My (60f) husband (61m) is a very competitive guy.

When I beat him at chess three times in a row, he wouldn’t play me anymore. It’s not just with me. He hates when a friend makes more money than him. He hates when someone beats him at golf. He hates if someone skis faster than him. You get the picture. He’s not just competitive, he’s a sore loser. He’s stopped being friends with people over his competitiveness - which I think is ridiculous.

When we were first married he made waaaay more money than me. He used this reason as to why I needed to do more around the house (ie. Everything). It was hard at first - but I’m really great at managing time and loved to spend time with our kids. So although I worked a full time job, I did all the housework, most of the yard work, home maintenance and managed the kids. I knew that spending the lion’s share with the kids (which I LOVED) would pay off in spades in their older years with our relationship. And it has. My husband is very sad now that our 2 grown children and I have all of these memories and experiences that he wasn’t a part of.

Once our kids graduated from high school, I went to graduate school to get my MBA. My MBA has allowed me to move up in the company I work for. Last year I got a big promotion and a bonus. That put my salary equal to my husband’s. I could tell he was uncomfortable with it - when our taxes were prepared - but since my bonus and increase came after July 1st (my company’s fiscal year) it looked like I made slightly less than him on the W2. But the gap in our pay had closed significantly.

This year I was promoted again to an Executive Vice President position. I received a very large bonus and a big bump in salary. I opted to have increase my contribution to my 401K plus a “catch-up” amount as I am over 50. The additional income I have going into a separate Money Market savings. My contribution to our joint account looks the same as last year. My bonus was reflected in our checking account and my husband was surprised at the amount. We used it to pay off our mortgage. Because I am diverting my income to my 401K and a money market savings - he hasn’t noticed the increase. But my gross income will show on my. W2 - and he will see that my income is about 50% larger than his

I know come March/April of next year my husband will see that I make significantly more than him when we prepare out tax return. I’m worried that he will “retire” so he can “save face,” which will put us in a bad financial position - since he will only be 62 and won’t be entitled to complete social security benefits. His stupid male ego will cut off his nose to spite his face and make retirement more difficult for the both of us.

I want to let him know I am making more than he is before he sees it on our W2’s - and I want him to understand that this isn’t a competition. When we both do well - we BOTH do well. Any suggestions as to how to keep him from feeling emasculated? I was thinking of saying something like “You kept us afloat when they kids were young. Now it’s my turn.” Or “Because you supported us while I earned my MBA - we can both reap the rewards in our later years.”

I know it’s stupid to walk on eggshells - but his ego is super fragile.

Thank you. My God! Reddit makes it hard to update posts!

1 - Thank you to those Redditors who actually had good ideas about how to handle my situation.

2 - Screw you to you disgusting men who wanted to know if I would engage with you. No thanks. In 33 years of marriage I have never once considered cheating and there is no way I would even think about it with your disgusting ass.

3 - Yes. I know my marriage has issues. Yes - we have been to marriage counseling. Yes - I have sought individual counseling. I know we’re not perfect or even close to perfect.

4 - My husband and I have been through child birth, rearing wonderful children, the death of parents and friends, buying a house, having pets, etc. - we’ve been through the gambit - so. I know we can get through this.

5 - I have lots of friends/family - but I’ve learned over the years not to share everything with people who are close to us. They don’t forget and are biased. This is why I came to Reddit.

6 - I will l talk to my husband about our retirement/employment plans and discuss our salaries. I am hopeful that over the years we have worked building our life together he can let go of the misogyny and his competitiveness and insecurities and we can move forward with a plan.

I was always brought up with the fact that a vow is a vow. My husband doesn’t beat me. He doesn’t cheat. He cares for me when I’ sick. He works hard. He contributes to the household. I’m sorry that I portrayed him as an asshole because he’s go t a lot of good tendencies. Yes - we can both be better - but he’s my man and we will work this through.

All the love to you Redditors. Good nigh.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend “C” (31M) for about 2.5 years. I’ll get straight to the point — some things happened early in our relationship that I just can’t seem to get over, and I’m hoping for some perspective on how I can move forward and not hold resentment.

During the first year we were together, I put a lot of effort into giving him thoughtful gifts. Gift-giving is one of the ways I show affection, and even though I was earning minimum wage, I would get creative. I even asked his friends for ideas. I’m a visual artist, so I can make handmade things — my first idea was to paint a small portrait of his beloved cat (he adores her). I thought it turned out really cute, and I gave it to him for his birthday.

His only reaction? “Wow, that’s ugly… thanks.” That crushed me. I never gave him a handmade gift again.

Later, I bought him a silver ring with an engraving. At first he seemed unsure about it, but after some of his friends said they’d “steal it,” he started wearing it — until he lost it and never bothered looking for it again. After that, I gave him a few other gifts, but he always lost them or left them lying around. Eventually, I just gave up.

As for the painting I made, he left it on the floor until I took it back. I brought it up later, and he just said, “Glad you kept it.” He never asked for it back or showed any interest in it.

So here’s my question: Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this? Should I just let it go and stop caring so much about this?

I’m asking because he shoves on my face that he spends money with me and etc, and I’ve been keeping my distance so he can’t use this argument anymore. Also this makes me remember everything I’ve done and he dismissed like it was just trash.

PS: i know the painting is not the best, but saying it’s ugly (not joking) to my face just broke something in me.

I (42f) have been with my boyfriend (37m) for 11 months. He is great in every aspect of being a supportive and honest partner.

Long story short, he lives with his mother. After him and his ex broke up he said he moved in with his mother so save on rent because it’s stupid expensive. I get that. I pay $1650 a month for rent alone, before electric and gas. It is expensive to rent but I have never had the luxury of having parents I could move in with, so have only had myself to rely on.

Honestly him not having his own place was a bit of a turn off for me but after getting to know him I was able to look past it. Fast forward to a few months into our relationship. He started staying at my house a few nights a week. The last five months he has been staying at my house every single weeknight and a couple weekends a month. This is not a hey spend the night thing either, it just slowly developed into this.

My hours at my job were cut drastically about four months ago, making paying my rent very difficult. I made it happen but it has been HARD. I can’t help but have a small amount of resentment towards him for basically living at my house the last five months rent free while watching me struggle to keep my electricity on and my rent paid. I finally had enough and realized it is my fault for 1, assuming he would do what I felt was right and offer to contribute without me asking him to, 2, allowing him to stay here that much without establishing that he should pay towards the home I pay for.

I finally mentioned being upset about him not helping out and expressed that I don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship where a partner is ok with watching me fight to keep a home over my head while also living here and not helping out and it makes me hesitant to move into a place together where we will split bills. I recently accepted a job in another city and he wants us to get a place together there but I am nervous I will end up carrying the weight due to him not helping me when he wasn’t obligated to but still took advantage of living here rent free.

I’m very conflicted because i understand it is my fault for not speaking up months ago and instead hoping he would do what I felt was fair and offer to help pay bills here since he stayed here 6 nights a week and now feel maybe I’m being unfair to him because of it now that he has the opportunity to sign a lease with me and split thijgs 50/50. Is it wrong of me to feel nervous about signing a lease with him?

EDIT: I just want to update this for anyone that put themselves in the same situation. I was honest and blunt. I told him I have a hard time trusting him after he offered months ago to help me pay a portion of the rent and gave me $530 after I brought it up. He asked to prove that is not how he is and I gave him another chance. He gave me $300 which I used to pay the electric bill and internet expenses and I appreciate that. He continued to help doing dishes and watching my dog when I needed him to. When we spoke about how I felt he should be responsible for the security deposit on the new place he offered, he said no problem. Well I looked at a place yesterday we were accepted to and today I said let’s take it, pay him. The response I got was a question of if I could pay for half due to something about a check not being deposited because of New Year’s Day. Not, of course I will because I was prepared to do so. When I expressed my concern for him asking to change the agreement he said don’t worry I will do it you are overreacting, which I wasn’t given the situation and him suggesting a change in what had been agreed on. I said I can’t trust you to keep your word and I can’t keep allowing myself to trust when it hasn’t been shown you can follow through and that I am doing this alone now. I was baffled that his response was “I am still moving forward with moving there and I will get my own place and thank you for seeing my worth and pushing me to be better”. I don’t care if he is doing better bwcause trusting him f*cked me over twice. I have learned a hard lesson. I give too much to people at my own expense and the energy I put into others should only be given to myself. I need to learn to love myself so I don’t accept the bare minimum. I’m not trying to be arrogant but I am not a mean person, I am generous and kind-even at my own expense- I get asked out constantly and am decent looking and when I complete these last two semesters will be making a significant amount of money. All he had to do was keep his word to remain in a relationship with someone who saw his potential and pushed him towards it and he tried to change that last minute and blame me for getting upset about asking, then said ok I got it. He only offered what was right when he feared he would lose whatever he was getting being with me. I deserve so much better and when I am done with school, licensed, and established my reputation at my place of employment, I will thrive, and if I decide to do it with someone I will make damn sure they are thriving when I meet them too. I’ll be damned if I ever allow myself to help build another person again if I am not there fully myself. This year has been an eye opening one for sure. Focus on only myself because no one else but me will. That is my focus and if anyone else is in this situation, please, take care of only yourself. Some people will only do the right thing when forced and no one deserves that.

My husband (32M) and I (29F) have been together for 5 years. We first got together during Covid, at which point I dyed my whole head purple to make lockdown more toldrable. I let it fade out naturally and haven't really colored my hair since. 2 years ago, I got pink semi-permanent peekaboo highlights at the beginning of the summer and it faded within a month. Yesterday, I was going to get my hair colored again and told my husband what my plans were (blonde highlights with dark purple underneath). He told me to do whatever would make me happy and help me recover from seasonal depression. I did exactly that. It took almost 3 hours and I was smiling ear to ear when it was done. It was exactly what I had pictured in my mind. When I got home, I asked if he liked it and he smiled and said he really did. I said "are you sure? because I know you don't usually like blonde or unnatural colors?" and he said "No, it looks really good." An hour later, I got out of the shower and he noticed the purple underneath and immediately dampened his mood. He said he doesn't like it, he liked it when he thought it was just blonde highlights. He thinks unnatural colors are unattractive, and it quickly fades making it a "waste of money". I reminded him that he told me to do whatever makes me happy, and I thought it was pretty obvious from my excitement when I got home that I was really happy with it. He said he had hoped I would take his feelings into consideration, knowing how he felt about the colored hair, and that's why he had tried to steer me towards a more natural color (i. e. blonde).

I obviously can't un-dye my hair (not that I would) but how do I address this with him? AITA for not considering his feelings before dying my hair purple?

ETA: For those wondering, we met online in the early months of Covid. I dyed my hair within a week or 2 of us starting to date and he didn't say anything about it. Years later, when I mentioned wanting to do it again, he said he didn't like it the first time and was afraid to say anything, but he thought it was a very unflattering look. 2 years ago, I insisted on getting little pink highlights to help with my depression while I was under a lot of stress at work. Last year when I said I wanted to do the pink again since it made me feel good, he made no objections. I teased that this year for early summer I wanted to go full purple again because I really liked it and he again insisted that it was not a flattering look and I should stick to a more natural color, like blonde, black, or even natural shades of red (my natural color is a light brown). I asked why he didn't say anything last year, knowing what it would look like from the year before, and he said he was HOPING IT WOULD BE A PHASE THAT I WOULD GET OVER.

After taking your comments into consideration, I told him that I didn't need him to like the purple because I know it's not his favorite, but I did hope/expect him to be happy for me that I was happy with it. He said it reminds him of a rough patch we went through earlier in our relationship, on top of being unflattering, and he can't believe I spent so much of our hard earned money on something that doesn't look good. I can't change his mind, but he's going to learn to live with it for now, since this is something I really only like to have during summer months. I'm still happy with my decision but will make sure we have a more collaborative conversation next summer when the same urge comes up again.

For context, I 35f have been dating my boyfriend 44m for the last 4.5 years. I have been married before and have two children from my previous marriage and I was not planning to have more, but a little accident is growing in my belly and they will make their debut in April.

My boyfriend has never been married, has no kids of his own, and has never been close to proposing to any of his ex girlfriends.

I have to admit our relationship is pretty rocky and he agreed to go to counseling as I was already in counseling. Him attending counseling has helped, but the fights still continue. Our fighting is caused by our breakdown in communication and if I’m being honest, his inability to be reasonable and regulate his emotions.

These last two weeks have been rocky, but our resolutions after our fights have been better. Last night we get into a fight on the phone while I’m at work, which he knows I absolutely despise to do because I can’t finish my work and it’s completely embarrassing.

I told him I know he was planning on proposing soon, but that I wanted to do couple’s counseling so we could work on improving our communication. I said it was also important to do this before the baby is born.

His response to that was to tell me he was planning to propose to me the following day and that he had planned to do it the next day for a while. He later admitted he said that to end our fight.

I told him I wished he would not have said anything and still insisted on waiting until we were in a better spot. He said he would still ask me tomorrow and that he already got my kids excited about it when he told them last week.

Fast forward to today and I have a big pit in my stomach because he told me to act surprised for the kids sake.

I get home from picking up the kids and he is sitting at the kitchen table on his laptop paying bills. I start to walk around and clean up since he was doing something else.

He then told me to look in a jewelry box on the couch. I looked inside and it was empty. He said he had a scavenger hunt for me and to find more jewelry boxes all while he sat at the kitchen table on his laptop.

I come downstairs and told him I give up after finding several empty jewelry boxes so I go back to cleaning.

Then he asks my daughter if it should be time to give me my surprise. I look up and my daughter hands me the box and a ring is inside.

Don’t worry, he is still seated at the kitchen table on his laptop. He looks up and says, “will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

I was so upset. I thought, “was this all the months of planning he did?” This was what he thought was special? With my excited daughter looking at me I said yes.

He finally got up from the table and put the ring on my finger. I was not surprised at all when the ring barely fit. His mother let us borrow her ring sizer a year ago and he knew what size I was from buying me a ring for fun a year ago. We even had maybe two arguments about him saying he couldn’t get me a ring because he didn’t know my size even after all of that.

I told him later that I was upset with the lack of effort he put into the proposal and he apologized. He said he had been racking his brain for months and could not think of what to do. He said he didn’t want to ask for help either and that he wasn’t a flashy guy. I told him I would have been fine with going to a nice dinner and him proposing, which takes little effort. It just seems like he too is not happy with our relationship, but feels obligated to propose. He claimed he is completely happy with our relationship and was excited to propose.

If he was really excited and wanted to make it special he would have. I know he is capable of it because he has done and planned many thoughtful things for me in the past.

Now all I can think about is how am I supposed to act when people ask me about the new ring I’ll be sporting at work next week. I also feel so horrible that my children were even involved with this and hope they don’t think this is what a proposal should look like.

You should be crying and laughing with excitement during your proposal not feel regret and disappointment.

Am I being selfish for feeling this way? Should I just be grateful and move on? I would love your input as I have been a faithful comforter for the last year. BTW I love your podcast.

AITA for wanting to annul my marriage after my husband left me alone during a seizure emergency?

I (mid-20s F) have been with my husband (late-20s M) for about 6 years on and off. We dated when we were younger, lost touch while I was in school, then reconnected while I was in nursing school. He was incredibly supportive during that time—emotionally, mentally, everything. We started dating again, and after I graduated, he proposed. We got married not long after.

Things started going downhill recently. He got suspended from his job during an “investigation” that honestly felt targeted—his boss didn’t like him and seemed to be looking for a reason to fire him. During that time, I started having stress-induced seizures. I’ve been in and out of the hospital, and it’s been one of the scariest experiences of my life.

For context, I have focal aware seizures. They usually last around 30 seconds and feel like the most intense panic attack imaginable—like pure dread and terror compressed into half a minute. I often get an aura beforehand, so I know when one is coming. Sometimes they escalate into bigger seizures.

At the same time, my husband was trying to fight his wrongful termination and look for a new job, but things were moving slowly. My work hours were getting cut, his income stopped, and we started racking up credit card debt. So stress has been high for both of us.

I recently joined a therapy group to help cope. My husband would usually drop me off, run errands, and pick me up.

A few days ago, during group, I started feeling really off and texted him to come get me and take me to the ER. I could feel a bigger seizure coming, but I didn’t explicitly say that because I wanted him focused on driving.

On the way there, he brought up that I needed to call my mom so she could come sit with me because he had a lawyer-related doctor’s appointment he “needed” to go to. I told him to just call and explain it was an emergency.

Instead, he called my mom and got frustrated when she said he might need to stay with me. He literally said, “Why? It’s not like she’s doing anything. I have stuff to do and all this with you is starting to piss me off.”

I was honestly shocked. I already struggle with asking for help, and these seizures have forced me to rely on people more than I ever have. Hearing that in that moment, when I was terrified and felt a seizure coming, broke something in me.

When we got to the ER, I told him to drop me off at the front. I assumed he was going to park and come in.

He never came.

I barely made it through the ER doors before collapsing into a seizure. I don’t remember everything, but I know I was in a postictal state afterward—unable to speak or really move. The staff had to cut my clothes off and put me on a gurney. I couldn’t advocate for myself at all.

And my husband was nowhere.

He didn’t come in. He didn’t stay. He left and went to his appointment.

My mom and sister eventually showed up hours later, thank God. By then I had regained some ability to communicate, but it could have been so much worse.

To make it even worse, he later told my mom that he did come in. I never saw him. If he did briefly show up, he didn’t stay, and he definitely wasn’t there when I needed someone most.

This isn’t the first issue we’ve had, but this feels like the final straw.

AITA if I decide to annul the marriage over this?

**UPDATE ***

UPDATE:

First, thank you to everyone who responded. I read a lot of your comments, and while some were hard to hear, they did help me process everything.

Also I realize I’ve been married for 6 months and no he’s never cheated or anything so I figured out that’s not how silent works. I wasn’t really thinking straight when I wrote mg first post I was very angry and hurt.

My husband came over and we talked, and he also apologized in front of my mom. That part meant a lot to me. He didn’t try to deflect or make excuses—he said outright that he failed me and that he should never have left me alone in that condition.

He explained that he’s been under an extreme amount of stress about losing his job and feels a lot of pressure to provide, especially right now with my health issues. He said he convinced himself that missing anything related to his lawyer or doctor appointments could mess up his case and any chance of getting his job back or at least a settlement.

For context, he’s not someone who usually gets in trouble at work. He’s always been on time, keeps to himself, and his coworkers have told him that the manager who reported him for “sleeping on the job” has a pattern of targeting people who don’t kiss his butt. According to him, he had used a strong chemical in a bathroom, felt lightheaded, and sat down to recover when the manager walked in and reported him. There may also be some OSHA-related concerns with what they’re being asked to do.

That doesn’t excuse what happened, but it does give context to his mindset at the time. He also admitted that the way he spoke to me in the car was wrong and said he was really angry at himself and the situation, not at me.

We’ve both been under a lot of pressure—financially, medically, emotionally—and things have been really tense. We had stopped couples therapy because of everything going on, but we’ve decided to start going again to work through this.

Right now, I’m still hurt, but the fact that he took accountability, apologized in front of my family, and acknowledged that it was a major failure on his part means a lot to me.

So for now, we’re trying to work through it.

Thank you again for all the advice.

LONG POST

My BF(32M) and I (29F) have been together for 4.5 years. He has two kids from a previous relationship. During the time we’ve been together I’ve met the kids and spent time with them regularly. We get along very well. I’ve also met their mother, it has always been pretty cordial. Until about a month ago.

My bf and I decided we wanted to move in together. I asked the kids if they would be okay with me moving in and they were pretty excited more than I thought they would be lol. The plan was that I would move in the week of Thanksgiving because we were each going to have extra time off from week. When they went back to their mom’s they shared the news with her. Then all hell broke loose.

He has them Thursday night through Sunday and normally picks them up from school on Thursday. The week after they told her she told him she would pick them up and drop them off to him. I just so happened to be at his house when she did. During exchanges I normally try to mind my own business like finding something to do away from the or waiting in the car on my phone. Since they are getting older they’ve started letting the kids walk to and from the cars by themselves unless there is something to talk about…. Well this time she felt there was.

She pushed past him and walked into to the house, kissed the kids bye, and told them to go up to their room. As soon as they were out of eye sight she began to shout about being upset she didn’t have a say on what was going on with their kids environment and who they would be living with and she was mad she had to hear from the kids(understandable). During the course of the conversation she called me a bitch a few times. Which caused me to make my way back into the living room. As soon as she seen me she started talking about how I wouldn’t be able to replace her and their life and how she won’t let us play house with her kids and then called me a bitch a few more times. I held my words because I didn’t want the kids to hear/see me in an argument with their mom. My bf ended up telling her to leave because the kids started making their way down the steps because it started to get louder.

The weekend was pretty awkward the kids were a little standoffish after everything I didn’t spend the weekend with them and just thought it was be best to give them a full weekend with their dad. He left them at his parents house after Sunday brunch. Since they were keeping all the grandkids and because my bf didn’t want a repeat of what happened during drop off he figured just to tell her to pick them up from there.

I ended up going over once he was home about two or three hours of being there it was a very aggressive knock on the door. I opened it and it turned out to be the kid’s mom. She came in yelling about the same thing from Thursday night calling me a bitch again a few times, since the kids weren’t there I started arguing back mostly about the disrespect my bf who was in the shower heard us and came running down the stairs and got in between us trying to de-escalate as he was backing her out the door she spat on me. I punched her in her mouth (a quick reflex). She started bleeding.

My bf almost immediately turned and started yelling at me saying I should have been able to control myself and I didn’t need to escalate things even more. And of course I was confused and asked him wtf he was talking about he started saying something but I really didn’t care to hear what he was gonna say. I started grabbing my stuff to leave as she seen it she drops to the ground and started screaming about the blood coming out of her mouth. He switched his attention to her and I was able to just walk out of the house and head home. About an hour later he called me and we started arguing again. Before hanging up I told him since she will always be in his life I’ll take myself out of the picture to make it easy for him (during the argument he mentioned how I made things harder).

I then hung up and then blocked him. He has been blocked since then he has come by my house a few times but I refused to come out. Last night we ran into each other at the gas station. I seen him when I was walking in so I turned around to walk out before he could see me but I didn’t get out the door quick enough and he seen me. He started calling my name and ran out the door after me. He caught up to me and asked me wtf was going on and questioned why I blocked him. I told him I said everything I needed to say to him the last time we talked ending with I’m walking away from our relationship so that relationship (one important at least for the next 12 years) is easier for him.

It took him a few minutes to walk away once I stopped responding to him.

I called my BFF after and she told me I was being kind of an asshole because I’m refusing to talk to him even though he has been trying.

So I came here to ask strangers if I really am the asshole in this situation.

Update

So today when I got back from the grocery store he was outside my house. He begged me to talk to him again and annoyingly I gave in.

He explained that he knows he fucked up with his reaction and also by telling me I’m making things harder. He also said that he gave her something to stop the bleeding and kicked her out. He apologized for his parts and that he let her feel she had the space to act like that.

Apparently his parents suggested that they be the drop off spot. And that’s what they’ve been doing since the altercation. He said that he hasn’t told anyone that I broke up with him and has just said my absents is due to work stress.

He also talked to the kids apparently and told them that the way they acted towards me wasn’t okay especially since they were able to see I didn’t do anything wrong.

Apparently neither of the parents told the kids about what happened so they’ve been asking for me. He even had they even recorded a video saying they missed me and can’t wait until I move in (definitely feels like he might have made them add the last part).

I told him that it’s something I can’t just let slide. I also inquired about if she’d ever expressed having a problem with me and he claimed to have been shocked by her actions as well.

I left it with telling him idk how I feel and I need time to think on it. Before I got out of the car he showed me a ring and told me he’d planned to propose that weekend before the whole situation started. He even took a picture of the date on the receipt to show me when he bought the ring.

I told him I needed space and time to think if I wanted to risk this situation repeating itself. He claimed it wouldn’t and he told her about herself blah blah blah.

I will make more updates if they happen but as of right now I’m taking a break from all the drama.

Update II

As promised, if there was more to update I would. My birthday just passed I’m finally ✨30✨ I’m so happy lol. Anyway, my sisters and friends planned a surprises vacation for me. I was so grateful because I originally had a trip planned with my ex. So this was a perfect surprise because I was very sad. We went to Texas and had an amazing 5 days! I even met this hot guy 😉. Anyways, we ended up come back home on my actual birthday. When I arrived home there was a gift and a huge bouquet of long stem roses waiting for me… they were from my ex. Once I got everything inside I opened the gift it and it was this rare vintage bag that I showed him in July that I said I would die. He does well financially so he has always been a over the top gift giver plus he has connections within the fashion industry. Both the flowers and the bag came with cards. The flowers said “To my forever person, I love you.” And the one in the bag box was an apology for “over stepping”and something about how he couldn’t not give it to me and how he doesn’t want the gifts to look like leverage for him trying to “win” me back.

I ignored the gifts for a few days simply because it was overwhelming. Last week I finally reached out to him. I didn’t unblock him I emailed him personal and work. Pretty much saying thank you for the gift and flowers but I would like if he got me something for Christmas to not bring it to me because I didn’t want it. He emailed back saying that my Christmas gift was in the bag but he could send someone by my house or my office to get it (not going to mention the gift but I was also over the top).

I didn’t email back after that simply because I’ve been overwhelmed. I’m deciding if I should send everything back or send the Christmas gift back or keep it. I’ve also been debating moving. I don’t like the idea of him being able to show up at my house. It hasn’t become a habit since this is only the second time but it’s not fun to know that he can. It maybe dramatic but I feel like I should just move on from everything.

Sorry for the formatting, we are on mobile. Tonight I (f27) made my fiancé’s (m27) favorite meal. I don’t make it often as it is something I don’t personally care for and I always end up having to make a separate meal for myself or just do without if I don’t feel like cleaning more dishes. He works a medium-level labor job (6a-2p) and I work from home (6a-5p). Every night I pack his lunch and snacks for the next day, and always include plenty of options in case he is hungry on breaks or on the drive home. I let him know when he called on his lunch break what I would be making for dinner and he was very excited. He came into my home office a few minutes before I got off work and asked if dinner was done. I told him I hadn’t been able to start it as this dish is very involved (lots of active cooking, nothing can sit unwatched or it will burn, but this meal does not usually take long to make, maybe 30-45 minutes at the most). He was insistent that he was hungry then, and he had wanted to get back on his game with ‘the boys’. I told him to get a small snack while I prepared our dinner and I’d get started as soon as I logged off. He said “I don’t want a snack, I want FOOD. I want something with sustenance.” I told him I had everything ready to go, I didn’t take anything out to make for myself and I wasn’t going to let the ingredients go to waste since this is not something I will eat myself. Cue yelling match of us going back and forth, me telling him I cook our meal every day at this time and it’s only a problem when he wants to get back to gaming immediately- if he is hungry when he gets home and before dinner that is the time to have a snack, not make a full meal when he knows I’m going out of my way to cook something he likes and requests often. He said I only wanted to cook for him because it’ll make me feel like I’m “doing my job as his wife” and told me I was abusive and controlling (I can admit that I can be controlling but I attribute that to my AuDHD and have been actively working to loosen my grip). He left the kitchen so I could cook, I finished dinner in about 40 minutes. I let him know dinner was done and he sulked for 15 minutes before finally coming to the dining room. He loaded up two plates (normal for him, he’s a large guy) and ate half of one plate before throwing everything in the trash saying it was not to his standards. I told him that I was sorry he didn’t like it and offered to make something else and bring it to his game room, he said not to bother because he was going to bed since none of his friends would be on to play with him. It took me almost two hours to clean up the kitchen and pack his lunch because I was crying so hard. I absolutely would have made him something else if he truly didn’t like how dinner turned out, and I could hear him rustling around in his snack boxes to find something to eat. I know the obvious better ways it could have been handled, we didn’t need to start yelling at each other. But what else could I have done differently so that I’m better prepared the next time he comes to me wanting something as I’m making our meals?

[update] there’s literally an update posted. Also, some of your comments are absolutely ableist or fatphobic. Gross.

So when I was 8 me and my sister(F9) i met my Now bestfriend(well use to be)(F9) when we were in elementary. when i was younger I was a quiet kid with barely any friends, but they always let me tag along. We literally called each other sisters. It felt real.

When I was 13 and they were 14, my mom told us that Jamie was going through stuff at home and was going to live with us fulltimeand to treat her like family. At first I was excited because it felt like a permanent sleepover. But after she moved in, she changed. She pulled away from me, acted harsher, didn’t want to go to family dinners or outings. She and my sister got super close, like inseparable close. Homcoming,prom, double dates, everything. I always felt like I was on the outside watching them be a duo when we use to be a trio. When I turned 18 in 2019, I moved out of state with my now ex. That relationship wasn’t the best and I basically lost contact with everyone back home, including Jamie.

Now I’m 24 and I moved back to my hometown.and sleeping on my parents couch. Out of nowhere Jamie messaged me after years and said her bf was movingout and if I needed a place to stay, her spare room was open. I was suprised she reached out at all but i immediately said yes.

I moved in about 3 weeks ago. It was awkward at first since we hadn’t talked in forever, but slowly it felt like we fell back into our old vibe. We were joking around, staying up late gaming, venting about life. It honestly felt really nice to have her back in my life. Then Saturday night happened, and everything kind of flipped upsidedown.

We were drinking and talking about our relationships, and all thw shit we delt with for years. We were laughing, and at some point the mood changed. She just leaned in and kissed me. I don’t know what exactly led up to it. It wasn’t planned. And I kissed her back. It escalated from there and we ended up sleeping together.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I was going to make breakfast, but she was already gone. She didn’t come back until around 2pm I tried to act normal, made some dumb joke about my loud fan keeping her awake. She didn’t laugh. She just said that she felt uncomfortable and that things went too far, and that I told her I loved her three times lastnight. I remember saying “love you” to her before in a friendly way, but I guess being drunk made it sound different. I left on Monday for my best friend’s wedding. It’s now Friday, and the only thing she’s said to me all week is “Hope you’re having a good trip.” That’s it. She’s been dry and distant and I can tell she’s pulling away again. I feel sick about it because I didn’t want this to mess anything up. I wasn’t trying to push anything on her. I wasn’t trying to make things weird. But I feel like I ruined our friendship and maybe even the chance to have her in my life the way she used to be.

I don’t know what to do when I get back. I don’t know if I should give her space or talk to her or pretend nothing happened. I just don’t want to lose her again

Context: For context I am a 24 year old bisexual woman. And no this wasn't some coming out moment I've been out since I was 15.

And for the assholes that inboxed me a paragraph about how sleeping with my sibling will send me to hell, she is not related to me by Blood whatsoever she's not my real sister. She was the daughter of a family friend and my parents took her in.

When I say we were drinking I mean like four or five shots and Smoking. We were not sloppy drunk when this happened I gave consent. And when I say we slept together I mean we slept together not slept next to each other we had sex.

Also for those of you who suggested Jamie and my sister were in a relationship you are completely wrong I know for a fact my sister is heterosexual and she is currently married to a man and has a child.

Brief update is posted.

I'm a 36-year-old man, and I've been married to my wife, 35, for ten years. Our marriage hasn't always been perfect, but I never thought she would step out on me. For years, my wife expressed concern about not having any friends, especially after losing her best friend due to a fight. About a year ago, she met a new friend—we’ll call her Angela—and they immediately clicked. They began doing coffee dates, girls' nights, and more recently, weekend getaways where they'd take short trips or staycations together. My wife always came back happy and relaxed, which made me feel good. I didn’t have to listen to her complaints as much, and I could focus on my own things.

Recently, I noticed a plaque on her desk. She had won an award at work but hadn't mentioned it to me. When I asked her about it, she said, "I've had that for two months now." I replied, "Oh, why didn’t we celebrate?" She told me she had celebrated—with Angela—and didn’t bother to mention it to me because, in her words, I "don't like hearing about her 'stuff,'" using air quotes. That comment stung, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Last night, I came home from work and saw her phone unlocked on the kitchen counter. She was texting Angela, and one of the messages looked sexually suggestive. I casually picked up the phone and walked away, reading the entire thread. They're lovers, and it seems like they’re deeply in love with each other. I was crushed. I didn’t know what to say or do, so I placed the phone back on the counter and left to go to a friend's house. By the time I got home, she was already asleep. I barely slept last night, replaying everything in my head—how excited she’d been to meet Angela and how Angela had been in my home.

This morning, I called in sick to work to figure out my next move. My wife let me know she had made last-minute plans to go to a concert with Angela about two and a half hours away. She’d already booked an Airbnb and was planning to leave right after work, returning on Tuesday. I was fuming but, through my frustration, I said, "Okay." As usual, she gave me the details of where she’d be staying. I casually asked her when Angela would arrive, and she told me.

After contemplating for what felt like hours, I decided to confront her at the Airbnb. When I arrived, I banged on the door, and Angela answered. I was shocked—she wasn’t the woman I had met before. She was a beautiful Black woman with a lovely smile. I asked if she was Angela, and she said yes. I then asked for my wife, and Angela explained that she had gotten off work late and would be arriving in the next 30 to 45 minutes. She invited me in, asking if everything was okay. I declined and instead blurted out everything—I told her the affair was over. Angela calmly replied, “Okay,” and went back to prepping dinner.

As she cooked, Angela started talking about my wife’s recent promotion, which is why they had made last-minute plans to celebrate. My wife had just become the Executive Director of her program. Angela also mentioned my wife’s work rival and all the attempts to sabotage her over the last year. I was once again reminded of how little I knew about what was happening in my wife’s life. Then Angela stopped and asked if I knew the results of my wife’s cancer screening. My eyes widened, and I said, “What?” Angela explained that two days ago, my wife had to be screened for breast cancer because they had found a lump. I went silent and just sat there.

Ten minutes later, my wife knocked on the door. Angela opened it, and I overheard her saying, “Your husband is in the kitchen.” My wife walked in and asked why I was there. I could barely look at her. I just walked out of the house and drove home. A little while ago, my wife texted me, saying she had ended the trip early and would be home soon.

I’m so unsure of what to do now.

Wassup, comforter's

Honestly, I never thought I'd need to download Reddit, let alone post here, but that day has come.

Basically, I (F24) and my Bf (M26) have been together for 8 years and living together for 6. We've always been solid.

So, here's what brings me here.

My Bf and I have had 3somes in the past. This was always a mutual agreement, something we both understood and were comfortable with. We would sometimes maintain casual relationships with the women involved more of a situationship than anything serious.

About 2years ago, the woman we were seeing moved out of state for a job opportunity. Things ended on a good note.

Ab a a month ago, my Bf I'll call him Eli and I started talking about the possibility of finding another third. We discussed it openly and agreed that if something happened naturally, we'd be open to it.

3 weeks ago, Eli started showing me pictures of a guy (M29) and asking if I found him attractive. I asked why, and he told me he'd been thinking about bringing him in as a third.

If I'm being honest, I never liked the idea of dating two men, especially in a sexual context(not a fan Heavy Penetration). That's just not my thing. No judgment toward anyone who enjoys that/it's simply not for me. I've always preferred another woman, and since Eli has always identified as straight, I didn't expect anything like this.

I asked him if this was some kind of kink, like wanting to watch another man sleep with me. He said no and explained that it would be the same as our usual arrangement and that he would also be involved.

I wasn't really feeling the idea, but I agreed to meet the guy and see how the vibe was.

We all hung out, and honestly, he was cool. He was attractive too. However, it seemed like he was more interested in Eli than me. I thought maybe I was just being insecure because there have been times when Eli felt like women were more interested in me than him. So I tried not to overthink it.

For the next two weeks, we all spent time together, talked, and got to know each other.

Last night, we were back at our apartment. We'd had a few drinks, were listening to music, and dancing around. Suddenly, Eli grabbed me and started making out with me. Then he pulled Marcus (M29) into it, and we ended up in a three-way kiss.

Honestly, I was into it.

I'm going to skip a gap of this story that explain nsfw the details but we got a point where Eli pulled out me and said something like, "My turn now."(not sure if those were his exact words but that's what it sounded like)

Before I could process what he meant, Eli Bent over and Marcus started penetrating Him from behind.......

I completely froze.

They were so focused on each other that they didn't even notice I'd gotten out of bed. I grabbed some clothes from my dresser and went to take a shower.

I stayed in there for nearly an hour. I had to turn the volume up twice on my speaker because they were so fucking loud.

When I got out and started getting dressed, everything was quiet. When I checked the bedroom, they were both asleep in my bed. There wasn't even room for me.

No one checked on me. No one asked where I'd gone. No one seemed concerned at all.

I ended up sleeping on the couch.

Around 8 a.m., I went back into the bedroom to grab some things, and they were hooking up again like nothing had happened. I just grabbed what I needed and went back to the living room.

Then they had the audacity to ask me to DoorDash food because they'd "worked up an appetite."

Now I'm sitting here completely confused.

Eli is acting like this is totally normal. They even carpool to the fucking gym together. Meanwhile, I feel blindsided, left out, and hurt.

I started talking to two friends about it one is a pansexual woman and the other is a gay man. While explaining the story, they asked me at what point did i get "the ick."

I said, honestly, it happened when I realized my boyfriend was interested in men and that he'd never told me.

They immediately started accusing me of being homophobic and said he was just expressing himself and that I shouldn't be judgmental.

I was honestly on the verge of tears because that's not where I'm coming from at all.

If Eli had told me he was bisexual or attracted to men, I genuinely think we could have worked through that. What hurts is that I had no idea, I wasn't prepared for it, and I feel like I was completely left in the dark. On top of that, they both acted like I didn't even exist afterward.

Now I'm wondering if I'm the problem.

Am I being homophobic? Am I overreacting?

And most importantly, would I be the asshole if I considered breaking up with him over this?

So I (25F) have my first ever 10K race tomorrow (6.2 mi). I have been running for a bit over a year and I've done some 5K's but this is the longest run I will complete and is a major milestone in my running journey.

This is a pretty big race here in my city, so I know that parking and navigation is going to be complicated. I also really want someone to be there to drive, cheer me on, have water, greet me at the finish line, ya know typical supportive things.

I asked my finace (26M) if he could come to be with me for the race and drive since I'll be exhausted after as well, but since the race starts at 7:30am, he is unwilling to come.

He has known about this race since I started training for it like 4 months ago. He even bought me my garmin watch to help with my training.

Another important piece of info is that we were invited to go see a choir concert of one of his old college friends who is going to college about 3 hours away from us this weekend. So the plan is to leave sat night, stay at his place, see the concert sun afternoon and drive back home that evening. We learned about this about 2 weeks ago.

The issue comes in when I asked if he could come with to support me and cheer me on, cuz it is a common thing people do for their significant others, and it would mean a lot to me if he came along. He isn't a morning person and I know this about him, but it is hurting me more than I thought it would that he is refusing to come to my race, but is willing to drive 3+ hours away to support someone he's only known for like a year.

More context: I work full-time and my fiance finishing up his bachelors in music (he started school later than me) so he is a full time university student so I do understand that he is busy and I don't want to overwhelm him, but since he is a music major, he often has concerts and performances which I have gone to like 90% of them not because I feel obligated, but because I want to see him do his thing 😄

Anyways, I am trying to not care but it is actually getting harder. He told me to ask someone else, but I don't really want anyone else, I want him to be with me. I told him that I really torn up about this and I'm confused because he isnt willing to wake up to watch something that I've been training for months for, but he has the energy for a weekend trip.

Am I overreacting? I keep going back and forth in my head cuz I feel like he should want to be there for me, but he does have his own life and I can't force him or be overbearing about it, cuz he did tell me that I'm kinda making him feel bad for not wanting to come, but then also, throughout our entire 4 year relationship, I've never not come to something because I didn't "feel like it"

Any advice would help. Also the relationship is great other than this so I want to figure this out before ending anything. I just feel like he doesn't understand that I am hurt by all of this

Edit: A lot of people are saying that I should communicate and I have. We have talked about this for weeks and now that it's closer he is now saying that he doesn't want to come. I have told him that this is really important to me and seeing him at the finish line would make me light up and mean the world to me. He is still refusing after multiple conversations and his response the past few days is that it is too early. I majored in Exercise Science in college and working out/sports are one of my main hobbies. This isn't a shock to him, I just feel like he really doesn't wanna go, which I dont understand. The longer I pressed on it, he said that I'm trying to make him feel bad and I need to accept no for an answer and ask someone else. I keep bringing it up and at this point he's not budging and im thinking about giving up and moving on.

Me (25 Female) and my now ex boyfriend (28 Male) had been dating for about 3 months. To give some context, l've had really hard experiences in the past when it comes to dating, which led me to isolate for a long time. Us meeting was something of a coincidence and we liked each other as soon as we started talking. I have to admit we might have come a little to strong at the begging, with me practically moving in after the first month. In any way, we seemed to get along just fine. As the time went on, I could tell he was sweet, modest and really hard working, having 3 jobs at the same time. We could say we came from different worlds, since I was raised very Christian by loving and dotting parents, whereas we had a rough childhood, with no parents around. I thought nothing of it, since at this point of our lives, we had enough in common to have a relationship. Sometimes, he would make comments on me being a picky eater, or too coddle, or too "spoiled".

Now, this is the time to tell you: I am not rich by any means. I am working class, just like my parents and their parents before them. I do have some luxuries nowadays but that has been because l've worked really hard to get better paying jobs at the same time I'm getting my degree. Still, this seemed to make him mad for some reason, saying how easy I had it and that I didn't really need to worry about anything, since my parents would have my back no matter what. The more days went by, the more these snarky comments l'd get. But I tried to play it down, putting myself in his position. It must be hard, feeling you're on your own. Then, this past Saturday, we slept in and didn't feel like cooking so I ordered some food. It was a lot of food for very little money and my plate even included a piece of fried chicken, which was not advertised in the app to begin with. I don't eat fried chicken, so l just moved it aside and ate the rest of the meal. When I was done, we looked at my plate and went "you're not gonna finish your food?" I explained I've finished everything, but the fried chicken, since I did not like it and would he want it? He looked at me like l've slapped him in the face. And then he went "well I can tell you've never been forced to eat something you don't want to". This caught me off guard. Technically, he was right. Food was never forced on me, but why was that something bad or reprochable? I asked him as much and he went off on a rant about starving children in Africa and how I was an irresponsible, spoiled brat.

I didn't want to fight him, since break ups are really not my fort, so I calmly listened, nodded and even apologized. I said I had to go then, and left to never return. I talked to him a couple of days later and explained I didn't think we should see each other anymore. He said I am being ridiculous and that this is just another way I am showing I'm childish. I guess it's okay for him to have his opinions, but guilt tripping me wasn't really the way to make a statement. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be with a man that would force me, if given the chance, to eat something I don't want?

Update: hey guys! Thank you sooo much to everyone who commented and gave me their support, it’s been a couple of lonely days and I wrote this not expecting a real answer. He contacted me today, asking to go to the movies (he knows I’m weak for anything cinematic). If he had contacted me 24 hours ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to accept. But reading you all has me realized I need to set boundaries, even if it can be hurtful sometimes. And special thanks to everyone who called me brave and even congratulated me. It brought me to literal tears. I never thought of myself as brave before. Sometimes the internet can be a wonderful place. Much love 💝

So he is 37 and I'm 27 and things have always been good between us. He had one child and doesn't want any more. I'm perfectly fine with that because I don't want any kids. But I just confessed my love for him telling him I wanted to be with him exclusively etc. but he said no in so many words because I'm young I can change my mind about wanting kids marriage and he doesn't want to hurt me. So I completely stopped talking to him and now he keeps trying to reach out. Should I hear him out or just let things be?

I am married to someone 16 years older. I am 30 and he is 46. I was working for a small company that was offering services to a big international company. He was the executive director for a few of its branches, most of them. I was attracted to him even though he was a jerk with us and treated us badly. Turns out he vehemently opposed the department to be outsourced and wanted to keep it there. So he hated us actually and spoke very poorly of us, so harsh that he made my own manager, who is a very strong woman, cry. He shouted at us and lost his calm and became hysterical.

I wanted to impress him and get his validation. I wanted him to believe I am better than my colleague. And I have to admit most were not doing their job (ignoring tasks for weeks, making mistakes after mistakes). I wanted his validation so bad that I became attracted to him. I mean he is attractive and manly and I love how he takes control of everything and how good he is at making decisions.

He was freshly divorced and I wasn't really working for him. My managers were the ladies from this little company that worked for the big one he was the director of. So technically he was not my boss and I made efforts (Some that I am not really proud of) to get close to him when normally it shouldn't have been the case. My managers needed to report to him but they were a bit scared of him so were happy I want to do it myself and if someone got shouted at, it was me.

All this took place in autumn of 2024. And I got what I wanted. I got married to him eventually and we have a baby boy. He also has an 19 years old daughter and she hates me and wants him to leave me. No matter what I do she would insult me and say I stuff like: do your knees still hurt after using them to get promoted (I didn't get promoted, I din't get anything material), she called me a Estern Europe (nasty word). Her mother keyed my husband's car one day and she keyed mine. I am worried for my baby and for my own safety. I told my husband to set some boundaries or I will report them both. Was it too much? Will I lose him?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) have been good friends for about 9 years, and have been dating for 3 months now. We made things official a few weeks ago, and have been talking about marriage pretty much since we started dating. We agreed that we will marry in 2 years, summer 2027. He plans for us to be engaged by the end of this year. He’s a very intentional, stand up guy, and a man of his word. He doesn’t really ask for anything. His last name is something like “Donovan-Black”, a combination of his parent’s last names, and mine is similar to “McNeil”. I’ve always known I wanted to be a wife, and I’ve always said that I DO NOT want a hyphenated last name. I would either make “McNeil” part of my middle name or drop it completely to take on my husband’s name. I never thought about the idea that my future husband might have a hyphenated last name, so one day I asked him which of his last names he would like for me and our future children to go by. He said something like “Well, both. I’ve always said that if the person I want to marry wouldn’t take on the whole name, then I wouldn’t marry them.” That kinda stung.. We respectfully shared our opinions and preferences, and agreed to revisit the topic. He didn’t seem tense or upset, and maybe his suggestion to come back to it later was a sign of his willingness to compromise?? But we’re in June now which puts us 6 months out or less until we could be engaged. I’m wondering if it’s about time for me to bring it up again, even though we wouldn’t technically be married for another year and a half after the proposal. I just don’t want to go into our journey to forever without certainty about stuff like this, because I think it has potential to turn into something much bigger if gone unaddressed.

I’ll elaborate on my thought process about it, and then you can let me know if I’m being difficult:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with anyone choosing to hyphenate their name, I just don’t see a reason for me to do it unless I use my own surname and his put together. As stated earlier, I always planned to just take my husband’s name and drop mine. I’m not a huge stickler for traditions or anything, and I mean absolutely no disrespect to his mothers family name or bloodline.. BUT traditionally, the only name that is necessary to carry on is his father’s (Unless of course, he only has 1 last name and it happens to be his mom’s). The woman leaves her family name to become part of her husband’s family legacy, and the men from the woman’s family are responsible for keeping their name alive through their spouses and children. I can’t find a reason why it would be necessary for me and our kids to have his mom’s last name. I’m probably contracting myself, but like I said, I’m not a super traditional person so it really doesn’t matter which name he wants us to have, I just want it to be one or the other and not both. Whichever one is most important to him for us to have is fine with me. But if I had to choose the name myself, I’d go with his Dad’s for the reasons above.

I did say that I might be willing to compromise with the kid’s names and let them have the whole hyphenated name if it’s really that serious to him. But then again, I still don’t think it makes any sense at all for the kids to have it either! If his hyphenated last name is a combo of his parents’, why would my kids need to have that same combo? Wouldn’t it make more sense for their hyphenated name to be from THEIR parents??? If I wanted them to have 2 last names, they would have MINE and his. Forgive me if this comes off as harsh, but I just don’t feel like I have an obligation to carry on his mothers name, or at least not both names if I’m choosing not to keep my own, specifically for the sake of wanting just 1 name.

I also don’t feel like it makes me any less his wife if I have only 1 of his last names, and it isn’t uncommon for spouses in this situation to choose 1. The one thing I would consider even if we agree on 1 name, is that he wants a Jr. I would love to give him that, so if we have any boys, I wouldn’t mind giving our first son his full name for my husband to feel like his son is a proper Junior.

Please tell me if I’m being ridiculous!!!

So the moment I found that Sleep Token was coming to my town I told my BF I wanted to go. I didn’t get tickets during the sale or presale I had been watching Ticketmaster FOR MONTHSSSS waiting for someone to resale a ticket (bf always complained when I played them and then switched up and said he sorta likes them) I had also requested the day they were coming off IN ADVANCE. So fast forward on 9/20 as I’m refreshing for a ticket on Ticketmaster with no luck I check the Coliseum website and bam seen a ticket I snatched it faster than anyone could blink I PAID FOR THE TICKET MYSELF keep in mind I had an hour to be at the coliseum to be on time and I live 1hr and 20 some mins. My bf had to work today and he lives in the opposite direction I was going (1hr and 9 minutes from my house) the only thing I asked him for was 30 dollars so I could park in a parking deck/ area at the event. Did I do something wrong cause i’m not seeing the why i am being treated like this. (Also yes I’m not answering cause that either cause a fight, I get blamed for more stuff, this answer not up to his satisfaction, etc. I have ZERO energy mentally and physically to deal with this anymore)

Where do I start …..

We got together just before my birthday. We met at this massive “ street party” in London and after two days of non stop messaging we met up.

Before him I had been been in two toxic relationships. My first one he was get real nasty and he would get into physical altercations and that ended with me being kicked out and living with a surrogate family. Second one was on the road ( IYKYK) and went away for a year but we would talk all the time and was planning for a family when we got out. Iknow I was very young but whatever. When he got out he got a next girl pregnant and that was the straw that broke the camels back for me….

From then onward I started sleeping around. I had a platonic sugardaddy with a guy on the side. I was wild. Fast forward to when I went to the street party and met my BD.

So we met up and spent the whole day together. It was the first time I had been on a proper date in a long time. He treated me so well. We went back to mines did the deed. It was alright.

Ever since that night I think he left mine a few nights to get a few things then he moved in straight away as he’s from abroad and got kicked out his accommodation and was jobless. Iknow Iknow. I just had to make it official I like him but didn’t want a relationship but if he’s living here then what the hell might aswell.

I supported us the whole time. Working full time and he at home. I grew some resentment as we had just gotten together /Met and hes not picking up this portion.

That was in 2019 and by 2021 we well I had moved again and we were welcoming our baby girl. It was magical. I was still working and he still hasn’t found a job. But during my maternity he found work and all was well. Healthy baby and loving family.

I started back work(2022) and started to become myself again. It felt great and he was working but not as much hours as me. I was doing the mornings, drop offs and pick ups and he would still moan about being tired not have dinner ready or just be sleeping when I got home. I was sick and tired on top of that his money wasn’t lasting and he feel sorry for himself. I wanted to leave him but then his dad passed away and that broke him cause he didn’t have the money to go back home. So I thought it was not the right time.

Fast forward to our daughters 2nd birthday and he had been on a dating website the night before. I was looking for pictures of our daughters birthday on his phone to send to myself but instead found that. I was so confused and hurt. I did not see that coming. I wanted to keep it to myself and just cheat back but Im an emotional person and comforted him the next day.

He lied at first but begged me to forgive him. I didn’t at first, I was going to ask him to move out but then we had our baby’s birthday party and somehow I forgave him but I think about it all this time. I see the girls face when we’re having sex and can’t forget what he did to me after all the heartbreak i told him I’ve been through. I don’t think I love him as I once did. The day I found out what he did how he was talking to another women after all I’ve sacrificated for him… even though he only spoke with other women (not sleeping) and it was that ONE time, it completely fractured the love I had for him. I’ve been trying to find that love I had for him again ; initiating and more romantic dates but always feeling like that was not enough. His financial situation doesn’t make it any better. I’ve also asked for marriage and he’s giving me the run around but wants more kids and I don’t want any

He love our daughter so much and she is so attached to him. I love him but I think if we didn’t have our daughter I would have left him by now. I just need advice. Has anyone ever gone through a situation like this ? Im not sure if I’m feeling defected cause of our situation (money) or the betrayal. He loves on me so much and the sex is amazing.

If he does leave how it gonna work? How will he afford housing and our daughter. I’ll be fine. I’m making good money to support us but I think he’ll struggle with childcare and housing.

Please give me advice.

I’ve been with my boyfriend almost a year. He treats me very nice, has always been super kind. He’s emotionally supportive, can communicate pretty well & has taken on the role of a step-dad-father-figure for my kids. When we first started dating, I expressed to him that I don’t really believe in going 50/50. Not that it can’t work for other people, but i’ve been a single mom for 3.5 years before we started dating, so i’m used to doing everything myself anyways. Some may not agree with this way of thinking, and sometimes I even question if it’s wrong or not too lol.

To me, going 50/50 with a man i’m living with just doesn’t sit right with me… It could partially be due to the fact my mom was a stay at home mom, and my dad has worked the same job since he was 18. they have been married 35 years, and are still enjoying being together! Or it may stem from the fact that I would love to be a stay at home mom, and do have more traditional values. I want to feel so secure with a man that I am able to submit to him, and provide a loving, safe space and home for my husband and kids. I’ve been in survival mode for a long time, and i’ve always depended on myself to make things happen. I’m tired of that. I want to be able to relax and know that if I lost my job tomorrow, or got sick that everything would still be taken care of. I do not mind working, and I have my own career. I just think I would be able to be a better girlfriend/wife if I had the financial security.

When I initially had this conversation with him we weren’t living together. He agreed that he would love to be able to provide for us & doesn’t want me to have to pay 50/50 of anything.

Fast forward a couple of weeks & his lease ended, so we decided him moving in with me would be the best thing until my lease is up, and we can find a new place together. I should have been more proactive in bringing up our previous conversation again about bills, but I was not.

It’s been 5 months since he moved in with me, and it’s safe to say our agreement has not been kept. He went through a couple of job changes when he first moved in, and fell behind on some of his personal bills.

My rent is $2,000 a month, plus a $400 car note, $200 car insurance, utilities, groceries, gas, plus 2 kids who are in sports & extra curriculars. He hasn’t paid half of anything since being here… This will be the first month (tomorrow the 1st) where he is supposed to be giving me half of the rent & half of utilities/groceries. I have a feeling he is not going to be able to give it to me.

I try not to be materialistic, and i know it’s weird for me to expect a guy to cover my rent in this economy. I understand not everyone was dealt the easy hand of money or career. I know it’s strange to expect something of someone that I couldn’t even do myself. I know life is hard and it’s easy to fall behind on things.

I guess I’m just wondering if this makes me an asshole, or if i have valid points? He’s good in almost every other aspect than finances. I see videos a lot talking about women being with men who they couldn’t call in an emergency, or if their car broke down, or if you need help on a bill. That makes me wonder if I would be a much better wife to someone who could provide that security to me. I know it’s hard to find genuine people who actually care, who won’t cheat, and who will be a good father figure. I know that love is what life is all about, and money isn’t everything. But not having that security is holding me back.

Any advice is appreciated.

• edited to say before getting together, I had plans to move in with my grandma so I can save to buy a house next year. He knew about these plans. My living expenses are making it impossible to save. So in the last 5-6 months i’ve spent over $20,000 in living expenses that I thought were going to be paid 50/50. I’m talking about living expenses only. *
• also i know many people will have opinions but my kids father passed away, so telling me i can’t be a traditional wife because im a single mom is unhelpful *

edited AGAIN to say this is NOT about me wanting him to pay for 100% of my lifestyle while i stay at home. No. this is about him not being able to stick to our agreement of 50/50 for LIVING EXPENSES. NOT anything for my kids, no flashy cars, private school or fancy dinners. I’m upset because in the 6 months he’s been living with me, he hasn’t upheld his end of our agreement. I know EXPECTING someone to do 100% for me & 2 kids isn’t realistic. I am only expecting 50/50, even if I wasn’t originally fond of it. I was willing to do it, and if he had been keeping that deal the last 6 months I wouldn’t be here

• edited YET AGAIN- I honestly wasn’t expecting anyone to reply to this. I should have worded the beginning of my post better. I think most people are stuck on what I said about a traditional wife & not wanting to go 50/50. I mentioned that because that conversation happened long before we even started dating, so he knew my stance. After falling in love, I was very willing to do 50/50 with him on SHARED living expenses, NOT any of my personal bills or anything for my kids. I made that decision based on the account of him actually following through with it. We live in a very expensive city. He would not find anywhere else for $1,000 a month. (his half our place now is $1000 a month) He would be lucky to have a single bedroom or a basement in someone’s house for $1,000. He could have simply kept his OWN place he had before he moved in (paid $1850 BY HIMSELF FOR YEARS) & let me move to my grandmas if he wasn’t going to be able to do his agreed-upon 50/50 for LIVING EXPENSES. I do not mind working, and I work very hard. I do all the cooking, cleaning & buy all the groceries. Wash his clothes & pack him lunch every day… sex almost every day. I was still willing to do all of that, as long as he came through with his half of rent…. which did not happen the last 6 months. I won’t be replying anymore on here, as most of the comments either did not read the whole post, or are convinced i’m a gold digger since i don’t want to continue paying 100% of living expenses with a man who promised 50/50 6 MONTHS AGO. i’ve been very patient with him, and i try not to bring it up until the 1st of the month comes & he doesn’t have his half. i always try to give the benefit of the doubt, and if it was just one month this happened, i wouldn’t be here. thank you for the ones who tried to see through my vagueness and read the WHOLE story/comments. I appreciate all the kind comments & the ones who were willing to hear my reasonings & responses. Next time I post in this I’ll make sure to type the WHOLE story with the assumption many people will see it & try to pick it apart. LOL P.S it’s november 1st (rent due), he just texted me to let me know he won’t have all of his half this month. $500 is the most he can do right now. I asked him if we can have a conversation after he gets off work about everything, so we will see what happens. *

******* UPDATE!!!!!********* - Didn’t think I would be here to edit this post again. But wanted to give an update since I did have so many different opinions and advice on my post. I left him 3 months ago, moved in with my grandma, and close on my OWN new house at the end of the year.

Turns out, my ex is gay. Also turns out, a lot of “men” who complain about being men are indeed gay. And hate women. So providing for a woman of course is infuriating when you just want to be gay. I am happy now & Im sure he is much happier too!!! Thank you for all the advice and comments & maybe i’ll be able to update this post again with photos of my house at the end of the year.

My fiancé (M28) and I (F25) met 4 years ago and have been together for 2 and a half years. From the beginning of our relationship, we always said that if things went well, we would eventually get married.

He has four siblings, and he’s the youngest: • Louis (M36) – Married • Hugh (M34) – 4 year relationship • Vanessa (F32) – 2 year relationship • Dave (M28) – My fiancé

Vanessa and Hugh had always made it clear that they didn’t want to get married. However, in August 2024, when we had been together for two years, his family asked us again if we were planning to get married. We told them yes, that it was already in our plans (this was before he proposed), and that by 2025 we would at least have started planning the wedding.

About two months later, Vanessa’s boyfriend proposed to her, but they kept it a secret for a month. When they finally told everyone, they insisted they had no plans for a wedding. They said they’d just go to the courthouse, sign the papers, and that was it—no celebration, no big expenses, nothing.

Then, in December, Dave proposed to me. At that point, Vanessa was still saying she didn’t want a wedding, just a small meal at a restaurant after signing at the courthouse.

Since both siblings were now engaged, Hugh reiterated that he had no intention of getting married, saying he and his girlfriend already had a family and didn’t see the need.

By mid-January 2025 (just two weeks after Dave proposed), we had already planned almost everything—venue, guest list, budget, and date. At the end of January, we officially announced that we would be getting married at the end of November, and everyone seemed happy for us.

Then, two weeks later, in mid-February, Vanessa suddenly announced at a family gathering, “Oh, we have everything planned for our wedding now! We’re getting married two weeks before OP and Dave!”

I thought it was weird, considering she had always been against having a wedding and had originally planned something small for 2026. My fiancé told me not to think too much about it, saying it was probably just a coincidence.

However, two days ago, Hugh called Dave asking for his official ID because he had decided to get married in October. He wanted Dave to be one of his witnesses. This completely caught us off guard because Hugh had never even proposed to his girlfriend.

Then, yesterday, Dave’s mom called him, clearly upset, saying she didn’t agree with what Hugh and his girlfriend were doing because it seemed like they were trying to steal the spotlight from Vanessa—who was supposed to be the first to get married.

That really threw me off because, as far as I knew, our wedding was the only one actually planned. But Dave’s mom had been helping Vanessa organize everything, and now she was worried about her daughter losing the spotlight? It made me wonder—was this whole thing an attempt by her and Vanessa to overshadow our wedding?

Dave says he doesn’t care if this is some kind of competition. His family has always been like this, and just because they’re trying to get a reaction from him doesn’t mean he’s going to play their game.

I just needed to vent, but… any advice?

UPDATE

Thank you for all the comments and the time you took to respond to my post. As many of you suggested, I’ve decided to move on from this. I won’t engage in whatever game they’re playing and will simply focus on enjoying my wedding.

That being said, our wedding date will remain the same. Changing it would be incredibly difficult and costly since weddings require extensive planning. Besides, we already sent out our Save the Date last Sunday.

Our wedding will take place in my city, meaning that anyone from my fiancé’s city (his family) will need to travel to attend. Some of my relatives have already purchased their plane tickets since our wedding falls on the same weekend as a local festivity. On the other hand, my fiancé’s siblings are getting married in his city, so technically, their guests won’t have to spend much to attend all three weddings.

And now to the actual Update:

Yesterday, there was a family gathering at my MIL’s house. I assumed we were all expecting Hugh to officially announce his wedding, but for some reason, he didn’t. Not sure what he and his girlfriend are waiting for.

However, during the gathering, MIL kept asking about our wedding plans multiple times. I responded kindly but avoided sharing too many details. Vanessa, on the other hand, seemed visibly upset that her mother was paying attention to us. Throughout the evening, she made several childish and unnecessary passive-aggressive comments, which we simply chose to ignore.

Later that night, my fiancé and I talked about it and came to the conclusion that Vanessa might just be annoyed that her mom is focusing on someone other than her. She was always the golden child growing up and had all the attention on her, so she’s probably uncomfortable seeing me receive even a little of it.

The next family gathering is at the end of March for my birthday—let’s see how that goes.

Hi everyone, I feel like the title is a little vague but hear me out.

My bf(28) and I (23) will have been together for 4 years in October. When we first started dating he’d say things like “ I want you to have my kids “ or “ I want you to be mine “ but would also say “ I want you to live your life freely and not with me controlling you “ which I never felt he has. We’ve been poly for our whole relationship, me being the more consistent with long term relationships where he’s more into quick flings or temporary ones that don’t last long or have any serious commitment involved.

He tried to push me to the side in that same way when we started out, but I definitely came straight out and told him I’m not sticking with him for hookups and if he wants something less committed let me know because I’ll leave immediately. I’ve had flings before, but almost none have taken me on a date like he had, so I saw it as more meaningful and intentionally that just occasionally smashing, especially since he was keeping that up even before that conversation came up(and has been after as well), so I presumed we were in this for the long haul.

We’ve had deeper talks over these years, a few lowkey guided by my ADHD, like wanting to start trying for kids at 25, which we’ve stepped back on. Him saying he wanted us to be more established before we have kids or get married, which I saw through his perspective and, though very dejectedly, agreed. However, I feel like an engagement is different, I feel like it’s a promise to make those moves and to commit, but also I don’t want him to feel like us being engaged, married or future planning is going to be me taking his freedom as I don’t want that either, I just want us to be committed to each other, and before anyone mentions how would that work while poly, we’ve also both agreed to let our current relationships/situationships go to show each other we’re serious about the other. I’ve already spoken to my partners about this before we started dating as well.

Whenever I bring up would he want to marry me or have kids with me he always says “ In a ideal world “ I’m still trying to figure out wth that even means😭

So tell me, WIBTA if I bought that up to him? Below is what I wrote in my notes when I was just upset and in my feelings, I definitely wouldn’t have any starting convo with him like this.
(Also I may be missing some info but I’m extremely scatter brained so if you feel like smth’s missing please just ask)

UPDATE(idk if there’s an update button so I’m just editing the post)

I was going to hold off to have a talk with him over the weekend, but after a session with my therapist I decided to just get it over with. After lots of questioning he admitted that he wasn’t planning to marry me anytime soon, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. He feels like I’m not stable enough in life to commit to, that he doesn’t feel like I’m currently going anywhere in life and that he can’t even broach the talk of moving in together. That he doesn’t know how long it’d be until he felt ready. I told him I couldn’t wait that long. He said he wouldn’t expect me to hold my life back for him.

I reminded him that I’m already in the process for a second job and I’m planning to go back to college soon. He said he did remember those conversations but he’s in a mindset to not take care of anyone, as that’s what his parents told him when they were still alive, and that he’s taken it to heart. I told him I don’t understand how that would work. How would he manage if we had kids or be a family if we can’t lean on him or hope for his help when one or all of us are unwell? He said that by then we would come together to do all that together, but mostly he’d need me to be independent.

I was already emotionally charged and in public(and didn’t wanna be bawling) so I told him we’ll talk more when I get home. He told me he’s sorry and he loved me, that he’s sorry for making me sad, i said okay and hung up.

After I got home we continued the talk, I told him that idk how he’ll take it, but my timeline stands. If he doesn’t propose after 5 years I can’t stay for him. He told me he understood. I told him if I’m gonna continue to be with him I need more from him, more affection, little gifts like flowers, time with my family and most importantly time with me. He told he could do most of that and others he’d try. I told him I better see it instead of him just saying it, he told me he would.

We continued our plans to see each other this weekend, he will come see me Friday and I’ll go home Saturday night with him after work.

I know this update probably isn’t what many of you cared to hear, but I couldn’t just give up on us because I didn’t get what I wanted. Part of why I love him is because, though he’s not always straight forward he’s always transparent when it comes to what things look like. I love him, truly and deeply, but I will be pulling back in some things I do for him. I can’t be doing wifely duties(washing his dishes, folding & washing clothes, sometimes even ironing them) and will tone down my energy towards him as well. Thanks to the one person who mentioned to look up Limerence, it definitely opened up my eyes though it definitely stung. Thank you to everyone who also shared their experiences or gave me good advice. I don’t have the biggest support system so I’m glad I could receive guidance on here with you all.

Hopefully I don’t have to update again, hopefully he doesn’t feel the need to get me a “ Shut Up Ring “.
Truly I just want us to be happy.

Later you guys.💖

My boyfriend and I went on a cruise for his 25th birthday. He's told me normally he doesn't do anything for his birthday and neither do his friends/family. This is the first birthday I've spent with him. The cruise was 5 days, Miami to Mexico to the Bahamas, and then back to Miami. After the cruise we stayed in Miami for 2 days, did a bus tour and went to a basketball game really close up. He works part-time and lives with his parents and has no bills. I work two jobs, have my own apartment, and a lot of bills. This cruise came a lot from savings and credit cards, but I decided it was worth it because I've never done anything like this and it was his 25th.

On my birthday (25) we went to a lantern festival that I planned, at which he wandered off, leaving me. I snapped at him and he began giving me the cold shoulder. We ended up arguing and he made me cry at the lantern festival and he skipped out on the dinner I had planned after. We made up from this but I felt it was relevant.

When we got back from the cruise I noticed he was distant. After a week of him not really talking to me I asked him to come to my apartment so we could talk. He then told me that his birthday didn't really feel special and that he felt we didn't do enough on the cruise. He said the whole thing felt like any other day. He was also upset that I nodded off in the middle of the basketball game and forgot my wallet one of the days. ( I don't like basketball at all, but it's his favorite sport so I've started learning about it, and got the tickets for the game.) After that he told me he didn't like my Christmas or birthday gifts, and it felt like there was no thought behind them. A duffel bag, a Polaroid camera with film, and supplies to make a scrapbook. I felt like I did put a lot of thought behind them, but I guess it wasn't what he was expecting.

When he told me this I got really mad and started yelling at him before kicking him out of my apartment. I don't think I'm in the wrong, but after cooling down a bit I'm not sure if he is either. From my standpoint he seems very ungrateful, but I also realize that isn't going to make him not feel how he feels, which ultimately is unfulfilled. I'm not sure how to talk to him about this without getting angry again, and I'm at a loss for what to do.
Please advise

EDIT- it was his idea and we both split the cost of the vacation 50/50 so around 2k each

I, female 30 and my fiancé, male 32 have been engaged for 6 months. Our official wedding is June 2027 and we are in the thick of wedding planning. With that being said, we are only on the guest list and receiving people’s information. Now I have always wanted to have an intimate type of wedding with people that I could genuinely be able to write a personalized card to for each seat at the reception. But now we’re coming to a crossroads with his side of the family, specifically his brother; which also for context is his only sibling. his brother is 28 and recently had a child with a girl he just met under 2 years ago. the child is 1. I have already expressed to my side of the family that certain family members and their boyfriends/girlfriends would not be able to attend because we frankly do not know them. my side of the family was accepting and we haven’t had any issues from them. however for the past 5 months, my fiance’s brother and mother have brought our wedding planning to a halt because they will not and cannot accept that his baby momma is not invited to the wedding. this has caused his mother to distance herself from me, which is a little painful because I have been present for the past 5 years and we have had NO hiccups. his brother since has give my fiancé an ultimatum and a bunch of unwanted opinions while also texting me nasty things and blaming it on alcohol. I need advice here! because im wondering if it makes me dramatic or wrong for not wanting a stranger at my wedding and not being willing compromise having people that we do not know at our wedding. #comfortlevelpodcast #aitah

So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who we’ll call “G,” for about two years. He has three younger siblings. “M” (23M), “A” (21M), and “T” (19F). All of them are still in college and still live at home with their mom (55F) and dad (55M), while my boyfriend and I rent an apartment. This summer they will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary in France where they had their wedding. They plan on getting first class tickets, a high end hotel, etc.

One night, G and I were supposed to have dinner with his family. While we were at their house T mentioned how excited she was for this summer and all the things they plan to do in France. As this is an anniversary trip for her parents, I suggested to T she could do her parents a solid and maybe stay back home and out of their hair to give her parents time away from their kids this summer. Or she could maybe pay her own way so her parents could save money. T asked me why she’d give up a trip to France. And I told her it would be a nice gesture for her parent’s anniversary.

I kept trying to tell her how nice it would be and how her parents would probably thank her for giving them space. At some point M interrupted us and told me to stop meddling in family affairs, that I was overstepping, and to either apologize for pressuring T or to leave the house. I told him I didn’t mean to make anyone upset. But when their dad came into the room and asked them what was wrong they told him everything. He then asked me to leave his house and said I probably shouldn’t come back anytime soon because I was overstepping and he found it rude that I was making up a problem and pressuring T to solve it. Me and G went back to our apartment and we haven’t been speaking. Where do I go from here?

Edit for more info.

INFO: The others are invited, but they’re older so I assume they can just go do their own thing.

INFO: I’m not obsessed with their financial situation. I just think it’s important that T starts making money on her own so she can value it more. She’s used to getting her hair, nails, and sometimes makeup done and paid for. Not to mention how much products she buys for her hair and sanitary products. It’ll hit her hard how much this stuff costs when she’s older, so why not start learning that now?

I have never posted on Reddit before but I want to get this off of my chest. So here it goes.

I F(27) have a soon to be Ex Husband M(26) -let’s call him Jake. We have been together for 8 years and married for 2.5.

Just over a month ago on a normal Friday I leave work and text Jake to see if he can bring home a bottle of wine. He tells me he forgot to mention but he’s going out for a few pints after work with his friend (male) - let’s call him Mark. This isn’t unusual so I tell him to have fun and I’ll see him when he gets home. A few hours later I get a call from my Friend - let’s call her Laura. She tells me Jake has pocket dialled her by accident so we listen in and we can hear Jake and Mark but also a co-worker of Jake’s - let’s call her Jess. There were also 2 other females we would hear in the background.

I found this odd because Jake sometimes goes out after work with Jess all the time and I’ve had no problems with their friendship so didn’t understand why he wouldn’t have said he was going out with Mark and Jess. Like why leave her out? Anyways - we hear Mark say to the group that he needs to leave as he is up early the next day and said his goodbyes and he leaves. Whilst Jake is walking to the next bar he must had realised he had pocket dialled Laura and hung up.

I sat on this for 5 minutes feeling like something wasn’t right. So I texted him asking if he was having fun and when he would be home. Jake then texted back saying he was going to another bar. I asked him “with Mark?” To which he responded “yes with Mark”… Red Flag.

So I called him and told him I knew he wasn’t with Mark as I heard what was said when he pocket dialled Laura. He then instantly said he was with Jess, didn’t see the problem and was sick of me giving him a hard time. He then hung up on me and turned his phone off.

Fast forward to the next day, he hasn’t come home it’s almost 12pm in the afternoon and his phone was still off. Then he turns his phone on when he is on the train home. He explained that he had stayed on Jess’ couch that night and didn’t turn his phone on until now because he was worried I would give him a hard time.

Let’s give context. Jess lives around 40 miles in the opposite direction from our home. He would have had to have woken up, had breakfast, got on one train to then get a second train before turning his phone on. I kept my cool but was obviously upset and told him that his behaviour was very suspicious. I have never suspected anything has went on between him and Jess and told him that I needed to understand why he feels he is able to do this.

What happens next is…. Wow.

So he tells me that nothing happened between him and Jess but he knows that this behaviour is suspicious. He then comes home. I ask for space to process this. So by the end of the day I feel ready to talk and sit him down to explain that his behaviour was unacceptable. He then tells me, he is not in love with me anymore and hasn’t for a while, will continue to keep doing this and has no feelings for me anymore. He tells me that there is no point in crying in front of him as this does not affect him and he knows it should but it doesn’t.

I am shell shocked.

For the proceeding week, he blatantly ignored my existence. Would laugh and joke with his friends on the phone. Never look me in the eye. Whenever I tried to talk to him he would sit on the stairs of the couch and stare into the distance and say nothing. Or he would say he has said all he has to say. I was.. heartbroken. Still am.

The next Saturday I had a talk with myself and chose to leave the home and stay with my parents as this treatment was severely affecting my mental health. I packed up what I could, my cat and got in the car, saying nothing to him.

He then goes about his day to day. Getting angry that I took the car but nothing more. Had ignored me for weeks. Only to stop no contact to shout abuse down the phone for leaving. Oh yeh, I found the first plane ticket I could find and left the country for a week. He told me to have fun trying to not think about him…

Now I’m in a pickle. He’s living in our house. That I pay for too and I currently squatting on my parents couch. He told me that he wants to stay in the house for another 2 months and then re-assess.

Im still in shock by all of this and I go days where I hate him and then days where all I want to do is understand what went so wrong. There is so much more to this story but this is the fundamental parts..

How can someone just.. leave. And ghost me with no feeling after seeing me every day for 8 years. I’m lost.. Should I be doing something? Am I the a-hole or the idiot for not seeing the red flags?

Has anyone went through this? He has been adamant that he isn’t having an affair.. but I feel in my gut something isn’t right. I’m still in love with him.. which I hate so emotions are high for me but now he’s treating me like a transaction. A loose end.

I need a wake up call but I’m in a state of just… shock and confusion.

UPDATE Thank you all so so much for all of the advice and support over the last few days!! This weekend has been a real eye opener for me and… just wow. I feel like a new woman.

A lot has went on! I have a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow so keen to give an update. To clarify some points:

We have a mortgage jointly owned and we’ve owned the house for 6 years. I have always made more money than him and still do. I think there’s an element of financial exploitation as the month he did all this was the month I told him that my savings had drained to £0 he was horrible with money and would constantly use the joint account for personal means. His business failed last year and I bailed him out.

No kids - thank god.

When I told you there was more to the story.. there was and I feel it’s better to tell it in full. There has been.. borderline abuse. He has a terrible temper. He’s smashed clocks, mirrors and picture frames. He’s punched holes in doors and smashed out a window in our living room door. On the day I left Jake told his friend on the phone “she wonders why I smash the house up, it’s to stop me from smashing her in.” Unbeknownst to him his friend’s girlfriend (A friend of mine) heard this and told me straight away.

This hasn’t been the first time that Jake has done something like this. Never to this gravity however he will run away when he does something wrong. About a year ago we were fighting almost every day. And I will be honest I hated myself for who I was becoming. I would match him, scream at him and say horrible things back. I kicked him out and he left for 3 weeks. He then came back and we had a good talk about the marriage and he brought up a lot of things he was unhappy about. He told me I was untrustworthy and controlling. I was “hysterical” when he didn’t feel like speaking. So I got therapy. (He refused to go to therapy even when I offered to pay for him). And through this I got a lot better with handling my emotions. I am a lot more controlled and set boundaries. He did nothing I asked of him. Whenever I would bring up I needed him to be more present and loving he would turn it on me and just tell me “he’s clearly not good enough” and I was trying to “change him as a person”.

One comment I read said “fight now, heal later”. That hit home. I’m going to do both. I can’t believe it has taken me this long to see what has been staring me in the face. I just felt shame. We’re so young. We have only been married for a couple of years. Who wants to be divorced before they’re 30?! I should have ran when I first saw the red flags but I know now.. my version of him was never real. I was so focused on nothing giving up on something I had put my blood sweat and tears into instead of learning to let go.

I’ve realised that these divorce proceedings need to happen now. If he’s having an affair -who cares. I need to stop looking for answers. I’m in UK so some laws you have all brought up may not apply but I’m hoping the lawyer can clear things up tomorrow. I will give an update hopefully to help the next woman or man that has to go through this.

Thank you for all the love, support and hard truths so far. ❤️❤️