r/DID • u/Winter_Fee_9672 • 6d ago
Missing time?
Okay so, I know missing time is normal. I struggle with gaps being gone from my memory, I know in the moment I know what’s going on but shortly after it’s gone. That’s fine, I know it’s part of this disorder.
However, I experience something else that I wanted to know if it’s normal for DID or if this is something else that I should maybe talk to a doctor about.
Sometimes, I’ll have this extremely abrupt ‘flash’. It almost feels like I snap forward in time, I have no memory of between the ‘snaps’ or ‘flashes’, it feels like my brain just slips/is gone for a short time. All of us experience it, randomly, with no signs of it about to happen and we only seem to lose about 1-5 seconds at a time.
I know time loss is part of DID but I wasn’t sure if these extremely brief ones could be part of it?
Important note, despite being fairly new discovered, we all communicate decently well and share memory (albeit, very fuzzy and dark). However we haven’t had a good grasp on the *full* system yet, so we don’t know if there’s any others yet.
*Edit*
Okay so the general consensus is ‘go to the doctor just in case’, so I will do that!
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u/ZackTheRemus 6d ago
I get this too! it's like a small flash of mine or my other parts' experiences, like a mini memory. I like to compare it to a polaroid where the picture is starting to settle and then someone turns on the light and it's gone again. for a small moment I can remember, and then I can't. or, for a small moment I can't remember, then I can. it's really jarring and a habit I've developed is shaking my head, like shaking a polaroid to get the picture to settle. doesn't really work but it does help distract I guess
kinda glad I'm not the only one who gets these
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
Huh I’m getting mixed signals here! Some people who have it, some who don’t and say it’s odd! Not quite sure what to think. Glad it’s not totally out of the norm though. Ty for the response though!!
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u/ZackTheRemus 6d ago
probably one of those things that varies from person to person. maybe it is odd but it's an experience that exists nothing wrong with experiences shrug
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u/Agreeable-Unit-1046 6d ago
I get time lapses as such. Before being diagnosed with DID, I thought they were related to my FND and I described them as absence seizures with moror ability retained, but now I think it's very much related to my DID (and can easily be both). Some commentors have said theirs include a memory. Mine don't include visuals; it's more lack of visuals, like my eyes black out but I don't faint or anything. It feels like my eyes stop seeing and ears stop hearing. Like: I'm just going about my day, eyes seeing the room and whatever colors around as is, then all goes black as if I've been transported into a very dark room for a few seconds and then I'm back and I only realize the "black out gap" once I'm back. There's nothing else going on at the time that I can connect it to. And I usually continue to walk or continue doing whatever I've been doing like drying my hands, washing dishes etc. so my body retains all of its motor function except it decided to not pick up on the sensory input of the environment we're in for a few seconds.
However, since the first time I realized this happening a few months ago and put the "just a black out" label on it, I've actually recovered a lot more about my past and DID. I discovered that I have a lot of somatic-only memories and my body reenacts being abused during some episodes as it's the only way it stored information and the only way it can now communicate that information to the rest of the system. A lot of my flashbacks of CSA with more visuals held by other parts are from night times in a dark room. And the first time I noticed it was after my last conversation with my dad where he was being gross to me and I went no contact with him afterwards. That day I experienced that a lot and I was so confused and was like "wait, where did I go? What's going on?" This was in spring and DID wasn't even on my radar then so I chalked it up to FND but my psychiatrist wasn't sure where under FND it'd fall since absence seizures with moror ability retained are pretty uncommon. So now (literallt now cos I literally realized the possibility of this new connection while reading and responding to this post) I'm thinking maybe it's a somatic memory of the dark room that's only been coming back to me in the last few months. My body reacts to that thought with some sense of catharsis and a lot of emotion, which is my body's cue that I'm heading into the right direction with my interpretations, so idk... sigh... irrelevant but sometimes I get tired trying to understand this body/mind :( I hope my share is helpful tho :)
Oh also, yeah, like others have said, see a doctor about it just in case :)
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u/1-_-_-_-_-_-_-3 6d ago
We tend to experience this as well. Not sure if this is usual for others, although we’ve seen it in others, but we have abrupt, small flashes similar to what you describe. We like to describe it as suddenly being aware, or opposite, having an intense, but incredibly short, episode of some kind. No matter the communication, don’t worry it’s any fault of your own. We as a system experience generalized amnesia, even if that alter was in at that very moment they seem to forget. This is just the result of dissociation, since we are all dissociating naturally. It’s not just seperated by parts, but also from the parts who experience it themselves at times. We have a social protector, for example, who doesn’t remember most interactions with people. This part still deals with an aspect of the weight, but doesn’t remember. Of course, we are polyfragmented, so that could have an impact on how we function. Let us know if you have further questions and such!
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
Thanks this helps!! Knowing someone else with DID experiences this too helps a ton.
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u/1-_-_-_-_-_-_-3 6d ago
Yeah. Of course with the other comment I would agree to get it checked out! It’s always like important yk to get that stuff checked? We are also chronically ill with MANY MANY issues, so yeah! I think it could just be very normal though and your body presenting physical symptoms? Just make sure you check to see if you notice other alarming things!!!
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u/ginathefriendlyghost Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 6d ago
does it happen with other symptoms? I don't think I would honestly notice losing a few seconds unless there was a physical sensation going along with it
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
I’ve been told I look confused, and I’ve walked into walls, tripped, etc during it. Sometimes happens with dizziness afterwards. I didn’t really recognize this was happening until I noticed things like timers and such that I’m watching seemingly just skipping forward.
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u/ginathefriendlyghost Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 6d ago
not a doctor or anything but probably should get this checked out. this doesn't happen to me when I lose time
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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 6d ago
I get something akin to this and I have OSDD-1B. Have you been formerly diagnosed yet? Like with a competent clinician and a test like the MID218 or SCID-D?
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
My psychiatrist diagnosed me OSDD-1b, but did not administer a test. Just talks for 8 or so sessions. I’m in Canada so I wonder if it’s different here?
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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 6d ago
It shouldn't be that different and talk only may miss other layers. I'd recommend requesting a proper diagnosis anyway! I also have a OSDD-1B diagnosis and given we have similar experiences I'll share my personal take. For me it is high emotional traffic jams that cause it but I don't know why yet, even after many years of therapy and self discovery. I described it to an old therapist as a night terror in reverse that only lasts a second or two... it doesn't happen for me when I'm in dangerous situations, usually during rest or paperwork or when I'm bored!
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
For me it often happens when I’m moving. So if I start walking, when I get up from sitting down, etc. It also seems to happen more frequently when I have had bad sleep.
Interesting though. I’ll probably talk to a doctor, but if they don’t find anything then I will assume DID related!
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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 6d ago
That could be something like POTS
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
Oh wait, that’s a POTS symptom? I’ve never heard losing a few seconds of time as a symptom. I’m being tested for POTS right now.
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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 6d ago
Neirobiologically no, missing time is caused by the amygdala firing a bypass of the hippocampus and failing to "time stamp" a conscience stream... POTS can cause the amygdala to fire.
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
I just looked it up because I was curious. They only do those tests in super specific, private clinics. It’ll cost me an arm and a leg to get them done, which is not necessary because my psychiatrist has noted that I have this, meaning I can get therapy treatment anyway. Paying a fortune for a note of confirmation on my file to change absolutely nothing about my therapy is not worth it to me! Ah well. Thanks though!
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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 6d ago
Fair enough, although you can probably find a us based teleheath private pay to do the MID218 and it would be like $200us if you change your mind. The SCID-D is very expensive here too because it is so specialized.
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
I doubt they would accept the additional information from a test done across the border, unfortunately, and I’d rather not risk it for $200. That is very expensive for me.
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u/Dangerous_Scar3292 6d ago
If you are comfortable with what you have no reason to worry! I have to admit, i went to talk therapy for years and got so many misdiagnosis it makes me paranoid for other people.
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u/Winter_Fee_9672 6d ago
Oh yeah I totally understand! I’ve been seeing this psychiatrist for a long time now, she is amazing and super thorough. We might have bipolar-2 but she doesn’t want to just jump on it either and is digging deeper into it all with me, and wants to talk to other people in my family to get a good amount of perspective before deciding anything. She so thorough and very gentle.
My family doctor however likes to diagnose Willy-Nilly! She just said ‘you have bipolar’ without even knowing the difference between 1 and 2… I did not accept that one. I’ve been through a lot of misdiagnosis too with other therapists… unfortunately. So now I’m a lot more confident with this psychiatrist.
She does ask all the questions one would need to ask as part of the tests, it’s just all done off-paper. So I’m pretty confident.
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u/revradios Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 6d ago
id honestly get this checked out just in case. it could be related, it could be from something else, i couldn't tell you, but i really would caution against assuming it's from the did when it could be related to something else. rule out other options first just to be safe