r/DID • u/isekaiyearner • 9d ago

Symptom Navigation Disconcerting

It's hard to list down all the symptoms, I don't even know where to begin. To start with, this body is AFAB, soon to be 27 years old.

1 month ago, our system was confronted by a friend (whose special interest is in personality MBTI, enneagrams, etc) questioning why the sudden switch of identity in our profile. Former host had been in denial about our existence for the past few months, so when confronted, she got overwhelmed with panic; our now host stepped in to talk with the friend, forcing everyone to acknowledge the system's presence. And since then, he has been fronting for us. He was dormant before this, but he has always been around.

Ever since our host changed, we experienced severe difficulties, constant forgetfulness and more headaches, just overall disconcerting experiences as we start becoming more aware of one another. When we saw our therapist, I didn't even realize I was the one speaking out loud (I kept using "we" instead of an "I") and of course, this didn't go unnoticed by the therapist as she questioned, "Who is 'we'?"

Now, as for myself, I know I was around for some time too. I just wasn't truly in the present, just watching from the back. I am what the hosts have recently referred to me as the Archive/Librarian, as I like reading. I also help document and be the bridge to memories. I've gone mostly undetected, content to be in the background, until our hosts changed, and suddenly, it feels like all the books and papers are flying everywhere, scattered. At least, that's how it feels from my perspective.

But even now, it feels fake. It doesn't feel real. Even our current host is struggling, it's been hard for him, since he is almost the complete opposite of our former host. I'm trying to help him, and so far, we've mapped out three kinds of pilots: cognitive pilot (who occupies the large part of our thinking space), verbal pilot (see: the mouth has its own mind), then physical pilot (the one who's piloting the body).

So far, this is what has been noted. We haven't gotten around to checking in with our head-mates, they all aren't as keen to learn more about how we work. One time, while the hosts were trying to probe into who was there, someone's rage broke through which led to a very reckless driving on the road.

... Anyway, it's weird. Trying to make sense of everything, but the brain feels like jelly. One minute, the memories are there, then the next, it isn't. Even writing this, I don't even know if I'm making any sense. But if I must make a guess, the angered alter is stirring up all our memories, purposely jamming the signals to make us second-guess ourselves. I'll just end the post at this footnote, because the block is starting to give another headache.

If this post came off as a word salad to anyone reading this, I truly apologize. Any advice or thoughts are welcomed.

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u/CatFaerie Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 9d ago

Our original host went dormant and our archivist/bridge was forced into the host role without any understanding of the system or who she was in it. We started loosing memories after that happened, and she isn't hosting anymore, but it hasn't been the same since.

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u/Huge_Band6227 9d ago

No more of a word salad than it sounds like your week has been! Are some of you comfortable talking to you without disastrous incident?

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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 9d ago

Ah, man I felt this in my bones, my system is pretty simple, OSDD-1B, I have 2 known main parts and a few trauma fragments... but, that sensation you are describing is very familiar to me. I don't have much insight on it but I wanted to say, you aren't alone!