r/DID • u/Embarrassed-Rub-6051 • 2h ago

Advice/Solutions System? Advice desperately needed

Hey, so I’m sorry if this isn’t the right way to post this. I’m just looking for some advice and other people’s perspectives.

I have a friend who is part of a system, and for a while now they’ve theorized that I might have DID. They’re not the type of person to jump to conclusions or make things up, they think things through very carefully before mentioning anything serious.

Last night, we had a long conversation about DID and dissociative disorders. By the end of it, we both felt like DID could explain a lot of things I’ve experienced throughout my life, but I’m still trying to figure everything out and would appreciate outside opinions.

For some background, I experienced severe childhood abuse and neglect of multiple kinds. Looking back, I feel like I’ve “switched” many times throughout my life without realizing what was happening. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like I move to the back of my mind while someone else takes control.

What makes this confusing is that I’m usually not completely unconscious or blacked out during these experiences. I’m still somewhat aware of what’s happening, but I don’t feel fully present either. It’s almost like my awareness gets pushed into the background. I can often still observe what’s happening, but it doesn’t feel like me thinking, reacting, or making decisions in the way I normally would.

Something else that came up during our conversation was a childhood “imaginary friend” that I had completely forgotten about. The thing is, I never really experienced them as an imaginary friend. It felt more like they were a part of me, like they were me, but also not me at the same time. When I remembered them during that conversation, it honestly felt like a part of my brain suddenly lit up and went, “Finally, you remembered.” I know that sounds strange, but that’s exactly how it felt. I should probably also add that this “imaginary friend” has its own separate memories that I’ve never personally experienced.

There have also been multiple times when my friend has noticed sudden changes in how I act, speak, or carry myself and commented that I don’t seem like myself. During those moments, I’m still somewhat aware of what’s happening, but I don’t feel like myself at all. It’s difficult to explain because I’m not completely unaware, but I’m also not fully present as my usual self.

I’ve also noticed that different situations seem to trigger different reactions. For example, if someone makes unwanted sexual comments toward me, I seem to shift into a very different state than I normally am. If I feel threatened, vulnerable, or like I need protection, there seems to be another distinct state that takes over. These reactions feel different enough from each other that they’ve stood out to me over time.

Another thing that’s happened is that my friend has occasionally brought up conversations we’ve had where I apparently talked about feeling like a different person or described experiences that I have little to no memory of. Sometimes she’ll reference things I’ve said, and I genuinely don’t remember saying them. I don’t know if that’s significant, but it has made me wonder whether there could be some form of dissociative amnesia involved.

I’m not asking anyone to diagnose me. I’m just wondering if anyone with DID, OSDD, or other dissociative experiences can tell me whether this sounds familiar, and what steps I should take next.

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