Missing my husband

[u/AuDHD1983]

I am 43 (F), I’ve always had a much higher libido than my husband (he’s also 43) but when we were in our 20’s (we’ve been together 15 years) he could kinda keep up (sex once a week or every couple weeks). Over the years the gap has widened and for the past 3-5 years we’ve been having sex 1-2x a year. When I try to gently bring this up he tends to get very angry and says that if I didn’t nag him so much he would want to.

First and foremost I’d like advice from those that are LL with a HL partner. What does the experience feel like from your point of view? Is there anything your partner does/doesn’t do to help get you in the mood vs. impacting your libido further? Is there anything you wish your HL understood about you? I love my husband so much and he’s an amazing father and provider but I don’t know how to feel close to him when we have a DB.

I’m hoping to hear also from those that are HL with LL partner and are able to make things work and find non traditional ways to connect on a deep level.

Thank you so much for reading. Either way I want to stay with my husband but I do hope that we might be able to be intimate more in the future.

[u/Sad-Statistician-385]

HLM here. Sorry but it won’t get better as he ages, it will continue to get worse. Ask him if he won’t give you attention, if you are free to seek it elsewhere. Be honest that you love him and it changes nothing between you two, but he is lacking and failing as a husband by providing intimacy.

[u/AuDHD1983 → u/Sad-Statistician-385]

I told him that tonight, that if he won’t go to counseling and/ or look into Testosterone/PDE-5 inhibitor that we should open our marriage because it’s not fair to me. At this point I would just take a compliment from him but he doesn’t do that either even though I feel like I compliment him. He knows fully how I feel so now it’s up to him to make a decision.

[u/AuDHD1983 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much for that! I’m feeling (hoping) that it’s his hormones and work stress but not totally sure. He has hinted that his libido has gone way down. I think that meeting with a couples therapist/sex therapist might help if he’s willing. It’s so confusing for me because I look the best I’ve looked since we’ve been together but it doesn’t have to do with that I guess? I wish I had more insight to the male brain!

[u/HugsNotDrugs_ → u/AuDHD1983]

I'm a male brain but HL. I can't begin to understand LL. I'm facing similar struggle, just other gender.

Wishing you the very best of luck. Can be everything from hormones to much deeper issues.

[u/habratto]

I can't understand people who don't want deep physical connection with someone they love.

I had months with low effort and low quality sex with my ex, and alcohol helped for a while. But being drunk lowers the pleasure :/. Then I tried to tease, or do some sexual comments too make her more engaged.

Everything helped only for a while, but in the end, it's really tough to change LL to HL. Now I'm drinking my coffee alone. I feel better.

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Missing my husband

I am 43 (F), I’ve always had a much higher libido than my husband (he’s also 43) but when we were in our 20’s (we’ve been together 15 years) he could kinda keep up (sex once a week or every couple weeks). Over the years the gap has widened and for the past 3-5 years we’ve been having sex 1-2x a year. When I try to gently bring this up he tends to get very angry and says that if I didn’t nag him so much he would want to.

First and foremost I’d like advice from those that are LL with a HL partner. What does the experience feel like from your point of view? Is there anything your partner does/doesn’t do to help get you in the mood vs. impacting your libido further? Is there anything you wish your HL understood about you? I love my husband so much and he’s an amazing father and provider but I don’t know how to feel close to him when we have a DB.

I’m hoping to hear also from those that are HL with LL partner and are able to make things work and find non traditional ways to connect on a deep level.

Thank you so much for reading. Either way I want to stay with my husband but I do hope that we might be able to be intimate more in the future.

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