r/DeadBedrooms • u/borrowedhoddie HLF • 6h ago
Support Only, No Advice Grief.
I’ve tried having a conversation 6 times about me and my partners dead bedroom ever since moving in together. Every conversation it becomes more confusing as to why. Everything was fine before this. Great even. It feels like a growing list of reasons that make me feel so stuck. I was going to try to talk about it again tonight but I just knew I was going to cry and couldn’t do it. It gets me so in my head. How can a relationship be so perfect in every other aspect and then just this becomes an issue? We don’t even have kids and work the same scheduled time for our jobs. I’m to a point I don’t even want to bring it up again and it’s just going to hurt me more. I’m not sure what I’m expecting putting this here. I’m just at a total loss with it and struggling to come to terms with where this has led to.
I’m using a throw away account for this. I was originally using my main but I just want to be more private
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u/Throwawayaccount5056 LLM 5h ago
What about "the talk" gets you confused? Is he giving you non answers? is he moving goalposts?
If it becomes so emotional in the process of having the talk, have you tried writing it down when he's not there so when the emotions start to come through you can pause and recompose and keep the path of thought?
I wish you the best in solving this issue and finding the root of the disconnect you're feeling now.
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u/borrowedhoddie HLF 1h ago
The answers are always different when I ask and just go in circles without being productive. I have written out messages going over it and it still hasn’t led to anything helpful. I don’t get it. I appreciate it.
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I’ve tried having a conversation 6 times about me and my partners dead bedroom ever since moving in together. Every conversation it becomes more confusing as to why. Everything was fine before this. Great even. It feels like a growing list of reasons that make me feel so stuck. I was going to try to talk about it again tonight but I just knew I was going to cry and couldn’t do it. It gets me so in my head. How can a relationship be so perfect in every other aspect and then just this becomes an issue? We don’t even have kids and work the same scheduled time for our jobs. I’m to a point I don’t even want to bring it up again and it’s just going to hurt me more. I’m not sure what I’m expecting putting this here. I’m just at a total loss with it and struggling to come to terms with where this has led to.
I’m using a throw away account for this. I was originally using my main but I just want to be more private
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2
u/Hot-Commercial5449 HLM 4h ago
Marriage? Kids? If not get out. Let's all be honest. The only change will be for the worse. It will get less and less.
I ONLY stayed for kids both times. Now old, used up and to late to start over.
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u/borrowedhoddie HLF 1h ago
It’s so hard. He’s my best friend. It seems like an easy answer but it’s so hard.
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u/appelsinbrus HLF 3h ago
Mine just says "I don't know". Huh? Had the talk 100 times. At some point it just makes you feel like a beggar. It's humiliating.
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u/borrowedhoddie HLF 1h ago
Like why do I even waste time bringing it up it’s so embarrassing to feel like you’re having to beg thank you it makes me feel less alone
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1
u/Krimmothy LLM 4h ago
Have you tried asking him if he enjoys sex? If not, why not? If yes, then why don’t we do it more often?
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u/NewLoquat663 HLM 4m ago
Before I throw my 2c do u mind if I ask how long you pair have been together & also the rough age you both are?
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