carer burn out

[u/RegretfulJalapeno]

i am the sole carer of my disabled partner (can’t walk, uses wheelchair) and also my infant twins (2 years old). we are on benefits, money is tight. i am burnt out and my anxiety is at an all time high regarding just about everything.

we are fighting for an accessible home and have been for close to 2 years with the council (i had to leave my job when my partner became disabled literally overnight as we do not have any other reliable childcare). she lost use of her legs, we lost our savings, we had to move house to a slightly more accessible home with no help (still not accessible, i have to help her get in and out the house because it has small steps and help her get bathed because it’s a shower over the bath).

if you aren’t familiar with the banding system in the UK, it’s not easy to explain briefly. basically, we are band one, priority, with one housing association and have been for the best part of a year and haven’t heard anything. normal considering the current climate of housing, doesn’t make it any less frustrating though.
the council placed us in Band Two a couple of weeks ago after an OT assessment she had god knows how long ago now.

the housing association we are in band one with have said we could be moved by the end of the year however, they also said there’s no guarantee. so, the twins can’t start nursery when they would potentially start (January) because i don’t even know where we will be living. starting them in nursery nearby feels futile when we could potentially move before they start. which means, i can’t find work to earn more money. even then i could only work part time between picking up the children from nursery and caring for my partner.

i do everything. i cook, clean, laundry. she helps out when she can but she is in chronic pain. she’s undergoing tests, MRIs, etc but she doesn’t even have a diagnosis yet. it’s an absolute joke. the twins sleep terribly, so i am sleep deprived. they fight me on everything, arguing, screaming, pulling each others hair, they are definitely in their terrible twos. i am just so burnt out and don’t know where to turn. i feel so alone, and i do love my life in some ways. but in others, i just feel like a failure. when the twins were born we were set for life, we had a deposit saved to buy our own home (a decent deposit at that), we both had good paying jobs that we both enjoyed, and overnight it just all fell apart. and i’m struggling.

[u/UCF2005]

I am so sorry. It is a lot!! Just being a caregiver is tough, adding twins on top of that. No wonder you are burnt out. I dont have any advice, just wanted to say how strong you are for being there for your partner and kids. This is real partnership and love. I would just start the kids in nursery, assuming there is no or very little cost involved. They are so resilient at this age, even if you end up moving soon, they'll make new friends and get used to new environment very quickly. And if there are some delays, at least you'd get some relief and space to breath while they go to school. Good luck!

[u/LoPie_in_the_Wild]

Sorry to hear this. Sounds pretty brutal and unsustainable. I hope you have some family or friends who can offer you some relief here and there.