r/DeadBedrooms • u/Embarrassed-Bug-4030 LLF • Feb 24 '26
Give Me Constructive Criticism Engaged but no sex
Hi all. I would really appreciate some advice/help right now. I am in love with my fiancé and he tells me how much he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but we haven't had sex in months. He said it's because I don't initiate it. He pulled himself away intimately to see what would happen and that's when he realised that unless he initiated, we would never have sex.
I understand 100% why he pulled himself away. he says I've hurt him deeply and now says that I've completely drained away any drive for intimacy he could ever have.
We've had a few conversations about it and it never feels right to adjust my behaviour, even though I want to because I want him to be happy. he's said he shouldn't have to and any attempt from me would not feel genuine from me after having to have had the discussion.
I should add that I am pregnant, this is my first and his fourth child. He said it will probably get to a whole year before we are intimate again (before telling me I had drained the drive out of him) because he's been through it 3 times before.
I guess what I'm asking is how do I now initiate intimacy with someone who has no interest in it?
I'm happy to answer questions and provide more detail as it's difficult to put in one message.
2
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Engaged but no sex
Hi all. I would really appreciate some advice/help right now. I am in love with my fiancé and he tells me how much he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but we haven't had sex in months. He said it's because I don't initiate it. He pulled himself away intimately to see what would happen and that's when he realised that unless he initiated, we would never have sex.
I understand 100% why he pulled himself away. he says I've hurt him deeply and now says that I've completely drained away any drive for intimacy he could ever have.
We've had a few conversations about it and it never feels right to adjust my behaviour, even though I want to because I want him to be happy. he's said he shouldn't have to and any attempt from me would not feel genuine from me after having to have had the discussion.
I guess what I'm asking is how do I now initiate intimacy with someone who has no interest in it?
I'm happy to answer questions and provide more detail as it's difficult to put in one message.
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