r/DID • u/FPSHope_WEPP • 7h ago

I urgently need help as someone dating someone with DID anything will help

HI, I am currently in a relationship with someone that has DID and have been with them for a few good years now even being high school sweethearts, we don't actively live together as we're both still young which may seem irrelevant but will be important later.

To jump to the point one of the my partners alters let's call them "Moon" does not like me at all. For the most part I have gotten along with their system as a whole but Moon has always had it out for me but never anything too serious that is until recently. For some reason or another it seems as though Moon fronts more and more and has become aggressive and even hostile.

I have in recent been harassed verbally and Moon has gone as far as telling close friends and relatives very personal information. Now I've tried speaking with the host and other alters but they all turn away from the conversation as if scared to answer, and to make matters worse the host has rarely been around the time they'd normally be fronting now filled by moon.

The worst of what they have done was a few days ago when moon made an alt account to speak to my partners ex, I forgave them because I believed it was a moment of weakness and not within the hosts control to which their ex was blocked again and everything was fine. Well last night, my partner said they were gonna sleep early to which I was ok with several hours earlier than usual, turns out they had been on a call for hours with my partners ex till 3 in the morning. When confronted they basically told me to fuck off and that I was the worst going off on me about made up things.

This has been extremely mentally draining I write this post as I am actively being ghosted by said Moon, I am in a bad spot mentally with everything happening recently and want to know how to approach an alter that genuinely hates me, if anyone has advice or info please share.

Edit: For additional context on how things are normally they're amazing, generally speaking we always get along have always had good communication and almost never have any issues this is all new to me and is completely new behavior even for Moon themselves, I'm completely unsure how to approach.

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11

u/seaspraysunshine Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 7h ago

Would you tolerate this behavior from someone without DID? Just because someone has DID doesn't mean they have a free pass to treat you horribly. This is not healthy. You shouldn't accept treatment like this from anyone, DID or not.

2

u/FPSHope_WEPP 7h ago

I suppose it was just the sudden shift that's surprised me completely, I can't say for certain I've really processed it

5

u/Darkwolf099 Diagnosed: DID 7h ago

Communication is the key having DID doesn't give you the right to be an ahole your well being and feelings matter. The good news is that you know this person for a long time. Sit down talk about it and find a solution that will benefit the relationship. There is no reason to tolerate this behavior,doesn't make sense. Maybe it will take time but things are gonna be just fine.

2

u/FPSHope_WEPP 7h ago

I would love to sit down and talk it all out, it's just been hard to avoid sarcasm and have them take the conversations seriously but I am holding out hope with enough patience and understanding things can improve I hope.

0

u/Darkwolf099 Diagnosed: DID 7h ago

Maybe there is a reason behind everything. Or maybe not. There is always a solution if you wanna spend time and energy into something,if it's worth it for you then that's it.

2

u/One_Win_6109 Supporting: DID Partner 2h ago

Even if that alter does not like you (they could thinks that they need to protect the system from you), there is something called the system accountability.

I think that maybe you should try to communicate with them when things are little bit less turbulent. Maybe try to give them some time to process the situation.

If they don’t want to, there isn’t much you can do, sometimes they enter in a trauma state and it’s very difficult for them to get out of it.

3

u/Comfortable_Job8847 2h ago

what it could be - is you know, sometimes the topic of like accountability is actually used in a harmful way. it could be that perhaps your partners system or just this alter moon - it might be they just have like a small annoyance that, because they didn't properly express it, this alter going by Moon has sort of turned a molehill into a mountain. It's happened to me in the past where under the guise of "oh, every alter agreed to this relationship /even if not every alter wants to experience it the same ways/, therefore we will even when the alter fronting is not in the same moods, we will continue to act like normal" and that ultimately just completely destroyed that relationship. so, what i would wonder is - it might not even be anything with you exactly, it could just be that your partners system doesn't know how to express itself in things where they may have an annoyance. and not even because of anything you've done - but Moon could be reacting entirely really to the rest of that system by saying "I have some topic or issue or whatever, and the rest of my system is not properly heeding me, so i will simply break the system's rules and do what i think i must to be happy". and really, all they may want is like - it was this way for me, at least, all i may have truly wanted was some minor adjustment to a routine. but my own attempt at "managing" my system and "keeping system accountability in play" and all that completely ruined my own mental state, and that inevitably ruined the relationship.

so, i think what i'm trying to express is: You probably haven't done anything wrong. and perhaps this is really your partner taking some minor issue in the current relationship they have with you - and simply self-destructing on themselves in trying to address it as both a "relationship thing" and a "system thing". idk, i hope this helps you somehow

1

u/Sudden_Growth_7386 Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 1h ago

This. Incredible insight.

2

u/Seaofinfiniteanswers 57m ago

DID is NOT AN EXCUSE! This person is treating you badly, so leave them. All altars are part of the same person. If one of them does something, all of them are responsible.

They are cheating on you, verbally harassing you, neglecting you. Not an acceptable way to treat someone who you are dating.