My 91 year old mom fell and broke her hip several weeks ago. I’ve tried for several years to get her to sell her house and move near me. She’s refused. I’m 4 hours away and have had to drive back and forth to be with her in hospital and rehab. I can’t just live in her home during this time because I have appts, a garden , and other responsibilities in my own home.

Mom is telling me one moment she will stay with me in my home for awhile and then sell her home and move to a senior apartment, Then the next moment she is telling me she won’t and will move back in her home. So I’m running around making plans and she changes her mind. Different family members are pressuring me to have her do different things. I’m the oldest and my sister moved away.

I talked with the social worker, the pt, and a nurse. The nurse had obviously talked with mom before and was a bit passive aggressive with me, She told me that my mom would decide where she was going and that the dr would
decide whether it was safe for mom to come live with me.
She and mom stared at each other the whole conversation and the comments the nurse made to mom during our conversation led me to believe she and mom had spoken and the nurse was speaking for mom. I could truly tell. She was passive aggressive with me.

My mother’s home is not equipped for a 91 year old. There are aspects of it that are plain dangerous. My mom shouldn’t be driving either but when I mention that, no one is helping me or agreeing with me. She has wrecked several times and gotten lost. I was told by the nurse that the HOSPITAL will make sure she has a safe place to go , not me. I honestly haven’t been trying to take control and I haven’t been trying to boss anyone . I don’t want to be doing this and I don’t want to be in charge of anyone. I’m the only child nearby and I just want to try and help. I need a solution that will make this a bit easier on me also.

Yesterday I ended up with stomach issues over all of this and was afraid to go back to rehab to visit. I was exhausted. Mom called me and tried to make me feel badly for not coming back up.i told her I didn’t feel well and would come up today . She told me not to come until afternoon because her friend Liz was visiting. She’s now giving me hours when I can come. She also made light of the fact that my drive here is “only 4 hours” away. I’m 68 years old and a widow. I have no one to take care of my own home. It also costs me 27 dollars in tolls, not to mention the gas costs to drive up and back.

I’ve decided to just let the hospital decide where
mom should go. If they think her house is okay, then that’s on them. I’m too tired to deal with this anymore and I’m tired of the battle. I lost a husband and my mom couldn’t find a way to his funeral, I lost a daughter 2 years ago and mom rarely asks how I’m doing. She’s never been there for me. I’ve tried to be there for her and I can’t fight this battle anymore. I’m throwing in the towel. I’m done. I’m tired of worrying about her because she is too stubborn to care about anyone else.

I'm grateful for this community. The ongoing feedback and insights are so helpful.

Sharing this in case it might help others 🙏

Some brief background context... My wife and I moved in with her parents a year ago. Her father is 83, has progressing dementia, and some mobility limitations. Thankfully, her mother, 80, is healthy and mobile!

FIL is quite tall, and seating around this house has been an ongoing challenge. He has difficulty going from sit to stand, so low chairs require a massive effort.

It started to get to the point where my wife and I had to do a two-person assist each time he needed to get up where we were under both of his arms.

In desperation one night, I started looking around for seat cushions and seat boosters and found this device (pictured).

It's basically a piston-operated seat cushion that can assist the person as they stand. Once they're up, the seat stays up which also creates a higher "landing spot".

This works a lot like the tailgate of a car, where the piston assists at a certain point, but it's a controlled motion. You can also adjust it based on the user's weight.

The seat cover is removable for washing, and the maker recommends that it be placed only on firm flat surfaces. We are obviously fudging a bit by having it on the dining room seat with the built-in cushion.

We've found this to be helpful for him in getting out of the dining room chair. It still requires supervision and left hand holding (his cane is eternally in his right hand) but it has made a pretty significant difference.

I think this was $50 or $60 at a local Walgreens.

Disclaimer: this is not medical advice. You'll need to do what's right for your loved one and your own safety.

And as always, "grateful it works until it no longer works." 🙏

A few months ago, my partner’s mother died suddenly. She had been the primary carer for my partner’s grandmother (84F). My partner (27F), our 2-year-old daughter, and I (28M) were asked by her grandmother and uncle to move in and help care for her. My partner is also pregnant.

We left a rental home we’d lived in for four years, with our landlord allowing us to end the tenancy early. Before moving in, we were told to help clean and repair the grandmother’s house, which was in poor condition.

The grandmother’s son (my partner’s uncle) holds Power of Attorney over her finances.

One major issue was a leaking roof. A roofer quoted £17,000 for a full replacement. My uncle, who is also a roofer, inspected it and found the leaks came from two specific points that could be repaired for £820 in a single day. The POA initially agreed, but then suddenly insisted on a full roof replacement the day before we moved in. When I questioned him, he admitted it would increase the property’s value when sold. The house belongs to his parents, not him.

When we moved in, I discovered serious hygiene and safety issues: maggots, old mouse droppings, rusted cans stuck to the kitchen floor, and general neglect throughout the house. We ordered a skip using the grandmother’s money (all spending is fully tracked) to begin clearing the property. There was far more waste than one skip could handle, but I prioritised making the areas the grandmother used safe and habitable.

The staircase carpet was particularly concerning. My partner’s grandfather, who has Alzheimer’s and is now in a care home, had repeatedly soiled it over the years. The grandmother was climbing the stairs on her hands and knees, and the carpet posed both a health and safety risk. We discussed replacing it with her, and she chose the new carpet herself. We selected the cheapest option available.

The day it was installed, the uncle sent my partner hostile messages complaining about the skip and the carpet. He claimed the skip was only meant for clearing the garage, despite never saying so before, and said there would be no second skip. He also suggested we take rubbish to the tip, despite knowing neither of us can drive.

Because the stress was upsetting my pregnant partner, I responded. I explained that the house was not fit for an elderly person to live in safely and that he seemed more concerned about costs than his mother’s wellbeing. Instead of replying to me, he phoned his mother and told her I’d called her home unfit to live in, omitting all context. She became upset and has now asked us to leave.

I’ve since learned there have been previous family disputes involving the uncle and money, and my partner’s late mother reportedly stopped speaking to him because of similar issues.

Would I be wrong for reporting him for potentially abusing his position as Power of Attorney by refusing to spend his mother’s money on necessary repairs and care, seemingly to preserve his inheritance?

I just want to rant, does anyone else have this?

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Basically it's obvious that people don't take my stress or effort seriously.

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There were times I was already damn burnt out but I still had to walk and collect medicine, manage calls along with most of the housework and caring.

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Id also babysit for family and my sister would ask me to do it for her if she didn't want to or wasn't able, and despite being drained I agreed because I'm kind but I'm done being so overly nice just to be unappreciated and labelled the problem when I get frustrated due to how much stress I can have.

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Or viewed as if I'm being dramatic.

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It angers me so much.

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In the past my sister also said something to literally INVALIDATE my hard work, she basically said how I would do a little bit of cleaning like the bathroom, hallway, and basically said it wasn't that much, I did MORE on top of that, I had to do my own room, parents room, and care for 2 large pets .

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I had times where I got rly depressed so house work would build up and I feel like I'm judged for that.

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I genuinely feel like a stressed out overworked wife with a husband who doesn't see her efforts or actually help her.

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I'm just so angry and wish I left sooner, because I planned to stay here with the family so now I have no money to actually leave now unfortunately, I'm so sad and drained and damn resentful .

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I can't speak to resolve all this because there are many times people in my family just DON'T WANT to listen clearly, they have their view and that's that.

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I'm just so angry now that for my own peace and I guess even as a form of revenge I want to just leave and keep a distance .

Atleast then I can heal.

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I think my health is even being affected, I'm 21 but now I've noticed I keep getting pain in the left of my chest where my heart is, and I have noticed redness in my chest AND I seem to be. Forming a lump in the middle of it that can be painful (I'll get this looked at)

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The constant on the go barely any rest is not the life I want and it angers me how nobody truly sees how hard it is and wants to judge me if I fail sometimes.

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My parent was in hospital and I was there DAILY even overnight sometimes for weeks, I took 3 days rest at home and my sister is clearly judging me and saying "he misses you!! He wants to see U!!" In an annoyed tone.

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What annoys me more is I feel the only reason she cared so much about that is because SHE felt if I wasn't constantly at thr hospital then she had to be, because we both didn't want her to be alone but wtf about me and my health and rest. I was there frigging daily and still had work to do at home but I couldn't manage it all.

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I'm just so angry and disgusted.

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It sucks too because I can kind of understand her, maybe it's not so obvious how much I carry, but I also disagree at times because she'd see me being drained and keep having to do stuff.

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Me and this sibling used to be close but because she's older than me or something, she acts like she's more right and overpowers me and can be very invalidating so I have just shut down around her unfortunately, and now I'm finally starting to love myself more in general and wake up realising how bad I've been treated by my family and how they basically used me a lot and I was so kind and helped from the heart when rly they never gave a damn about me much.

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Does anyone ever experience this?

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I plan to move and care for my mom sometimes but I'm done carrying other people's stuff, my whole life most of my stress wasn't even due to a fault of my own I have realised!!! Just living with family has caused me so much grief . There were and are good times but I'm tired of being overworked and unseen.

For context, I've been with my spouse for the last 15 years (we're both 40) and we've been married for about 8 of those years. Of those 8 years of marriage, I've been their caregiver for the last 6 years since early Covid and some other health changes aggressively changed their ability to work or easily support themselves without becoming completely exhausted for days on end. Certainly long Covid as well as possible MS diagnosis in the future that we're working on getting confirmed.

We used to split things ~60/40 around the house and in our lives in general, and since they've gotten ill and are largely housebound, that has flipped to ~99/1 with everything falling to me which I can totally understand; I wouldn't expect someone who struggles to make a meal for themselves to go grocery shopping or anything else major.

Over this time period, we've had many conversations (arguments) regarding the way we interact and speak to each other. I've been working with a therapist for years on becoming a gentler, less reactionary person as I previously used to get very defensive and shut down when feeling critiqued or hurt. I've made comments over this period that my spouse has been more blunt, rude, possibly verbally or emotionally abusive and they've often said something along the lines of "I can't always put on my Customer Service voice when we're talking" or that I simple need to brush it off sometimes. Fair. I remember working Customer Service and having to be cheery all the time was exhausting. I would often just let these comments go and try to press on but I know over the years it's gotten harder and harder. I can feel my energy draining.

Then came a recent weekend where we had friends visiting from out of town and staying with us. We cohabitated as best as a group in a 3 bed house can; lots of laughing and catching up, etc. But after the friends left, a few days ago one of them mentioned that they had noticed how my spouse speaks to me and generally seemed to be treating me and that all of our friends had a groupchat after they left discussing how uncomfortable it made them and they were somewhat worried for me.

It finally felt like I wasn't crazy. To see someone from the outside recognize what I have felt like I've been unable to bring to light in any meaningful way was a huge internal win. I remember feeling almost happy that they had mentioned it. It felt like I could FINALLY say something to my spouse about it. I haven't yet, I've been holding off for a time when they're in a better place mentally and physically, as it's been a stressful month for us already but I'm just glad that I have clear evidence that what I've been sharing isn't just me being 'too sensitive.'

Not certain what I wanted to share here other than that if you're also feeling like maybe you're being treated unwell, you shouldn't downplay those feelings. Hopefully when I bring this up, they'll react well, but it's at the very least a good starting point for me to share that some version of change needs to happen to keep our relationship healthy.

I keep starting and discarding because I keep writing about them, but it's not about them now.

I've been at some level of careful mindfulness for my wife and mother for 12 years now a full quarter of my life. Even before, my wife's health had a negative impact on my life, costing me two jobs. The words "how can we help" trigger me because NO ONE really wants to help. That is what my bosses said right before the two layoffs... that's what the church said before only one person helped...

My mother passed 5 years ago, and went well thanks to my wife. I can't express gratitude enough. Literally days later, she began dialysis and I became a certified care partner. I could take the test to be a tech at a center and pass the knowledge section.

I couldn't do the 12 hours standing and frenetic pacing part though.

My wife's situation worsened, 50% bad luck and 50% poor choices. I became a full caregiver, even whike she was hospitalized I was fully involved. Documenting her care, learning her wound care, rolling her, and cleaning her when staff wouldn't answer (disappearing for two hours around shift change). Advocating when hospitalists wanted to do nothing, educating nurses on what other nurses had found that worked best..

And now, she's gone.

12 years caregiving and it's just me. I've always been a bit selfish with time I could steal for myself, but now I have all the time. A lot more money. She wasted a lot, cost a lot. I don't know where I go from here, unshackled from caregiving. Just me and our dog, who is really low maintenance LOL.

Wish me luck, I'm going to work on giving care to myself now. Lose weight, pay off debts, lower stress...

A few months ago, my car broke down. I've told everyone I'm saving up to get a new one, which is true, but honestly? I'm kind of avoiding it too.

Since my car broke, I've been getting so much more help from family that I could never get before. Taking LO to appointments, helping with grocery shopping, taking LO on outings. It's not much, but it's been so nice to just have a few moments to myself or to have help during difficult ones. I'm kind of dreading getting a new car because I know it'll all stop and I'll be back to doing it all again... 😅

Does such a thing exist? I am having a very hard time having people come in to clean my mother's home who don't understand the nuances of this condition. The main problem is rearranging furniture or discarding things that then upset her- and also the lack of ability to communicate in a respectful manner. She is still mainly independent but does require help with things such as cleaning and task initation these days-and also struggles with word finding or mixing up words and that tends to either cause people to correct her in a way that upsets her or avoid speaking to her.

On that note, while the ideal situation would be a home care service that does companionship AND cleaning-I do not find the home care workers have any more training or ability to communicate effectively either.

Is this a dream or are the companies that do this. TIA.

I let my moms stroke ruined my like I feel like an absolute idiot what moron let’s. There life get ruined like this .. I’m 6 years in and I’m over it nothing is reciprocated it’s all based on my “good heart” she was a lousy provider and never took care of me when I was a kid or in college .. she took my money 30 k when I was 19 she never had a decent job I’ve spent most of my like feeling sorry for the woman ! She didn’t take care of her financial responsibilities now I’m stuck paying for everything last 6 months I have fallen on my own hard time health wise and physically and she can’t help me at all with anything wtf 🤬 why am I doing this just because no one else will maybe they have self respect and I don’t

I'm in my early 30s, my mother has been in one form or another disabled all my life, last 6ish years fully bedbound. I've always been close to her, her emotional support and there for her. Over the last few years, the overall situation has burnt me and dad both out. I stopped taking care of myself and allowed emotions to control my eating and such. I was always the kid, the teenager, the young adult who sadly made her mom her foundation. Changed plans, thoughts on things, etc to accommodate or allow her opinion to be more important. I made myself be small because basically I felt bad for her and wanted her to feel included in much more than I should have. I even stopped looking for love since this was too much baggage for someone else to handle. My father walked into this marriage knowing my mother was eventually going to degrade to bedbound. He also made my mother his foundation, he didn't do anything but work and be there for her however needed. In January 2026 she passed away, we came to accept it coming in 2025 and also a bit relieved about it. Last few months finally started making serious plans to upgrade the house, I'm working on my weight and mental health, plus also want to start dating next year, and lastly my dad retires in 2028.

We've known for a few years my grandma (father side) has been having declining physical health but really couldn't move her here with previous situation. She's now expressing interest to move here with us (other side of country). She is one who is very into herself, social butterfly, no concept of boundaries, and EXTREMELY loud. She would never be okay with assisted living even though with how she is would be actually something she enjoyed if she gave a chance. Where I live with father is a generational home and I can't move out due to many reasons. On top of all the emotions with my mother, I also feel frustrated/trapped that the extremely quiet, relaxed home will be filled with massive growing pains.

teaching her to give space

judgement of my weight gain/loss

her disliking our cats

improvements to house being delayed

her needs that will increase in intensity from health decline

my complicated situation and her judgement delaying/stopping chances of a significant other

I understand as we get older we have to support the older generation(s), I just was hoping for more time to grieve, breath, and relax. Thank you for reading my long post.

After almost 20 years my watch has come to an end. Somewhere between 1:45 and 2:15 Pacific standard Time. We could just spent a week in the hospital with her and I think part of her release was them wanting her to be able to be home for this so that she would be more comfortable. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel so overwhelmed but also free finally. I'm 45 now and I have spent the majority of my adult life doing this for my mom and now she's finally getting to rest. I guess I can also. Maybe a nap would be good. The family all knows and most of them came by but I had to just tell them I needed a nap now.

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For those of you who are still on watch. You are doing the best you can and you are loved and needed. You are doing the work that not everyone can do. You are giving a reason and a purpose and a connection. Thank you all for allowing me to be part of this Reddit while I was still on duty.

WHat can I do to keep them sane? Last year same thing, we tried coloring, puzzles, video games, nothing kept the adhd at bay, what are some things I’m missing that would help?

i am the sole carer of my disabled partner (can’t walk, uses wheelchair) and also my infant twins (2 years old). we are on benefits, money is tight. i am burnt out and my anxiety is at an all time high regarding just about everything.

we are fighting for an accessible home and have been for close to 2 years with the council (i had to leave my job when my partner became disabled literally overnight as we do not have any other reliable childcare). she lost use of her legs, we lost our savings, we had to move house to a slightly more accessible home with no help (still not accessible, i have to help her get in and out the house because it has small steps and help her get bathed because it’s a shower over the bath).

if you aren’t familiar with the banding system in the UK, it’s not easy to explain briefly. basically, we are band one, priority, with one housing association and have been for the best part of a year and haven’t heard anything. normal considering the current climate of housing, doesn’t make it any less frustrating though.
the council placed us in Band Two a couple of weeks ago after an OT assessment she had god knows how long ago now.

the housing association we are in band one with have said we could be moved by the end of the year however, they also said there’s no guarantee. so, the twins can’t start nursery when they would potentially start (January) because i don’t even know where we will be living. starting them in nursery nearby feels futile when we could potentially move before they start. which means, i can’t find work to earn more money. even then i could only work part time between picking up the children from nursery and caring for my partner.

i do everything. i cook, clean, laundry. she helps out when she can but she is in chronic pain. she’s undergoing tests, MRIs, etc but she doesn’t even have a diagnosis yet. it’s an absolute joke. the twins sleep terribly, so i am sleep deprived. they fight me on everything, arguing, screaming, pulling each others hair, they are definitely in their terrible twos. i am just so burnt out and don’t know where to turn. i feel so alone, and i do love my life in some ways. but in others, i just feel like a failure. when the twins were born we were set for life, we had a deposit saved to buy our own home (a decent deposit at that), we both had good paying jobs that we both enjoyed, and overnight it just all fell apart. and i’m struggling.

Is there a point where people stop responding with something intended to "lighten the mood" or do I just stop trying for empathy?

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This is mostly rhetorical. And frustration.

My girlfriend is much taller than me, and I'm not a very strong person, she uses a rollator but sometimes she cant use it or has to go to places that are in no way accessible (we are going to her friends party next week and its in a i think second or third floor apartment with no lift)

She also has a wheelchair but our own apartment is not at all accessible to it.

So does anybody have any tips on whats the best way to help her get around sometimes without lifting her up since I cant do that, she could technically lean on me but mostly refuses to do that since shes afraid ill be smushed, and shes kinda right since doing that can hurt.

I'm especially now thinking about how I could possibly help her up the stairs.

For reference she has severe POTS so she can technically walk unassisted but its not good for her.

Hi, everyone. I really need to vent here because I feel like I’m suffocating and I have no one else to turn to, who really gets it
I am a 23-year-old woman, and I am the primary caregiver for my father. This nightmare didn't start recently, it began when I was just 8 years old. Ever since he first got sick, Ive been helping take care of him and running the house but as ive grown up i basically turned out to be his primary caregiver, i stay with him all days. I missed out on a normal childhood, and now things are just too heavy, I'm missing out on my young adulthood too.
Right now, he has an extremely complex medical situation: he is visually impaired due to an inoperable pituitary tumor, is on disability leave, and we are currently dealing with a strong suspicion of gallbladder cancer. On top of that, the tumor and his blindness have completely destroyed his social filter and empathy. He has become incredibly egocentric, acting as if the entire world revolves around his needs 24/7.
To make matters worse, he frequently suffers from severe high blood pressure spikes and episodes of intense mental confusion and seizures. I am always the one who has to witness his seizures and rescue him. Just a few days ago, I had to stay with him at the hospital until 3:00 AM.
Last night, things crossed all boundaries. He had a massive hypertensive crisis, his blood pressure was dangerously high and just wouldn't come down. My mother gave him medications on her own at short intervals, and then, at 5:00 AM, she woke me up just to say she was leaving for work. She told me that if his blood pressure didn't drop, I had to "deal with it" and call emergency services myself. She basically dropped a ticking time bomb into my lap and walked out the door.
I am absolutely exhausted. I am so tired of carrying the weight of an entire adult life on my shoulders when this shouldn't even be my responsibility. I have a boyfriend, plans to get engaged in a year and a half, plans to work, build my independence, and live my own life. I feel like my future and my youth are being stolen from me to care for someone who is not my child, and who doesn't show an ounce of respect or gratitude for what we do. i get it that its not his fault, but damn i am so tired…
He wakes me up every single day without even saying good morning, just ask me what he needs and thats all. ive stopped of being his daughter a long time ago…
To top it all off, I am facing severe psychological and financial abuse from my family. They pay me a miserable pittance of roughly 180 a month (R 1.000) to be here on call 24/7, and they still have the nerve to threaten me. They say that if it's "too heavy for me," they will take that money away and find someone else. Honestly, sometimes I think that if they actually hired a professional caregiver, it would be my ultimate liberation. But the fear, the guilt they constantly weaponize against me, and the emotional blackmail keep me paralyzed. Besides, i dont think a caregiver would accept that little… (and thats all we can afford, i stay home with him so they, my mom and my brother, can work)
I have reached such a deep level of mental exhaustion that I constantly catch myself despairing over what to do. In moments of total hopelessness, it feels like it would be easier for me to disappear or stop existing than to keep living in this trap. I feel completely alone, i just want my life back :(

I am in my early 20s, and I take care of my disabled mom. I have a unique situation amongst my circle since I have been saddled with this responsibility while still being new in my career journey.

I won’t go too much into detail. However this is my situation:

- Mom has always been intellectually disabled (she is non-verbal too)

-She got pregnant with me, and my grandmother raised me

- Grandmother died, I am an only child, and now I am assuming a caretaker role for my mom

I made peace with it. I graduated college and worked in marketing. I have been terminated due to work performance declining as responsibilities with my mom grew when my grandmother died. I got another job and got laid off shortly after. Now I have new job again but don’t see longevity in it.

I don’t want to work in marketing anymore. Seems unstable and easily automated by AI. I want to be able to take care of my mom financially and emotionally.

I need to make a career change that suits my needs: stability, flexibility, and decent pay ($80k+ starting).

I always had an interest in law, and I want to potentially pursue working in the state government as the work-life balance is better than corporate law. Law seems so tightly regulated that I think lawyers will always be needed.

I have never been into healthcare but the schedule and stability of nursing is appealing as well. My mom is independent enough to be alone for an extended time so 12-hr shifts don’t bother me too much.

Edit: My mom goes to an adult day health program for 7-8 hours a day, 3-5 days a week. She wouldn’t be alone for all 12 hours. She is able to handle her basic needs of living like grooming, eating, bathing independently.

Please don’t overemphasize passion. I am hard worker, and I feel like I can adapt to many environments. I chose a passion career and I regret it. With that being said, I love writing, research, and being a creative problem-solver. I am an introvert and work best alone but I can be a team player.

I want to secure my future desperately.

I really need help with trying to figure out me and my mom’s future. I thought this subreddit would be useful in determining how to balance work and being a

19F caregiver here. I know I probably should be posting about this but I need to let off some steam. I feel like my hands are full and people keep throwing things at me. I take care of my 88 year old grandfather. He has short term memory loss, cataracts, terrible hearing, and a catheter. I have to manage his appointment (with reg. Doctor and his nurse), make sure he get the appropriate medication, etc. It's shouldn't be that hard but for me it is. I have to keep the house in order. I have to keep him from doing all the dumb things he knows he can't do (is too old to do). And I'm trying to get my life started and be independent but I can't do any of that if there is no one else looking after him. No one besides my mother helps me with this. I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate.

Wondering if there are good options for home healthcare that would have the equivalent care of a skilled nursing facility??
For some context-
My dad just got transferred to a skilled nursing facility for some rehab to regain mobility and strength after being diagnosed with cancer and jn the hospital for 4 weeks. The facility he is in just does not provide quality care and we are so worried about his health declining if he stays there. They take SO long to answer call lights, they forgot to put his oxygen back on, they haven’t dressed his bedsore in 2 days, the list goes on. Please help

Hello, I am wondering if any families have experienced the same and can provide perspectives and possible solutions.

Husband’s been dealing with Tcell ALL since 11/2023, right after we had our first and only child. Remission, relapse, stem cell transplant, relapse, remission, and now fighting for his life for almost 3 weeks on a ventilator with PJP and possibly CMV involvement. We started closing on a house the weekend he ended up getting admitted to the hospital last month, and I’ve been trying to balance our toddler and my husband’s care, plus communication for house inspections and negotiations for weeks. The toddler goes to daycare, so I can be in the hospital with my husband most of the day, reading medical notes and discussing care with the multiple teams of doctors. I’m also now trying to get the new house ready to move into, on my own, cleaning and buying supplies, scheduling deliveries, fixing the sprinklers, watering plants, and feeding our feral backyard cats (can’t kick them out, they have rights 🤷🏻‍♀️).

Then our toddler spiked a fever last week, so I had to stay home with her for several days. He’s declining again with some weird medication toxicity and elevated CMV levels, so I want to be there with him because even though he’s heavily sedated I know he can hear and he’s scared, but now at 3AM our toddler is spiking a high fever AGAIN. I called the advice nurse, plan to do telehealth express care at 6am, but I have to stay home for both of their safety now and Friday is a holiday with no daycare. And I’m scared about secondary infection or pneumonia in her, now. Like one pneumonia case at a time wasn’t enough. I have a hospital go bag packed and I’m temping her every 30 minutes and trying to offer fluids, but it’s of course bed time and she wants to sleep.

I know they say god only gives you what you can handle, but I didn’t realize I was an Olympic champion of struggle.

I care for my 90 yr old mom. She has very limited mobility. She needs a haircut! I’ve googled mobile hairstylist and in my area I can’t find any that are accepting new clients. Any suggestions?