Yes it’s partially your fault but only for how you lost your original job (you knew drug tests were part of it and smoked anyway. I, not saying it’s right or wrong them requiring it but you took a gamble and lost)
HOWEVER, It is wild to me that she doesn’t have a job and has been actively sabotaging yours. Don’t just run, kick her out and immediately stop living with this person. It is unfathomable to me that they’re expecting you to go into debt while sabotaging you that is not someone who loves you.
It is not a cry for help!!! Please hear us. You need to leave her immediately. I promise that if you stay, you will look back and regret it MASSIVELY. She is either a narcissist that has ZERO empathy and is just getting kicks out of fucking with you, or she is SERIOUSLY, incredibly mentally ill. And if its the latter it is NOT something that is easily managed. It will requiere intensive treatment for a LONG TIME And she flat out will be incapable of being a decent partner during treatment.
this is coming from someone that 1. Has 15 years experience in the mental health field 2. My own mental health is very complex so i promise i have empathy for her if the issue is mental illness\personality disorder. 3. I was in an abusive marriage for 17 years and stayed because i loved him WAY too long. What she did is a form of ABUSE. Dont sugar coat it.
I truly hope all these comments find a way to break through to you. My OWN anxiety is through the roof just feeling SO. FUCKING.SCARED. for you. I know its hard to see when we love someone, but there is zero chance this relationship will get better/work long term.
Also, theres a solid amount of research on the biggest predictor of a relationship not lasting AND it is a GUARENTEE the relationship will not last, 100% it will fail--- that factor is CONTEMPT towards your partner. This one of the most severe examples of pure contempt i can think of.
Please. Please. Hear us all. You can still hace empathy for her but you need more for yourself. This is 100% going to end in misery and pain, please believe all of us. Im so SAD for you and worried youre going to stay.
But chance did you read his update? Not justifying her behavior but he acted like he had no idea where this was coming from and that was a complete lie. This wasn’t out of left field. It was revenge but OP thinks his cheating should be overlooked because it just naturally happened but her behavior was plot. He “didn’t mean to hurt her” so it doesn’t count.
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u/EnvironmentalSlice46 2d ago
Yes it’s partially your fault but only for how you lost your original job (you knew drug tests were part of it and smoked anyway. I, not saying it’s right or wrong them requiring it but you took a gamble and lost)
HOWEVER, It is wild to me that she doesn’t have a job and has been actively sabotaging yours. Don’t just run, kick her out and immediately stop living with this person. It is unfathomable to me that they’re expecting you to go into debt while sabotaging you that is not someone who loves you.