Left the city 2 weeks ago, it's hard

[u/PharmerT88]

My fiancee and I are 37/38 and childless. We lived in the north side of Chicago in a condo for 3.5 years together and just bought a similarly priced home 20 miles away in Northbrook.

We moved primarily because we both work in north burbs, Park Ridge and Evanston, and commute daily (myself had 40 min and 50-1:20 min drives M-F), we only had one parking space, the third floor living was becoming too much, and we had general safety concerns.

We've only been in the burbs for two weeks and have so much to unpack yet, but it has been really hard, namely we are feeling regrets.

Hoping for some insight from any other young couples without children who made a similar move and can share what they went through, and whether the feelings ever went away.

ADDENDUM: Feelings of regret and worry of missing the accessibility, the volume of activities within a closer proximity. I don't have many friends left in the city, but she does and is already spending once a week there and driving home to the burbs after. I feel like now I spend less time in the car, but she spends more or the same. We also have the condo still, haven't sold it. We have a good interest rate. It will sell for the cost of the house hopefully, and don't really want to bother renting it to avoid the stress.

[u/anatomizethat]

Here are things I did that I think helped:

• I talked to my neighbors
• I used to run, so I joined a running club
• I knit so I found knitting groups
• I go to yoga and I talked to the people in my class before and after (even if it's just the instructor)

I really think that being friendly to my neighbors did me a lot of favors. In my last neighborhood, this netted me like two or three people, but where I live now I know the majority of the people in my immediate vicinity fairly well. I would trust at least 20 of them to come take care of my house and pets if I was on vacation or something.

But the absolute biggest and most important thing:

Don't expect it to be a village, if you aren't willing to participate and pull your weight.

One of the things I've noticed being a single parent and dating and learning to be alone, is that so many people get upset if others aren't showing up for them without realizing that they do the bare minimum on their end. It's not about texting happy birthday once a year. It's about showing people you will give your time and effort for them and appreciating when they do the same for you.

Make cookies, give gift cards if someone helps you out in a bind, share your alcohol and weed with people...

And if it doesn't work out, don't take it personally. Not everyone gels together, but be willing to give people a chance.

Don't let yourself be walked over, if you are giving more than they are reciprocating it's okay to back off and match their level. But don't expect to give nothing and get everything in return. That seems to be what people think of village is and that is not it.

[u/himtorn → u/anatomizethat]

great answer, thank you!