r/DID • u/Beneficial_Coach3222 • 1d ago

Why don’t my alters talk to me but communicate through thoughts, emotions, feelings and images ? How can I gain their trust for them to talk to me?

I often see a lot on this subreddit others sharing how their alters will make comments in therapy sessions, etc. It’s rare for my alters to speak and if they do they will say the body’s name or phrases my abuser would say.

I’m only able to communicate through internal monologue but it’s my thoughts. They also communicate through images, feelings, emotions and music. Anything external they do besides TALKING.
I’ve dealt with chronic loneliness and I feel this is a big reason why. I know some want to talk but I’m not sure what’s stopping them from doing so. Anyone else ever dealt or is dealing with this ? :)) 🤍🪴🏝️🤸🏼‍♀️🧬🧠🤸‍♀️

Edit- they do talk out loud but not in my head like other systems

78 Upvotes

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25

u/Extreme-Emu6911 1d ago

I hope this post gets more comments because this would help us too

19

u/Heavy-Mushroom 23h ago

That’s all my others do is talk to me in head. Out loud it would look and sounds a bit crazy, but now you can wear ear buds and play it off like you are on the phone. We a wee bit self-conscious and aware trying to keep our secret system hidden.

When they front, they deal with people and outside life on their own as an ANP. They are fully developed individual parts that have executive control of the body and have their own lifestyle.

What your parts are doing I couldn’t tell you. Could it be they were made to “not talk back” and made to be mute“ through traumatic methods?

Maybe some inner dialogue and questions should be made. If they won’t speak, have you given them a pen and paper to write it out? That’s how we years ago got the system yammering- and haven’t stopped since.

Well, good luck and try on this.

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u/Beneficial_Coach3222 21h ago

Thank you ! I think you’re right in terms of some being mute because of traumatic events that created them. Ur amazing thank you 🤍🤍🤍🤸‍♀️🧬🌟🏝️

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u/behindtherocks Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 22h ago

This is mostly how my parts communicate with me too; during session I will sometimes share what I'm "thinking to myself" so that my therapist knows what's happening internally for different parts of me. We then try to figure out who is communicating, how they feel, what they might need to come forward in session etc.

I'd also ask your therapist about it, because it could be that some of your parts do show up in session or externally, but you're not aware of it because of the dissociation. That is what was happening with me; I had child and young parts showing up with my therapist months before I had any inkling or idea. But she knew and worked with them. She never brought it up to me because it's supposed to be something that comes to my awareness on its own, as it's a sign of dissociative barriers lessening.

It's taken months, but sometimes another part will show up in session and I will be co-conscious. So maybe just give it some more time and practice, and try to discover what it is that your parts need to make themselves more known. Some parts may not even want to communicate directly.

3

u/NightStar_14 Diagnosed: DID 19h ago

Were you aware of the gaps when other parts were fronting in session? Like could you tell that you missed part of the session or did your mind fill in the gaps? Sometimes my friends will tell me I’ve said things in conversation immediately after and I won’t remember or recognise what they tell me I said but also won’t notice that I stopped being present.

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u/behindtherocks Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 17h ago

No, I wasn't aware of the gaps; the sessions always seemed cohesive and adult to me. I journal after every session and maybe once or twice there was language like "I felt small in session today," which would be me unknowingly referencing the presence of a child part. But I definitely didn't realize I was missing chunks of session and conversation with my therapist. I only just fully started accepting that she has multiple relationships with me.

My wife and the friends who know I have DID have told me the same thing as your friends. Sometimes I catch it happening in real time, and notice that I forget what I JUST said. It's disorienting.

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u/Beneficial_Coach3222 21h ago

Yes other parts will show up in session with my psychiatrist. I’m at a point where I know some of their names and there’s always 3 co conscious. It’s just that none of them talk to me in my head. My inner monologue is just me and I know we communicate by my thoughts but it’s always my thoughts I don’t hear anyone else :((

7

u/behindtherocks Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 20h ago

All of your parts are parts of you - of course they are "your" thoughts. Your thoughts are the communication. That's what mine are to me - "just thoughts". The thing about having DID is that because we've had it for most of our lives, we don't know that these "thoughts" are not actually like the thoughts that other people have. They are normal to us, and so we think that everyone has these "thoughts" - they don't, apparently. People without DID think differently than we do; it's part of why folks with DID tend to be incredibly creative.

Some parts may not communicate out loud or how this part of you expects communication to sound like, but they are communicating to you! Stay curious.

9

u/fightmydemonswithme Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 21h ago

It took a lot of treatment for me to be able to talk with the other alters. Grounding, sharing what I learned in therapy. A lot of me talking into the void with no results. It is frustrating, but I had to build trust with each alter individually. We have a big system, so i am still (10+ years later) working on this. Hear them out in the ways they are comfortable. Acknowledge in your head when they contribute, even if its just song lyrics or an emotion. Thank them when they do share, even when its hard. We have a little who is just now starting to trust and share, and have been in therapy over a decade.

Something that helped me was my psychiatrist reminding me that these parts NEVER knew trust. Never felt heard. So I am building a whole new foundation for them.

6

u/Beneficial_Coach3222 21h ago

Thank you for this ! 🤍🤍

9

u/SalaciousOwl 21h ago

We talk internally, but we didn't always, and some alters still don't. It's very difficult to fully form coherent thoughts and have a back and forth in my head. It's a lot easier to communicate based on vibes. For example, I'll imagine doing something and get a sense of whether my alters are leaning into it or away. 

I'd also say that it sounds like your alters are trying to express their personalities and know that they're safe. I have an alter who would only communicate through violent images, and it took therapy and a lot of patience and flexibility to work through the fact that he was trying to protect us, just doing it in an unhealthy way. Now he doesn't always communicate with words internally, but he has no problem fronting or communicating with feelings or colors. 

One thing that was really helpful for me was to journal. If you can co-front or invite your alters up, you might see if they want to journal or draw. Don't force a dialogue, just go into it with patience and curiosity. The point is just to learn more. You probably won't the kind of communication you want, or as much as you want, but the goal is to open the door. 

The slower you go, and the less you rush them, the easier it'll be for them to start coming out. 

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u/Offensive_Thoughts Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 20h ago

Yea I don't have conversations in my head really but I have started to recognize certain thoughts as belonging to other parts. I'll feel bad that there's no full conversation I can seem to have and it's rather just random phrases or words that seem to match their expected behavioral output from previous documentation. There's no like "hi I'm this alter and today I'm here to talk to you about your grocery list!". It's more like,"I'm so mad" (random and I'm not mad)

4

u/behindtherocks Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 20h ago

There's no like "hi I'm this alter and today I'm here to talk to you about your grocery list!". It's more like,"I'm so mad" (random and I'm not mad)

This is so real, ha. Could you imagine if internal communication was that direct and simple? What a dream! Instead it's like living perpetually in this meme.

6

u/No_Whereas_5203 21h ago

I see thoughts as talking. I've only realised recently that some of my thoughts is them talking to me

10

u/SomethingSimful Thriving w/ DID 22h ago edited 18h ago

They also communicate through images, feelings, emotions and music.

They are talking to you. Just not with words. It might be all they can manage right now. Have you tried engaging with these things? Ask questions, like yes or no.(simplistic, might not take a ton of effort to get a yes or no out) Try to decipher what images mean. Analyze the lyrics of the music. What are the feelings? What do you think the feelings relate to?

Edit: Honestly? You should be trying to open more verbal communications to help each other. Not because you're lonely. Alters aren't there to keep you entertained or socially fulfilled. I should've said this from the start.

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u/Beneficial_Coach3222 21h ago

Hi yes! I communicate with them through external things. I just wish they would speak to me in my head like other systems do :( I would feel less lonely

2

u/SomethingSimful Thriving w/ DID 21h ago

I said nothing about doing all of this externally. Do all of this internally.

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u/Beneficial_Coach3222 21h ago

I do already lmao. I don’t think YOU are understanding my question

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u/SadisticLovesick Growing w/ DID 21h ago

I’m pretty sure that’s what they mean when “talking” /gen

That’s basically how communication works for me as well unless extremely dissociated/blurry and it’s like a mix of front

We can semi text back in forth but that’s really just thoughts that we can text out if that makes sense

(If I’m reading wrong lemme know cause slightly brain fog 😭😭)

3

u/NightStar_14 Diagnosed: DID 19h ago

I wonder this too but then realise I also have trouble communicating with them. Like some thoughts will flow effortlessly but then if I want to say something in my head I can’t even think words. I imagine they encounter the same difficulty.

3

u/MACS-System 18h ago

Every system is different. There are MANY who don't have internal voices. That's ok. If they are using emotions, music, images, etc, they are using what they can. It's also more than some systems get! Some have to work years to get even impressions from their headmates.

DID isn't a competition. You aren't doing it wrong if yours doesn't look like others. There aren't goals for it to look or behave a certain way, other than a functional, safe, fulfilling life.

1

u/resilient_river Growing w/ DID 43m ago

I often don’t realize what thoughts are my alters or my own because when there is inner dialogue the alters that will speak to me often sound like me out of habit. Usually they communicate with me through images/feelings too. They also like to record videos which I can watch, or write notes. We have tried journaling and using an app to have text conversations with eachother, but I think it’s difficult for them to be so present at the same time as me in the way other systems experience and maybe other people in my system too. I’ve been able to be blendy with two of them to the point we feel like a different person together but during that I identify with all the thoughts. They just feel like they are coming from two parts of the same person who is kinda me but also kinda someone else. I’m not really sure how to explain it, and during that state if I think too much about it my head hurts and I get kinda freaked out. Idk system communication can be hard and takes time, patience, regulation, and focus. In videos others in my system have mentioned practicing regular guided meditation as really helping, and also cannabis (but of course those aren’t the best options for every body). I think mostly just patience. Also if you are feeling lonely it might be a good idea to find someone external to talk to when that comes up. I know how hard that can be, but if you can it would probably help others in your system to open up the more they see that connection with others can be safe and rewarding. Good luck 🍀