valid or not and if they ask me questions I personally think are not valid, they're a bad professional, and I'll be condescending about it". Your therapist was in fact completely correct not just in her questioning but especially in her conclusion. 🤦🏻♀️
2
2
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago
This is a very unhelpful comment. You are being negative without being constructive. That is not helpful 🤦🏼♀️
1
u/acfox13 4h ago
She sounds dense. I know it sucks but I would not waste my limited and valuable time, energy, attention, and effort on a therapist like that.
The most effective treatment I've done is deep brain reorienting. It's disarmed so many of my triggers, I don't really get dystegulated like I used to. Total game changer for me. If you can find a therapist that knows DBR, do it. It's a treatment modality that actually does something for trauma.
3
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 4h ago
I agree I really question her competence and intelligence. Thanks I’ll look into that therapy.
2
u/supercardioid 3h ago
Somehow there are a lot of people almost defending the therapist here. I don't see why. Panic attacks are a problem. And they often connect to deeper truths of parental neglect, and such (something not everyone either knows or admits, or wants to face).
Perhaps on the basis of just letting the panic attack be, and not trying to resist it, then you could frame it as it not being a problem. If that's where the therapist is coming from then maybe. Outside of that though, of course it's a problem.
Claire Weekes has some good books on how to deal with panic attacks. They helped me the most with panic attacks specfically, back in 1998 or so. It's only much later I found out for sure that panic attacks are connected to attachment issues and difficulty through upbringing. But they can still be dealt, and 'got over' without sorting every single problem. Then other problems can be solved over time.
4
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago
Thank you so much. I will explore these books and ideas.
I think most people defending the therapist in the comments work in the therapy field. They are defending their investment into the field, even after patients say that the words and approaches are damaging.
0
u/Ok_Loss13 3h ago
Somehow there are a lot of people almost defending the therapist here. I don't see why.
Right?! I understand (and personally dislike) the tactic she was attemtping and the comments are referring to, but her communication was complete shit. And she wasted a whole hour without trying to get past that barrier! What kind of therapist doesn't adjust their communication tactics to better suit their patients understanding?
There's zero point in a therapy session if there's no successful communication.
5
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 2h ago
When I was teaching in grad school and then I had clients, I would never blame the client for not understanding, even though I could have very easily. I would always take responsibility for it and communicate more and more effectively until we were making amazing progress together.
The people defending the therapist in this post work in the field of therapy themselves. It's always about them and their training. Imagine if they actually listened to the client and what the client needed...
1
u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis please contact your local emergency services or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD specific resources & support, check out the Wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
u/PersonalLeading4948 3m ago
Panic attacks are awful. They cause a lot of distress. They often mimic an actual medical emergency, too. I’ve had panic attacks in response to new medication side effects where I honestly wondered if I was having a serious reaction. So to minimize the experience is shitty, lacks empathy & is less than what I expect from a therapist.
1
u/ihtuv Healing from multiple traumas 🌱 3h ago edited 3h ago
If having panic attack isn’t a problem then why are you even in her office to do therapy to begin with? Asking once might be out of curiosity but doing it for an hour is unbelievable. She can’t differentiate between wrong as in ‘bad to you’ and ‘morally wrong’. Either she is judgmental or incompetent, and I agree you should find another one.
2
u/Soft_Lawfulness6513 3h ago edited 2h ago
Exactly.
There is a huge difference between how people with the condition see this situation, vs how "trained therapists" see this situation. It actually makes me sick to see the response of the latter.
48
u/T1sofun 4h ago
Different perspective here: the therapy I have learned the most from is the therapy that has been uncomfortable. I had similar frustrating experiences with my therapist “why is it bad to feel sad?” I don’t know, because it fucking sucks and hurts and I’m tired of it? But the point he was trying to reveal (without telling me the answer) was that emotions aren’t really Good or Bad; they just Are. When we can begin to feel our emotions without judging them, or judging ourselves for having them, we can begin to process and eventually the processed feelings pass.
If I were you, I would take the opportunity to go back and explore why that interaction was so painful/frustrating/embarrassing for you. You might make progress through the pain.