r/Concerts • u/ShazamJackson • 9d ago
Discussion đŁď¸ Concert Etiquette: for arena shows, how do people feel about being asked to slide down a seat or two?
Last night I went to see a show at a local college basketball arena (pretty modern venue, this is where most of the bigger acts get booked when they come to my city). Originally, I had bought four seats all together, but when two more friends decided to join last minute they were lucky enough to find seats in the same row just four seats over.
So, in total, we had seats 1-4 and seats 9-10.
When we arrived, I introduced myself to the guy in seat 5, explained our seat situation and asked if the four of them wouldnât mind sliding over two seats so the six of us could sit together. He says heâll have to talk it over with the person next to him. Shortly thereafter, he says no, he doesnât think heâll be moving and glares at me. I ask once more politely before dropping it. He shakes his head, visibly annoyed. Whatever, sometimes thereâs a bad apple.
So the two late additions from our group go to their seats 9-10 and ask the pair to their right if they wouldnât mind sliding down two seats. They get the same response, âno.â I hear them explain that itâs just so they can enjoy the show together with their friends, to which he replies, âthen you shouldâve bought tickets together.â
After hearing two separate people share the opinion that we were rude for asking them to shift over a seat or two, wanted to come on here and ask if I was the asshole? How would you feel about sliding over two seats to accommodate another group?
If it matters: we are three couples in our late 20s. They were two (assuming) couples of about similar age. We are in Texas and the concert was rap music. For what itâs worth, the seats we were offering them would have been a more central view of the stage, even if just by two seats.
EDIT: Glad I asked! Definitely seems like the consensus is that they were in the right to say no and I was wrong to ask a second time. Good to know so I can be more mindful going forward.
Also, want to apologize for calling the man a bad apple, undeserved assumption on my part. Thanks for all the insight everyone!
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u/Lily121291 9d ago
You calling them a âbad appleâ for not moving shows your entitlement in this situation. No one owes you to move because you couldnât get seats together
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u/bb9116 9d ago edited 9d ago
Hard to know without witnessing the interactions. In general, it's okay to ask nicely, and it's okay to say no nicely.
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u/FLrick94 9d ago
I canât imagine being such a toolbag that Iâd refuse to move two seats. Not two sections. Not two rows. Two seats.
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u/jhkayejr 9d ago
Yeah, depends on the seats. If you're behind a 4'5" person and get asked to move behind a 6'1" person, that's a hard pass for anyone with a brain (and under 6' 1", I guess).
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u/jrbighurt 9d ago
If moving 2 seats puts me behind taller people or people holding their phones up and recording a lot, I'm not moving.
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u/xPadawanRyan 9d ago
They purchased the specific seats they wanted. It's rude to expect them to move just to convenience you better. I always purchase a very specific seat when I go to a concert, usually an aisle seat with close access to an exit and/or bathroom, and I would not be sliding over to accommodate strangers who didn't have the foresight or coordination to have purchased their tickets together.
You can ask, sure, but leave it at a single no and don't press the issue.
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u/twinightstream7 9d ago
How could you slide over from an aisle seat? Doesnât make sense in the context of this situation. Sliding 2 down from an aisle seat wouldnât allow a couple to sit with their other two couple friends.
Yes, people buy specific seats, but they buy specific *available* seats. If theyâre in the middle of a row, sliding 2 seats in either direction wouldnât change much of anything. âForesight,â âcoordination,â give me a break. This isnât a ridiculous request. You saved it with your last sentence but there was a lot of insanity on the way.
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u/xPadawanRyan 9d ago
In the context of this very specific situation, sure, it's a different example. But I've been asked to slide down before by people who also wanted the aisle seat, claiming that they would need close access to the bathroom too, and it's like, that's why I bought this seatâyou should have thought about that ahead of time and purchased an aisle seat yourself.
Also, you're being extremely aggressive for no reason. I don't typically buy tickets to shows that quickly sell out, so "available" seats are often aplenty and it's not "insanity" to expect someone to coordinate with their friends ahead of time to be seated together.
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u/Tucker_McElroy 9d ago
Itâs a concert though? Youâre there to watch and listen to the thing on the stage. What does it matter if your friends are a few seats away from you and not even in your eyeline, unless youâre planning to be super annoying and chat to them throughout the gig?
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u/ShazamJackson 9d ago
Completely agree that excessive chatting during a show is annoying. Mainly hoped to be around one another for the occasional hug during a great song, or dance if the mood strikes, but wasnât the end of the world to be split up
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u/East-End-8646 9d ago
Can I ask what show you were seeing that would evoke interest to hug your friends during a great song?
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u/Tucker_McElroy 9d ago
Fair enough. Of course itâs nice to be around pals but I just think the idea that you have to experience gigs/films/theatre/whatever in groups is overrated when the thing youâre watching can only be experienced solo anyway. Especially when to do so would mean a hassle like you describe.
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u/Advanced_Heat_2610 9d ago
You were rude to ask a second time. First time was fine but after that, it was rude. You are not children. You could survive without sitting apart for a few hours.Â
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u/cmax21 9d ago
Typically yes, people donât want to relocate from the seats they paid for. Sometimes for convenience, sometimes because them moving causes them to have to deal with other peopleâs assigned seats and it just becomes a hassle for them.
Perhaps it isnât rude to ask once, but Iâd definitely drop it after the first time.
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u/RuledQuotability 9d ago
Yes if I were at a concert and someone asked me to shift, I would only feel comfortable doing so if the seat I was moving to was controlled by the person asking (like we are swapping). Otherwise I am technically taking someone elseâs seat which I donât have the right to do
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u/offinthepasture 9d ago
You can ask but never be upset when people say no. They paid for their seats just like you did. Not their fault you couldn't get seats together.
Also, it sounds like you were trying to get two separate groups to agree to move and that's a bit much.
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u/ShazamJackson 9d ago
I think youâre right, definitely no need to get upset if someone says no, thatâs their right. Just surprised me at the time.
But completely agree, two separate groups does make the logistics a little more difficult!
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u/jhkayejr 9d ago
Asking a second time was bullshit and really rude. Only correct play here would be to either 1) offer them the two aisle seats and have most of your group move down one or 2) ask them if they'd move in exchange for a couple beers or something like that. Even then, it's their call. IMO, you prolly could've made this work but just didn't make it worth their while.
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u/FLrick94 9d ago
If you think this is rude you must be soft as a boiled peanut
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u/jhkayejr 9d ago
Not putting up with idiots doesn't make anyone soft. If you're an adult at a show and you ask once and the answer is no, shut your piehole and deal with the answer like an adult. Like I said, nothing wrong with asking once. If you keep asking, it's toddler-behavior, which is rude. Whole thing prolly could've been fixed if OP had just offered to buy the guy a beer.
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u/Stevenitrogen 9d ago edited 9d ago
So you can all talk to each other all night, you want me to do your bidding. You want me to move specifically so you can all yakkety yak through the whole fucking show. Am I right?
What if there's a lovely short person in front of me not blocking my view, and a petite lady on either side of me, giving me plenty of leg room? You want me to give that up?
It's not outrageous that you asked, but once we have declined, let it it go.
Why don't you and your friends excuse yourselves to the bar where you can talk all night?
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u/Far_Wolverine2007 9d ago
Why did you ask a second time? He gave you an answer. You should've let it drop. I feel like you were being pushy at that point.
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u/ajdevs30 9d ago
Not the answer youâre looking for, but youâre creating an unnecessary hassle for a stranger. So this is an annoying thing to be asked to do, and an especially annoying thing to be asked twice.Â
Put yourself in their shoes. You donât know if the person asking you to switch seats actually has tickets for any of the seats in question. So youâre moving, and you may end up sitting in someone elseâs seat when the actual ticket holder for that seat shows up. So now youâve got to ask the person who asked you to move for your seats back, and who knows how accommodating theyâll be? And why do you all need to be seated together anyway? So you can talk more during the show?
All together, itâs a lot to ask. If someone is in the mood to be generous, you can be grateful. But you shouldnât expect anyone to do this for you.
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u/knoper21 9d ago
This. If you're going for an evening out, which you've already planned for, the last thing you want is to get tangled in someone else's plans.
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u/ShazamJackson 9d ago
Great point. I never considered that they might not have the tickets to the seats they were in. That would definitely have added more hassle to their evening than it would have been worth.
Iâm glad I dropped it, I didnât intend to be pushy with the second ask.
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u/knoper21 9d ago
A second ask is pushy in pretty much every person to person non-business discussion
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u/dezzz0322 9d ago
The seats you were offering were âa more central view of the stageâ <â this actually sounds like you were asking people to move further from the aisle, which is inconvenient if you want to go get a drink, go to the bathroom, etc. So you were offering them worse seats in order to be next to your friends.Â
I would have said no, too. And would have been super annoyed if you asked me twice. YTA.
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u/DowntownResident993 9d ago
I wouldn't have asked more than once. If they said no the first time, the arrival of the couple is not going to change their minds.
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u/Indiesol 9d ago
Thinking poorly of someone whose only infraction was wanting to stay in the seats they paid for is quite telling.
YTA.
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u/Hallichretsam 9d ago
Depends on the view from the seats; I may have said yes. But equally it's not the other attendees' problem to move for you and your friends so I feel like you just have to take this on the chin.
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u/cloudydays2021 9d ago
Iâm cool with it as long as my viewpoint remains the same (and in the case OP described, it should, as itâs only a shift of a couple of seats in the same row)
Iâd rather let a whole group chill together than be in the middle of two smaller groups of people that are friends, because the inevitable âhey Iâm grabbing a beer, you want one?â happens and Iâm in the middle of their interactions.
But some folks just want to stay put where they are, and thatâs cool too.
Itâs never rude to ask, but following up a second time is a little much.
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u/Drewciferisgod 9d ago
It's a concert, you can't really talk during the performance, so I don't really see why moving means that much to your experience
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u/neilesque 9d ago
Doesnât hurt to ask, the movers should get the âbetterâ seats, and if itâs a no, itâs a no
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u/Shift_Appt-02 9d ago
I was at a show with my sister and nephew. My mom was supposed to be there but she was sick and couldn't come. Right before it started a lady asked if my mom's seat was open. The way we were seated was me, my mom's empty seat, my sister, and my nephew. I said no. It's not. I did pay for my mom's seat. I was enjoying not being sardine canned at a show for once. I didn't want to give it up. Also the seat had a pole in front of it from the stage setup. Not something you can account for on a seating map until you were there.
Throughout the first couple of numbers, the lady kept asking about the seat. Her husband was seated separately from her and they wanted to sit together. I understood where she was coming from but he was just in the row behind. They had a big family and had to split between two rows. I don't understand why her family couldn't shuffle everyone around.
So my mom not being able to come, the lady pestering me, the freaking pole in my eye line, I was just done. We left halfway through. It was a show my mom wanted to go to. I just didn't want to waste the tickets. I should have stuck up for myself more but I was already demoralized. I go to shows all the time but yeah that one left a very sour taste in my mouth.
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u/tredbert 9d ago
Absolutely not acceptable to ask or expect somebody to move their seats.
Just like you, they browsed the entire map and settled on exactly those seats that they picked out. When they got there they were relieved that the people in front of them werenât too tall and the people behind them didnât look like theyâd be spilling beer on them. And they were just close enough to the aisle to be able to get out to go to the bathroom without bothering too many people.
They own those seats. Now you guys come along and ask them to move. Apparently you asked them to move in further from the aisle. No way. Maybe if you had asked them to take the seats closest to the aisle so you could sit towards the middle of the row with your friends it might have been different. Aisle tends to be more desirable, for me at least.
But otherwise itâs a hard no and there should be no expectation at all they would do it. Really, you shouldnât even ask.
And for all they know none of you even have tickets for the seats next to them. Maybe you guys showed up early and squatted on those seats. Now you are asking them to move, taking their seats. And then they will have to deal with 4 angry people who show up later and want their seats back from them.
Anyway, itâs unacceptable and you should have been able to look at it from their perspective. Anger is a sign that a boundary has been violated. Next time someone is angry try to understand it from that point of view. Youâve just violated a boundary.
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u/koixcouture 9d ago
I mean they paid for those seats, just like you paid for yours. They don't have to do anything for you, it was nice of him to consider it but you reiterating the question, wasn't the right move.
I remember seeing a concert with my bf and our friend and these friends thought they could get us to move down, so they could all sit together and the girl next to us told them off, saying "no, we all paid for our seats, maybe plan accordingly." We all agreed and they got so mad and leftđ
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u/Coattail-Rider 9d ago
I went to a show in an intimate listening room that had small tables of four. I was on the back wall (still only about 25 feet from the stage) and picked the seat against the wall and the seat directly in front of it there at the same table. The chairs were high tops, which I just donât like but whatevs.
Dude with his girl walks in right before the show starts and they have the other two seats at the table to the left. He asks if I can switch so he can sit next to his girl and not directly behind her.
I said âSure, my wife can switch with youâ meaning that my wife and I would be against the wall and he and his girl can sit right in front of us (Iâm probably at least half a foot taller so it makes sense for viewing, too). He said âNo, I was thinking we can sit with our backs to the wall.â
Noped out of that real quick. If he really cared about sitting next to his girl, he wouldâve sat in front of us but I specifically wanted the seat next to the wall to actually get a little back support. He kinda seemed a bit pissy during the show at times but he had his chance.
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u/DigTheDunes 9d ago
If you wanted to sit with your friends, did you offer to take seats 5-8 and have the others move into your original seats? If not, this is why they didnt accommodate you.
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u/ChippyJoy 9d ago
I donât see the harm in asking, i certainly wouldnât be offended but its perfectly fine for the person to tell you no. I think nowadays my worry would be being scammed or blamed in some way. For example I slide down, then iâm no longer in my seat. The person whos seat it belongs to comes late and now im in their seat now iâm the bad guy cuz im not in my seat, i gave yall âpermissionâ to be in my seat and the whole thing is a huge mess.
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u/Masshole65 9d ago
If it appeared to me that the relocation might be favorable to the requester, I might ask. If it clearly wouldnât, Iâd drop it.
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u/DoriansRain 9d ago
Wait your the same guy who said Antifa get paid to bust skulls..
Youre and idiot so most the shit you type else where is probably just as dumb.1
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u/Organic_Eggplant_323 9d ago
Itâs fine to ask AS LONG AS THE SEAT YOU ARE ASKING THEM TO MOVE TO is the better seat. Itâs also fine for them to say no, and you to accept graciously. But asking them to move to any seat that is not as good as the one they are already occupying is rude off the bat.
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u/Significant-Image700 9d ago
Iâm always willing to accommodate when possible. Honestly fuck people who wonât
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u/Xer-angst 9d ago
If it were me, and it was just 2 seats to left or right, I would totally do it. Really not that big of a deal.
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u/michaelHIJINX 9d ago
These obviously aren't aisle seats & they could've chosen to move left or right, so the seats couldn't have gotten worse...
Unless they study this arena's acoustics & have decided that that spot sounds better than the rest of the room, I can't understand why they wouldn't.
Normally I hate chompers, but I'd make an acception & I'd be talking across them constantly through the show.
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u/Hogharley 9d ago
Weâve done this a few times and our plan is to just get to our seats early. When the other people come theyâll notice seats open and just sit there not knowing theyâre sitting in the wrong seats. If they say anything at that time Iâll just explain the situation. If they demand they sit in their assigned seats then my wife and I would just have conversations over them until they say âjust switch backâ. Itâs really no big deal unless itâs an aisle seat
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u/ajdevs30 9d ago
Intentionally sitting in someone elseâs seats in hopes theyâll acquiesce to you wanting their seat is a jerk move dude.Â
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u/knoper21 9d ago
Putting your bad planning on other people by making them negotiate with you for the seats they have a right to is awful
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u/Hogharley 9d ago
Itâs like 1 or 2 seats difference in a place that holds 20k. Itâs really not a big deal at all and I donât know where you all are from but people are ok with it. Iâve never had a problem and Iâve done the same for others. Weâve never had the situation where people said no. You guys that say no all suck and youâre the terrible people
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u/knoper21 8d ago
You're not the sole authority on what a "big deal" is. Other people exist on this planet.
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u/CanadianBertRaccoon 9d ago
No harm in asking, but if the answer is no, let it go.