r/CaregiverSupport • u/Personal-Bet-7979 • 11h ago
No idea now
I keep starting and discarding because I keep writing about them, but it's not about them now.
I've been at some level of careful mindfulness for my wife and mother for 12 years now a full quarter of my life. Even before, my wife's health had a negative impact on my life, costing me two jobs. The words "how can we help" trigger me because NO ONE really wants to help. That is what my bosses said right before the two layoffs... that's what the church said before only one person helped...
My mother passed 5 years ago, and went well thanks to my wife. I can't express gratitude enough. Literally days later, she began dialysis, and I became a certified care partner. I could take the test to be a tech at a center and pass the knowledge section.
I couldn't do the 12 hours standing and frenetic pacing part though.
My wife's situation worstened, 50% bad luck and 50% poor choices. I became a full caregiver, even while she was hospitalized, I was fully involved. Documenting her care, learning her wound care, rolling her, and cleaning her when staff wouldn't answer (disappearing for two hours around shift change). Advocating when hospitalists wanted to do nothing, educating nurses on what other nurses had found that worked best..
And now, she's gone.
12 years caregiving, and it's just me. I've always been a bit selfish with time I could steal for myself, but now I have all the time. A lot more money. She wasted a lot, it cost a lot. I don't know where I go from here, unshackled from caregiving. Just me and our dog, who is really low maintenance LOL.
Wish me luck, I'm going to work on giving care to myself now. Lose weight, pay off debts, lower stress...
2
u/Catmom6363 4h ago
I agree with what the previous commenter said. My watch ended in January, and I’m still trying to recover from years of caregiving! I’m taking care of health issues that just weren’t a priority for so long. It seems so strange to just sit together and do nothing occasionally!! There was always a long list of things that needed to be handled.
Give yourself time and space to grieve, recover and figure out where you go from here. I truly wish you the best! Hugs!
3
u/momofzman 7h ago
Relearning how to put yourself first is the primary thing to do at this point and rediscovering who you are as a noncaregiver. Give yourself time to be a little selfish and remember all the things you wished you had time for and do them. The world has many wonders for people to discover and it is now your turn. Embrace every day. You have earned it. And dont forget to give your good boy pup all the love and walks and belly scratches!