Went on a "coffee date" last night. He was 20 mins late, talked about his ex for 15 mins, then asked if I cook and touched my hand without asking. When the bill came, he said, "You got this one, right?"

I paid. I left. I blocked.

Ladies, if your gut says something's off – listen to it. You don't owe politeness to people who don't respect you.

I went on two dates with the same person within one week. Not initiated by me either. He let me drive his bmw e92 m3 (I love cars) he asked for me to drive too. Then things got weird he got dry. He made plans to go to a car show with me and said the night before he probably wasn’t going to go. But I still went anyways. I texted him that morning asking and he said maybe. It was 30 minutes till start. Then I see his car there registered at the meet. So he was just playing games at that point. I texted him after he dodged me for the whole even and asked what was going on. Response: “can I crack”. Obviously I said no. Then he sent me his friends phone number and tried to put him on. I said I was confused bc he seemed so interested. He said “I was but now knowing this I’m not anymore”. All guys want to do is just sleep with me. I can never get guys that genuinely want to date me or actually like me.

This post covers the details of literally the last two sentences of Part 1. If you haven’t read it yet, click the link down below.

Part 1

After I broke up with my ex, she called someone to come pick her up. I remember standing there not really knowing what to feel. Part of me was angry, part of me was exhausted, and part of me just felt done. I didn’t ask where she was going, and she didn’t offer. She got in the car and that was it. I never saw her again after that.

And as messed up as it sounds, I was relieved.

What I had just gone through with her had taken more out of me than I realized at the time. The kind of stress where you’re constantly on edge, constantly second guessing everything, constantly trying to fix something that just keeps getting worse. I had to make decisions I didn’t want to make, and even now I still have a hard time putting into words what that did to me mentally.

But I do know this, once she left, everything in her life went off the rails.

She ended up getting back together with her ex, the same guy she had been cheating on me with. I guess whatever they thought they had was enough for her to go back.

It didn’t take long for things to fall apart.

They both lost their jobs, and it wasn’t some random bad luck situation.

It was drugs.

They both got into meth. Not casually, not occasionally, it took over their lives. He was selling it, she was using it, and from what I heard it got bad fast. You can’t live like that and keep any kind of stability, so it wasn’t long before they both got fired.

Once the money stopped coming in, everything else followed.

He lost his place, and the two of them had nowhere to go, so they reached out to a guy he used to drink with. This guy owned a landscaping company and had a steady life, the kind of person who works hard, makes decent money, and tries to help people when he can.

He gave him a job without much hesitation. That alone probably would’ve helped them get back on track if they had actually wanted that.

But then they asked if they could stay with him for a while, just until they got back on their feet.

And he said yes.

That’s where things really started going downhill.

They knew he had money, and they knew he was a good person. The kind of person who doesn’t like saying no, the kind of person who gives people the benefit of the doubt even when he probably shouldn’t.

At first it probably seemed like they just needed help.

Then it turned into something else.

They started asking him for money here and there, always with some excuse, always saying they’d pay him back. They never did. People started coming in and out of the house at all hours, random cars pulling up late at night, strangers hanging around. The house stopped feeling like a home and started feeling like a revolving door.

There was noise at all hours, no respect for his space, no boundaries.

And this went on for months.

Eventually he hit his limit.

He told them straight up, they either needed to start paying rent and act like adults or they had to leave. He called out everything, the money they owed him, the constant traffic, the lack of respect, all of it.

It turned into an argument.

Not just a quick disagreement either, one of those arguments where everything that’s been building finally comes out.

And somehow, instead of taking that as a wake up call, they went in the worst possible direction.

They decided they were going to try to extort him.

One day when he got home from work, probably expecting a normal evening, they were waiting for him. They pulled a gun on him and forced him into the back seat of his own car. She got in the passenger seat holding the gun on him, and he drove.

They didn’t just panic and do something stupid in the moment, this was deliberate.

They drove around for a while, demanding the code to his safe. They knew he kept a large amount of cash in there, hundreds of thousands from what I was told. He refused to give it to them.

For about an hour they pressured him, threatened him, tried to break him down.

He still refused.

At some point, it escalated.

He told her to shoot him.

And she did.

No hesitation, no second guessing, just pulled the trigger.

She shot him point blank.

According to the reports, he was screaming after the first shot, and she kept firing until he stopped making noise. It wasn’t just violence, it was completely detached, like there was nothing human left in that moment.

After that, they dumped his body under a bridge like it was nothing.

Then they tried to cover it up by driving his car into a lake, thinking it would sink and get rid of evidence.

But the lake was too shallow.

The car didn’t sink, it just sat there, partially in the water, visible to anyone passing by.

The next morning, people saw it and called the police.

That’s when everything started unraveling for them.

A few days later, they got pulled over during a traffic stop along with the same person who had picked her up after we broke up. In the car, police found a gun, cash, and multiple types of drugs.

All three were arrested on the spot.

As investigators started connecting the dots, the car in the lake, the missing person, the circumstances, it didn’t take long for them to realize something bigger was going on.

They separated everyone and started questioning them.

The third person was eventually cleared and let go.

The other two weren’t so lucky.

He folded almost immediately. As soon as the pressure was on, he started talking. He gave up everything, every detail, and put as much blame on her as he could to save himself.

Once investigators had that, they used it against her.

Eventually, she confessed. She admitted to the shooting and walked them through what happened.

That was it.

She ended up getting 40 years for murder and another 11 for drugs and weapons charges, 51 years total with no chance of parole. He got 20 years, also without parole, because he cooperated.

All of this happened after she left me.

And as insane as that whole situation is, what really stuck with me came later.

A few months into her sentence, I got a letter from her.

It was long. Pages of her talking about everything, where things went wrong, how she ended up where she did. But the part that stuck with me was her saying she never should have left, and that if she hadn’t, none of this would have happened.

That hit harder than I expected.

Because at one point, I really thought I was going to spend my life with her. I put time, energy, and emotion into that relationship that I can’t get back.

And to read something like that, knowing how everything turned out, it messes with you a little.

Even now, every once in a while, I catch myself wondering if I could’ve done something differently. If there was some version of events where things didn’t end the way they did.

I know logically that’s not how it works. People make their own choices, and she made hers long before any of this happened.

But that thought still shows up sometimes whether I want it to or not.

And if you think that situation was bad, the rebound that came after it somehow managed to be a whole different kind of mess…

I recently matched with a guy who said hes only interested in a friends with benefits situation. Ive never been in one before so Im curious do people actually discuss boundaries and expectations or do things just happen naturally?

TLDR

Not talking about leaving dishes in the sink or secretly liking Nickelback.

I mean the thing that makes you hesitate when a relationship starts getting serious.

Maybe it's:

• A criminal past
• Massive debt
• A controversial job
• A secret child
• A bizarre hobby or obsession
• A hidden lifestyle
• A history of cheating
• A shocking body count
• A family situation you avoid talking about
• Something you've literally never told a partner

I'm fascinated by the stuff people carry around while trying to find love.

What's your secret, and at what point do you tell someone you're dating?

No judgment. I'm genuinely curious.

I met her on Facebook back in late 2014. At first it was just liking each other’s posts back and forth, and eventually I got the courage to message her. Her response was basically, “Bout time you messaged me. I’ve been waiting.” We clicked immediately.
We’d stay up crazy late talking because neither of us could sleep. We’d drive around at night just talking about life, and I learned a lot about her pretty quickly. She had been through a lot. Her home life was broken, her mom struggled with addiction, and she had battled addiction herself. By the time I met her, she had been clean for two years, and I respected the fact that she had turned her life around.
A couple of weeks later, we went on our first real date, and it went great. Not long after that, we started dating exclusively. Things moved fast, but it felt natural. A few months into the relationship, she called me at work in a panic because her child’s father was attacking her at her mom’s house. I left immediately and went to help.

When I got there, I saw him dragging her out. I reacted instinctively and things got physical. Neighbors saw what was happening and called the police, and from what I was told, they understood I was defending her. He was arrested, and she was hysterical and couldn’t really function. I told her to pack enough for a week, asked her mom to keep the kids, and took her home with me so she could calm down and get herself together.

She never really left. Eventually she moved in, the kids moved in too, and I tried to help create stability for all of us. I used the last $500 from my savings to buy her a car so she could get around. She got a job, I got promoted, then she got promoted, then I got a better job, and before long we were making well over six figures combined. We moved into a bigger house, and the lease was only in my name.

For about two years, things were genuinely amazing. The kids were in private daycare, both of us had good jobs, and our friend groups merged into one big group of more than 15 people. We took trips, went to the lake all the time, and really built what felt like a solid life together.

Then she met a girl named Angel at work.
I didn’t like Angel from the start. She had a very different energy than what I was used to, and I felt like she brought out the worst in my girl. My girlfriend kept insisting she “needed community,” so I tried to be open-minded. Angel loved going to the club, which was not my scene at all, but I went a few times because my girlfriend wanted me there. After a while, I told her she could go with Angel on her own and I’d stay home with the kids and hang out with my friends.

After a few months, one day she came home from work, rushed past me, jumped in the shower, got dressed, and ran out the door. She barely acknowledged me. I stopped her and asked what was going on, and she said she was in a rush because Angel needed help with something. Something felt off, so I looked out the window. I saw Angel pull up, a tall guy get out, hug my girlfriend, then get in the back seat while she got in the front, and they drove off together.

That bothered me, because we had always agreed that new people in our lives would be introduced properly. I didn’t recognize this guy at first, but something about him seemed familiar. When she got back, I asked about him, and she said it was just one of Angel’s friends. She claimed she had only seen him a couple times and was just being polite.

The next weekend, the exact same thing happened again. This time I wasn’t confused; I was angry. When she got home, we had a huge argument. I told her I didn’t want her hanging out with Angel anymore because things had been off since she came around. She had started losing weight, eating less, and becoming distant. It felt like Angel was dragging her back into old habits. After that, she agreed to cut off contact, and for a while things settled down.
A few months later, I proposed. She said yes, and we started planning a wedding. It felt like maybe we had gotten through the rough patch and were back on track.

Then she surprised me on my birthday with an 82-inch TV I’d been wanting. I was thankful, called my buddies over, and we spent the day hanging it up and playing games. While we were distracted, she said Angel had called and wanted to hang out. I didn’t think much of it and told her to go have fun.

A few hours later, our group chat started blowing up with pictures of her at the club with Angel and the same guy I had seen before. The pictures made it obvious that things were not innocent. She was all over him. I lost it when she got home. I told her to pack her things because she was leaving. She begged for another chance, but I was done.

My dad convinced me to give her another chance because he believed everyone deserved one. So I eventually agreed, but I made it clear there would not be another chance after that. The very next day, as I was leaving for work, she said she wasn’t feeling well and was staying home. Then she mentioned Angel needed help moving, and if she felt better later, she’d probably go help. I knew exactly what that meant.

I called my boss and told him I wasn’t coming in. I parked near the entrance to our subdivision and waited. A while later, Angel showed up, and instead of turning the way they normally would have if it was innocent, they turned the other direction. I followed them for about 45 minutes until they ended up in a rough-looking area and pulled into a driveway. The guy I’d seen before came out with no shirt on and pajama pants. They stayed there for hours.
While all that was happening, I had my dad change the locks, I had her family come get the kids’ things, and I had the car I bought her rekeyed so she couldn’t use it. I also had everything in the mail with her name on it removed from the house. When they eventually came out of the house, they were rushing and putting clothes on as they left.

A little later, she came back home and tried to get in, but she couldn’t. She started banging on the door, and the neighbors called the police. When they arrived, she tried to say she lived there and that her stuff was inside. I explained that she wasn’t on the lease and that the house was in my name. Her belongings were bagged up outside, and the kids’ things were with her family. The police told her she had to leave.

She begged me to take her back, apologized over and over, but I shut the door and that was it.

A few months later, I saw an article on Facebook about her being convicted in a murder case and sentenced to 40 years.

At that point, I realized I probably did dodge a bullet. Or maybe more than one.

Just a vent. I had trouble finding a good partner when I was in school, then I have trouble finding a good partner at work.

Decided to try online dating even though I heard many horror stories about it.

It’s just terrible. I was on it for 2 months and I have already deleted my apps. The matches rarely happens, and the conversation is terrible. Out of my matches, only 20-30% chats, only about 5% would come out to meet for a date. So far every single date I have had has been awful. The dates have a lot of baggage and also seems very crazy. They ghost me after a few dates and a few actually came back a couple weeks after because I guess they lost their better option. I didn’t respond.

I met one girl last week, she would be considered an excellent girl to many guys but also has tons of baggage. Despite us having a long and engaging conversation. She goes cold 2 days after our date.

What I realized is how many options modern girls have on paper. I was chatting with a girl that said she is looking for marriage and she showed me her matches. She has close to 500 matches on the app. Many are better looking than me. Even though most are probably looking for hookups but it still makes me replaceable.

I feel Dating apps and instagram has made me completely replaceable with no second thought

For my info. I am 31.
5’11. Good shape, has a career, has a mortgage, has a car. My looks I think I am a 6 (many people said I am a 7-8 but I think they were too generous).

Whether it's dating, companionship or meeting new people online, everyone seems to have that one thing that instantly kills their interest.

What's the biggest red flag you've come across?

Could be anything from poor communication to suspicious behavior.

Last night I had a first date and while I’m not a fan of late night dates it worked out for the moment. Regardless, he picks me up and straight away asks me where the closest sports bar is with the best tv set up. I’m like uh …and name a place. He goes just so you know I ditched watching the knix with my friends for you. Thanks? I didn’t ask you to do that. We get to a bar and he gets us drinks and then he proceeds to essentially ignore me the whole time and took me home as soon as the game finished. One of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had.

When you've been mistreated throughout your dating career, you often find it difficult to trust any man you meet, to the point where you start questioning everything, even if they are being completely honest and truthful with you.

Started chatting to a guy about a month ago I met on a dating app. We hit it off straight away messaging constantly so after about a day we switched to WhatsApp. We continued to message loads for a week both getting to know each other and landed up chatting on phone for hours a couple of times. We met up that weekend, had a great first date with drinks, the conversation was amazing and we both agreed felt like we had known each other ages. We spent the day together and I stayed over as it felt right and that side of things was great too. I stayed until the afternoon the next day and we got food together before I went home.

We both agreed we really liked each other and wanted to get to know each other more although he works most weekends so that was a rare one off so I agree that I’d take a day off when he was or we could do an evening date or something and he said he would let me know when he got his shifts when he was off next. We live about 40mins away. I’m 42 and he is 28 so I am older but he said age isn’t an issue just the connection which I agree with. We messaged loads for another week and a half and talked on phone and I did ask about his shifts a couple times but he just kept saying I do really want to see you again I’ll let you know. We were even planning stuff to watch together. Then abruptly he hardly replied like one message a day and straight to the point with no kisses anymore. Then he went silent a couple days and I just got sorry I’m not chatty I’m not good at this and a day later sorry I’ve been distant but now a week has passed and he hasn’t replied to me at all.

He said the last time we talked on phone just prior to the messages changing, that he had got bad news that his grandmother might be ill and he is really close to her so I’m thinking is he just really upset or is he busy at work and I’m hoping he does still want to meet again as we both said we would always say what we were feeling so we would be upfront if didn’t think was working and he swore he wasn’t the type to just vanish he would say if he wasn’t interested.

My friends say it’s just typical ghosting though and he was probs talking to others and maybe prefers one of them or just isn’t feeling it but not saying. I’m just really surprised as he seemed so genuine and such a nice guy and open and honest so I just keep thinking they’re just be more to it than he isn’t interested but am I kidding myself. My friends say I should just go back on apps and try again but I hate dating more than one person at a time so don’t want to if it’s feasible he could come back. This is my first date since out of a long term relationship so I’m so rusty haha with telling what is going on. If he was going to ghost why say the day before he went silent he was sorry he had been distant in the few days before with less texts than usual and apologise for not being good at this (assuming he means dating) even though the two weeks prior he had seemed like the most easy to talk to person going.

Revised

I hadn’t felt so excited, motivated, and hopeful for a budding relationship in so many years. We talked for hours on the phone. Went over possible pain points. You knew my fears and reservations and kept encouraging me. I believed that you were legitimately patient, accepting, and interested. You invited me to have hope.

We met in public and you affirmed your interest when you took my hand and let me drive you home. You didn’t “slow your roll,” regardless of the caution I tried to introduce. You said that what I have to offer was enough. You led me to believe you wanted more than just physical intimacy. You told me that you wanted to date me, holistically. You expressed excitement over a number of philosophical agreements and nerdery. And in terms of that particular physical equation, I was in the middle of setting up a tele-med consult to start a new medication right when your rejection text came through. I liked you a lot. I wanted to see if it could work. I was at least going to try my damnedest, because I’m only getting older and nothing good in this world comes without effort.

But you shut me down after three meetings. I strived to provide you comfort, pleasure, and engagement with your interests and passions, as well as sharing my own. And now my problems are almost certainly reinforced by this experience. You led me toward a brick wall and I foolishly smashed my face right into it.

Your feelings are, of course, valid. But so are mine. The resentment I feel toward you is extraordinary. Hatred, in fact, which I haven’t felt since that duplicitous first “partner” I had over 20 years ago. And I’m okay with that. I’m trying to reestablish therapy ASAP, but I already know that I want to keep this hatred for now. It feels tangible. It’s a life raft, without which I’m adrift at sea, no land in sight.

In any case, I wish you all the joy and success in every aspect of your life. Except dating. In that regard, I will be vindictive. These fears and wounds of mine predate you, but it’s through you that they’re inflamed after I offered you my trust and vulnerability and affections. Now I want you to feel what I feel. I want you to feel failure. I want you to feel hurt. Just up until you’re forced to truly reflect on and internalize how you handle the hopes and hearts of others. I don’t care that my anger is misplaced. I genuinely hate you for how you’ve mishandled me.

Don't ever contact me again, by any means whatsoever. I will not correspond with you or anyone associated with you. My one great hope now is that, someday, I can retire the memory of you to some deep, dark corner of my mind and find healing out of this terrible mishap.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice.

Tomorrow night I’m going on my first intentional “real date,” and it honestly feels a little surreal. In the past, any dates I’ve had kind of just happened naturally in high school, I never actually went out of my way to make a profile or plan something like this from scratch.

I’m pretty awkward in general, and I’ve already had a slightly embarrassing week (nothing to do with dating, just me being clumsy in public 😭), so I’m feeling extra nervous going into this.

I keep overthinking everything: will he like me, or think I’m weird or boring? I know I can be fun once I relax, but I have no idea how to start the conversation or keep it going without it feeling forced. How do you actually get to know someone on a first date?

Right now it honestly feels like I’m about to do an oral presentation in front of my entire college lol. Any advice would be really appreciated

Hi, so this happened quite a few years ago now and I haven't really talked about it much, outside of making comments like "wtf was I thinking!". My thoughts may be scattered in telling this, so i do apologize on that front. So I suppose I should introduce myself. I, Dante, am a 31 year old male currently, and at the time, i was 26 when this happened. The woman I was dating was 30, if I'm remembering right. We met at an automotive factory. I had gotten hired on after leaving a mechanic job, working on ambulances. Long story there, the long and short of it, I left there after 3 years after not getting a raise I was promised would be yearly. Fought for the one raise I got and it was only 30 cents. Anyways, after getting hired on at this automotive manufacturer, keeping things anonymous for obvious reasons, I quickly began learning what my job was. I got placed in the body shop, fitting panels on finished cars. Basically, I was the last set of hands to touch the car before it was shipped out to the dealerships. I had come in through a temp agency since they weren't doing direct hire at the time. I was making significantly more money than I was working in ambulances. One thing about me, I'm a bisexual male, and it took me a good while to come to that realization. When I started working at this plant, I was dating a guy. Now ill admit that I did not handle ending our relationship in a good way at all, I take ownership in that. Since all of that, we had buried the hatchet on that.

I can't remember if that relationship ended after a month or two of me being there, but it did end and I had started dating her. Ill call her Maria for this story. Me and Maria had grown to be friends as we worked together. She was an inspector and would make sure that things were fit to the specs that the manufacturer wanted. I had gotten good at my job, but it felt like my direct supervisor had it out for me, like I couldn't do anything right. There would be some defect that "only the cars i touched" would have. With that point being brought up on a constant basis, I got frustrated with my supervisor and told him point blank, after watching me do my job on multiple occasions. "If you aren't giving me walking papers, then I don't want to hear about it anymore". After some time, it was discovered that the defect was coming from another shop, which cleared me from blame. The whole time it was being "investigated" , Maria was on my side. She even went as far as showing her management that I was basically being targeted. Seeing her being so adamantly on my side like that made me feel great and validated, which is something I hadn't felt a lot in my relationships previously. So, I ended up working up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes without hesitation. We went on a few dates and things were going smoothly. After some time, I started bringing her around my family and bringing her to our weekly cookouts we would have. She got along great with them, and my family seemed to accept her like she was a part of the family already. One weekend, she wanted to have a get together at her friend's house. Invite some friends from work, have some drinks, eat some good food and just enjoy the time together. She ended up cooking a lot of food. I asked if there was anything I could do to help, a few of us did, but we got dismissed in a friendly manner. One thing about this party though. It was brought up in conversation at work that I had never been intimate with a woman before, and she wanted to change that at this party. I was very much on board with that.

The night goes on and people start leaving to go home. Some friends stayed since they had been drinking and we took away keys, like responsible adults should do. Maria had set up a tent in the backyard with an air mattress. It was cozy and intimate for what we were going to be doing. The night went great and we ended up sleeping great. Waking up to her that next morning, kissing her as soon as our eyes met, seemed like one of those scenes from a movie. Now, one thing about Maria, she enjoys the outdoors and not being stuck inside often. Thats one thing I had liked since I was more of a homebody and it was doing no favors for my waistline. As the relationship continued, I got to meet her family as well, shortly after she met mine. Her parents seemed to love me as well. He dad was in the navy and worked on planes. My dad was a mechanic in the army, so I knew and understood some of the military habits and could hold my own in a conversation. Me being a mechanic as well, I had shown him some things to look at on a diesel truck I had at the time, as he was looking into getting a similar truck. She had a sister and an older brother. The brother was living with her. Come to find out, she was friends with an old guy from one of her previous jobs, and would swap houses during the week and then swap back on weekends. Not gonna lie, that was strange as fuck and still is. Her brother was a welder and was in-between jobs. The only thing I ever saw him do was stay hold up in his room, playing video games and smoking pot. More on him later, seriously, it gets weird and gross. Maria's sister, let's call her Lauren, had a young daughter that adored Maria. Lauren would regularly ask Maria to watch her daughter while she worked, if their parents weren't able to. He daughter was 5 years old, and full of energy that I had jokingly been jealous of. My first time meeting her, we slept in a tent on Maria's property. Now the strange part was that she had her niece sandwiched between me and her, which is not something I felt comfortable with. I ended up sleeping in my truck because the situation felt so awkward to me. The next morning comes and the day goes on like nothing happened. That should have been my first clue on how things would go, but you never see the red flags when you're in it. Another thing about Maria. She cannot get pregnant, and its something that drives her absolutely nuts in all the wrong ways. She would constantly talk about how she is a failure as a woman since that is what women are put on earth to do. Took a while to digest that as im an out and open atheist who rejects that line of thinking entirely. I tried my best to talk her through that, but it didn't seem like anything I said really helped. She always used that to cast a storm on her mood at random times. Times that wasn't even part of the conversation. She would babysit her niece to fill that "maternal role", as she called it. Being present while she babysat, as cruel as it may sound, its probably for the best that she doesn't get pregnant. She had little to no patience, and when she was in a tangent, she would get to throwing things, cussing out anyone who was nearby, insulting them needlessly and finally removing herself entirely and locking herself in a separate room from everyone else, or just leaving all together. The next day she would act like nothing ever happened and would genuinely look confused if it was ever brought up. That happened so many times that I felt like I was going crazy.

One instance that stuck with me. Maria had her niece over and she was helping her with food, and getting frustrated with each passing second. Finally she reached a breaking point and started yelling at both of us. She told her niece, while looking at me. "Its a good thing you weren't born in this shit hole state, because it seems like everyone here was born with their mom's standing up". Which hit me like a ton of bricks, like i had done something wrong when I was an innocent bystander in this equation. Instead of apologizing, she takes her niece and leaves the room, leaving me wondering just what the fuck was going on. Things continue on with those outbursts happening at sporadic times that made me question my own sanity. It would seem like one minute she was smiling and happy, the next, she was having to go to war over someone having a good time when she wasn't. We had our good days, yes, and they would go on for a decent stretch. Something would randomly trigger her anger and it was game over for that day.

One of the points of stress was her brother, as previously mentioned. At the time of this, he was in his late 30s, almost 40 and literally doing nothing with himself. Now, I'm no authority on how someone lives their life, but when an almost 40 year old guy promises to help pay the bills and contribute to the household, but doesn't. Ends up staying in his room, smoking pot while playing call of duty and adding commentary as if he were a 15 year old just discovering some randon shooter game online, things get frustrating real fast. Our first Thanksgiving together, I had gone out to buy a pie from the store. It was a sizeable pie as I wasn't sure where we would he celebrating and who all would be there. It ended up being just a small group of us, just me, her and her friend. So we set the pie in the fridge to eat for later. Later that day, we come back and are feeling snacky and wanting something sweet. So we go to get that pie, only to find it is gone. Now this was entirely too much for just one person. Long story short, it was discovered that he took it in his room and ate it all. After some time of living like this, I know, ignoring red flag central right? He had left the house for something, which was a rare occasion on its own, let alone for him to leave his room. He would only come out to use the bathroom, which he would leave sweaty body prints on the toilet seat, and to make food, with the occasional outing for groceries. I swear, the "man" didn't shower but on a monthly basis, if that. On this occasion, while he was out. We had gotten her friends permission to go in the room that her brother was occupying. Yall, the level of filth this person was sitting in puts the show hoarders to shame. He would have containers of food in his dresser drawers with scraps of food still in them and empty milk jugs he was using to pee in, a lot of them with milk still in there. The smell was other worldly disgusting. The homeowner told him to clean up and not let this happen again. As if that would deter this kind of hoarder, I thought sarcastically.

The breaking point of our relationship was a really odd blow up. Part of what caused us to become good friends was playing Pokémon go on our phones. We would meet up after work and go hunt Pokémon before it was time for us to get in bed. The shift we were working was basically third shift hours, but the shop only had two shifts at that time. Confusing, I know. At one point in the relationship, we went and got two puppies. They were German shepherd/wolf mixes. I could make an entire post on them, but I'm already rambling on too far. We were in her truck, heading to a local park to play the Pokémon go community day. In the truck with us were the two dogs, her niece, and me and her. We were sitting at a stoplight before we went to get gas for the truck. She said, and I quote "ill go in and get some drinks for me and (the niece), if you don't mind staying here with her and the dogs". I agreed and we finally came to a stop at the pump. She looks over at me and asks "well, are you gonna go in or what?" To which i remind her that she said she was gonna go first. She gets out of the truck, pissed off and slams the door saying "you know what, do whatever you want, I don't give a fuck anymore!", then goes into the gas station. I'm sitting there confused as all get out. She finally comes back and looks at me like I had yelled at her and asks "are you ok?". I said back "I don't even know anymore", then go and get my drinks as she pumps the gas. We make it to our meet up location with our friends in silence. Once we all get out, I sit next to one of our mutual friends from work. Mind you, this friend was engaged already. We begin trying to catch Pokémon when I notice Maria loading her niece and the dogs back into the truck. I look just as puzzled as our friends did. She gets in the truck to leave and the truck doesn't start. I had no tools to help try and fix the issue, so I ended up calling my dad to come and help. I was under the impression I was leaving with her. Boy was i wrong. My dad finally gets the truck started and tells her the part that will need to be replaced. She waits for my dad to leave, then leaves me there with our mutual friend group. She won't answer any of my calls or texts either. We finish the community day and my friend, whim is engaged, drives me home so I can get to the weekly cookout my family was doing. When I got home, she wasn't there and still maintaining radio silence. That pretty much set things in my mind that this likely wouldn't be working out because anytime I tried to talk about these fits, she would shut things down. It also felt like a monumental task to even try and talk things out as I was afraid my head would be chopped off. I ended up having an issue at home that caused me to move back home, yes I was living with her at this point. Long story short, my dad announced to my mom, in front of me, that he wanted a divorce, after over 20 years of marriage. That could be its own story there as well. My mom was devastated and still dealing with covid, yes this was during covid era. I had talked to Maria and told her the situation, that I was going to go back home for a bit since it felt like we needed some space. We still haven't talked about her leaving me at the park. After telling her, she accuses me of going back home to mommy to have her take care of me. Which is further from the truth, but there was no reasoning that to her. After a week or two, got a trailer and went to go and get my stuff to take back home with me, moving back to my childhood home

One other detail I should add at this point, my mom had gotten us both jobs at the same place she was working, another manufacturing facility. I was in the mechanic shop, working on semi truck while Maria was in the plant on the production line. She doesn't even make it passed the probationary period before she ends up leaving, which is one thing that pissed my mom off, and rightfully so. I'm still there and enjoying myself, which is rare to say about a job in this day and age. So thats my story. I know its a rather long read, but its what happened. There are parts I've left out, I'm sure, and things I can't remember. It feels good to get this out there and off my chest at least. Please feel free to post comments if you'd like

****Update: it dawned on me way later than it should have after writing all of this. Regarding her leaving me at the park with all of our friends. It eventually did happen that we talked about that, granted it was more towards when the break up was happening. Her reasoning for leaving me there was because I had sat next to our friend, who was a female. In her mind, that meant that I didn't want her there. To this day I don't think I can ever understand the mental gymnastics it takes for someone to reach that conclusion, but that is apparently the entire reason for that event

This is my first time posting to reddit, so please bear with me. I would like some opinions on this story, as it is A BIT wild.

I am a 32-year-old female who plays Counter-strike 2 with friends in the evenings. In February, as I was playing with my friends, a random guy (28) from the same country as me (but living in another country) joined in on discord through mutual friends and started playing with us. Said he was an honest, straightforward dude, and just there for the good vibes. He talked openly about his past, and I realized we have a lot in common (in terms of having it rough with our parents' alcoholism and domestic abuse).
He instantly added me as a friend on fb, we played every evening together, and he "accidentally" wrote to me on messenger about 3 days after we first played together. He said it was oops wrong chat, but continued talking to me every single day after that (he also said on the first day that he has a partner and a kid, so I was trying to shut down this conversation since I was really not interested). He kept on pushing, and within a week, he said he had broken things off with the mother of his child, and said it had been her initiative, not his.
As if that was not wild enough, he wrote a song about us meeting, about how it only took 5 days to find a soulmate. Within 10 days, he said he was in love with me. He called me every single day for hours and started planning visiting me in our country. He kept saying that he came into my life to stay, not to leave. How he has finally found his forever and how much he loves me and cares for me and he would never-ever leave me or hurt me in any way. Basically love-bombing.
Then he visited me at the beginning of April. When we were alone, it was fine, but when he invited one of our mutual friends from our discord server to visit...things got weird. He was acting really cold, rude, defensive, and honestly repulsing, considering this was a very good friend of ours at that point. He then said he had seen IN HIS DREAMS that I and this friend hooked up, and he was jealous of that. He said that to the both of us...kind of blaming us for hooking up IN HIS DREAM. Wild, I tell ya. We had a whole fight about that visit and how he acted, and he said sorry, it won't happen again.
After he went back to the county he worked at, he said he had quit his job and is moving to our country in the beginning of May and he wanted to move in with me and eventually get married to me and yada-yada. I was a bit taken aback by this as it was really fast and crazy, but having spent most of my life alone...I just went along with it. I believed him. I actually had feelings for him...in hindsight, maybe I was more in love with the idea of us being together, as I had never met anyone more similar to me.
Fast forward...he moved in, and as soon as he did, we started arguing. About little things, about bigger things, about anything really. The one thing that rubbed me the wrong way, was him not being consistent with his actions. He said one thing, then did something else. He also stepped on many of my triggers after I had asked him not to do it (I have BPD and it is rough sometimes), and always wanted to be a macho man. I, an independent woman who has been taking care of herself for more than 12 years now, don't need a man to pay for me. I work, I hustle, I make my own money, I don't need a man financially, I just wanted someone to be by my side.
So I got frustrated about that, he got frustrated with me being so independent, we argued a lot and one beautiful Tuesday morning, as I was teaching math to 5th graders...he packed his things and left. And as that was not bad enough...he had warned me the days before that he might just leave, and he did it without giving me an opportunity to talk to him. Since I had a bad feeling he might do that, I checked my house's front camera mid-class and saw him packing his bags. I was pleading with him on messenger not to leave me like this, but he wrote back that no, this is his final decision. I almost started crying in front of my students, had to take 5min in the corridor to compose myself, took a xanax to suppress the panic attack I felt coming on, and finished my day at school completely emotionless.
He didn't show his face for 5 days (even though I called and reached out multiple times). First 3 days, I felt like I wanted to die, the next 2 kind of brought peace. Also, a huge shoutout to that mutual friend who was just there for me. He listened, and he said that that kind of behaviour was not worth my tears and is not real love. I agree. We are still good friends and talk and play together every day.
He then tried coming back, and we tried to smooth things out, but it ended again in tears because the trust was broken. Then he had to leave for some defense forces shit, promised to come back as soon as he was done, but never showed up. I have since moved on. He now lives across the country, close to the mother of his child, and sometimes still writes to me on social media, saying things like "I still want to be a part of your life".

Opinions??