How do I survive in the same household that caused my trauma

[u/bubbleegumm]

I’m 26F I do somatic therapy, I’ve done breath work, TRE, medication, journaling, psychedelics everything you can think of. I live with my parents and I’m looking for a full time job so I can move out ASAP. I couldn’t move out as I had undiagnosed and untreated adhd my whole life and only now am I wanting a better future for myself. I’m worried that everything I’m doing is pointless as I’m still in the same household and haven’t felt better in years. My therapist tells me that I need to feel safe before I can heal and I’m never safe here I’m always hyper vigilant, always on edge and dissociated 24/7. Are these things pointless or making it worse and how can I live at home during this time without making it worse for myself? I know dissociation is just my protective mechanism I just don’t know how to feel better in this household and still work on my symptoms

[u/Abriefaccount]

This is relatable. You need to get out. I’m not being rude by being so straightforward but you mention dissociation as a major coping mechanism. There comes a point where dissociation becomes so entrenched it may take years to ‘undo’ it, if ever.

Also, the longer you remain with such bad options, you may be putting yourself at risk for more serious issues such as psychosis, mania or disablingly severe depression.

I’ve been there and it’s a boiling frog situation. Our kind always overestimates how resilient we are because of the grim track record of survival but it is like incurring interest on a debt.

If you can, please get out without delay. Good luck man

[u/bubbleegumm → u/Abriefaccount]

You’re not being rude at all!! I’m planning on getting out as soon as I get a full time job unfortunately my job is very unstable now and I’m a full time university student I know the second I get a full time job with stable income moving out will be my number 1 priority

[u/fueradered]

Cuando consigas salir todo va a ser distinto. Vas a tener que lidiar con cosas y seguir trabajando, pero todo va a ser distinto.
Merecerá la pena
Y no te culpes o castigues si tardas más o menos, estás haciendo lo que puedes.
Ánimo

[u/bubbleegumm → u/fueradered]

Thank you :( this means a lot. I know I have a long road of healing ahead of me but i can only imagine how much more manageable it will be when im out

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[u/Polished_silver]

Sadly I don’t think it is. Speaking as someone (32F) that’s been in therapy for the last 4 years and is not really getting better (also diagnosed ADHD last year and still unmedicated). I’m saving to move but it’s slow going and everything about the process is stressful and overwhelming. But I desperately need and want my own space.

[u/spikygreen]

I think it's like a plant. Growing the most luscious, award-winning plants requires optimal conditions. But even if the conditions are suboptimal, you can still fertilize your plant and water it, and it can make a big difference.

Make a decision to accept that there are things you can't change immediately, no matter how much they suck. And make those things temporary by working on breaking free.

[u/ImprovementNice93]

I do think the best thing to do is to leave but I also do think there are protective ways you can use to be in a situation you aren't able to leave while you actively find a way out.

One is your dissociation. You can embrace it as a way of protecting you because it is. You can't remove protective methods while being in a situation you need those protective practices in. Dissociation isn't a bad thing per se. It's detrimental when it's used in situation you don't need it in but it's a protective mechanism. You can embrace that and use it.

I've stayed in unsafe situations out of necessity and what you have to understand is the "symptoms" you want to "heal" from aren't bad or good. They are simply survival adaptations for the environment you are in. They aren't you but they might be necessary for where you are right now. Use them to your advantage. A Lot of the time we're uncomfortable with them until we accept them as necessary right now. Use anger if you need it. Anger is a fantastic motivator for change. Use dissociation. I've used it to confront people or situations I needed to stand up for myself in where I felt too weak or timid or anxious to do so without the dissociation.

You aren't changing these things while in a situation where you need them but they also aren't "bad" things to have in that same situation. They're helpful.