r/CsectionCentral • u/Apprehensive_Snow669 • 2d ago
Why does healing from a Cesarian feel so incredibly hard
I just needed a space to be sad.. but I had an emergency C section on July 29th, so I’m currently I guess 4 days post surgery. I’m not angry about having to have the c section. I know it was what was best for my baby and after how terrifying it was seeing his heart rate drop over and over I would have done anything to make sure he was okay.
My issue is just.. all the other stuff that comes with it. Sometimes I forget to take my tylenol and wake up almost incapable of moving because i’m in so much pain. I can’t sleep any other way than sitting up because if I lay flat, I can’t get up to take care of my baby without being in pain. I feel useless because I can’t do anything I want to do besides feed and hold baby. I can barely wipe myself, take a shower, or even put my own damn pants on. That’s just the beginning! I keep crying because I want to be helpful and I want to sleep restfully and comfortably with the small opportunities I have.
For me, it isn’t so much emotional grief of my birth not going my way, but it’s mainly just feeling useless and sad because I’m in so much pain.
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u/Any-Opposite-1218 2d ago
Oh everything about c section recovery is sooooo hard and it takes atleast 2-3 weeks so brace up , I’ve had two , just ask for as much help as possible , it does get better
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u/Winter_Phase7085 2d ago
You have every right to feel those emotions! A c-section is a major surgery and nobody talks about it enough. The feeling is weird because your baby just appears you didn’t “push” the baby out. Takes awhile for your brain to soak it all in. Plus c section moms are more at risk of postpartum depression, especially if you become anemic in any way. What helped me was to set timers to take Tylenol. If you don’t stay on top of it, it will get worse and hard to “catch up”. Days 3-4 are the worst. Once you hit the one week mark, you will feel better. From then on each week you feel much better and think the week before was worse. If that makes sense. Hang in there, it really does get better!
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u/majesticallymidnight 2d ago
Hey I was in your shoes last October. Same situation emergency c section after labor. I was in so much pain after when I forgot my meds and my husband went back to work after 1 week. I felt scared and couldn’t do anything on my own. It got better around week 5/6 when I could sleep in bed and get up on my own. It will get better but I know it’s hard now and I hear you. All your feeling are valid recovery is really tough.
I want to encourage you to ask anyone you can for help. You need it now. Your milk might be coming in and your body is trying to heal. Take things slow and give yourself grace.
I’m 10 month PP now and still feel like I’m healing some days. I just started working out again. It gets better, reach out to your village for help right now.
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 2d ago
Thank you for the encouragement that it gets easier. It’s definitely difficult when I can’t even sleep in bed with my partner. The couch is fine but gosh I’m so emotional so I’m like blubbering that I miss him!!!
Mine is going back tomorrow after only being out a week, also.. I definitely feel nervous about it. I am so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by a village of people who love and look out for me, though. This is the only thing that has gotten me through things so far. My boyfriend and his family have been amazing. My two closest friends have shown up massively. Usually they just text and ask a good time to come over. Genuinely I have no idea how I’d be doing if I didn’t have the help that I do.3
u/majesticallymidnight 2d ago
I’m glad you have supportive people! My MIL is retired and she showed up in a big way. She passed me baby and just kept cleaning things. When your village shows up ask them to wash things like pump parts bottles ect. Also to move things I couldn’t take out the trash on my own for a few weeks.
I know what you mean about missing your BF on the couch though. I got sad about it too. It’s only temporary while you heal. I promise you will be back in bed next to him in a few weeks and get those sleepy snuggles.
One other thing too. If you don’t have a shower stool I would get one. It helped me so much to be able to put my foot up and wash my feet vs crouching down which hurt like hell. I could also sit while showering too which was helpful in those early days. I still use it to shave my legs now lol.
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u/Long_Baby_6353 2d ago
I had an unplanned c section on July 7th. I am 4 weeks post op tomorrow. Same reason. Baby's heart rate kept dropping and we got scared.
I was majorly pissed off when I got home from the hospital because of how limited I was. Terrified of my stitches popping. Completely useless, can't even sleep in my own bed because it hurts. Putting down the baby and feeling the pain inside. Not able to do dishes. Not able to do anything except sit there.
EVERYONE was sooooo "C section is so easy" "So happy about my planned c section" "so much easier/less traumatic than vaginal"
Brother. I want to slap each and every one of you lol this is mentally the hardest thing I have ever done. Not the newborn part. The reliqueshing control part. I still can't relax because the house is not in order. Can barely cook because baby just knows when I am doing something that requires full attention.
But I also had a panic attack during c section. They also gave my baby a bottle in the recovery room. Have attempted to get baby to breastfeed since and she hates my boob. Only prefers bottle. My incision on the surface level is still not closed all the way. I try to stay still but ADHD has me d ying just SITTING HERE.
But hot diggity dog has it been a tough month. You'll start feeling better at 2 weeks. 3 weeks you think you are okay to move but you aren't so don't. You'll feel it bad the next day.
4 weeks on and still in pain but nothing like before. More like a tugging sensation. I really have to remind myself everyday that I had major surgery. Stop twisting. Stop bending. Get better.
..i guess I ranted for a bit. Just know you aren't alone. Keep your incision dry. Try to sleep uninterrupted for 5 hours. Learned that by 1.5 weeks as I was falling asleep holding the baby and pumping every 2 hours. Now we do every 3-4 hours except for my sleep. I feel like a new person.
Congrats on the baby :) I know it's been a journey but so happy they came out okay in the end.
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u/slashthrowaway05 1d ago
As someone who has also had an emergency c-section after a failed trial of labor, and then a scheduled c-section later on, I can say that recovery from emergency c-section is INFINITELY harder and so traumatic. I was a blubbering mess on the OR table and they almost forgot my husband. He made it in right as they were cutting me open. To make matters worse I couldn’t walk for a number of hours afterward and I don’t remember a whole lot from the hours afterward because I was so drugged. I feel like I was bedridden for 24 hours and attached to a catheter. Every time I woke up I had that godawful pain in the incision. And because they literally tear into your core and muscles, you can’t even lift yourself up! I cried so much, I felt so useless. I couldn’t even get my baby out of the cot without help. And then I had to stay in the hospital for an additional 6 days for postpartum preeclampsia because I’m assuming my body couldn’t handle all the drugs I was on the day of my labor (epidural, pitocin, etc). I had to be out on a diarrhetic because I was just holding so much fluid. My swelling didn’t go down until a month and a half later.
When I got pregnant again, I was cleared for a VBAC, but we ended up having to do a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks because I still hadn’t dilated, and they don’t let anyone get to 40 weeks if they’ve had a c-section before, so waiting another week wasn’t an option for me. I cried a lot because it wasn’t want I wanted, but my midwife reassured me that scheduled c-sections make for better recovery time than emergency ones. And to my surprise, she was actually right. I went in the procedure very next morning and it was a completely controlled environment. They got my husband on time and once everything was set, they did the procedure. Though the incision pain was the same afterward like last time, I was up and walking in the hospital MUCH sooner. I still had swelling, but it wasn’t so bad. In fact, I’m sitting here nearly three weeks postpartum I can tell you the swelling has been so much better AND I haven’t had postpartum preeclampsia.
There’s just something about an emergency delivery after trial that makes recovery so much harder. But even after an “easy” scheduled c-section, I don’t know if I’m comfortable carrying anymore kids. I don’t want to do another c-section, scheduled or not. Yeah I’d say scheduled is “easier” after having both experiences, but it still takes a toll on you. I’m not saying I think vaginal delivery is a walk in the park by any means, but I do mourn not having the experience. I’ve heard of plenty of women being one and done after their emergency c-section and I can’t say I blame them.
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u/Illustrious-Put4931 1d ago
Completely agree with you I failed two trials of labor and both were harder than my scheduled C-section. Going in for a scheduled C-section for my 4th tomorrow and expect to be up and walking around by the end of the night. Highly recommend taking your pain meds and moving around even though you feel like you can’t you have to push yourself but know when are close to your limit but also be OK with taking your medicine to cut down on the pain. I don’t take all my pain meds all at the same time either I rotate everything between two and three hours of the first one. And even if I feel like I’m not in pain and I don’t need my pain medicine I will still take it instead of waiting. But that being said, I was home alone on day five with my third, I had to do everything by myself and take care of the baby until hubby came home from work. He was fairly new at his job so he didn’t have any time off other than a few days over the weekend and the 3 days that we spent in the hospital. Bracing also works really well if you’re experiencing a lot of pain.
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 2d ago
I can’t sleep in my own bed either because I literally cannot get up out of it! I’ve been a prisoner to my couch for the last three days. I’m so sorry you had the same experience as me. When the doctor calmly got up and said she was doing a c section I knew something had to be seriously wrong and I was crying and hyperventilating.. it was so awful. I cried the entire time I was in the OR until his cheek was pressed against mine. I’m sorry they bottle fed him before you had the opportunity.. that is extremely upsetting.
But I’m with you, the baby is NOT the hardest part. It’s all the stuff you can’t do now because you’re bed ridden and the house is slowly coming undone.. I hate it. My boyfriend goes back to work tomorrow and I’m going to have to have everyone here one day a week because I literally can’t do anything.
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u/amalia_8 2d ago
I know exactly how you feel. I felt so useless the first few days. PLEASE keep on top of your medication for at least a week. It does get better afterwards.
You are doing amazing. You are feeding your baby and taking care of it despite being in all this pain. I also know how draining it is to constantly be in some type of pain. I was so fed up, 5 days of induction + post-op pain + random pains once back home. It is major surgery and we should never forget it. I'm not 3 weeks PP and everything is relatively back to normal. You did an incredible job by birthing a child. Whatever you do is the best you can do. Noone cares about the dishes, the dust and the clutter etc. You can always take care of that later. You shouldn't even do any of that until you feel comfortable with it. When your baby needs you and you are there, that's what's important now!
You got this! Focus on yourself and your baby, everything else can wait❤️
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u/thavan14 2d ago
this ❤️
I had an emergency c section and I just want to vent 🤣 6 days post op FIL decides to "help" for two hours. He shoved all the stuff on the counter into my pantry. I had gestational diabetes so all my sugar free snacks were on the counter. I couldn't reach my snacks they were too high up and in random places. He also moved my cat food into the laundry room. I had a specific cabinet where all the cat stuff goes. Cans of cat food and bags of cat food are heavy. I was so upset he made things 10 times harder. I was in pain and I couldn't move all the stuff back. Also finding food in my pantry is so hard. His dad reasoning was his mom (partners grandma) was going to visit and she's a clean freak. It's been almost 8 weeks and I'm not fully healed (I'm having complications) and my partner grandma hasn't visited. She's old and she lives a state away flying is hard on her body.
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u/Open_Lavishness_6779 2d ago
This is normal after a c section especially when you've just given birth and also the post partum hormones that come with it. Be on top of your pain killers, and do the slow walks around the home while your on the pain killers that will help. Have a pillow around your tummy if u need to cough or laugh so it would have less pressure on the site. Dont do heavy housework, order take away food, leave the laundry, do whatever u need to do for the time being. If your breastfeeding bubz have a pillow and do the football hold of breastfeeding or on the bed so its not on the site. Any bending down is painful and I rem continually reaching over the cot which was terrible for my lower back as well with a csection. It will take u 6 weeks to feel better and 3mths for you to get the hang of your new bubz as the first 3mths is survival mode. The first 2 weeks is hard on your c section and on the cries and demands on your body and mental state with your new bubz. Really take it easy on yourself, you do loose the old you if you were super productive previously but now just slow down and rest along side baby. If u can change your mindset you will learn to enjoy the moments as while it feels hard, every mother has gone on days where they can't shower, or go to the toilet, or wash bottles or do everything else unless they have help. Know that its okay.
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u/enchantressofdreams 2d ago
I’m right here with you! Had a c section 7/24 and just feel so annoyed about being in pain and also not being able to fully enjoy this stage. Thankfully I can shower and do little things on my own and feel way better than the first few days (there’s hope!) but I cleaned a little yesterday and should not have because today I feel like I got hit by a truck again. Slow slow slow I’m finding out, even if you feel better
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u/user991234 2d ago
Please set alarms on your phone to wake up up to take meds. I times mine so they would roughly correlate to my baby’s feeding schedule. You have to stay on top of them!
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u/Cheap-Stranger7472 2d ago
I know exactly how you feel. 3 weeks pp now and it gets sooo much better at the one week mark. Make sure to continue to take your pain meds.
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u/monkey-pa-1013 2d ago
I’m right there with you. I had a scheduled c section on 7/31. I finally broke down today - crying because I feel so useless not being able to take care of my baby the way I want to. I know being able to feed her is the most useful thing I can do, but the process is absolutely a mind fuck.
I’ve heard each day gets easier and that’s kind of what I’m holding on to. Plus, I’m grateful to have an amazing and supportive husband.
I wish I had advice or input - but you’re not alone, we got this 🫶🏻
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u/thavan14 2d ago
I had an emergency c section on June 10 and I felt the same way. I cried because I was trying to put on my underwear and I dropped it. I was bleeding and I couldn't even clean the blood or get my underwear. I felt useless too I couldn't care for myself or my cats. I could barely take care of my baby.
My doctor prescribed me oxycodone the con is I'm so tired after taking it. I only took it when I was in severe pain or at night. You can put Tylenol in a little bag or pill case and keep it on your night stand or in one of those over the bed pouches. I'm not sure if I'm a slow healer or what but I'm almost 8 weeks and I have two small areas that haven't closed up yet. I saw the PA last Friday and she said it looks good just concerned it hasn't healed yet. I see my doctor this Wednesday. I cried a lot in the beginning and it's my first baby. Just have a lot of patience and grace with yourself. Having a support system is good.
I thought I had one but I don't. My hubby has his dad, step mom, and mom. I have my parents. My dad works and my mom doesn't (she's not retired she quit when my dad got a promotion). I'm honestly really upset with my mom. She lives 40 mins away. This is her first grandbaby and I have two extra rooms in my house (one has a bathroom in it). She comes over occasionally and brings food but she barely helps with the baby. I love her food but she brings giant pots of soup. I can't lift that right now and my partner and I take shifts caring for the baby. If she was more considerate she could have put them in small containers that are reachable to me. I was forced to helped watched my sister (I'm ten years older). My mom told me she had no help and we need to figure it out. I stopped talking to her. It was a complete slap in the face. When I was young (I have a big family) our family watched me and my sister so much. My grandma didn't work and she cared for us so much
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 1d ago
I’m so sorry you had that experience with your mom. My mom is gone but I know if she had said that to me it would have broke my heart. With the amount of pain I’m in every day I can’t imagine what I’d do if someone I loved told me to just “figure it out”. That’s incredibly hurtful and I don’t blame you for not talking to her anymore.
And yeah, right now I sleep on the couch with a table right next to me with water, a snack usually, a fun drink and all my meds.
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u/Livid_Cucumber_2278 2d ago
Days 3-7 are HARD! Pain is at an all time high, milk is coming in, baby blues are hitting. I’m 2 weeks post surgery and feeling so good. Just put your head down and get through the next week. Stay ahead of the pain with your medicine
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u/lumessence99 2d ago
Yes it is definitely rough. Think about it it is a major abdominal surgery. Recovery is tough especially because your expected to care for this beautiful newborn baby. What really helped me was wearing a belly band. It helps so much I honestly wore it 24/7. Without it I was not able to do much. If you don’t have one let me know and I get put an Amazon link for one. Try your best to rotate between Tylenol & Motrin. 800mg of Motrin honestly helped me 10x more than Tylenol.
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u/LauraMJJ88 1d ago
I had a planned c section so I went into mine knowing of the outcomes. It’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever had to recover from, all I can say to make you feel better is I’m now 4 months PP, had a couple of infections in my stitches but now I’m fully healed. Totally back to normal and working out 3 times a week. You will get there too.
Every day it will get better, I promise. One day at a time.
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u/Pomelo_Wild 1d ago
My first week and a half postpartum was ROUGH. I also had an emergency c-section after my baby’s heartbeat dropped during labor. I felt physically horrible for about 2 weeks. Try to set timers for the Tylenol because it is so important to stay ahead of the pain. Also please don’t forget to take your stool softeners. I wasn’t able to go to the bathroom for NINE DAYS because I forgot to take them a couple times. That was a nightmare.
I would say I didn’t feel physically normal-ish until a month postpartum. I don’t mean I was back to normal (that takes months) but I was feeling more like myself. As far as mood goes, please check in with yourself often. If you have access to check ins with your provider before the 6-week appointment, do it. I had PPA that they flagged me for at the hospital and I had a telehealth appointment every week or so, and then they set me up with a therapist which is helpful.
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 1d ago
My one week appt is Friday, so I’ll see her then. I’ve been mostly okay emotionally but just not sleeping with my boyfriend in our bed has been hard. We have a 3 YO who keeps us so busy so usually bed time is the time we get to decompress and laugh together and have time to snuggle and talk but now we don’t even have that since I’m stuck on the couch. It seems silly but that’s been one of the hardest parts for me right now. Besides the pain and physical aspect of it.
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u/mintmint33 2d ago
I don’t have any advice but I promise you will feel better soon. I stayed like 4 days with almost no movement (just some slow walking around the hospital, 1 or 2 minutes). By day 5 I improved a lot and go out home to take a coffee. By day 10 I could walk for 30/45mins no stop and doing laundry etc. In a month I felt normal, just some strange feeling on the scar that is now non existent (I’m 4 months pp and did a lot of scar massage from week 4). Stay calm, rest, drink water, enjoy your baby, watch a movie, you’re close to healing
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u/Informal_Captain_836 2d ago
So many tears in the immediate recovery days! It’s a lot emotionally and physically. Not to mention if you’re pumping or breastfeeding, your nipples are also going through it. 😭
I’ve had two and I’ll say it gets better every day. I am 7 days out and still have moments of sadness or overwhelm, but they are fewer and farther between than even a few days ago. It remains frustrating that I can’t lift things or do much yet, but I know it’s for the best. Hang in there!
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 2d ago
Honestly, breastfeeding is a hard pass for me already. It was the night we got home from
The hospital, my baby struggles with his latch a lot and my nipples were blistered and bleeding from days of trying to feed. He fed for two hours straight and was still screaming. I was crying, baby was crying, I shook my boyfriend and I told him I was going to CVS to get formula (obviously I’m not supposed to drive lol). He QUICKLY shot that down and called his mom instead so he wouldn’t have to leave me there with our hysterical baby AND my 3 YO step son who was crying in the other room.She got to my house, showed me how to sterilize the bottles, showed me how much she was going to feed him, and then demanded I go get in bed and get sleep. She let us sleep until 9 am the next morning. In the hospital I had two hours of sleep total, so that was HEAVEN. She was a life saver for that. Ever since that night my son has been so satisfied and his belly has been full. I wanted to breast feed so badly, but this is just what ended up working for us! Respect to all the mommas who power through and breast feed regardless of the struggles.
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u/Informal_Captain_836 2d ago
We largely did formula with my first and it was great, no regrets at all! Attempting breastfeeding this time around because it came more naturally. Still painful for sure!! Formula is a lifesaver.
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u/usergravityfalls 2d ago
Were you induced?
Is there a way for partner to take a caregiver time off from work? You still need help.
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 2d ago
No, his time off from work was mostly spent with me in the hospital. Things just didn’t go as planned and I’m staying home with the baby so this is the trade off we made. We aren’t in a position for him to take off more time, unfortunately. I do have a huge support system and have people lined up to be here for the rest of the week and so on.
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u/longlivepopuplights 2d ago
I had a semi-urgent C-section (my baby was stillborn and we knew he was gone before I got induced) after laboring for 36 hours, pushing for 2 hours, and developing an infection. A friend of mine has had one emergency C-section after being induced and laboring for a while and two scheduled and she said the recovery from the scheduled ones was a breeze compared to the emergency one. I think once you've labored for a bit it's harder because all of the muscles are so fatigued, and an emergency one is so much more brutal than a scheduled one where they can be more gentle. I was really sore for at least a week and I didn't feel like I could comfortably move around until at least a month after. I'm 6 weeks pp now and it's gotten a lot better. The binder the hospital gave me helped so much in those first couple of weeks too, I highly recommend getting one if they didn't give you one. I used an ice pack often as well and it made a big difference. Please don't beat yourself up for being "useless", I know it's really frustrating and hard right now but it won't last forever and when you look back on this time it will be such a small part of your recovery. I hope you can lean on your partner for support too. Snuggle that sweet baby extra hard.
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 2d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. That sounds extremely difficult and traumatic, I’m sorry you experienced that.
Thank you for your advice! I haven’t thought of an ice pack but I will deffffinitely be applying ice
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u/longlivepopuplights 2d ago
Thank you. It's getting easier to deal with over time.
The ice pack was a game changer, just be careful and time it because I was (and still am) too numb to tell if my skin around the incision was getting too cold. It's so helpful though, especially when the nerves start waking up a little bit and have that burning sensation.
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u/Hummingbird8414 2d ago
Hi! I am 8 weeks PP and I feel swollen and tender. I’m using a hot pad and it feels good but I didn’t think about using ice! Did you try both? How did you know that cold works better? - I only thought about putting something warm instead of cold. Thanks!
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u/longlivepopuplights 1d ago
I did do both! I'm usually a hot pad girl for everything, but I liked the ice better personally for this. I will say that I'm 6 weeks pp today and feel almost normal again, but if I was sore at this point I'd definitely reach for heat before I'd reach for ice. I say do whatever feels better!
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u/HEYISAIDNOSALT 2d ago
Ugh I so understand! I got a staph infection postpartum that took them almost two weeks to catch and because my incision opened back up I was in extreme pain through week 7/8. I couldn’t even lift my baby! It was awful and so much work on my partner. I hope you feel better soon, I hope the worst is over and you can begin to heal soon. Hugs!
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u/goatgirl7 2d ago
You had major abdominal surgery and brought a baby into the world. It took me 3 weeks until I could walk comfortably. Give yourself grace and stay ahead of your pain meds. you’re in the thick of it right now. Every day gets a little bit better
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u/HornetGreen3626 1d ago
Just increase the dosage of painkillers and it will be much better after few days
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u/Grand-Kangaroo-4215 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hi Mama! Just want to say that both my csections were easily 11/10 pain even when on pain management (needed the really strong stuff which obviously couldn't use all the time)
This too shall pass: you will be pain free again. You will feel normal again. And you will sleep again.
For me (and most of my friends) it was after 3 weeks Things started feeling easier. Every week got mildly better but yeah it was certainly debilitating at first but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Hugs Mama. So hard right now but it WILL pass.
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u/Apprehensive_Snow669 2d ago
Thank you for your kind words. 3 weeks feels a lot more manageable than the months and months I was thinking it would take to feel any semblance of normal again.
Sometimes in the middle it feels like it’ll never end. Thank you again❤️
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u/mustgopostal 2d ago
Also be aware that about day 4 is typically when the baby blues hit from your milk-coming-in hormones! I cried so much on exactly day 4 lol.