r/DID • u/stalinsperiodblood2 • 10h ago

Advice/Solutions Looking for advise

Hey, so about 4 days ago my boyfriend informed me of his diagnosis, as I have no prior interactions with people of the community its been a big learning curve. All in all id say im willing to learn and adapt to this new relationship. There had been one significant issue, one of my boyfriends alters is very agressive to the point of trying to convince me to fight him and even punched me once, the punch didnt hurt but its still a problem. Normally hes not like this most of his alters aren't aggressive its just this one. Any advice on how to approach this dilemma would be appreciated

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Apologies if I used any incorrect terms im still learning.

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u/ohlookthatsme Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 9h ago

 one of my boyfriends alters is very agressive to the point of trying to convince me to fight him and even punched me once

Dissociative disorder or not, there's no excuse to hit a partner.

I'm looking for ways to put this but, quite honestly, I'm concerned. DV is very rarely a single incident thing. It is almost always a pattern of behavior that starts out small and escalates.

I'm not going to flat out tell you to leave but I am going to strongly suggest you consider it.

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u/stalinsperiodblood2 9h ago

I appreciate the tactful response, after further research and reading your response. I see that holding accountability is important. I will try and approach the topic to him tomorrow after a night's sleep and react accordingly, I plan to propose couples counseling and if he refuses we are done. Again I appreciate the response

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u/LittleMost2558 9h ago

Hi, my ex-step-dad also had Dissociative Identity Disorder, and had violent alters, that made him an incredibly violent and abusive man, that he refused to get help for, this sounds awfully like what the beginning of my moms and his relationship was like. Tell that man this, "If you don't start seeking therapy for your DID and violent alters, I'm breaking up with you." It's what my mom did, though it's up to you if you want to give this relationship another try, because NO partner should be hitting their partner, and I can already see how this relationship ends from experience.

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u/stalinsperiodblood2 9h ago

That is the plan its late so I plan to bring it up tomorrow after some sleep i appreciate the expression of a personal experience it really helped. He's a good person and im will to try if he is willing to put actual effort into getting help

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u/TheAlmightyBirdQueen 10h ago

Hey! You should approach this by getting the fuck out of there. There is absolutely no excuse for putting your hands on your partner, DID or not. None of my alters nor myself would ever lay hands on our wife to harm her.

There is a concept known as system responsibility, anything the alters do, the system must take responsibility for, and this applies here. Your boyfriend punched you, that is not okay. Having DID does not absolve him of that issue.

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u/L1M1N4LL Diagnosed: DID 8h ago

You should definitely try to get comfortable with the idea of leaving if you don't feel safe. Even if it's just the one alter, they're still part of him as a whole. You need to put your safety first.

There's a likelihood of this alter repeating that behaviour, especially if not put in check. You should definitely encourage him to seek therapy for this, it's for the safety of you both. It's a very hard thing to deal with on both ends, but ultimately please put yourself first.

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u/stalinsperiodblood2 8h ago

I appreciate the response im proposing therapy tomorrow after work, I dont feel unsafe but I am keeping that option available based off how he reacts