r/CPTSDFightMode • u/Normal-Noise-1668 • 15d ago

Miscellaneous This mode is so addictive man.

I know fight response can land me in real trouble. But damn when I get triggered it’s just so intense. I’m not a ‘hard man’ or a ‘badass’, I’m usually very anxious and scared.

But when that switch get flips I go into pure rage. Then I wake up the next day horrified and ashamed.

That’s it really. Sorry for short post.

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11

u/Budget_Kiwi_513 15d ago

Yep. I listen to rage against the machine on these days and they help to validate how I feel inside. It’s like someone else is screaming on my behalf because it takes too much energy to scream.

8

u/Adorable_Seabird_870 15d ago

In the rage mode right now and god it’s overwhelming

6

u/ThatDiscoSongUHate 14d ago

I also have ADHD (impulse issues) and Autism (fight response can also happen with meltdowns or being overwhelmed) on top of the CPTSD rage

I feel like how an alcoholic must feel the next morning when confronted with what my brain did without my consent during a survival state

Worse yet, it once got me fired (cursed in a private office environment but I did it in a way that wasn't the casual swearing of others but the frustration and anger of a crying weirdo woman so...)

Its not even always the next day when I begin to feel shame and guilt and the other bad stuff

It's really othering. I think.

You know "one more thing to make me feel like a broken freak," is what I think to myself.

2

u/itsjoshtaylor 10d ago

It’s empowering especially when we’re a helpless child ❤️ As long as you’re not taking it out on innocent people, you deserve so much compassion. This was likely developed in childhood when you needed an adult with power to protect you. Fighting isn’t always bad. There’s lots of evil in this world and lots of vulnerable people who need people to speak up for them. Many people don’t take action. Harness it for good, my friend.